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In reply to the discussion: How do I bring topic up to wife without sounding sexist? [View all]TeeYiYi
(8,028 posts)35. More questions...
Randy, are you working from home?..., or bringing your work home with you?...
re: ...I want to be abler to work at a desk that is not cluttered with food and coffee mugs.
Regardless, there's this: Your marriage is a partnership. Any discussion should be based on the idea that you are friends first, and not predicated on outdated gender stereotypes.
You are each responsible for 50% of your partnership. Working or not, you're still responsible for half of the household responsibilities. Forget about how things were done in the past and move forward with the understanding that you are still responsible for half of everything.
Don't have expectations and you'll never be disappointed. Do your half and feel good about yourself. Stop worrying about what you 'feel' she should or should not be doing with her time. Stop trying to control her and the resentment will fade. If you're feeling anger over what you feel or believe she should be doing, you're wasting energy that could be better directed.
Believe it or not, your wife doesn't wake up each morning trying to think of ways to annoy you. I'm sure she's harder on herself than you could ever hope to be. You're in a healthier place than she is, by far. I'll bet you money she'd rather be employed right now.
So, hold up your end of the 50/50 partnership and then help her with her part if you so desire.
Re: the desk and the coffee cups... Whether working from home or bringing work home with you, you should set up a small office space for yourself and keep it clean and off limits to the rest of the family; even if it's just a card table in the corner of the dining room.
Well, that's it for now. Good luck.
TYY
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I doubt she'll be swayed by that approach. If she cared about her husband, she wouldn't
IrishAyes
Mar 2014
#10
People have different standards of cleanliness. Do not expect her to be you, or do what you did.
uppityperson
Mar 2014
#2
You might be different people, but you have equal responsibilities toward one another.
IrishAyes
Mar 2014
#11
Yes, but getting up off our ass and doing something is very theraputic. I recommend it highly.
IrishAyes
Mar 2014
#12
Don't put words in my mouth. Your description of what I said is totally inaccurate.
IrishAyes
Mar 2014
#42
Your post from the frontlines will have far more effect on others than anything I could ever say.
IrishAyes
Mar 2014
#53
What happened before your period of unemployment? Presumably you were working outside the home,
Sheldon Cooper
Mar 2014
#6
I do a LOT of things I don't like doing for the sake of the common good. Not one to enable slacking
IrishAyes
Mar 2014
#13
It gave us practice in not murdering each other. People had to be supportive and stick together
IrishAyes
Mar 2014
#57
it's not sexist to discuss fairness. My partner and I do so all the time.
La Lioness Priyanka
Mar 2014
#7
Turn about is fair play, not sexist. She's taking very unfair advantage of you. Maybe she's
IrishAyes
Mar 2014
#9
I think, just a simple typo. It's pretty clear he's talking about a period of UNemployment I think.
auntAgonist
Mar 2014
#33
I think the way you phrased it in the OP is pretty much the way you should say it.
stevenleser
Mar 2014
#52
Incidentally, anyone who thinks there's a shred of privacy or anonymity on the internet
IrishAyes
Mar 2014
#55
hmmm... to no one in particular. (not!) I found my previous post entirely relevant since
IrishAyes
Mar 2014
#59