But put your thought a little more eloquently that I would have.
The first paragraph that you wrote sounds exactly like me. I’m proud of my service in many ways but, at the same time, I’m appalled and ashamed of it. Trying to describe what my military service means to me is a very complicated and muddy thing.
Watching the events unfold in the Middle East right now on TV is a hard thing. I know that I’m far removed from the seemingly looming war over there, but at the same time I’m envious that I will be sitting this one out. I’m happy that I’m out of the military and that everything is in the past, but I feel a yearning to return to war. The things that upset me and appall me the most are exactly the things that I miss. No, maybe not the feelings of losing a friend or even the feeling of seeing a guy from the opposite side of my sights fall, but I miss the feelings of excitement surrounding the danger and the feeling of a rifle in my hand.
I think that this has a lot to do with my PTSD and a sense of worthlessness that I (and probably other veterans) feel. When I was in the Army I was at my prime. I was in the best shape of my life and I was able to accomplish anything I wanted to. I returned home, got out of the Army and attempted to start my civilian life and I find that things like holding a job, driving in traffic, ordering food at a fast food restaurant, and even remembering to bathe and change my clothes every day van be a struggle.
I never look down or think less of anyone who says that they tried to avoid fighting in a war. Having been there and experienced war first hand, I know that it is an experience that I wouldn’t wish on anyone.
In short, the insight that combat veterans provide to war is a valuable one, but that was already mentioned above.
Pinboy3niner, thanks for your post. I enjoy reading and listening to what you have to say. If I'm not mistaken, I believe that you were also an Infantry Platoon Leader like me (albeit in different wars). I wish that someone like you would have talked to me before I set out on my military career. The fact that you were a volunteer (like me) for the profession also speaks a lot to me. The feelings that you write about and what you say really does a lot for validating my own feelings and thoughts. Again, thanks.
Victor
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