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Response to Silent3 (Reply #4)

Thu Mar 1, 2012, 08:59 AM

6. One other point that might be helpful


Itís very difficult to change someone elseís behaviour. When people are judgmental, closed-minded or stupid, we have a natural tendency to get annoyed. We blame them, rail against them, exhort them to change their attitudes, call them names, accuse them of nefarious conversational behaviour etc. The problem is that this gets us upset and in most cases does absolutely nothing to change their attitudes, beliefs or behaviour. So whatís the point of doing that? Do we like getting upset?

In fact I did used to be addicted to outrage, because it affirmed my sense of being right and cemented my membership in a community of those who thought like me. The problem was that it also fostered a sense of my own victimhood Ė I was reacting to the behaviour of others and was no longer master of my own ship. Eventually I got tired of being a victim. I realized that if I stopped becoming outraged I would no longer e letting others drive my emotional bus. So I quit reacting to others with judgment and outrage.

The short form is that you canít change others, you can only change yourself.

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