Letter offers Vilsack chance to determine birth mother

[RamboLiberal]

http://www.post-gazette.com/pg/06357/748572-53.stm

Iowa Gov. Tom Vilsack said he's received a letter with details of his birth that could help him track down his birth mother.

Mr. Vilsack, who has been open about his adoption in Pittsburgh, said he hasn't decided what to do with the information and will ponder the matter over the holidays.

"You have to have time to think about things like this," said Mr. Vilsack, speaking yesterday after the taping of a public affairs show on Iowa Public Television. "This is a decision nobody else can make."

The matter could focus greater attention on Mr. Vilsack's personal history as he prepares to leave the governor's office and pursue the Democratic presidential nomination.

Mr. Vilsack, 56, who grew up in Squirrel Hill, was adopted shortly after birth and has spoken of growing up in a family where his adoptive mother struggled with alcoholism and his adoptive father had financial setbacks. He has used his past as an example of rising above adversity, but the latest development could add detail to the story.

[Erika]

1. And what about the birth father?

Ellen Goodman did an excellent article about men as sperm donors, where they donate sperm but nothing else.

[Samurai_Writer]

3. What about the birth father?

The article is about him finding information about his birth mother, not his birth father. Most birth fathers are not involved in adoptions except to sign the parental reliquishment papers. They are usually scared teens who find it easier to walk away from the problem. Birth mother's can't walk away.

Now, years later, the birth father might be interested in contact. But when the adoption occurs, there is usually very little information regarding the birth father in the adoption agency records, UNLESS the birth mother knows the pertinent information and gives it to the adoption agency.

[shanti]

17. correction

MOST birth fathers are not involved in adoptions PERIOD. the vast majority have their parental rights terminated in court and are not informed of the child's birth or have their names on the original birth certificate. i know of what i speak as i work in the adoptions field.

remember, back in the day, it was considered a point of shame to have an "illegitimate" child.

[Patchuli]

2. I hope he pursues the search

It's worth it to we adopted folks to figure things out and put closure on the whole thing.

[Samurai_Writer]

4. As a volunteer adoption searcher and birth mother, I wish him well

It's a very emotional thing, search and reunion, for both sides. I hope he takes advantage of the resources available to help him search, and joins a support group either online or in the local community to help him with the emotional side of it.

Radfemfl, finally reunited with her son, November 30, 2006.

[DoYouEverWonder]

5. Congratulations

I hope this works out well for both of you.

:toast:

[mithnanthy]

6. Congrats on your successful search!

I too had searched (for my birth Mother) for over 50 years, and FINALLY an agency contacted me three years ago I FINALLY saw my birth records (from agency) and Mother's name but I was two years too late. She had passed away. However she left me TWO brothers and a sister!!!!(different Father). We have BONDED like glue and we are SO MUCH ALIKE. They say I'm SO much like my Motherand are astounded by the similarities and appearance. My adoption was not a good one, with cruel adoptive parents. But FINDING my 2 loving brothers and sister is worth all the searching. We are SO HAPPY to have found each other. (Unfortunately, the birth father story is unpleasant, and I NEVER had any inner-feelings about him.) BUT I NEVER EVER stopped searching for my birth Mother and it's an extremely happy ending for my siblings and me. My Mother's sisters say she loved me and didn't want to give me up, but was forced to by family and "circumstances" of my conception. I always felt that adopted people were "my family." Good luck to all who search. NEVER GIVE UP...EVER!!! It has changed my live in so many ways. I NOW know Who I am, by the comparisons between the "way" my Mother was and the "way" I am. It's complete closure. I'm So lucky. Ahhhhhh...peace at last.

[all.of.me]

8. Congratulations!

I looked for my mom for my entire adult life. I hooked up with a geneaologist (sp?), who had found my cousin's birthmother in two days. She found mine in 10 days. She'd been born in Canada, so I had a hard time going through traditional channels.

That was 2 1/2 years ago, and she is still in denial and will not speak with me. She is not interested in me or her grandchildren. I am over it, though. It is her loss, I feel. I do have a half sister, though, and we email now and then.

It has been a less than glamorous event, but I am so much more centered now that I know where she is. I am a different person just by locating her, despite no direct contact. I don't have to wonder anymore. I am amazed at the change.

[leesa]

7. That will be an interesting wild card in a presidential race. I hope those

confidentiality laws are tight...hate to see the GOP find out who his Mom is first.

[shrike]

9. They don't always end happily

Let me be the first to say that were I adopted, I would most certainly look for my birth family -- the curiousity alone would kill me. However, some experiences of people I know make me think you have to be prepared for any kind of outcome.

Case in point: My late FIL was a bit of a bounder, to put it mildly, and, it turns out, had fathered a child while in the army. This half-brother tracked down my husband's family long after FIL's death. His mother had raised him, her husband had adopted him. He and the adoptive father had never gotten along and I'm afraid he'd put his B-father on a bit of a pedestal, idolized him even.
Unfortunately, my FIL was a drunk, a womanizer and, frankly, a lousy parent. DH was fortunate enough to meet a couple of youths who were a few years older than him, and they served as mentors. Even my MIL said once that they were the ones who "raised" him. Maybe the rest of the family should have sugar-coated things more for this gentleman, spared his feelings. I don't know, it wasn't my call.

A friend of mine has two adopted adult children. They're a close family and the kids had no interest at all in finding their birth families. But when the daughter started developing health problems, she decided to track down her birth mother, not for a relationship, but for a medical history. She located her, but the woman refused to answer any of her inquiries or respond to her at all. Finally, she stopped trying to communicate, figuring it was best to allow her her privacy; too much pain there, obviously.

I know a few other adoptees with stories, and while I'm not saying people shouldn't search, it's best to be prepared for anything.

[Maat]

13. Thanks for the post, Shrike.

As an adoptive mother, I've always been honest with my daughter about the adoption (she was abandoned, physically abused, taken into the System, and then placed with and adopted by us). I think the important thing is that people recognize that she is my daughter, and my husband and I are her parents. One day, she might be curious about the Biologicals, and I will help her in her search; but nothing will ever take away the close relationship that we have enjoyed for many, many years. We have guided her and shaped her personality (she's just like Mom - i.e. Me). She may complain one day about her parents (Us), and seek out others, but she will always be Our Baby.

[shrike]

15. She's your baby, all right

Another friend of ours adopted the child of his first wife and raised the stepdaughter from his second marriage without formally adopting her. He is their dad -- he even had to insist that his adaughter seek out her birth father's family in order to get a medical history. She didn't want to; she already had a father.

When he was recently diagnosed with cancer they were both at his side. It's funny how much they've grown to look like him; strangers even comment on it, and everyone laughs.

[Maat]

16. Kind words - thank you.

My daughter looks exactly like my hubby, and acts just like me.

I'm glad that daughter was there for her DAD during that difficult time.

Happy Holidays!

[shanti]

18. unfortunately, you are right

most adoptions begin with pregnancies that aren't from the most optimal (if that) conditions. i could understand why a birth mother would have no interest in meeting a child from a sad relationship. it's a life-changing event.

[all.of.me]

10. I hope he searches and is successful!

[ayeshahaqqiqa]

11. If only for medical history

I think it is important if an adopted person can find out who his/her parents were.

[Maat]

14. I know what you mean ..

it is important that an adopted person find out who his/her BIOLOGICAL parents are. I'm my daughter's "parent," along with my hubby.

Just sayin.'

Happy Holidays!

:hi:

[liberalpragmatist]

12. Wasn't Vilsack actually left on someone's doorstep?

This sounds like something out of a storybook, but I could swear I've read it before - that he was simply abandoned in front of someone's door as an infant and later adopted.

I actually like Vilsack. A little too Centrist for me, but he'd probably make a decent president. He's also more personable than people realize.

Still, he doesn't really have much oomph. He could well wind up as VP though - he'd provide good balance to Edwards, Obama, or Hillary Clinton (although if the Presidential nominee isn't Barack, I'm guessing the running mate will be - unless he crashes spectacularly during the primary campaign).