Draft LTTE, Please advise

[ewagner]

Just worked this up. Your thoughtful critique is requested.

George Dubya Bush! Eat your vegetables!

As my wife and I sat watching the President making his case to invade Iraq in March of 2003, I startled my wife by shouting “Dammit Dubya! Eat your vegetables!” I was forced to explain myself then as I am obliged now.
You see, when I was a kid, there was a strict rule about dinner time. There would be no desert until you finished your whole meal; including the vegetables. I hated veggies then and had to be told often that there would be no ice cream until every last veggie was eaten but my sister, being the only girl in the family was often spoiled for her status and given a dispensation from finishing her veggies.

Invading Iraq was always George W. Bush’s desert. It was the ice cream Sunday; the whipped topping; the strawberry cream pie of his administration. It was the chance to get revenge for Saddam’s attempted assassination of his father. It was the chance to remove the blemish on his Father’s record and to remove the thorn in Dick Cheney’s side since 1991.
But it had nothing to do with 9/11. It had nothing to do with Al Queda.

The battle against the true terrorists of September 11, 2001 was still going on (rightly I think) in Afghanistan. Remnants of the Taliban were still roaming free. War Lords controlled vast amounts of territory and wealth in Afghanistan. The job wasn’t finished; and finishing the job would be hard and dirty. It was like eating vegetables. George Bush got his desert but because he didn’t eat the vegetables, the whole of Afghanistan is still unstable and teetering on the outbreak of another destructive civil war.

And even the desert is going sour.

Invading Iraq before finishing the job of making Afghanistan a stable and growing country was a huge blunder; not only in terms of military and global strategy but also in terms of character.

I think John Kerry has the character to eat his veggies.

[yewberry]

1. Minor grammar edits

I have no questions/comments about the content of your ltte--very clear and well-constructed analogy. There are a couple of little things to change if you are seeking publication

*dessert=(n.)nice things to eat
*desert=(n.)reward or punishment; thing deserved (you really only see this used in the phrase "just deserts")
*desert=(n.)arid region

Also, there is misuse of the semicolon--use this for connecting related independent clauses, not as a comma.

I wouldn't critique the grammar if you weren't seeking publication...just trying to hjelp!

Great letter otherwise--Good luck!

[ewagner]

2. Thanks,,

wrote it late last night........

your comments are appreciated.

[Tangledog]

3. Spelling snob checks in

It's "ice cream sundae" with an e, and not capitalized. (The etymology of the word probably has something to do with Sunday, but it is unclear.)

"(rightly, I think)"

In the second to last paragraph, the "character" issue is dropped in with no modifiers and no explanation. I know where you're coming from, and so do must DUers, but you're writing for a general audience here and I think you want to expand on this a bit, even if it's just for a sentence. If you do, you might want to keep that sentence in a serious vein, because right then you get serious, "a huge blunder," &c., and the shift in gears is very effective writing.

I hope I don't sound too picky, because you really did a good job on this; getting letters published is a very competitive business, though, and you're competing with Freeperss who cut and paste drivel from professional drivelsmiths.

:yourock:

[ewagner]

4. Thanks also

I need to do this when I'm not too tired..........

(that's an embarrassed excuse by the way)

[Tangledog]

5. No excuses necessary! You're good!

I should have mentioned that proofreading is a large part of my day job. "Detail" is my middle name. Actually, "obsessive, anal, and just plain lousy personality" is my middle name, but we don't like to talk about that :) .

[ewagner]

6. DU is good for this

I think it's much better to have your work critiqued by people here rather than to have a faulty piece published and have it ridiculed by RW wackos...............

Thanks for your constructive critique