In my next life (Friedman/NYT)

[struggle4progress]

<snip> If I can't be Tom DeLay, then I want to be one of the gutless Republican House members who voted to twist the rules for DeLay out of fear that "the Hammer," as they call him, might retaliate by taking away a coveted committee position or maybe a parking place. <snip>

If I can't be The Man, then I at least want to be the owner of a Hummer - with American flag decals all over the back bumper, because Hummer owners are, on average, a little more patriotic than the rest of us.

Yes, I want to drive the mother of all gas-guzzlers that gets so little mileage you have to drive from gas station to gas station. Yes, I want to drive my Hummer and never have to think that by consuming so much oil, I am making transfer payments to the worst Arab regimes that transfer money to Islamic charities that transfer money to madrasas that teach children intolerance, antipluralism and how to hate the infidels.

And when one day one of those madrasa graduates goes off and joins the jihad in Falluja and kills my neighbor's son, who is in the U.S. Army Rangers, I want to drive to his funeral in my Hummer. Yes, I want to curse his killers in front of his mother and wail aloud, "If there was only something I could do." And then I want to drive home in my Hummer, stopping at two gas stations along the way. <snip>

http://www.iht.com/articles/2004/11/25/opinion/edfried.html

[autorank]

1. Friedman, the "artful dodger."

Thanks Friedman, you schmuck! You happy talked this war with your perch atop the Times and you helped lead the charge of the 'too light' brigade. Now you schmuck, you want to shuffle off the stage and play the disappointed idealist. You are just worthless Friedman.

In you next life you should face a 100 or so years caring for the injured resulting from the war you wanted so much.

Fuck Friedman!!! Fuck the New York Times!!! War mongers extraordinaire!!!

[VivaKerry]

3. Ditto!

Most amazing whore in town, he is!

[SaintAnne]

2. in my next life

I want to be a house cat, man, don't house cats have it good? sleep eat poop all day, no thinking involved. It's kind of like being a hummer person, but well, a kitty can get away with being stupid and selfish, a hummer person shouldn't be able to.

[The Zanti Regent]

4. I dare YOU, Friedman

Go to my only child's grave and apologize for sending Jon to his death. He's in the LA VA Cemetary.

Tell me when you will do that atonement.

Until then, you should just shut the fuck up, Tommy!

[HamdenRice]

10. Did you son really die in Iraq ???

I'm so sorry if this is what you mean.

[hatrack]

5. In my next life, I want to be an overpaid New York Times columnist

I want to crank out endless reams of deathless polemic on the new world of electronic capital and seamless progress that drips with self-regarding profundity as a live oak drips with Spanish moss, but at the same time hold enough options open so that when the invincible globalists find themselves revealed as just another bunch of puzzled economists, I can fall back on my olive tree defense to show that I was right all along.

I want to hum along with the Fred Waring Capitol Hill Singers and the rest of the Beltway vodka vacuums, at least until things go tits-up in Fallujah/Mosul/Baghdad/Ramadi/Samarra/(name of city here), at which point I'll pivot on the proverbial dinar and point out the utter recklessness of the inadequate planning by the brave Pentanauts who planned Gulf War II: The Vengeance as if casting for a Chuck Norris miniseries (provided, of course, that my Beltway vodka license isn't revoked for my outspoken courage).

I want to discover suddenly that endless war in the Persian Gulf is all about (SURPRISE!) control of oil resources, and not only do I want to get a dozen roses, a bottle of Dom and a big sloppy kiss for the intellectual and moral courage necessary to pull my own head out of my ass but (in addition, just as the oxygen rush kicks in) I want to have a shiny jeweled medal pinned to my chest for boldly revealing to the four percent of the American public that regularly reads newspapers the whereabouts of the sky.

Wishful thinking, idle dreams - but wouldn't it be nice to be a columnist for the New York Times, boys and girls?

[Martin Eden]

6. Friedman kabob

You skewered him but good, hatrack!

[Beetwasher]

8. Damn! Good Stuff!

Bravo!

[BlueEyedSon]

9. That is f*&king brilliant, Hat. You should mail it in.

[struggle4progress]

13. Excellent. eom

[minkyboodle]

14. as the comic guy puts it on the simpsons...

best..... post..... ever.
Really you just said everything I've ever wanted to say about Friedman in 3 short and concise paragraphs. Thanks.

[question everything]

7. I would have included this, too

But most of all, I want to have the gall to sully American democracy at a time when young American soldiers are fighting in Iraq so we can enjoy a law-based society here and, maybe, extend it to others. Yes, I want to be Tom DeLay. I want to wear a little American flag on my lapel in solidarity with the troops, while I besmirch every value they are dying for.

[BlueEyedSon]

11. kick

[OETKB]

12. Toward a better analogy

Below is my response which I put in the response section of the Times to Mr. Friedman's tiresome attempts to sound reasonable:

Instead of Mr. Friedman wishing he was Tom Delay so he could expose his wrongheaded notions which are about to destroy our democracy, I would rather turn to the model provided by Mark Twain. Let the devil himself, since we are all immersed in such religiosity these days, come back to earth and expound on one of his "main men." It must cheer Satan himself to have such a champion of his causes, the destruction of the most positive aspects of human society. And in charge, no less of the People's House in this country. On this national holiday let us hope we can again bring reason, the devil's adversary, to our national conversation about what direction we want for this great country. Maybe it is still possible to beat the devil.



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