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Edited on Sat Jun-26-04 05:19 PM by DancingBear
"Is your report ready for the class, Dick."
"Yes, Mrs. Ingleslump."
"Then read it to the other students, please."
"OK"
<clears throat>
"How I Spent My Summer Vacation - by Dick Cheney"
Me and my friend Georgie fucked around all summer, you know, blowing up frogs and starting wars and shit. One day we saw a real asshole that we knew and Georgie said "he's a real asshole" and I said "big time" and Georgie laughed and gave me a noogie.
Some days it was really fucking hot, so we pretended to do shit in Texas. Georgie fucked around on his fake ranch and tried to cut brush, but he held the trimmer like a pussy! I called him a big pussy and he tried to hit me, but he made his fist like a girl!
Later that day we got wicked fucking drunk on vodka, and Georgie fell over while pretending to play Fighter Pilot. He fucked up his face real good - his parents were pissed! All of the people that travel with him put a bunch of stuff on his face so he wouldn't look so stupid, and they tried to tell everyone he fell off his bike. I told Georgie he really fell off the wagon, and he gave me another noogie.
After a while Condi came in wearing a nurses uniform and stiletto heels, and Georgie was still so fucked up he thought she really WAS a nurse! That was funny, but Condi was mad.
In June, I talked to a lot of people, and lied a lot. I was too fucking busy with other stuff anyway, and besides, I didn't like them. I also talked with lots of people who wore funny white clothes and turbans on the heads- - I liked them a lot, and did really cool stuff for them, like sneak them around places where they shouldn't be and shit like that. They gave me money - Georgie, too. Some of them like Georgie's dad a WHOLE lot.
One time I went to the Senate, and I met a guy a really didn't like. In front of all the microphones I said (this is really cool) "go fuck yourself." And everybody heard it! I told Georgie, and we jumped up and down on the bed and said it over and over. "Go fuck yourself! Go fuck yourself! Go fuck yourself!" Then we got shit faced drunk and Georgie kept saying "I'm the fucking President - can you fucking believe it?"
Then we threw up.
The end.
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