Orange Alert got you nervous? Sleep easy in the Quantum Sleeper!

[Plaid Adder]

I swear to God I cannot believe this exists:

http://www.qsleeper.com/

It's a bed that's also a safe room. YOu get in, and you can close it up and be protected from intruders, chemical and biological weapons, earthquake, flood...or, you know, if you just have always thought it would be fun to sleep in a COFFIN, this Bud's for you!

Our country is insane,

The Plaid Adder

[trumad]

1. ROTFLMAO

But can you have wild sex in it....?

[Plaid Adder]

3. Look at 'em...do they look like they're planning on it?

For one thing, they've still got their shoes on...

I guess it's really a question of clearance...they say it comes fitted with a CD player and whatnot, so i suppose they thought of that too.

Sigh,

The Plaid Adder

[trumad]

4. So I guess riding the Pony is out of the question....

???

[TrustingDog]

5. if it's safe against chem and bio....

then how the fuck do you breathe?

[noonwitch]

13. I don't know how you breathe, but it would make a good "pressure cooker"

If you get my drift.

[Parche]

12. room

did anyone say wild sex!!!
I am up for that

[NervousRex]

25. If the Quantum Sleeper is a-rockin'...

don't bother knockin'! It actually it looks more like a coffin for two.

[TrustingDog]

2. AHAHAHAHAH! unBEEEElievable...

and the couple looks so smug and Safe... and happy!
bwhahaha.

[Junkdrawer]

6. Kind of like a Do It Yourself burial system...

less fuss for the cleanup crews.

[democracy eh]

7. where is the toilet?

there is a fridge for the beer, but what do you do when you have to break the seal? wet the bed?

they should have made the mattress super absorbant with a lock away core.

[Junkdrawer]

11. Yeah, it will get quite stinky in there....

But look at it this way: you and your spouse will be two LIVE vomit choked maggots.

[GiovanniC]

8. Yes, But Can It VIBRATE?

I don't see how they could even call it a Quantum Sleeper with a straight face if it doesn't vibrate.

[trumad]

10. If you look closely you can see the quarter slot.

[merh]

9. Is there a generator???

How is it powered???

[TrustingDog]

19. 110V... heheheheh

Power:
Unit must have access to house outlet jack (110V) to supply power to the Quantum Sleeper Unit and may be run separately through the floor directly to the unit.
==

?? so you have your robotic arm to keep the intruder away from pulling the power cord???

[merh]

22. ROFLMAO - electronic arm

Do you have to attend a seminar to learn to operate the thing? Is the arm an extra offered?

:shrug:

[TrustingDog]

23. I'm still trying to figure out where the kids are...

sure, it's all comfy cozy for mom and dad.

[Plaid Adder]

24. Obviously, they would have to buy their own n/t

[yolatengo]

14. didn't I see Homer in one?

Didn't Homer and Lisa get into these at Karma-ceuticals during
last night's episode (here in Bawlmer, Merryland)?

Bigby

[Mandate My Ass]

15. Oh right so the biochemicals wouldn't kill me but...

the claustrophobia sure would! :scared:

I'll take my chances with duct tape and plastic sheeting.

[Plaid Adder]

16. I dunno, maybe this is a joke.

There's no order form, after all. Though it does say "patent pending."

I triple-dog dare anyone to email where it says "more information" and ask.

C ya,

The Plaid Adder

[havocmom]

26. OK, Plaid Adder, I took your dare!

here is my email to them:

"I have many questions, which I will try to get through without too much giggling:
Bulletproof? Looks like plywood. Have you ever fired a gun at plywood? I have. Results in toothpicks & kindling.

Safe in tornadoes, floods and earthquakes?
I have been in all three and I doubt that claim.
I have seen tornadoes move large buildings and set them down none too gently. How is your bed in a box safer?
I have seen large homes, and the ground under them, swallowed up by floods. Does your bed swim? For how long?
I have seen earthquakes where the ground opened up and swallowed large sections of freeways. Does the bed hover?

Is there a duct tape dispenser?
Homeland Security assures me Duct tape is the ticket to safety. How is your pine box better?

Are there optional snappy brass handles for my friends to use when they carry the thing, with me dead inside from asphyxiation?

Does it vibrate like those 'Magic Fingers' beds?

I have a large dog. Do you have a model to accommodate two adults and a 90 pound hound?

What colors and furniture styles does it come in? Some of us prefer a 'softer' look in the bedroom."

I will post the response if I get one :evilgrin:

[Plaid Adder]

28. Sweet! I love the part about the dog. n/t

[Ready4Change]

17. Love this option: Robotic Arms!

Honest to god, this is listed as an option. Time for a new genre of video games.

BattleBed 2010! (dramatic music.)

You start off with a lowly CombatCot, and advance until you reach the awesome KingSizeCommander!

Too funny. Thanks Plaid.

[MuseRider]

18. Now this should have gone

in your catalog thread! Man oh man. Is it safe from telephone solicitors?

[sangh0]

20. It's got a proximity sensor!!!

"Step away from the bed! I repeat, step away from the bed!"

[frank frankly]

21. pffft. my brain just collapsed.

words
fail
me

yeah, i ordered five. CAN'T BE TOOOOOO SAFE IN AMERIKKKA!

[OneTwentyoNine]

27. Ohhhh look..that satisfied buyer looks like he's going to get some nookie!

See??? Purchase this bed and get laid while your neighbor gets gassed by Iraqi terrorist's!!

SOAB,well off to Home Depot for 50 rolls of duct tape and plastic...

David