Bush Vows to Liberate Arab Dictatorships, Pick Up Pointers
WASHINGTON, D.C.- With all that America has been through since the attacks of September 11th, there can be no doubt that the country is changing. For the sake of a more secure homeland, citizens have willingly forfeited their own civil liberties, lost their lives in a pair of wars, and seen strangers held without trial and strung up by their soft bits- all in their name. In fact, for most of the rest of the world, the notorious Abu Ghraib prison is now more famous for the American-led abuses than for its decades of brutal use under former tyrant Saddam Hussein.
To an untrained eye, it may seem as though the US is slowly evolving into the very enemy it has vowed to fight, but according to President George W. Bush, this is all part of the plan. "More than anything else, the War on Terror is a cultural exchange program," said Bush. "We export American ideas like freedom and democracy to the Middle East and in return we import values from that part of the world such as secret prisons and religious zealotry."
In just the past week news organizations have published reports of of more secret prisons in Eastern Europe, religious critics being beaten in the streets in Kansas City, and evidence of further erosion of the centuries-old wall between church and state. While that may seem disturbing to some, administration officials say the real problems here are not the horrible things alleged in those news stories, but the news items themselves. To this end, Deputy Chief of Staff Karl Rove has established a White House information czar to monitor media coverage and, when necessary, revoke press privileges for such anti-American propaganda.
"Hehehe," chuckled Bush. "That's another tip we picked up from the fun lovin' Mullahs of the Taliban. Just like when people say 'freedom isn't free,' a free press can't be free either."
Upon hearing that their credentials had been called into question reporters stormed the briefing room and peppered White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan with pointed questions and thinly veiled accusations. The Secretary reminded them that, in spite of being commonly referred to as "the fourth estate," the press is not officially part of the federal government, at which point the crowd quietly dispersed.
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