How many DU men have been involved in an abortion situation?

[WilliamPitt]

Poll question: How many DU men have been involved in an abortion situation?

This one is for the boys only. I am looking at the other poll about whether men should be involved in the decision to have an abortion. I was wondering how many DU men have been in the position where they faced the decision - a pregnant wife or girlfriend whose pregnancy is your responsibility. That is the gist of the poll below when I speak of "an abortion situation."

For the record, I think the other poll was badly formed. I think, personally, that the man in the situation should offer his perspective, advocate for what he thinks is right, and then abdicate final decisions to the woman...and then move heaven and earth to support that decision, whatever it may be.

Your perspective is different when you've faced the situation, I'd think. hence the poll.

Edit: I'd be interested to know how you voted in the other poll.

[trumad]

1. Twice

I supported the decision because it wasn't my body...

[donotpassgo]

2. My ex had an abortion from a previous boyfriend...

and we had a scare when we were together. She was 'late' and we had a discussion. She said she would have one even whether or not I objected. It seemed callous and uncaring that I wasn't even considered in the process. I knew it was her decision, but it does take on a new dimension if you are the (possible) father to be.

[Guaranteed]

27. An ex of mine had had one too.

She didn't tell me for a long time. It was one of the things that kind of clued me into the fact that she was a lying, faithless bitch.

[villager]

3. two of them, actually...

...and each one eventually led -- or contributed heavily -- to the break-up of the relationship. And the second "relationship" was a 10 year marriage that already had two wonderful boys...

[Selwynn]

4. You decide if this counts as "involved" or not.

I have never been in the situation of being the father. I have been twice been in the situation of being the closest friend and basically only confidant of the woman, who came to me for advice while she struggled with the question, and once been the boyfriend of the woman in question (yeah, it was a little rough).

Men do not get to overrule woman once they have made the choice concerning their body. Ever. Period.

[trumad]

5. Amen

[WilliamPitt]

6. That counts, and agreed

[arcane1]

10. I had a friend in a similar sucky situation

having "the discussion" about his wife aborting a pregnancy, 2 years after his vasectomy

that's a talk I hope I never have... :(

and I agree 100%.

[DCDemo]

7. One, and I still wonder if it was the right choice

But I am confidant that a person did not die - it wasn't developed enough (brain structure) to have consciousness.

[BigDaddyLove]

8. Twice here as well.................

and with the same girl.

Looking back it was the right thing to do, but I still sometimes wonder what it would have been like to have kept them. I look at kids today who are about the same age as they would have been and I sometimes I wonder if the right decision was made......at the time it seemed right, but who knows how it could have turned out.

[alfredo]

9. It was tough

I wanted to have kids, but I knew the burden would be on my spouse. I told her what I felt, a position similar to yours. I knew her medical problems could endanger her life, and she knew it too. She miscarried shortly afterwards.

Back before Roe vs Wade, we helped a gal get the money to go to New York. Her and her boyfriend were poor as church mice.

[FlemingsGhost]

11. No offense, Will...

but it's nobody business aside from the involved parties.

That's just the point.

[WilliamPitt]

12. True

DU is still anonymous, and the vote above is especially so. I assumed that anyone who was willing to discuss this in the other threads would be willing to discuss it here.

[Clete]

24. Well Will. Honest try.

It shows me that most men don't wanna know or be involved, considering the low response. I have lived a long time and am not surprised. The fellows that did reply are sterling though. Those men who are supportive of their girlfriends and wives and who actually got involved in the process are real men in my book. Yes, I also feel bad for the guys who would have been supportive but weren't told. But, honestly most guys go through their single lives spreading their sperm here and there and they are not really concerned about where it ends up.

So, I still don't think a body of men should legislate a medical procedure that is between a woman and her doctor, and by broad definition anyone in her family that she choses to involve.

[WilliamPitt]

25. I did try

A subtle 'put up or shut up' attempt here. Opinions are like assholes; everyone's got one. I was hoping to understand something about where the rubber meets the road on this one. Alas.

[Mikimouse]

13. My eldest daughter and I had to have a discussion about this

and I related to her the following information about her stepsister: When I was a much younger man and our last child was on the way, my wife gained a great deal of weight very early in the pregnancy. We were concerned about it and she scheduled a visit with her OB physician. He, too, was concerned and scheduled her for an ultrasound, but at the same time, broached the topic of abortion should the ultrasound indicate a real problem. Now, having already had children, my response was different than what it might have been prior to any children. I firmly support reproductive rights for women, and did so even then, and when we discussed the possibility, I said that I would strongly support any decision, but also wanted it known that no matter what, I would love that child just as much under any circumstances. We did decide to proceed, the ultrasound was fine and my youngest daughter is now 17 (and a real heart breaker). After I told our eldest the story, I let her know that I have the utmost trust in her judgement, and that I will wholeheartedly support whatever decision she makes. It is not my decision, but I will defend her right to make the decision with my last breath. I love my daughters, and our eldest is the only one with children thus far, but this was an unexpected pregnancy and put her in a real emotional bind (as well as financial). Ultimately, the decision will be made, yea or nay, but she knows that Mom and Dad are in her corner either way.
Edit: The typo King strikes again

[never cry wolf]

14. One time....

with my wife. Our second child was only 6 months old, had colic, my wife had had permanent brain damage from an auto accident which resulted in a sort of epilepsy which manifested itself in a form of temper tantrums. She was not stable and is not to this day.

She was already at wits end with a 4 year old and a 6 month old and personally I felt that she would be pushed over the edge with another baby and that is what I advised, but I would have accepted her decision either way.

My two kids are absolutely wonderful and I love them to death. My daughter is now 13 and my son 17. I have coached my son in baseball for 12 years and my career as a coach is now done. He loves the game but more importantly he "gets it." He is compassionate, clean, funny and cares about helping people. He has been to a few Kerry meet-ups and will be eligible to vote in 2003. My daughter is the same way, except maybe brighter and more competitive. Straight A's since they have kept letter grades, she read TLOTR trilogy at 10, before the movie, in 6th grade she was asked to take the SAT test due to her abnormally high standardized test scores. She is a voracious reader, cute, funny....damn, braggin a bit here, huh??

Anyway, next spring I will have two graduations to attend, high school and 8th grade. Next year my son will go away to college and my daughter starts high school. My babies are growing up and it won't be too long before they are both gone. It is not rare that I wish I had more of these miracles with me. It is an irrevocable decision that should not ever be taken lightly. Do I have second thoughts?? HELL YEAH!!! Would I ever want to impose my morals on the issue on some woman, shame on me if I ever tried. Every situation is different and everyone must take their own path.

[GOPisEvil]

15. I voted FOR my involvement, here's why:

My girlfriend at the time informed me that she was "late". At the time we were living in separate states, and neither of us were particularly relishing the thought of parenting. So, we went through all the options, and she decided that if she were pregnant, she would get an abortion. My continuing statements to her were variations of, "Whatever you decide, I am 100% behind you." For a woman who was taught that abortion is wrong (from her Catholic upbringing) my support of HER decision was no small thing.

Thankfully, we never had to actually implement that decision as she was not pregnant, but that's my story...

[David Zephyr]

16. You Stated It As It Should Be.

"I think, personally, that the man in the situation should offer his perspective, advocate for what he thinks is right, and then abdicate final decisions to the woman...and then move heaven and earth to support that decision, whatever it may be."

A very dear friend of mine became pregnant from a short dating period with a nice guy, but the guy she'd pined for stepped into her life. She came to my home one evening and asked me if I'd drive her and stand by her with the choice she'd made. She knew I would say yes which is what I did. I am still touched that she knew she could safely come to me without fear of lecturing, but just to help out.

She has been married to her hearthrob for ten years, they have a wonderful bungalow here in Southern California and best of all, a precious daughter now in third grade.

Thank goodness that she had the legal and safe option to choose. I truly resent this travesty of a vote in the Congress and most of all, I resent Democrats going along with it.

[PDittie]

17. twice also, with my wife

We have been married 17 years and have no children. She had always light-heartedly said "I'm not parcel post; I don't make deliveries," and I had lost any paternal instinct long ago, so a pregnancy was completely unexpected and there was no discussion necessary.

I drove her to Planned Parenthood, waited, and drove her home.

The first time, as I sat in the waiting room, I felt a little bad.

She told me later that the night before, she spoke to 'it', apologizing for what was to happen. She shed no tears, but had some remorse, like me.

The second time, we were both just angry at ourselves.

Sidebar: this past weekend, we took our three nephews--9, 7, and 4--to an auto show ride-and drive event, so we spent several long hours walking, standing in the heat (it's still hot in Houston this time of year) with three whiny, bratty little boys.

Reaffirmed our decision about not having any ourselves.

[quaker bill]

18. Not exactly

My ex became pregnant by way of rape. The decision was hers and fairly straight forward, though I would have supported her and the child either way.

[BlueJazz]

19. quaker bill

your statement: I would have supported her and the child either way.

I must say, in that situation.....you're a better man than I am.

[fishnfla]

20. Long story

short ending: protect Roe V. Wade.

[MrPrax]

21. In a genuine situation... a gentleman

would leave the matter to the women and abide by their decision...
And if they don't like that solution...then they should use a condom or abstain.

Is it really too conservative to suggest that men shouldn't fuck women they don't want to have a relationship with?

My experience is that women you don't want to have a relationship like with have the 'problem' covered and the ones that dont...walk on by and go home to the Five Ugly Sisters

[Name removed]

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[Name removed]

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[maggrwaggr]

30. "if they don't like that solution... they should use a condom or abstain"

I'm sorry, I can't believe you said that.

That's right up there with saying the woman makes her decision when she has sex.

That's bullshit.

I wasn't gonna post on this, but now I am. I am a parent, for starters. A while back my wife thought she might be pregnant again. It would be a really terrible time to have a kid right now. However. I told her that if she were to just go do it without any thought as to how I felt about it, well, I would never forgive her.

The mother may be the one who carries the baby, but the man is just as much a parent as the mother. That's a biological FACT.

Saying "oh, I'd tell the woman what I thought, but the final decision is up to her" is just a CHICKEN-SHIT argument to let yourselves off the moral hook.

It's a tough choice, guys. Women have to make it all the time. Welcome to the real world: You are HALF the parent of that kid. You have HALF the responsibility for it, whether it's been born or not.

Don't give me that chicken-hearted crap. I did that once, and I knew it when I did it that it was a chicken-hearted way to go. I felt very shamed because of it, it was the most selfish decision I've ever made in my life.

Have some balls, guys. Take responsibility. Your dick can make you a father. Let it sink in.

[MrPrax]

32. I didn't say that...I agree with you

I was talking about the choice to HAVE sex...and thinking about your partner as someone worthy of making love to...
and MEN who figure their responsibility lies after the ACT...are sadly mistaken...
It lies before hand and MEN should be as you say, "The mother may be the one who carries the baby, but the man is just as much a parent as the mother. That's a biological FACT."

Men should take responsibility...I would go even farther in MY conservative view and suggest that men with a steady should think about the fact that the PILLS their partners are taking are doing their partners harm and in a 'set' relationship (married/short-term/long-term/temp co-hab/etc etc) MEN should carry the burden of trying to figure out HOW to get out of the HABIT and start shouldering some of the burden...SO women are NOT poisoned by birth control methods largely devised by MEN...or having to go through the trama of TERMINATION...

since this forum is about MEN affected...that is what I have learned...
How about YOU?

[maggrwaggr]

37. You said "leave the matter to the woman"

and that is where I disagree.

It's not just the woman's matter. The man is every bit as much the parent of the child as the woman. That's a 50-50 split.

For women to think it's 100% their decision because it's "their bodies" is just as foolish as for a man to think that it's not his decision.

And I think it's chicken shit for a man to say "it's entirely the woman's decision". I'm speaking from experience here mind you.

[5thGenDemocrat]

26. Twice

Once with a longtime girlfriend, once when a friend asked me to drive her to the clinic in Saginaw (I was living in Petoskey, about 180 miles away, at the time. The pregnancy wasn't due to me in the second case).
Yeah, I advocated for what I thought was right. The women had the abortions anyhow, and I supported them in their decisions.
I didn't vote in the other poll.
John
And I've said all I'm going to say on the subject.

[DaleFM]

28. My wife and I

was misdiagnosed with a veneral disease by our family doctor once. (It turned out that his testing facilities was contaminated). So we were taking a medication for it and my wife turned out to be pregnant. Because of the probability of birth defects caused by the medicine, the doctor recommended abortion. My wife and I talked long about this, At the time we were attending church on a regular basis and also discussed this with our pastor/friend at the time. He told us that basically we had to decide on our own on this issue.

We decided not to have the abortion. My wife ssaid that we would love the child regardless of how he or she came. Well the child was born and he just turned 12 years old Monday. He is a normal onery pre-teen. It was a good decision for us not to have a abortion.

Remember when you read this that it worked out well for us and us alone. I personally am against abortion but also I do not feel I have the right to tell others what to do with their choices.

[Name removed]

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[prolesunited]

31. Wow!

I don't EVEN know where to begin on this one, so I'm just going to walk away before I say something that will get me banned. :mad:

[cally]

33. Well, I mostly agree

with your posts. On this one, I do not. You are now a grown man and talking about a 14 year old girl. You are no longer a scared 15 year old. You had sex with her and she got pregnant. You didn't want to "deal" with her anymore. Ummm, she sure had much to deal with and you chose to ignore her. Yeah, I know the DNA ended up differently, but how do you excuse your actions before that. You didn't want to deal with her. Well, she didn't want to deal with a pregnancy either.

Guess what, having sex sometimes leads to pregnancy. Both the man and woman may end up parents. You want to have sex, then take responsibility.

I so hope you are teaching your own children to take responsibility for their actions and sexual lives.

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

35. Sorry Xithras but just your jargon in the matter gives me pause

It's a womans job to take care of her own body, and that means ensuring adequate birth control if she's going to sleep around. If a woman can't be bothered and gets herself knocked up, it's HER problem...she should not be able to trap some poor guy who was just looking for a little fun and steal half of his income for the next two decades. This is equal rights ladies.

Once again the woman's rights and the child's rights are distinct and all the personal allusions won't change that. It's called CHILD SUPPORT which is separate and DISTINCT from SPOUSAL SUPPORT.

Take care of YOUR BODY. That means...don't do the crime if you can't do the time.(being rhetorical here)


And given that you got yourself into this situation TWICE and it COULD have potentially been TWO kids that were yours, that would mean TWO KIDS that are entitled to the best possible life they can live.


Men who are OBFUSCATING the issue of CHILD SUPPORT and a WOMAN'S choice are conveniently saying that THREE people are involved in the issue when they want a say so and PRETENDING ONLY TWO are affected when the egg becomes a PERSON and requires support.


on edit: I just couldn't help but notice the symbolism in your use of the word TRAP, like a vagina is a cell with steel harnesses designed to "trap" your penis into supporting it for life. But I guess to some that is the "real" paradigm. :eyes: Language matters.

[maggrwaggr]

39. If she gets herself knocked up, it IS 50% your problem

like it or not.

Takes two to tango, pal. Unless she gave you a handjob and manually inserted your sperm into your vagina, you sorta had something to do with it.

You can't make it "her problem" just 'cause you don't like her. That's just rude. You chose to fuck her, too, you know.

[Sesquipedalian]

34. done em all..

abortion, adoption, birth.

For what it's worth abortion is the choice that almost never enters my mind. I did what I was asked in each case. If you really want to fuck up your psyche chose adoption and check how you feel about holidays.

[maggrwaggr]

38. Wow. I know I could never do the adoption thing

There's just no way.

I feel for you there.

I am the father of a one year old and I just can't imagine .... well, anything other than having him like I have him now.

[sleipnir]

36. I haven't and I hope I never will be

I'm not sure how I would react, but I'm positive it would probably alter my life forever. It's an event that you can't take lightly or ever forget. Even having to counsel a friend on a decision, male or female, would be extremely difficult. I'm not against abortion, but it's such a, difficult decision in any case. I'll keep taking the necessary steps to make sure I'll never put myself in that position w/girlfriend or even a "one-night-stand"

[Loyal]

40. Haven't been

I'm careful.