I buried my husband yesterday - Democratic Underground

flamingyouth

(1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore

Fri Jun-25-04 05:05 PM
Original message

I buried my husband yesterday

And if we do all say so ourselves, it was a truly amazing service, if there ever could be such a thing.

I had invited about 15 people to the place where his ashes would be placed. I hired a chaplain from the American Humanist Association, in keeping with my husband's wishes. I'm sure he wouldn't have wanted any kind of service at all, but his bandmates and I felt that we needed it for closure. And I'm so glad we did it.

I woke up yesterday in a total panic about it, imagining everything from the chaplain not showing up to no one showing up to everyone circling around me Frankenstein-villager style with torches thinking I had led him to suicide. Despite all of my strongest worst-case scenarios, 40 people came.

The chaplain began with some really lovely readings on the nature of life and death (this part is all a blur, but everyone told me afterward that it was quite nice). Then he invited people from the crowd to come up and share their memories of Alan.

The first guy was the most important guy - his closest friend and bandmate and the guy who found him after he had killed himself. He brought his guitar and said, "Alan was one of my closest friends and was like a brother to me. We used to spend a lot of time smoking pot and playing music together. So I'm going to do both of those things with him one last time." And I kid you not, he lights up a big joint, and starts playing "Lonesome Day" on his guitar! :smoke:

I mean, how could anyone really be sad after seeing that?! Everyone cheered and he played and sang and blew us all away. Sadly, he didn't bring enough to share with the rest of us.;)

Then two more musicians came up and talked about how Alan had supported their music and their bands long before anyone else did, how he inspired them, and how much he meant to them.

The last tribute was, to me, the most touching and meaningful. One of his co-workers at the AIDS/HIV support agency where they worked came up and said, "Alan was my coworker and I always really enjoyed working with him. But what I loved about him the most was that, as a straight man, he was always so supportive and openhearted toward me, a gay man." He said more, but I really started to lose it then, I don't remember the details, but it was heartfelt and really sweet.

The service ended with me placing his ashes in the plot, and there were so more nice closing statements from the chaplain. He said afterward that it was the most memorable service he'd EVER been at. In fact, I think most people are saying that right now.;)

Afterward, about 20 people came to my house for a luncheon. It was so wonderful the way people helped me and reached out to me. You don't forget people who stick by you during hard times, let me tell you. All in all, it was a great send-off, totally perfect for Alan, and I really felt his presence there yesterday.

Today is harder and I admit I feel a bit lost right now. But tomorrow's another day. I wanted to share this with you and thank you again for all the support I've received here over these past two weeks. :loveya: