Is anyone else glad that they *don't * have children?

[DerekG]

I was laying in the grass last night contemplating my future--I'm 22 and stuck in one of those what-am-I-gonna-do-with-myself dilemmas. My anxiety dissipated, however, when I realized that half of my friends already have children. I don't. Ergo, I have the freedom to succeed or fail without having another living being depend on me for survival. Hell, if I wanted to, I could grab my copy of The Complete Works of William Shakespeare, head into the forest and stay there for a month.

It's quite liberating.

How many DUers--whether you're 18 or 81--are content with not having sired a child?

[LiberalVoice]

1. Same here

I couldn't take care of a child! For Christ's Sakes I'm stoned right now!

[democrat in Tallahassee]

2. Yes, I'm 51 and I've never regretted it for one minute. In fact,

everyday I'm thankful that don't have any. Just never felt the need.

[DS1]

3. Oh fuck yeah

Mommy do it again! Mommy do it again! Mommy! Mommy do it again!

Super Stop & Shop, Framingham MA, 14 minutes ago.

Wanted to drink the drano :eyes:

[name not needed]

7. You should have.

It has a light, minty taste to it. Not too strong, but suitable for an after-dinner cocktail. :)

[DS1]

13. Guaranteed to fool every breathalyzer on the market

I'm sure.

[Dookus]

4. Best thing I ever did

was not have children. When I was young I thought I wanted them... then I saw my friends and family start having them and saw how it destroyed their lives, their marriages, their income....

I know there are rewards, too. But on the whole, I'd say they're a detriment to most people.

[CrispyQ]

5. I always knew I wasn't mommy material . . .

...and I have no regrets at not having children. I've had numerous people (mostly women) tell me "My children are the joy of my life!" Well good! They should be! But that doesn't mean it's for everyone.

More people should give serious consideration to the responsibility of parenthood & if they are really up to the commitment it takes to do the job right.

"You're not raisng a child, you're raising an adult."

[supernova]

6. Right now, yes I'm glad

I don't have children. The pressure to earn money would be unreal for me. And personally, I don't have the wherewithall to be a single parent. My hat's off to those who do it everyday, but I'm just not up to it.

If I ever got married again and felt the relationship was permanent, then I'd look into adoption. At 42, I'm not too anxious to have a child of my own.

[candy]

8. I have 5 kids and 6 grandkids but I know if I hadn't had them----

I would have led a full,productive life without them as many of my friends have.

At age 22 it shouldn't even be in your mind. Enjoy life,travel,stay out all night,sleep all day,and spend money.

[zuzu98]

9. Yep.

I've gone through some times when I've wavered, but I have to say that I'm glad not to have the responsibility & restrictions of having a child. Of course, it helps that I have fantastic step-children and friends with really adorable little tykes. I can get my "kiddie fix" and then leave when they get whiny/tired/hungry/dirty.

[ContraBass Black]

10. I'm afraid that if I have children,

They'll turn out like my younger siblings. I would not visit such unnecessary misery on this world.

[TlalocW]

11. I'm 32, no children, and got a vasectomy over 3 years ago

Best thing I ever did in my opinion. I like kids - I pretty much have to since I'm a part time entertainer, mainly for children - but I knew a long time ago I didn't want them.

If you're seriously considering being "childfree" there are some resources I can point you to:
The Baby Boon - a book by Elinor Burkett
http://www.fred.net/turtle/kids/kidrants.shtml - Brats!!! A place for the childfree to rant amongst the like-minded. Also another good place for resources.
http://cfpersonals.com - this is a database-driven childfree personals site that I wrote when I taught myself PHP/mySQL. It's functional but clunky, but there are around 200 people on it.

TlalocW

[cally]

12. I have children who

have changed me for the better. But I believe that noone should have children unless they want and are willing to care for them. Don't have a child unless you want to focus on raising this child.

[saracat]

14. I have never had children and am sooo glad.

The choice was taken away from me medically but I probably wouldn't have had any anyway. I see what is happening to people in society with children and to those children and I am chilled. I am of the Ron Reagan school of thought .My husband and I have cats and as Ron says "they are like kids without the tuition"! LOL.

[Moonbeam_Starlight]

15. I say good for you

after all, you are only 22. And I also say good for all those people who know they didn't want kids and refused to give into the pressure of others/society/whatever.

We have one kid. We love it. Fits us and our life PERFECTLY. (There are TONS of advantages to having one...) We felt a lot of pressure to have another. Resisted it. HARD. And VERY glad we did.

But I say more power to people who realize they are perfectly happy childless. One of my best friends and her husband are in their late thirties been married 16 years, and realized they really don't want one. Good on them. I totally support them in that decision.*


*Plus that means they have more money to buy my kid shit.

[SheilaT]

16. The only thing wrong

with this kind of discussion is that sometimes it starts pitting those who think everyone should have kids against those who are glad they didn't and don't understand why anyone has them.

If you don't want kids, don't have them, it's okay. And definitely at age 22 you might not be ready to make that decision permanent.

Having kids is hard work, worthwhile to some who do it, not for others.

Just remember, that someone needs to have the kids who will eventually care for us all in the nursing home!

[DerekG]

19. I don't mean to start anything acrimonious...

This is intended as a hey-I'm-free-and-I-feel-great thread.

[SheilaT]

34. Oh, I know you didn't

and this thread has stayed very friendly that way. It always distresses me when these things end up in a pissing contest. Sort of like the stay-home mom vs the working outside the home mom thing. Those two groups are not enemies, even though sometimes there are different best interests at work.

All of us need to understand that a different lifestyle is just that, different. Maybe better, maybe worse.

I always live it when Dear Abby or Ann Landers reprints that amusing piece about pitying the poor unfortunate childless couple, precisely because of the ones who miss the tongue-in-cheek aspect of it.

I have two almost grown kids myself. Always wanted kids, am glad I have them, although right now we're going through a rough patch with the younger one. If I'd never had kids I'd be a completely different person. Sometimes I wish it were possible to view a probability viewer and see what the child-free version of my life would have been. It would simply be interesting to me.

I guess for all of us it's just as well we don't know for sure what the future holds.

[Radical Activist]

17. I'm 26 and thrilled

not to have any children. A baby consumes a persons entire life. No decision or action can be taken without figuring out how it affects the baby or at least what you have to do with the baby in the small moments you want to have a life.
I'll probably have children one day but I'm so happy I don't have to worry about that now. I have at least a few years left of being a rambling gypsy.

[Rabrrrrrr]

18. For the most part, damned glad I don't have any

COuld never have done what I've done if I'd had children

[RebelYell]

20. I have 4 "sons"

Boo Boo, ToTo, Sonny and Vito (3 dogs and a husband).

Decided when I was 25 not to breed. Don't regret the decision for a minute.

[DeposeTheBoyKing]

21. I'm going on 42 (August 27th will be here soon)

And we have not been blessed with children because I'm one of the 1 in 1000 women with premature ovarian failure. I was able to conceive once with the help of fertility shots, but had a miscarriage the same day I had my positive blood test. I was very sad and angry about this turn of events for quite some time, but have finally gotten used to it. I believe everything happens for a reason, and there must be some reason we cannot have children.

I am in law school, and if I had kids I probably would never have been able to go. Not having kids also makes it easier for us to travel; we can just pick up and go without having to haul kids and their stuff around. We have two cats who are our babies, and that's quite enough for us.

All that being said, we would like to adopt someday; maybe when I finish law school. I am sad that I have been denied the experience of having a child grow inside of me and giving birth, but I know I'm not the only one. It took me a LONG time to find peace about this situation.

[enigmatic]

22. Yep!

Both myself and my wife are child-free and are very, very happy in being so..

[BiggJawn]

23. I'm an "Empty Nester". now I have a friend instead of a parasite.

They DO grow up and leave the nest SOME time, y'know...:-)

[likesmountains 52]

24. having children

I have been a newborn nurse for 20 years and I can tell you that many babies are sent home with people who should not be parents...bless those of you who recognize that you might not be cut out for being mothers or fathers.

[Kat45]

25. Me! Me! (waving my hand wildly)

I always knew I didn't want kids. Everyone told me I'd change my mind, but I'm 49 and I haven't changed it yet. LOL I'm a woman who has no maternal instinct at all. When I was little, I used to play with my stuffed cats instead of my dolls. My little bird Grace is the only 'child' I need. One thing that sucked was when I'd meet a great guy who absolutely, positively wanted to have kids. Oh, well!

[politicat]

26. Glad I haven't mothered one....

T'would be a bit hard for me to sire anything, considering my complete lack of Y chromosome.

But it's been the best decision I ever made, not to spawn.

I can delight in my niece and nephew, enjoy my friends' kids; but never, ever, ever have to worry about being out of the office by 5 so I don't get charged extra for late pickup at daycare.

I don't even mind being committed to helping pay for my niece's college... after all, I don't have to pay for her car insurance, her clothes, her allowance....

And I love the idea that we can take off and decide to go back to grad school basically whenever we want. Not that we have, but knowing we can....

Pcat

[Missy Vixen]

27. Me

I am very, very content being childfree with DH and the kitties.

Julie

[CanuckAmok]

28. If I could kiss my vasectomy scar, I would!

Never wanted 'em, and now I know I'm not having 'em. I like kids, I just don't want my own.

I'd rather spend my disposeable income on stupid toys for myself. You know, buy enough Lego to build an in-ground swimming pool...stuff like that.

[ContraBass Black]

29. That would be a waterproofing nightmare.

[Magrittes Pipe]

30. I know for a fact you can!

I saw the MOVIE!

[Blue-Jay]

31. If you could kiss your vasectomy scar,

you'd never have time to post at DU.

Random punchline: "Don't you think you should pet him first?"

[Moonbeam_Starlight]

42. I bet you WOULD kiss it if you could!

Am I allowed to say that?

My husband would kiss his, too, if he could. We have one but we both LOVE that getting the wires cut thing! The miracles of surgery!

[PatriotGames]

32. So far, I am glad.

I am 30.

[MGKrebs]

33. Every day.

[curse10]

35. Me! I'm 25

I have no time for children right now. And I don't know if I ever will. I'll just cross that bridge when I come to it.

[Chovexani]

36. Hell yes.

I'm 23, and people actually look at me sideways when I tell them I don't have children. "Don't you want a baby?" they say. No, really, I don't. At least not at this stage in my life.

If you're a woman and you don't want a baby people think you're crazy or something. Some of us just don't want to breed. :shrug:

[Moonbeam_Starlight]

43. JEEZ you're 23

what's anyone doing asking you about babies anyway?

What is the problem with people? Let people be young and live their LIVES for crying out loud.

[afraid_of_the_dark]

44. They either think you're crazy or smile at you and say....

"You're still young... you'll change your mind." I'm 24, married, and childless by choice. All of my friends from college have kids of their own and are SHOCKED that I wouldn't possibly want to experience the joy of having a kid of my own.

Being a parent is a LOT of work, and I have nothing but the utmost respect for parents. I try to make sure that I convey that respect and appreciation to the parents of the kids that I work with. But I can't say that I would be "happier" if I was someone's mom. I prefer to work with kids as a day job, not a 24-7 one. :)

[Magrittes Pipe]

37. I have enough trouble keeping up with my parrots.

And I can put them in cages.

Try that with a child, they'll call family services on you.

[smirkymonkey]

38. Thrilled!

After spending time w/ family & friends who have children, I can honestly say I wouldn't have it any other way.

[dancing kali]

39. Childless by choice

and proud of it. Been that way for 30+ years. No regrets about that.

[daligirrl]

51. I am also childless by choice. ..

You don't have to have kids just because you can. . . as a Black woman, though, I get a lot of suspicion about it. I'm supposed to have 5 out of wedlock and expect the government to pay for it. Go figure.:shrug:

[regularguy]

40. YOU BET!

Oh wait, I do. Never mind.

[sus]

41. me too.

i was stuck at BWI last night for two hours and no matter WHERE i went, i couldn't escape the screaming, whining, and crying of demon spawn all around me.

if i DID have children, i'd have them goose-stepping all over the house. so it's probably for the best.

[Courtesy Flush]

45. Quite an interesting thread

Not seeing much dissent here. The only ones who ever have anything negative to say on the subject, are those who have kids and want us to feel bad for not having them.

Next week I celebrate my 21st anniversary. No kids. Very happy about it.

People are pretty judgemental about it, so when asked, I just say something like, "No, we were never blessed with children". It makes people think you tried, and are heartbroken about it, and they drop the subject.

If I could kiss my vasectomy scar, I wouldn't need a vasectomy :)

[Pithlet]

46. Here's your dissent

Just so you won't feel too disappointed ;)

As far as your first point, you should try spending the day with children out in public and see how many dirty looks you get. It's like we're expected to never let them out of the home. I even got a derisive snort from someone as I was changing my child in a public bathroom. With an area for diaper changing. What the fuck am I supposed to do? Let them sit in a soiled diaper until I get home?

Just saying, it comes from both sides. All of us parents aren't demon breeders out to convert the child free. Trust me on that one.

[Djinn]

48. fair enough Pithlet

some people are probably too judgemental on people with kids but there are some times/places where if parents HAVE to take their kids they could be a wee bit more considerate about other people (or just teach their kids not to be such brats)

I work in a hospital and people don't seem to have a problem with their kids screaming (and I mean ear splitting pitch) and running around - there are sick and dying people here as well as people trying to work.

Then there's those who take their very young kids to movies/theatres/galleries - WHY?? the kid wont appreciate it and their whinning just gets on everyone else's tits.

A question for older child free females - do people EVER stop patronisingly telling you "you'll change your mind one day" I even get that from women younger than me! it drives me mad.

[Pithlet]

49. Oh, I agree

Although sometimes even the best behaved kids have their moments. I don't know why people take their children to places like that. There's no way that THEY can be enjoying the experience, either.

[sleepyhead]

47. Perfectly happy

I will be 49 next month and decided at the age of 18 that I would be childfree forever. I have no maternal instinct whatsoever, and have found enough fulfillment in living with my husband and pets. No regrets!

[scarlet_owl]

50. No. It kills me every day that I can't have children.

It is the worst pain I could have ever imagined. I would give anything to be a mom. Sorry to be such a bring-down but I'm just answering the question. I don't think there is anything wrong in not wanting children, though.