Are You (Or Were You) Happy Being Single?

[arwalden]

Poll question: Are You (Or Were You) Happy Being Single?

By "single" I don't necessarily mean that you're totally alone and date-free... only that you are (or were) not in a committed relationship with one person.

Were you single and on-the-prowl? Were you footloose and fancy-free? Did you spent your single life with friends and family? Were you content to be alone? Or were you miserable and lonely?

-- Allen

(This poll is dedicated to DU member "sirjwtheblack" who felt left out of the marriage poll: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x1541613 )

[terrya]

1. I was very unhappy being single. I spent more time in...

bathhouses than I should have. That and bars...it was a very lonely existance.

[arwalden]

5. Bars...

Ugh! How is it that I could have so much fun... and be so miserable at the same time?

When I think back on many of my failed (so-called) relationships. You know... not true long-term relationships... just the ones where you were going steady for a few weeks. --- Looking back at those, it's easy to see how we doomed ourselves by CONTINUING to go to the same singles bar where we met.

In 1978, for the lack of any OTHER public place to go on a romantic date, we always ended up back at the bar. Perhaps our age had something to do with it, and the permissive attitudes at the time... but more than that, I'm convinced that it was the singles atmosphere at a singles bar that encourages singles behavior EVEN FROM folks who aren't single.

I just re-read that last sentence, and I'm fully aware of how confused and strained it sounds. Sorry. If it didn't make sense the first time, try it again.

Yes, Terry... you're correct. Like you, I ultimately found bars to be depressing. --- I'd go there happy... I'd have a good time. I was eager and filled with hope and expectations, but the weekly let-downs or cheap back-seat encounters were depressing as hell. Even the after-bar routine of everyone heading to the nearest Sambo's became dull and depressing. (Yes... Sambo's. Before it was Denny's.)

[LDS Jock]

13. Have you been reading my diary?

When I came out, that was exactly my life. I don't miss those days at all. At the time, it seemed the logical place to go, since I didn't know there were alternatives to meet other gay men. With time I have moved beyond that (thank God) but I'm still single. Why? Just haven't met the right guy yet. Maybe I'll meet him here on DU, on my gay tennis team which plays in the city league, through friends, even on the Internet.. but it won't be in a bar!

The after bar routine. I remember it well. Those who didn't find someone they wanted to go home with went out to eat. I came out in Salt Lake City and had some friends into drag. I can still remember the faces of the other customers when my friends would walk in in drag. Their jaws would drop, they would point and stare. I kinda liked that, even if it wasn't me getting all the attention. Oh well, those days are thankfully gone.

[newsguyatl]

20. yeh, that's just it.

it near damn impossible to meet someone if you're not so much into the "scene."

it's like, "hey, maybe i'll luck up in the grocery store today." :shrug:

me, i'm single still after 5, count 'em, FIVE years. i've dated in between obviously, but no real relationship... took a LONG time to get over my first love.

i'm pretty content overall, but i'm really starting to itch for a relationship again... i think at least.

though when i start thinking about what i've been thru in the past, i re-evaluate and ask myself again if masturbation's all that bad after all :P

[LDS Jock]

21. Oh don't do that.. you could go blind.. or grow hair on your palms

To help you out, I have dug up this old guide from the Mormon Church on how to stop masturbation. There are many helpful tips included which you have probably never thought of before. :)


http://www.phallic.org/mormon-masturbation.txt

[newsguyatl]

22. can't get past step 4

4. When you bathe, do not admire yourself in a mirror. Never
stay in the bath more than five or six minutes -- just long
enough to bathe and dry and dress AND THEN GET OUT OF THE
BATHROOM into a room where you will have some member of your
family present.



i just can't HELP but admire myself in the mirror whilst i bathe :D

[terrya]

16. There's such a common thread here.

I can relate to everything you said. I might add...there was such a sense of...desperation I would see at the gay bars I would frequent (especially the one in Champaign, Illinois, where I was living after I came out). There were happy times I had at the bar...and I met some great people who became friends. But...there was also loneliness there. Like I said...desperation. Sure, we went to meet someone for sex. But a lot of us went for love...and the let down was always palpable.

And we had the same after bar experience...going to Denny's after the bars. I don't want to sound melodramatic, but those after the bar experiences at Denny's seemed sometimes like we were licking our wounds, so to speak.

[Endangered Specie]

2. Depends

on my mood, and if I just saw a hot girl or not.

[YellowRubberDuckie]

3. Thank God I never have to worry about that again!!

It was sooo lonely.
Duckie

[Jo March]

4. I made toast for supper too many times to count

Not much fun cooking for only one person.

[Madrone]

6. VERY happy.

At 32, I'm starting to thing a long term (as in marriage, or an equivelant) just ain't my bag. Hasn't been anything I've wanted to do up to this point, anyway - so I think maybe I'm just not cut out for it.

I LOVE being single - so that wouldn't be a problem.

[Bunny]

7. I'd much rather be single and happy than be in a relationship and unhappy.

I've done both, and I'm much better off being single. There are times when I wouldn't mind some companionship (and not just for physical contact!) but I'm generally happier when I don't have to worry about someone else's needs. I'm raising my two kids alone, and meeting their needs is about as much as I can handle. I definitely am not looking at trying to blend a "father figure" into their lives right now, either.

Maybe when the kids are grown finding a man will become more important to me. So for right now, I'm single and it's all good!

[LDS Jock]

11. amen to that

Being singles beats a bad relationship hands down. And hat off to you for being a single parent. Anyone who can pull that off deserves the highest respect.

[arwalden]

12. Hell Yeah... Right After My First Divorce

I was DEE-LIGHTED to finally be free of an abusive partner. I enjoyed my new-found freedom and deliverance from his drunken verbal meanness and cruel possessiveness and violent tendencies.

In contrast to what came before, I enjoyed the freedom and being single. But ultimately I knew I wanted to find someone else to settle down with.

-- Allen

[tigereye]

27. HI Bunny!

[Bunny]

28. Hi tigereye!

Good to see you! :hi:

[RFKHumphreyObama]

8. Very unhappy

Being single has its advantages but nevertheless I'd love to be in a relationship

[Speck Tater]

9. Very happy being non-attached,

non-dependant, celibate, non-fighting, non-arguing. I go where I want, when I want, without debate or discussion, and it takes me no more than 30 seconds to make it out the door once I've decided to go somewhere. Not lonely because I feel self-sufficient and suffering from no needs that I can't satisfy for myself.

The time I spend with friends is precious to me, and the time I spend alone is equally precious. If I were to spend then next six months in a crowded commune that would be fine with me. If I were to spend the next six months alone on a desert island that would be just as delightful.

I have everything I need because I am everything I need.

[southpaw]

10. Hated to vote "Okay"...

But it's the only choice that takes into account the tru nature of being single. There are times when I really love the freedom of being uncommitted. But then there are the occasional dateless Saturday nights when the Discovery channel just ain't doin it for me.

[skygazer]

24. Saw your picture lineup

and had to put some Floyd in the CD.......

[Pithlet]

14. Very happy

I married young the first time around, so I didn't have a lot of experience as a singe adult. When I was newly single, I relished my newfound freedom. I loved having my own apartment in a trendy area downtown. I belonged to a network of single friends who were like family. I had a blast. I did have my moments where I felt a little lonely, though.


Of course, I love my life now and wouldn't change a thing.

[VoteDemocratic2004]

15. I think that I would prefer to be single

Then be with an abusive man that gets off on hurting your feelings all of the time and bringing you down to a level that you feel worthless.

It gets lonely going out on your own but I will get use to it it's not like I haven't done that before.

[bearfan454]

17. I thought that I was happy

I used to get a lot with a lot of different women. In fact some people would have considered me a whore. I like it better now that I have a soulmate I can count on instead of some floosy with big tits or a nice ass. Really.

[iconoclastic cat]

18. I am told that I was...I don't remember much!

:beer: :headbang: :toast: :smoke: :puke: :hangover:

[indigo32]

19. It's OK

not great. Also don't particularly like the pressure I feel sometimes from society in general to be partnered.

[skygazer]

23. Very happy

I was married at the age of 19 - it lasted for 6 years and then I was married again for another 8. After the second marriage ended, I spent about 6 or 7 years being "single", dating but never getting heavily involved with anyone.

I loved it. I'd never had a chance to get to know myself as an adult, to discover how I like to arrange my own space, to use the remote control as I saw fit - it was fabulous.

At a point in my life where I was as content as a cat on a warm hearth rug, a terrific guy walked into my life and has been there ever since (3 1/2 years). I really needed that time alone - it made me a much saner person.

[BigBigBear]

25. I picked 'Very Sad'

seemed like like the closest choice for my situation.

[pagerbear]

26. You know, I act desperate to find a husband

...but for the most part I'm OK with being single until I find the right man.

[tigereye]

29. wasn't comfortable enough with myself to appreciate

being single at the time. Much prefer being attached and then married.I have been with the same person for so long I can't imagine being single again. I hear it's rough out there. :)

[Swamp Rat]

30. Divinely Happy

Got a divorce and travelled the world... and haven't stopped!

[liontamer]

31. was very happy being single

It's being single again that's a bit unnerving.