My best friend's brother hates me

[Shananigans]

Ok, so here is the story... I have been really good friends with this guy for about a year now. He is my best friend and I love him more than anything, he's just a great guy.

Well last night I finally met his older brother for the first time. My friend picked me up from work and we went out to drinks and to the hockey game. While we were having drinks things were fine, although his brother was annoying me a little. I'm a pretty sarcastic person (as are my friend and his brother) so of course I was making little comments when he was saying things that pissed me off. (Example, he tells me that all blondes are destined to fail in this society because of the expectations set for them. Um...excuse me but I am blonde and I have no intentions of failing at anything)

So we got to the game and I was sitting in between my friend and his brother and he kept making these asshole comments to me about stuff. Now I know I am not the worlds most beautiful woman, but I am fairly confident with what I have. And my friend's brother kept making dumb assinine comments about stuff like that and just plain being a jerk.

When I ran into some friends at the game I was like "hey I'll brb" and he goes "don't bother" My friends were like "WTF is that guys problem?" I was kind of embarassed.

So yeah, the night ended by his brother telling me to fuck off because I was telling him that just because he is a smart guy doesn't mean he can treat people like they are peons. I think I might have also thrown in a few comments about him not having any social skills whatsoever and being an ass. (oops? but it's not like I was lying).

So after we dropped the asshole off I was talking to my friend and I felt so bad. I mean I WANTED to like his brother, I really really did. I tried so hard even. And I am the type of person who gets along with EVERYONE! I don't think anyone hates me (or do they... ;) So now I feel shitty. I mean, if one of my friends couldn't get along with my brother I would be very bothered by it.

My friend says not to worry about it because NO ONE gets along with his brother and all his friends hate him. But still. This sucks. Although I know I was not the nicest in the end, I'm just not sure what I did to make him hate me in the first place...

Any suggestions?

[Catch22Dem]

1. It's cause yer one of them damn lib-ruls

Didn't ya know? No, the dude just sounds like a complete dick. He'll probably lead a very short, unfulfilled life. He has serious issues. Anyone who hates others that much (for no reason) hates themselves even more.

[Dookus]

2. the guy sounds like a jerk

you're better off getting that out of the way up front. Now you have a great excuse to never see him again. Sounds like a win-win.

[johnnie]

3. Maybe he really likes you

You know?...how little boys pull the little girls hair, or punched them in the arm because they have a crush on them.
Maybe you should hook up with him :)

[Shananigans]

7. Heh, I doubt it.

And no. Not in a million years. Never!

By the end of the night it was in your face insults back and forth. Very awkward and I feel bad putting my friend in such a bad place like that. But I just couldn't help it!

[1monster]

4. Be VERY VERY polite to him. Kill him with kindness. Then at least your

friend will know that you are not the one causing trouble.

You could also :evilgrin: give him the "dumb blonde" routine...a la the following:



A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight from
LA to NY. The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a
fun game. The blonde just wants to take
a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few
winks.

The lawyer persists and explains that the game is really easy and a lot of
fun. He explains "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer,
you pay me $5, and visa-versa." Again, she politely declines and tries to
get some sleep.

The lawyer, now somewhat agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer
you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $50!" figuring
that since she is a blonde that he will easily win the match. This catches
the blonde's attention and figuring that there will be no end to this
torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.

The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to
the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches in to her purse, pulls out
a five-dollar bill and hands it to the lawyer.

Now, it's the blonde's turn. She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with
three legs, and comes down with four?" The lawyer looks at her with a
puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all his
references. He taps into the Air phone with his modem and searches the Net
and the Library of Congress.

Frustrated, he sends E-mails to all his coworkers and friends he knows. All
to no avail. After over an hour, he wakes the blonde and hands her $50. The
blonde politely takes the $50 and turns away to get back to sleep.


The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks,
"Well, so what IS the answer!?" Without a word, the blonde reaches into her
purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back
to sleep. }(

[Shananigans]

8. LOL

That would be great! He'd probably refuse to play the game though because I am below his intellegence.

[daria_g]

5. Sure

It's not your fault if this guy is an asshole. Probably he is insecure and tries to bully people into deferring to his obnoxious behavior. Don't back down, and always stay confident. If you back down, he'll definitely keep being an asshole. If you don't, it's 50/50 he'll keep being an asshole.. or he'll eventually get intimidated by a strong woman and start acting all apologetic... and then YOU WIN!!

But by all means do not feel bad! A guy (or girl, for that matter) who exhibits TOTALLY RANDOM obnoxious behavior for NO reason is EXPECTING all decent, well-meaning people to eventually feel bad and think THEY must have caused it somehow, and then to be extra nice and deferential to Mr Obnoxious Jerk. They usually get away with this. Don't let him!

Just remember, he is counting on you trying to like him and be reasonable, and that's WHY he's being an asshole for NO reason. It's just childish bullying.

I really get on my soapbox about this because it has happened to me many times. Once, I had had a few drinks and didn't give a crap, and eventually had this guy apologizing up and down to me for being a jerk, and I didn't even have to ask. But another time, this complete and total bitch who dated an acquaintance of mine had me bending over backwards to be polite to her because she was rude & in my face for NO reason. If I run into that bitch again I'm going to tell her a thing or two about her miserable, horseshit attitude and how much it sucks.

[Shananigans]

9. That's so true...

but it makes me wonder if I just made it so much worse by returning all the fire. If I would have just sat there and ignored it (I tried) things might not have gotten so bad. But I am just not the type of person who can keep my mouth shut when someone is insulting me and others so much. Part of me wants to keep egging them on. I know that is terrible, but damnit he pissed me off.

Another thing he kept doing was I'd be listening to my friend and the asshole brother talk and I'd interject with a question and he would be like "This conversation doesn't involve you" Like WHO DOES THAT. Even if you DO hate someone you don't do something like that.

UGH...how can I not let this bother me. I mean UGH

[politicat]

6. 4 suggestions

1) let it cool down. Right now, you're emotional about it and can't think logically. The brother was a jerk and for no reason as far as I can tell. That type of behavior is hard to just brush off.

2) When you and your friend think you can talk about it without emotional involvement, ask him again if this is a recurring problem, and if his brother's behavior is different when the two of them are alone or with family versus with your friend's friends. If the brother's behavior is changing when he's around your friend and your friend's friends, it could be a sign of jealousy, especially if your friend and his brother were very close.

3) Consider if there is any potential for romance between you and your friend, and if so, if the brother is likely to be judgmental about bringing new family members in... and if not, if that has been made clear to brother? Basically, try to think about brother's reaction to others from his point of view, using what you know about your friend and his upbringing for background. You may not get 100% accuracy, but you might be able to understand generalities.

4) Brush it off. Some people hate themselves so much that they don't want others to like them. Alternately, some people think far too highly of themselves and so don't consider anyone to be their equals. It's not your job to save them. If you and your friend can maintain your friendship and not allow brother to be a wedge, then ignore him. He's not worth your emotional energy - I'm sure you have better things to do!

Pcat

[Shananigans]

11. True...

I should calm down a bit. I know that. But everytime I think of it it gets my blood boiling again.

I did think that maybe this could be a jealousy issue, but his brother is even a jerk to him sometimes. It makes me want to smack him!

The brother DID keep making snide comments about me being "the girlfriend" but we are just friends. If he sees me as a threat to the family then that is just ridiculous.

And yeah...i should try to brush it off. If it was anyone else I totally would. But the fact that my friend and I spend so much time together and will probably be friends for a long time to come makes it difficult. he has already come home with me, met the whole family, our friends have become friends, etc... but now I feel like I won't have that chance with HIS family because of this. Does that make sense?

[Nikia]

10. If your friend is understanding don't worry

As you said, your friend says that his brother doesn't get along with people. It isn't just you. He probably is a jerk to all women, or least most. If he doesn't have good friendships, he might be jealous of your friendship with his brother too.
You feel bad because you want to be liked by your friends family and want to like them. I think that is naturual in close friendships. You might be the type of person who wants everyone to like her. Not everyone is a friendly or even agreeable person though. Not everyone is worthy of your friendship either.
I know that even if you realize that it might not change how you feel. Unfortunately, I know this from experience.

[NightTrain]

12. Your friend's brother is a douche bag.

He needs a good ass-kicking. Send him over to my house and I'll take care of it for ya! ;)

[Shananigans]

14. Haha...I wish!

I'd gladly send him over. But I suspect all you would have to do is tap him and he'd fall over. :)

[Kenneth ken]

13. trust your friend of course!

My friend says not to worry about it because NO ONE gets along with his brother and all his friends hate him.

This is your friend, he is your friend for valid reasons, why would you not trust him on this topic?

:hi:

[Shananigans]

15. *sigh*

Yeah. It just sucks. I mean, if he wasn't such a jerk to me I KNOW I could get along with him and just ignore the annoying things. But I can't handle it when people act like that.

I know his brother does have some redeeming qualities and when he is being nice I have no problems with him...he's actually kind of funny. But I guess that's the problem...he just can't be nice.

*sigh*

[jpgray]

16. Seems to me

Either he's insecure as hell and overcompensating, or he's a dick. I don't see why it's a big deal either way, though.

[Shananigans]

17. Yes, but it IS a big deal...

just because it's my best friend's brother. But I guess I should just chill and not worry about it because it isn't going to do any good. Venting about it has helped, though so thanks guys!

[Shananigans]

18. Ok, so I talked to my friend a little bit about it today...

he doesn't seem to suprised or shook up that there is such an intense dislike between his brother and I.

I still feel bad, though. And then I wonder...maybe he should have said something to his brother when he was being a jerk.

*sigh* Such is life.

[Christof]

19. Eh. Everyone has a few people he/she despises.

If this person bothers you, and he doesn't stop, just quit talking to him. Don't suffer through his B.S.

Don't worry about him not liking you. There's a great list of people who don't like me and I could care less. :shrug:

If this helps, I think you're alright. :) :hi:

[Shananigans]

20. Awww...thanks!

For some reason I *do* care when people don't like me. I guess I just need to get over that.

Hi to you too and welcome to DU! It's great to see fellow Minnesotans around!

[Wapsie B]

21. Shanneee.....

don't worry about him not liking you. I know it's hard to deal with someone like that, but it's his problem, not yours. There's no reasoning with that kind of person.

[Jokinomx]

22. Ditto to politicat suggestions and comments.

I am as sensitive as they come. I care how everyone feels about me...but...when someone acts rude to me without any reason to do so... basically ignore they exist. I feel it is there loss and not mine. I respect people until they have given me a reason not to.... this guy sounds like a scared immature little brat that is very insecure. You did nothing wrong...so now it is up to him to earn your respect back. Lets hope that he does..if not...don't spend any more of your life worrying about someone that you don't have any control over.

It sounds as though your Friend is a great guy....just avoid his brother as best you can.

:hug:

[Shananigans]

23. Thanks guys...you are great.

I actually feel much better about the whole situation now that I have had some time to stew. I guess you win some and lose some. I doubt I will be spending much time with this guy anyhow so I'll just chalk it up to experience. But thanks so much for letting me vent and making me feel better!

[Elginoid]

24. life's too short to worry about it-

so don't.