holy shit my mom's gone insane! what do i do?@@?@?@?@#/

[AlFrankenFan]

my sister is screaming (she autistic/biopolar/etc...also a pain. she's screaming and crying and holy shit and throwing large objects and i'm really scared and hyperventilating whsat the fuck do i do?

she's rteally stressed and sucgh and it's really scaring me oh my god....

[sam sarrha]

1. call 911

[AlFrankenFan]

2. really cause i really don't know if that;s what bto do

i don't want tpo get her introuble but it's reallyscaring me

[nadinbrzezinski]

7. Is she is a danger to you and herself

Yes?

CALL 911

[prolesunited]

3. Is this the first time this has happened?

Is she on meds? Has she ever hurt anyone or herself?

[AlFrankenFan]

6. not first time but frist time it's been like thid

never hurt anypme or self to my knpowlegde, on some kind of drug to cope wwith stress

[bunk76]

4. I would suggest...

911...she is obviously having an episode?

[Gothic Sponge]

5. CALL 911 NOW!

[tjdee]

8. First--are you safe? Second--what happened before this?

If you are in danger, you might need to get away from the computer for a bit.

What happened? If she just got some bad news, maybe she's having a meltdown? If it were me I'd just wait it out--BUT, that may not be the best choice.

Is there a relative you can call, before you call 911??

[AlFrankenFan]

11. tried step dad but on flight from ohio

i'm in the safest place - an office in tghe garage with ac omputer. she is kind of havbing a metldown....it's really scarry....i could tey my grandparents in LV or my aunt in denver but i have no one close

edit: with borhter and dog... can't get to sister

[givemebackmycountry]

9. 2 Choices

Call 911

OR

GET OUT NOW.

[miss_kitty]

10. is there aan understanding neighbour?

a relative close by? can you secure your sister and yourself in the bathroom while you wait for help? can you get your sis out of the house?

[AlFrankenFan]

12. can't get to sister

relatives all outside state/....fucking california.....going to try and see if i can get siuster\..

sister in bed...mother putting aweay dishwasher?! jesus christ i'm so fucking scared...of my own mother and thwat makes me feel like shit oh jesus jesus jesus

[tjdee]

13. Can you CALL them, anyway, to tell them and see what they think?

Can you not get to the phone?

I think my suggestion is to call grandparents/aunt just to see what they think--they know your mom, will know if this warrants a 911 call.

How long has this been going on??


Sorry you have to go through this. Fighting/Things like this at home suck. That's such an understatement.

[AlFrankenFan]

14. i'll try....i just don;t know if i'm calm enough to speak

i'm hyperventilating and majkigng odd cring noises and everything's quiet but should i still call?

[cally]

15. Yes call them and ask for help

You need someone to advise you. Long ago one sister pulled a knife on another sister. We got an adult relative on the phone and they talked them down. Call them. :hug:

[tjdee]

16. YES.

That way you can have someone comfort YOU.

Even if everything's quiet now, you need someone to tell you it's going to be okay. Then you can go inside and survey the damage.

[nadinbrzezinski]

17. Whree in California are you?

Some of us are in california... use PM, we may be able to help, or at least give you a safe place

[miss_kitty]

18. it's ok to call someone and ask for help when you are upset like that

i know all about wanting to not cry about stuff but this is serious, and you need to talk to someone you know, someone who knows you and who knows your mom. just call someone, honey-someone you can get help from.
do it now whether you are crying or not

[DianeG5385]

19. My son is autistic, 13, and 5'9",150 lbs, likely to be over 6'

(I'm editing this to say I didn't know how severe the situation is if both your sister and mom have lost it. Do you guys have a caseworker for your sister?? I would call there first, failing that call 911 BUT CLARIFY THE SITUATION RE: YOUR AUTISTIC SIS)

He does occasionally "lose it", but there is USUALLY a reason. When Lawrence gets this way. I ask him to "show me" what he wants. Sometimes it's as simple as going on a walk on the golf-course or going to the store. (Yes, he has thrown things, hit and kicked holes in the wall, fortunately, my niece's husband is a contractor and patches things up beautifully). In the end, it's about how much you love your autistic sister. Although I don't know your specific situation, remember, it's their tragedy, not yours. You will grow up and be normal, they won't. I have great fear about the future, his occasional violence, but we work with him to make him the best he can be. Besides, he's my handsome son and I love him to pieces!

It's hard for siblings because all they want is a normal brother or sister, not much to ask for, really. Lawrence's brother gets very frustrated with him, but also takes him on walks and plays with him. He has his room invaded and can't use his computer when Lawrence steals his USB connectors which he considers toys.

We have a dog, a Jack Russell named "Scout". When I got him, I wanted him to be kind of a guard dog, barking if Lawrence tried to sneak out at night. This hasn't happened in 2 years but it is terrifying when it does! Anyway, Scout has surpassed my expectations as he is completely bonded to Lawrence, unfortunately, maybe too bonded...he guards Lawrence like a centurion! I take Lawrence and Scout to the Starbucks drive-thru where I live and the occasional clerk will have the temerity to make eye-contact with Scout. Unfortunately, he goes berserk in my lap and latte has been spilled...But by God, he is protecting Lawrence!

Anyway, enough about my situation. Remember, she is disabled, not you. You have a chance at a future, not her. When she goes berserk, remember that and, if you can, help to find a way to figure out what her issue is or go find a safe place to weather the storm.. Life is not perfect, no family life is perfect. This too will pass.

[AlFrankenFan]

20. update,,,,was just talking with momq

we were all crying....whole cause is that my fcuking step dad left us to go work in ohio for two months and if all built up and finally she couldn;t fucking take it....all these things she's tsalking about holy shit my god

[nadinbrzezinski]

21. Ok let her vent, LISTEN, and let her talk

Your step dad leaving for two months does put some stress, I know as a Navy Wife them six month deployments were not easy

Try to understand, but mostly listen

[AlFrankenFan]

22. i did...nothing i resally haven't hweard before

with like ten times the emotion...she says she's snapped and almost fucking killed her....and like "if i'd known she'd drive us fuckign insane i wouldn't have had her or arried your stepfather is he'd leave us fpor a job like tat".....

[nadinbrzezinski]

26. Does not matter you need to let the situation de-escalate

this is the name of the game, and for that to happen she needs to tell you AGAIN all of this.

You may want to try to direct the discusion as to what to do but from the sounds of it your mother feels unable to see out of a tunnel and she may need to take some action. What that is well good qutesion, for the moment mostly listen

[nadinbrzezinski]

28. Oh and the next step is to get some help from Social services

support, will help all to keep sanity here

[tjdee]

23. Do you feel better?

It's scary when your parents flip out in your house because from the kid's perspective, they're supposed to be the ones who have it under control.

Is everything okay now?
Does your mom sound okay, or does she sound like she needs help (from aunt/grands or someone else)?

[AlFrankenFan]

29. i'm hysterically crying and laughing

she might need help...unfortunaltey the only one around is my step-dad coming home tonighjt...she's really mad at him....this is jusrt one scary experience...

[tjdee]

31. Prepare yourself for another episode when he gets there?

on edit:
Or maybe she'll calm down when he gets there? Is he cool with calming her down usually?

I still think you need to call your aunt/grandparents to talk to someone who ISNT upset. You need someone to calm YOU down, and it sounds like Mom can't do that right now.

[nadinbrzezinski]

35. :: HUGSS::

Call somebody you trust and talk, you need to talk with someobody you trust right now...

You may need to also get a safe place for the night

[DianeG5385]

24. It's stressful to be a sibling to an autistic child

But being a parent can be overwhelming, especially if there's no support. Maybe you and your mom can seek respite help from your local regional center. It's free in California, and can be a lifesaver for all involved!

[DianeG5385]

25. I think you need to do this before it

escalates to physical abuse.

[AlFrankenFan]

30. she;s always saying the regional center doesn't do anything hehehe

it hasn't done much for us...i wonder if there is anything else we can get from them

[nadinbrzezinski]

32. Ok there are specific things that you must do

one of them is to stay on top of them

Also contact other services, lay services, if you are members of a church (they sometimes helpP try to get help, Jewish Family Services. they may be able to help in some way.

Even having somebody giving your mother a break for a couple hours during the week will make a world of difference. Find about a support group, I know San Diego has them. Even an online support group will help

YOU are not alone, and neither is your mother honey... if I may take the liberty of calling you honey. This is a very tough situation, but if you find the help, it will make a world of difference

[tjdee]

34. what about Easter Seals or a day program?

I know Easter Seals does a great deal of community work with people who have developmental disabilities...not sure what they offer in your area though... are there any other day programs?

If your mom gets a break sometimes, she may not feel so stressed?

[bratcatinok]

37. I wish I could reach out and give you a big hug.

I also hope things smooth out some when your stepfather gets home.

Your Mom is under alot of stress and I'm pretty sure she didn't mean any of the hateful things she was saying when she was having her meltdown.

I'm not condoning your Mom's actions. I would like to explain a little what it's like to be an adult and to feel all alone. Your Mom feels abandoned by your stepdad because he's not there. Also your Mom is very frustrated because there are times she doesn't know how to help your sister. Frustration and feeling abandoned can lead to people lashing out and saying things they don't really mean. It can also lead them into acting in ways they'd never think of acting under normal circumstances.

It's unfair you had to experience being afraid of your Mom. It sounds as if you're having to grow up too quickly because of the situation at home. Are you in school? If so, is there a school counselor you can trust and talk to? I'm not in any way suggesting you rat your Mom out because I think she needs help. I think you need some support too because you're living in a difficult situation.

This website might be of help. There may be a chapter near you.
http://www.autism-society.org/site/PageServer

[NC_Nurse]

27. I grew up with an autistic brother and an

alcoholic mother. I know how bad it can be. If you feel you are in danger, call 911. It sounds like you and your family need some help. When things calm down maybe you can talk to your mother/father/stepdad or whoever is the closest to you about getting some.
Although it's true that your sister will never have the chance to be normal, it's also true that you have the right to be safe and have a sane household. Guilt trips don't help anyone.

[NC_Nurse]

33. Another suggestion:

there is a book called "the Normal One" you might want to think about getting. It's for siblings of autistic/mentally ill/ or otherwise dysfunctional siblings. There is a website too...I think it's www.thenormalone.com.
I found it helpful for dealing with the emotional cost of that kind of family trauma.
Also helpful for parents of children with these types of problems who want to help the "normal"siblings deal with it and foster healthy relationships with them.

[Indiana_Dem]

38. Oh wow. I grew up with an alcoholic mom and ADD step-brother.

He also went into a period of what they diagnosed as "schizophrenia" at age 18 but he hasn't been on any meds since then and he's 32 now. I think he was just emotionally neglected. Never said more than one word sentences until he was on the medication for schizophrenia. Even now that he's off of them, we can't shut him up now! He's a little introverted, kind of a loner-type but holds a job well and likes to socialize when he shops for things. He's always liked people but people never liked him because of the way he acted. The school diagnosed him with ADD in kindergarten, then by middle school they did testing and said he was borderline mentally retarded and placed him in Special Ed. They said he would either get all As in Special Ed or Ds and Fs in regular classes. My mom opted for Special Ed but now wishes she didn't. She thinks he could've done it although not with straight As. Her being an alcoholic and centering herself around her husbands and emotionally neglecting us didn't help.

I also became a nurse! Thanks for the book reference! I always felt like I was the only "normal" person in my immediate family who tried to hold it all together sometimes. The little adult.

[NC_Nurse]

39. I was glad to read this book

and find out I wasn't alone and that the feelings I had about my brother were normal. I can totally relate to "the little adult" role. Sucks, doesn't it?
Doesn't surprise me at all that you're a nurse too. Caregiving has been a way of life for me, gotta use ma' mad skills!

[medeak]

36. understand

here's support group for autism.... http://autfriends.autistics.org/webring.html

best friend for 30 years has been dealing with schizophrenic brother..it's very hard.

find support group....they are out there! (((hugs)))