I just got done defending my mission statement. Ask me anything.

[eyesroll]

I will go first with, "Why haven't you killed someone yet, Stacie?" and answer with, "the day is still young."

[pagerbear]

1. Hmmmmm......what would Pagerbear's mission statement be?

[eyesroll]

3. Pagerbear strives for excellence in delivering just-in-time satisfaction

to customers both internal and external.

On edit: OK, that was obnoxious, even for me. Sorry bout that.

[pagerbear]

22. No, it's a good mission statement

[eyesroll]

24. Well, OK then.

Enjoy delivering that satisfaction...

[StopTheMorans]

2. what is your mission statement?

[eyesroll]

5. Managerial gibberish.

It's everyone else's mission statement really.

[StopTheMorans]

9. i assume you're referencing the "corporate-speak"

which we all hold so dear? i can't talk anymore though; i've got to run; i've got a 4:15 and i can't afford to be late because i've already dropped the ball on this account.

best regards!

[eyesroll]

10. Indeed.

The word "paradigm" doesn't appear. That's something.

[Xipe Totec]

4. Why Are You Behind Schedule?

And what are you going to do to catch up?

If you are on schedule, why did you set your goals so low? Are you sandbagging?

Please submit a rotating schedule of overtime for the next six months.

;(

[eyesroll]

7. 1. I am behind schedule because I post here.

2. Sheer force of will.
3. I'm salaried exempt, so they've got me by the balls anyway. So to speak, as I am female.

[Beware the Beast Man]

11. You have balls?

Hmmm....:shrug:

[eyesroll]

13. "So to speak."

Are we having trouble with metaphor today, Beast Man?

[Xipe Totec]

15. Welcome, Brother!

So to speak.

There will always be room for you in my slave galley!

Ramming Speed! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!

:evilgrin:

[pmbryant]

6. What is the purpose of mission statements?

That's one I've always wanted to know.

Peter

[eyesroll]

8. To placate the CEO, who wanted one.

:shrug:

[pmbryant]

17. Do I get a followup?

If so, what would the CEO say if you asked him/her?

Or is the answer "because I said so"?

:shrug:

Peter

[eyesroll]

18. I'm pretty sure it's because he said so.

I asked my boss why, and my boss said because the CEO wanted one. I didn't bother to press.

[pmbryant]

21. Probably for the best

Some senior management types have a thing about being questioned.

:eyes:

Peter

[Beer Snob-50]

12. my mission statement is to go where no man has gone before

and search for klingons (with charmin of course).

[Wickerman]

14. Are you TRULY customer oriented?

or you do just say that to make it look like you are a team player?

[eyesroll]

16. I'm somehow oriented.

Not sure where.

[GOPisEvil]

20. I am paycheck oriented.

Thus, I am willing to do whatever it takes (within the law and bounds of common decency of course) to ensure that I continue to receive one. :-)

[TlalocW]

19. What I want to know

Is did you dialogue with your fellow resources about synergizing new paradigms to better enable you to enhance your connectivity as well as connect your enhancements maximizing your impact on the community-based e-village?

And did you do it aggressively?

TlalocW

[eyesroll]

23. Oh, shit! Mr. CEO! You're a DUer?

I wouldn't have expected that, being that you totally Republicaned up my mission statement.

("We want to send the message to our readers that our magazine will help them make money. That's the bottom line, Stacie...I know you're on some kind of political kick, and you feel bad that there are people doing hard work for minimum wage, and you can have some of that, too...but remember, it's the peoply who pay minimum wage who you're writing for.")

[TlalocW]

26. No, I'm a programmer

(At least when the economy is better)

We programmers would always mock the corporate speak - sometimes right back to our managers (who more often than not didn't know they were being mocked).

Dilbert came up with the idea of Buzzword Bingo, where your bingo cards is filled with words like "pro-active," "synergy," etc. I wrote a simple web app to create random Buzzword Bingo cards that you could print out... then put it on the network for everyone to use whenever they had a meeting to go to. :)

Why don't I have a programming job anymore? :/

TlalocW

[redqueen]

25. Have you optimized your targets for the next six quarters?

If not, why?

If you have, have you done a QoQ and YoY analysis of your achievements vs. targets for the past six quarters?

Do you have to do a self-evaluation as well?

[eyesroll]

27. The self-evaluation comes in December.

I have not optimized anything. I think I got lobotomized, though.