Anyone ever spend Christmas alone?

[Samurai_Writer]

Hi all,

This year is the first that I am going to be spending Christmas completely alone. I usually go visit family but could not afford it this year. I was planning on going to my boyfriend's family's house, but we broke up yesterday.

So my question is -- what do you do when you're alone on Christmas, so as not to be depressed about it? I just spent my birthday alone yesterday, and the thought of being alone on Christmas (and New Year's) after having had plans I was really looking forward to, is really bumming me out.

[DeposeTheBoyKing]

1. I've been alone on Christmas several times

I remember one time particularly. I turned off the lights, turned on my Christmas tree lights, put on some Christmas music and had a glass of wine. It was rather nice, actually.

I'm sorry about your breakup. Any chance of reconciliation?

[Samurai_Writer]

3. No, no chance...

... it was my decision to break it off due to the fact I was not allowed to have an opinion about anything around him. Still kinda bummed though. Thought it was going to be different and actually last a while (it was short-term).

[obreaslan]

2. Sorry to hear that.

It sucks to spend the holidays alone. I'd invite you to our house for Xmas dinner, but I assume from your name you are in FL. NJ is pretty far.

Sorry. :(

[Tafiti]

4. This is also my first Christmas (pretty much) alone.

I decided I'm going to help out at an urban ministry/food & home shelter on Christmas Day.

I figured I'm in much better circumstances than a lot of people, and would sort of give me a reality check. Your problems, I would guess, will seem inconsequential and trivial after seeing how some people are forced to live. At least it would for me...

[Samurai_Writer]

12. That is a great idea!

Hopefully I will be well enough by then to do that. I don't want to give anyone else my cold/flu.

[SharonAnn]

5. Yes, I spent the day once with Christmas tree and music, reading

and listening to music. I went to church in the AM, then breakfast (can't remember where but I think it was Denny's), and then came home and spent the day.

It turned out to be a wonderful day. It felt like I'd kind of carved out a day just for myself, no obligations, no expectations from others, no chores that I felt I "had" to take care of.

[demnan]

6. You don't have any other single friends?

I'm sure you know someone who would love to see a movie and have a nice dinner with you on Christmas Day.

[Samurai_Writer]

8. No I don't...

I don't know anyone here besides my coworkers, and I really would not want to spend Christmas with them. Five days a week is enough.

I moved here 3 years ago and haven't made any friends yet in this ultra conservative hellhole. Heck, the guy I broke up with lives 2 hours away.

[jonnyblitz]

7. I try to spend it alone every year if possible

I (((((DETEST)))) christmas with a passion and usually have a very enjoyable quiet day if I don't have to deal with it. I have no need to celebrate the birthday of christ if I am not a christian and I don't feel the need to conform and celebrate just because "everybody else does".

[Samurai_Writer]

9. I'm not a christian either...

but I do like having a 'family holiday' to spend with loved ones. I don't really 'celebrate' christmas but I do enjoy spending the time off with people I care about.

[Nicholas D Wolfwood]

11. well bah humbug to you too!

I'm not a Christian either, but any day that can get people to actually treat each other like humans for a month is worth celebrating in my book.

Even if it is "mainstream".

[sbj405]

24. I'm with you jonnyblitz

My bf wanted me to go to his family affair (some 20+ people). I can't imagine anything worse. I am staying put for the weekend. Just me and the dogs. I am actually really looking forward to it.

[Mika]

10. Go volunteer at a charity that serves a holiday meal

There is no more rewarding task. It takes you out of any funk.

If you can, cook something to offer up (and its relatively cheap to do so).

I've done it several times, and was most therapeutic the first xmas after my wife died in 1991.

It puts your feet back on the ground.


Keep your chin up. :hug:

[kedrys]

13. Sorry about your breakup...

...but this may be a golden chance for you to catch up on some blessed freakin' quiet. Make space inside your head, and fill it with good books, good music, whatever strikes your fancy, and breathe.

Hang in there. :hug:

[Lydia Leftcoast]

14. Only once, and that was in 1999

I was scheduled to sing at my church's Christmas Eve service and then fly to Minneapolis on Christmas Day morning to join the family celebration, but on December 23, I came down with one of the worst cases of flu I've ever had. I cancelled my plans and spent all day Christmas Eve and Christmas Day lying in bed, drifting in and out of consciousness while listening to the radio--King's College Choir, the Metropolitan Opera's presentation of The Marriage of Figaro, and countless reiterations of We Wish You A Merry Christmas through the night.

That 48 hours goes into the record books as the worst Christmas of my life.

[cleofus1]

15. I know it's not the same...

But you always have friends on line. You're a beautiful lady and you just need to get out and about...Like so many other beautiful woman...it's just a mattter of time before you meet mr. right...the odds are on your side!

[Samurai_Writer]

17. Awww..... thanks!

For the very kind words! I appreciate it!

[Champ]

16. I didn't even celebrate it last year

My close family agreed to exchange gifts on Super Bowl Sunday because of a tight financial situation, including this year. It just seemed like a regular day, you could've filmed the entire day and not tell the difference between that day or June 25th.

But like you I was looking foward to spending the day with my SO and New Year's, I looked at it as an opportunity to grow closer but we grew farther apart and like you dealt with a breakup on a birthday. Hang in there though, try to enjoy yourself during that time and I will try too. Though I'm sorry this has happened, I've been bummed out about the winter holiday season as well.

[havocmom]

18. Christmas alone can be a whole lot better than trying to fit in with

a crowd when you are not so very merry. Yep, good music, good book, good wine can be great. Time to just be and be good to your heart has rewards. Time really thinking about what you want, what you need and what blessings you receive all through the year can do wonders.

I found being in a room with a bunch of others can be very sad when they are trying so hard to make me feel OK and I just don't feel that way. Sometimes it is better to be alone than lonely in a crowd.

The Jeff Bridges movie Fearless has one of the most instructive scenes for dealing with Christmas when your world is not going well. I recommend it highly. Made a huge impact on how I got out of a very serious, life threatening depression. Made it seem OK to not be part of the maddening crowd for a period of time.

Have yourself a quiet little christmas. ;)

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

19. Could you describe that scene for us? I don't think I remember this movie?

Preety pleez?

[havocmom]

21. Bridges' character is trying to help the other crash survivor who lost her

infant son and blamed herself. They went to a mall and did people watching, knowing they just won't fit in with all that is going on. It morphs into it being OK, like they are ghosts that the others cannot see. They buy a present for the dead infant. They shop for other dead loved ones, because it just doesn't matter, since they feel not alive in the same way as others. Then you get the feeling that they are actually MORE alive; they are aware and not just following the herd.

It is OK to be aware of pain and not follow the herd. Is is OK to step back and observe, but not get lost in the feelings you are supposed to have at a culturally decided upon time. It is OK to be out of step. Actually, it can be a very peaceful blessing. It can help us to learn to really see more and make different, more personal, choices about what is important.

It is OK to be sad when everyone else appears to be happy. To be sad and to recognize that fact is a great gift. Easier to own your own feelings when you are sure they are yours and not just some contagion from expectations and habits.

I learned so much from that movie. And I accepted walking as a ghost for a long time. It gave my heart time to rest and then heal. It gave my soul time to listen only to its own questions and to resonate possible answers within my being. I came out of it more 'me' than I had ever been. Made me more comfortable with myself and as good a friend to myself as I always try to be to my other friends.

Watch the movie. Eat a strawberry ;)

have a merry little christmas

peace

[sinkingfeeling]

20. I spend most Christmases alone and it's never been a problem.

I take it as a 'day off' and usually go out to dine!

[sbj405]

22. Yep. Have before and will be this year.

Can I count on company in the Lounge? ;-) It's not so bad. One year I went to a theater cafe that was showing Jewish films and had Matzo Ball soup. Mostly I like the peace and quiet.

[XNASA]

23. When I was a sailor, I spent Christmas Day alone in Italy.......

In Bari, Italy.

It didn't bother me. I was young.

[Lavender Brown]

25. I won't be alone, but I'll feel alone

It sucks. Hang in there, RadFemFL :pals:

[flamingyouth]

26. I will this year

I think I'm going to go out and find the one restaurant that's open, and see a movie. :hi:

[Spyro]

27. Volunteer!

I spent a few Christmas's alone. At one point, I spent Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year's and my birthday alone all in a row.

For Christmas, the best suggestion I can offer is to volunteer somewhere, at a shelter or something like that. Serve food to the homeless and you'll forget all about being alone. The gratitude and the genuine fellowship you get can almost be better than a traditional Christmas with the family.

Or you can always rent some silly movies and get rip-roaring drunk... :D

[ernstbass]

28. Planning is the key to being alone on holidays

Rent some videos you will enjoy and get yourself some good munchies or make a special meal for yourself. Treat yourself to a good book or CD you've been wanting. I'll be online Christmas Day - sorry you are not closer to Virginia - you would be welcome. And remember, good movies come out in the theatre Christmas Day.

[dean_dem]

29. Realize that its just another day....

...and that by getting upset about it you're just making yourself a pawn of the same people that make us feel guilty for not going out on dates for Valentine's and not stuffing our faces on Thanksgiving.
Really, it sounds cliched, but its true. Its just another Saturday. Enjoy the alone time, and realize you'll be able to visit your family another time.

[Nicole]

30. I spent Christmas alone last year

I went to the nursing home in the afternoon & visited with some residents who had no visitors that day.

Their stories about Christmas during the depression years & during WWII
really put things in perspective for me. While I was alone last year, I was still very fortunate.

I am not going to be alone this year however I still plan to make time during the afternoon to stop by the nursing home. I feel I got more out of that visit than I gave.

[Gothic Sponge]

31. I will be alone too.

[enigmatic]

32. Yep!

Before I met my wife I used to spend Xmas alone every year; most times I would go camping out in the desert and do my own little visionquest. Xmas day to me the was a quiet, reflective day; now that I have a family (wife, cat), it's become a more traditional, cocooning day for me.

[maveric]

33. The past seven. My kids go with the ex to her family's celebrations.

My family is in Boston and San Jose (I'm in San Diego). The same goes for Thanksgiving and 4th of July(They all go to the Padres game w/fireworks).

I cant wait for these holidays to be over. It so damn depressing to me. When I was married for those 18 years, Xmas was a special time when the whole family decorated and celbrated. There were big dinners where we would all contribute and it was very special to me to see my kids so happy.

Now I sit here on DU, or work during the holidays.

[Cheswick2.0]

35. find someone else who is alone

or go be with a crowd. Go to a movie or something.

Just because your relatives aren't close doesn't mean you don't have a right to half of the holidays. Why don't you and your ex take turns?.... or are you affraid that you can't give them enough of a celebration?

I am really sorry. I have been divorced 11 years and it is very difficult. I know how you feel, I have been there.

[maveric]

36. The kids live with me, have for 7 years.

She claims that because I see them (and pay for them and be there for them), all the time and its only fair that she gets them on holidays. Plus its in the divorce settlement.
BTW, did I tell you that she lives across the street from me?

[MISSDem]

34. I've spent Christmas alone lots of times and will probably

do so this year. I just do whatever I want and enjoy the day. Get up whenever I want, lesurely drink coffee and read the newspaper. Then do whatever, watch movies, write in my journal, go and walk with the dogs. Enjoy the solitude. Pray and meditate.

[Lisa]

37. lots of times ...

In fact, I haven't spent Christmas with my folks for more than 10 years now. I have a job which gets extremely busy in December and January, and I just can't take time off to travel cross-country. In our family there are a number of people who are in a similar situation (e.g. my uncle and cousin who are often doing shifts at hospitals or clinics) so the attitude was always that it was an honor to be trusted to "hold down the fort".

Sometimes I'm invited for a holiday dinner at a friend's place. One of my co-workers collects people for an "orphans' supper", and her husband does the cooking -- he's actually a Muslim, but likes planning Christmas parties because they remind him of the big celebrations his family used to throw back home!

Now that I'm getting older, many of the people I knew in college and grad school who'd be in the "orphans" category have started their own families, and I don't feel comfortable butting into their own holiday celebrations (they've said they'd be glad to have me, but if they are already busy seeing to tons of relatives, I think it would be more of a hassle for them).


Very sorry to hear about your breakup, RadFemFl. Several years ago I was having a long-distance relationship with a guy in the Bay Area, and went down there for Christmas at his invitation, only to find another woman's stuff was all over his house -- he'd had a fling with her in November and had decided that he would use the holidays to decide which of us he wanted to propose to. (No kidding.) This was probably the worst holiday season I've ever experienced. It kind of ruined Christmas for me (and my birthday as well), and ever since then I haven't been as sentimental/nostalgic about the holidays as I used to be. (So I'm not too depressed at the thought of working all the way through to January -- I just celebrate other times of the year instead.)

On the upside, I can tell you that it DOES get better. This Christmas probably won't be as much fun as previous years, but at least you'll have a story to tell.

Here are some suggestions which might help:

1) Look around to see if there are any charities which need volunteers (e.g. holiday suppers at shelters for the homeless, or food banks). You'll meet lots of people -- you'll probably be so busy it'll take your mind off whats-his-name -- and you'll be appreciated, for sure.

2) See if any of your friends in the area are in a similar predicament, and set up an "orphans' dinner" of your own. (It also means that you can partition out the leftovers so nobody's stuck with a turkey they cooked out of sheer habit.)

3) Assemble a gift basket (doesn't have to be fancy or expensive, maybe some fruit or baked goods) and take it to the local hospital's emergency room or a local fire station on Christmas Eve -- there will be people there who are working late just in case somebody accidentally knocks the tree into the fireplace, or picks up the carving knife by the wrong end -- and it will cheer them up to see someone show up who isn't in dire need of medical attention.

4) It may sound perverse, but enjoy the solitude. Christmas is a beautiful time of year. Dark nights with shining colored lights, snow (depending on where you are) -- and now it's all yours, without arguments or wondering what his family thinks of you, or what your family thinks of him. The holidays can be very stressful, and while going through a breakup can be depressing and disappointing, at least there are some things that you won't have to worry about.


So hang in there. I imagine that there will be a group of people on DU who are missing their families, and you'll probably have plenty of company if you log in during the holidays.