The worst euphemism for being fired

[FlashHarry]

I heard one today that made me want to puke. A person at work today referred to a guy that no longer worked there because his job had been optimized. "Optimized?"

And I thought "right-sized" was the most obscene twisting of the English language.

"C'mon in here, Bob. We need to talk. You see... you've been optimized."

"Optimized? Cool! That must be good, 'cause 'optimize' is a positive word! What's that? You mean I don't have a job anymore? How the f*ck is that an optimization?"

[section321]

1. RIFed

Reduction In Force.

[Tom Yossarian Joad]

2. Happened to me today:

"You really helped us through a rough time. Let me know if you get in a bind and I might be able to get you a day or two work to give you some pocket money."

I wanna barf. I'm getting drunk.

[FlashHarry]

3. Man, I'm sooo sorry.

Drink up. You'll find another job. :beer:

[SOteric]

6. Geez, that 's cold.

Did they at least give 2 weeks notice, or was that not a consideration in this instance?

[Rhiannon12866]

22. But why would this happen to you? You are so very bright...

I had the same reaction that you did. It didn't help, I promise you.:-(

It happened to me after I gave 110% for going on 16 years. I kid you not. I was ``terminated,'' though Arnold was not even in the picture...:-(

[Ilsa]

4. I've been RIF'ed.

I also hate "Laid-off". I think laid refers to being screwed.

[Nikia]

5. Terminated

That happened to me at a grocery store I worked at because I could not work all of my shifts after I moved in with my dad. I felt like I had been killed.

[smirkymonkey]

31. That is the worst!!

It really sounds threatening and evil. I sometimes wonder if they use these words on purpose - to make people feel less than human, or disposable.

That if you are not an entity in the mind of the company, you don't really exist at all - "you are dead to them" - therefore, terminated.

[BlueJazz]

7. When I was laid-off they......

...told me I was "severed"

[Ignis]

8. I've been 'let go' before.

Makes me feel a bit like Dubya's dog...

[WannaJumpMyScooter]

9. I was "made redundant" once. I thought that was funny

[Jim Sagle]

10. I overheard this once when a nearby co-worker got a phone call

asking to speak to another co-worker: "He transitioned."

[NJCher]

11. "went into the light"

While funny in a sick sort of way, it implies there is no life after working at that place.


Cher

[cosmicdot]

12. try to make use of this terminology on future job applications

reason left: optimization

((I loathe corporate amerikkka))

[jiacinto]

13. Your contract was not renewed

nt

[Seneca]

14. outsourced

eom

[BiggJawn]

15. "Free to find NEW Cheez!"

The facillitator at our "Cheez Lessons" could not get it through her thick empty-of-everything-but-buzzwords skull WHY I had such hostility to the whole fucking "Cheez" thing...

"Don't you GET it? the whole damn thing is a alegory designed to let middle-managers feel good about themselves when cutting people loose into this shitty Enronomy."Finding new Cheez' is a metaphor for being out of work and pounding the pavement, dontcha get it?"

"No, you have it all wrong. It's about being open to new challenges and thinking outside of the box..."

"S'yeah, What-EH-Vah...Getting 'RIF'd' WOULD be a new 'challenge', wouldn't it?" ...

Then everyone else in the class said "I think John is right..."

Total bedlam!

[MiddleRiverRefugee]

27. I wish someone would re-write "Who Moved my Cheese" as...

"Who Moved my S**T?"
That's really what its all about.

[smirkymonkey]

32. Didn't some comedian

rewrite that book as "fill-in-the-blank" I forgot the title and the author. Lame, I know, but I love anything that makes fun of corporate america.

My ex-boss gave me a copy shortly before I was "laid-off" - of course I saw it coming (a month after 9/11, I was working in lower NYC) and it was one of the best things that ever happened to me.

You know what else that office had?? Those "inspiration" posters with sunsets and shit. They are so insulting!! There was a website called disgruntled.com, but they are no longer active. They had all these hysterical imitations of the above mentioned posters. I wish I could still find them.

[BiggJawn]

34. They are now at despair.com...

And have you seen that sigline here that goes like:

"Pictures of nice sunsets and thoughtful sayings mean nothing to people who are treated like Shit..."

"In the Race of Life, 98% of the runners are losers.
Odds are, you're one of Them."

[Section_43]

16. "Unfortunately,

you fall into phase two of our restructuring plan."

gimme a fuckin' break!

nearly 9 months now, no work.

I worked there for 6 years.

left the union (like an idiot) and entered mgmt. (like an idiot) - shit canned 14 months later.

moral?

UnionUnionUnion...if you can help it, don't leave the Union.

[rppper]

24. funny you should say sh@t-canned......

thats what one of my chiefs told me when i was "turned loose" from the navy

[WilliamPitt]

17. I've always loved 'sacked'

[BigMcLargehuge]

18. "walking papers"

we're giving you your "walking papers"...

as if someone was WAITING FOR PERMISSION to leave...

Puh-leeze.

P.S. If I never hear that freaking cheese moving analogy again it'll be too damn soon. The author of that book should be flogged.

[MI Cherie]

19. Downsized . . .

. . . Early retirement

[VOX]

20. "Right-sized." Seriously, I have heard this.

Not to my face, fortunately.

[HEyHEY]

21. My fav

Statement: "I got fired cause managment was restructering"

Response: "yeah restructuring thenmselves outta retards"

Good Will Hunting

[DoveTurnedHawk]

23. "You're a Synergy That Needs To Be Realized"

Dotcom doublespeak. :-)

DTH

[emad]

25. Re opportunitised....

..to the employment exchange

[WoodrowFan]

26. Opportunity to spend more time with family. (nt)

[bif]

28. "Smart-sized"

Is probably the worst. In England, I believe they use the term "made redundant", which I think is pretty goood.

[DemNoir]

29. A local Insurance company once used the phrase

"promoted out"

[FlashHarry]

35. Bwahahahahahaha!

The cheek!

[Japhy_Ryder]

30. Economies of scale

I had a friend laid off so that the organization could "Better take advantage of economies of scale". Clearly the asses in charge had zero idea what that term actually means, as they did not actually farm her job out to SE Asia.

[Braden]

33. I was "asked for my resignation" once

I told him to F*** off he would have to fire me. He did, and I have been doing great ever since.

I took my client list and started my own company. Its not always the worst thing that can happen. I wouldnt like to go through it again.

Calling it something else makes the one doing the firing a complete coward.