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T’was the night before Christmas and all through the Lounge Copycat Kleeb threads were making the rounds The gungeon and GD had called for a truce And everyone felt pretty laid back and loose Our Du’er stockings were hung up with pins And waiting for Santa were cookies and gin And the lights from our monitors twinkled like stars As Matcom continued to post the bizarre
When up sprang a post by a name no one knew It was from “SJ Claus” and was he in a stew “I set out this evening” his message began “With 42 elves and an old Chevy van. I can’t use the sleigh any more ‘cos it’s small There are too many people to see, after all. My journey through Canada went kind of slow The people are great but the van’s bad in snow Then I moved on to Europe and Russia and then Thought I’d take care of the people in Afghanistan
I headed for Kabul and that was all right But when I hit the outskirts, oy vay! What a night! Guys with Kalashnikovs shooting at me And the US Marines checking papers, you see All mine were in order but the elves’ were a mess (They’re sloppy with paperwork but with toys they’re the best) So I got stuck at checkpoints, which slowed me right down (Though I managed to pick up some Afghani Brown) That made me late for my trip to Iraq So I had to drive faster and it was pitch black.
I got into Baghdad at quarter to three And traded the van for a soft top Humvee That worked out much better for me and my crew And we buzzed around Iraq and finally got through But Christ! What a mess it was all over there All blown up to shit and damn Bush doesn’t care! Half of the people I had gifts for were dead A bunch were in prison, a lot were unfed And a lot of the soldiers were due to be home Instead they’re in danger, their families alone
So I came here to DU on my way back up North (It was easy this year to do the U.S. of course. Half of the country got nothing but coal For proving that they have no brain and no soul By voting that moran back in for four years Fulfilling the rest of the world’s worst fears). I wanted to rest and to drop off your gifts I often lurk here ‘cos it gives me a lift.
So for Skinner and Earl G. and Elad and mods I leave you your gifts and my thanks and a nod For making a place where progressives can come When the rest of the country is acting so dumb And to all of the rest of you here at DU The ones that I know and the ones that are new Keep up the good work, keep on fighting the fight Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!”
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