Offer me some unsolicited advice

[johnnie]

Maybe I can use it. :shrug:

[chickenscratching]

1. a free lunch is never really free

[johnnie]

12. Not even if you are just sitting there

And someone gives you a turkey sandwich? And then they die in front of you?

[chickenscratching]

25. they were obviously doing it to evoke pity

so, it's not free anymore because attachment and emotion are placed on the sandwich/lunch.

[ScreamingMeemie]

2. Don't wear that shirt in public again.

It makes you look sallow. :hi:

[johnnie]

13. That's how I look anyway

But I will throw it away..thanks :)

[Bunny]

3. Wash behind your ears.

[johnnie]

19. Oooo

Good idea. Thanks :)
Should I wash in front of them too?

[Bunny]

27. No.

Just the back.

[Shell Beau]

74. Don't ask someone you don't know when they are expecting.

Made that mistake and she said "am I really that fat?" :hide: Insert foot in mouth!

[johnnie]

76. See post 67

That must have been embarrassing ..lol.

[Beware the Beast Man]

4. Don't eat the Ham Pocket.

A word of advice (and inside joke) from my college days.

[johnnie]

20. I will keep that in mind

If I ever go to college. Thanks!

[Debi]

5. Wear clean undergarments

in case you're in an accident!

[johnnie]

21. But what happens

If I have an accident in my undergarments? Maybe bring some extras?
Thank you. That's a good idea.

[Debi]

30. There are disposables!

Just a thought.

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

6. That's impossible. Whatever I say here, it's because you solicited it.

:crazy:

[johnnie]

24. Lol

So, you're saying that I shouldn't ask for something that I don't ask for?

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

33. Colorless green ideas sleep furiously.

(Kudos to whoever identifies the source)

[kick-ass-bob]

7. Make sure you hold onto the handle in the shower

while washing the bottom of your feet.

[johnnie]

26. I just do a handstand

But I bet your way is better. I'll give it a try.
Thanks!

[RedSpartan]

8. Never get involved in a land war in Asia.

[chickenscratching]

11. never go against a Sicilian when death is on the line

[johnnie]

29. Yeah

I lost last time I tried. Thanks for reminding me.

[Hobarticus]

9. Don't pull on Superman's cape, don't spit into the wind

Don't pull the mask off the old Lone Ranger, and don't mess around with Jim.

[johnnie]

31. Thank you

But Jim told me that over and over when I was just a wee lad. Thanks for the reminder though.. :hi:

[youthere]

50. Da doot diddy doot dee dot dee dot dee.

or something like that.

[Lavender Brown]

10. Get an seaweed facial.

It'll clean out your pores.

[johnnie]

34. OK..thanks

My poor pores need a pore cleaning. :hi:

[Worst Username Ever]

14. Once you ask for advice, it is no longer unsolicited.

:P

[johnnie]

36. Oh hell

It's just words. I pick and choose my definitions..lol.

[antigone382]

15. No one will buy the cow when they can get the drink for free!

You just remember that.

[johnnie]

37. I'll remember it

But I won't like it!
Thanks :)

[pscot]

16. It's crackers to slip a rozzer the dropsy in snide

Notary sojac.

[johnnie]

41. I got that same advice

In a fortune cookie once. Then I was hungry an hour later.

[skygazer]

17. Never take unsolicited advice

That's the best advice I can give you.

[johnnie]

42. That's almost the same as me asking for it

My brain is now going numb from thinking.

[crispini]

18. Buy low, sell high. nt

[johnnie]

45. So much wisdom

You must have really lived life! Thank you... I think I'm going to the store to buy some lows.

[Misunderestimator]

22. Don't ever.... ever... do this:

[Misunderestimator]

23. Also... never ride one of these upside down:

[johnnie]

46. Yikes!

Just think.. you could have saved some people the pain if they would have asked you about advice..like I did. Their loss.
But thanks! I won't be doing either one of those now. I just scratched them off of my "to do" list.

[CJCRANE]

28. You really should do something

about that _____ of yours.

[johnnie]

48. Oh..I have

My ________ won't be seeing _______ any time soon. Thank you!

[CJCRANE]

32. Stand tall

Keep your eye on the ball

Stick your chest out

And always carry a torch.

[johnnie]

49. That's a lot of stuff to remember

I'll just carry the torch. Well, a lighter.

[CJCRANE]

96. It may be easier to remember

if I tell that it's actually from a song (a sort of parody of a good ole boy's advice to his son):

"Remember always when I'm gone,
check your zip when you've been to the john,
stand tall,
keep your eye on the ball,
stick your chest out...
and always carry a torch!"

[mcscajun]

35. Never eat in a empty restaurant.

There's a REASON it's empty.

[johnnie]

53. Speaking of

I was going to go to one of my favorite pizza joints for lunch and when I called, I was told the dining room is closed for now. I was a little pissed..lol.
Anyway.... I will keep your advice for future use. Thank you :hi:

[jukes]

38. don't

because it WILL catch up some day.

[johnnie]

54. OK

That "it" always catches up. It's like it never goes away. Thanks!

[youthere]

39. Never fry bacon while you are naked.

[johnnie]

56. Ouch..yes, I know this one

Been there, done that. NOT a good idea. Now I just don't fry it, I eat it raw while naked.

[lady lib]

40. If your waiter hesitates even a second when you give your

order, ask if he or she has a different recommendation. Heck, they know what's going on in the kitchen.

[johnnie]

58. Oh, now that is a good one

I never thought of that. Thanks! :hi:

[lady lib]

60. Learned that one the hard way.

Blech.
:puke:

[uppityperson]

43. Don't look a gift horse in the mouth

a gift donkey you can do this to, but not a horse?

[youthere]

51. Good advice. The horses really hate that.

[GOPBasher]

44. But you just solicited it.

:shrug:

[johnnie]

59. Yes...

You caught me. :cry: I feel ashamed and embarrassed. Please forgive me for this...

[GOPBasher]

61. LOL :-) n/t

[Left Is Write]

47. Get a haircut and get a real job.

[johnnie]

62. Hey..

Isn't that a George Thorogood song?
I hate haircuts though...please don't make me...:(

[Left Is Write]

107. Yes, it is, and no, I won't.

:D

[Burma Jones]

52. Buy Low, Sell High

Keep on the sunny side
Let a smile be your umbrella and
Bring a Towel.

[johnnie]

63. Got it!

But, if I am smiling, and that is my umbrella..why would I need a towel?

[xultar]

55. SHOUT removes skidmarks...

:evilgrin:

[johnnie]

64. That's a bunch of crap!

I went through 15 cans of that stuff on my driveway, and there are still tire marks out there.
I'll try again though...thanks :)

[cruadin]

57. Plastic.

That's it, one word-----plastic.

[johnnie]

65. I'll remember that

Plastic..plastic..plastic...plastic. I think I got it. Thank you so much!
:hi:

[uppityperson]

66. Never touch a pregnant woman on the belly without asking

[johnnie]

67. Oooo I would never do that

I won't even ask a woman if she is pregnant. But I filed your advice away just in case. Thanks!

[uppityperson]

68. Big old belly sticking out, some people just gotta touch it. Don't.

Squeeze your toothpaste tube from the bottom

[last_texas_dem]

69. Everytime you point your finger

three more point back at you.

No word on which way the thumb points, though...

[johnnie]

71. Yup..

That's why I go around and point at people and say "You Rock!". Usually I point both fingers so I get 6 and they only get 2. LOL.

[flvegan]

70. Never vote Republican.

[johnnie]

72. Got it!

That should be a given. Unfortunately, some people aren't as wise as you and I.

[Book Lover]

73. Call your mom and dad. Right now.

If you're a teenager, try not washing your face with soap; instead, try steaming your face clean with a nice warm but not hot washcloth. Rinse and repeat several times until you feel the oil dissipated from your t-zone. Works well to soften up your beard before shaving or trimming also.

[johnnie]

77. I will call tonight

I'm not a teen, but your advice is good stuff..thank you :)

[Book Lover]

78. It's your avatar

that made me think of advice for teens. Sorry! :-)

[johnnie]

87. Yeah, that's understandable

I'm still young at heart though.:)

[CaliforniaPeggy]

75. Eat your vegetables; don't jaywalk, give blood now and then...

Stay in school!


:hi:

[johnnie]

79. Let's see

I love my veggies. I guess I jaywalk just a little too much:)
I have given blood, but not in a while.
I have been out of school for 22 years.
But that is some good advising :)

[CaliforniaPeggy]

86. I'm so happy to hear that you've already taken my advice!

I don't know why I thought you were college age, but I did! Please forgive me...


:hi:


:hug:

[johnnie]

91. Forgiven :)

That has happened to me a few times on DU..LOL. I wonder if that is good or bad. :shrug:

[mark414]

80. just say no

[johnnie]

81. Too late

:evilgrin:

[mark414]

82. so you finally figured out

what to do with that plant in your backyard then?

[johnnie]

84. LOL (My old copycat thread..you remembered!)

Well, to be honest..I haven't smoked that stuff in many a years. Actually, I think it was before the "just say no" campaign.

[Kazak]

83. Don't eat the yellow snow...

:shrug:

[johnnie]

85. I like ordering lemon snow cones

There is something funny about it. :)

[LaPera]

88. Stay out of debt!

[johnnie]

92. Oh too late

I wish I would have, but I went and bought me a house. Oh well, I stayed out of debt for 35 years.

[bertha katzenengel]

89. toss a blanket or burlap sack over the trap after the cat is safely inside

it'll help him/her calm down.

[johnnie]

93. You mean when I go cat hunting?

:shrug:

[bertha katzenengel]

95. well, if you were hunting

why would you care about calming it? ;)

When you're trapping ferals for trap-neuter-return.

[johnnie]

99. Oh Oh Oh

Yeah, Ok. I'll remember to do that :)

[bertha katzenengel]

100. well, you said "Unsolicited!"

I decided to make it vague, as well! :7

[AngryAmish]

90. Use the jointed Rapalas

Especially when the water temperture is high. Northerns love them.

[johnnie]

94. Next time I go fishing

I will try to remember to use them. Thanks :hi:

[TrogL]

97. check your zipper

[johnnie]

98. Done!

Thank you.. It was up, but better to be safe than exposed.

[dubyaD40web]

101. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.

oh....and Where's there's a Will, there's a lot of damn relatives.

[johnnie]

102. LOL

On both accounts.
Thanks :hi:

[ernstbass]

103. No good deed goes unpunished

[johnnie]

105. So

I will get punished for doing good deeds?
That doesn't sound good.

[mopinko]

104. .

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=105&topic_id=3165482&mesg_id=3165482

[johnnie]

106. Oh, I'm sorry

I don't think I will be marrying a man any time soon. But thank you for the advice. I will keep that and if I meet a woman, I'll be sure to check out her mother. :)