Poetry for the freshly tombstoned

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

Last night I dreamed up a little ditty to go with our little DU tombstones.

I thought it would be fun to open the project up to other creative DU'ers.


(BTW MODS..this is JUST FOR FUN, not a suggestion on policy change...OK??? )



Here lies the body
of a FREEPER TROLL
his mouth and his ass
used the same smelly hole.

:evilgrin:

OK...your turn. :D

[mac56]

1. Here lies a troll

A liberal-hater
Who tried to be
A master baiter.

[grannylib]

133. Hilarious, Mac56

[Droopy]

2. He went on and on

about how we were wrong
we all knew he was crazy
now he's pushing up daisies

[soleft]

3. here lie the remains of a sorry dittohead

leaned too far to the right, so we nuked him dead

[jus_the_facts]

4. LOL excellent....I love it.....

Freeper!! Freeper!!
Don't FEAR the REAPER!!!
You reaped what you sowed...
Now begone with your LOAD!! :freak:

:evilgrin:

[LynneSin]

10. Disruptor Haiku

<clears throat>

Ahem

You dumb Nasty Freep
Big Jerk thought we'd not see you
Banned, your ass is gone

[skip fox]

37. Some of these are fine! Like this one and the original posting.

A real sensitivity to the language.

:toast:

[mac56]

5. He tried to troll

But we were wiser
And now he serves as
Fertilizer.

[WilliamPitt]

6. Heh

There once was a Freeper named Buck
Whose disruptions surely did suck
When outed by 'lerts
Mod responses were curt
"Get lost, you Bush-humping fuck!"

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

7. ooh a limerick

[Rabrrrrrr]

78. ROTFL!!

I love that one!

I was gonna buy your new book tonight at the Al Franken signing, but dammit, couldn't find it B&N and was in a hurry to get in line so I'd be really close, so gave up looking for it.

But I will get it another time!

[Aristus]

8. Me, Me, Me!

Here lies a Freeper
He wasn't a keeper
This addle-brained twit
Spewed Republican shit

[AWD]

9. Dear Freepers...

Our policies are best
There is no other
If you don't like it
Go fuck your mother

[Hubert Flottz]

11. Here lies the truth because it NEVER came out of this fool!

:evilgrin:

[jus_the_facts]

12. Here lies a disruptor.....

...his disruptions were transparent and poor....
...too bad he had to be laid to rest..
...but he was rotten to the core! :evilgrin:

[Paragon]

13. I call "haiku"

Lonely freeper troll
They're the real "evildoers"
Buried in '04

[Duncan Grant]

14. Ode to Freep

Stealthily entered the freep,

and through our dear threads it did creep,

disrupting and rotten, logic forgotten --

now under a tombstone they sleep!
:evilgrin:

[mac56]

15. He sauntered in

To cause distress
And now the dirt
Is his address.

[trotsky]

16. LOL, easily the funniest thread I've seen in a LOOONG time.

NSMA, kudos to you for kicking it off.
mac56, you've almost made me have to change my underwear!

And now my lame-ass contribution:

Alas, I knew him not that well
This freeper troll who's gone to hell
He tried, but could not come between us
This lad who focused on Clinton's penis.

[mac56]

17. Thanks, trotsky -

When everybody's riffing like this, there's always lots of good ones.

[kmla]

18. For a change, here's a coffeehouse type poem for ya...

(kmla dons beret, takes a drag from his thin, European cigarette, and closes his eyes. Sitting cross-legged on the floor in black jeans and a black t-shirt, he adjusts his dark sunglasses. His stream of consciosness, non-rhyming poem sounds something like this...)

Yo, you who has not an open mind -
Get out! Out!
You are not wanted! Away. Away you go.

We have banished you from our site. Kicked you off.
"Off?" you ask.
YES! Off like a prom dress - off like so many flying monkeys into the night...

"Why? Am I not wanted?" asks the closed minded troll.
"And what is a moran?"

We answer first with silence. We then utter one single word that enlightens the low-intelligenced cretin.

"Mirror" we say in unison. 33,000 simultaneous voices that sound like a choir in the night. "Look in the mirror."

KMLA bows head, and basks in the glory of many snapping fingers. He then stand up, takes a bow, and walks off stage. His last thought prior to leaving the stage, "I'm too fuckin' old to sit in the lotus position for that damned long."

Howzzat?:hippie:

[Rabrrrrrr]

79. Fantastic!

That's so "beat", and I mean that as a compliment.

Well said!

man, amazing stuff in this thread.

MODS - SAVE THIS TRHEAD in perpetuity! This is one of the best threads I've ever come across, and should be preserved for all time, and not just buried in the archives.

[SOteric]

19. Heh Heh...

You argued with a dearth of fact,
Your speech, it was devoid of tact,
You rant and rail against the mods,
With everyone you were at odds,
You named my candidate a "Rethug Phony."

In spewing screed, it's much agreed,
You've come to plant a doubting seed
At behest of Lying Liars;
So I call you "Oscar Mayer."
-'Cause you're 'still the 1st name in baloney.'

[Rabrrrrrr]

80. SOteric, brilliant!

I thought, reading it, "this is good" but hit that last line, and I realized, "No, this is excellent!"

Well done!

And coming from a good cook like you, the insult of calling someone oscar mayer baloney, surely one of the worst POS foods ever created, worse by hundreds of miles than SPAM, is extra damning!

[blondeatlast]

118. Brilliant!

[mac56]

20. His wingnut posts

Aroused suspicion
And now he's used
As lawn nutrition.

[OKNancy]

32. Stop IT

LOL

I'm sore from laughing.

[kmla]

21. One, two, three...

...kick!

:kick:

[Mandate My Ass]

22. Troll eulogy #22

You came to DU
and recited some crap
you earned this tombstone
and an eternal dirt nap.

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

24. HAhAHAHAHAHA!

[Mandate My Ass]

25. I even look like I'm working....

Rush, Coulter, O'Reilly and Hannity
All have you under their spell
We have no patience for your insanity
Don't write us a postcard from hell.

:evilgrin:

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

23. All ya'll are too much fun

his short time on DU began
by asking us to define Moran
but now he's dead and now he's gone
cause he truly was a real moron!

[jus_the_facts]

27. yeah we're warped...twisted and hilarious......remember this thread?

.....I got SO carried away with this one...an oldie but a goodie...FLAMEBAIT IN THE NIGHT..EXCHANGING LANCES!! :D


http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_topic&forum=105&topic_id=69785

[jus_the_facts]

36. Jeepers....Creepers.....look at all the tombstoned FReepers......

....Jeepers....Creepers....FReepers....where'd ya hear those lies! :7

.......from poetry to musical...couldn't help m'self! :evilgrin:

[maxanne]

26. he pretended to be a Democrat

but he was a liar
now he swims
in the Lake of Fire!

[Hubert Flottz]

28. Here LIES a FReeper who voted for Bush;

And the madman's aganda his GOP pushed;
How he stood back and cheered as his country was trashed;
But he wept like a babe as his bank account crashed;
Then he died as he'd lived sitting dead on his tush!

[mac56]

29. His hateful words

Were quite intense
So he's become
Plant nutrients.

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

30. he ranted against liberals

on and on
so we had to spray him
with "freep-be-gone"

[maxanne]

31. the freeper came

full of bad wishes
now he's sleeping
with the fishes

[mac56]

33. He bashed us with

Insulting terms
So now he's snack food
For the worms.

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

35. Mac..you are making me pee!!

:thumbsup:

[noiretextatique]

34. an ode to former republican

former republican, your time here was brief
but in that short time, what havoc you wreaked!
to all who cared see, it was painfully clear
you moniker...alas!...was a tad premature
so imagine my delight, nay sheer, utter glee
when the mods sent your ass packing:
right back to the GOP!

:hi: good riddance!!!!

[blondeatlast]

119. FR--what a waste of cyberspace!

[noiretextatique]

131. dupe

nt

[noiretextatique]

132. indeed...and i fixed my ode

former republican, your time here was brief
but in that short time, what havoc you wreaked!
to all who cared see, it was painfully sure
you moniker...alas!...was a tad premature
the mods they did ban you, to our utter glee,
your name without "former" now fits to a tee!

not sure why i thought "clear" rhymed with "premature" :shrug:

[mac56]

38. Our point of view

He chose to batter
So now he's just
Organic matter.

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

39. OK

This sorry ass
freeper prick
had to blame it all
on Clinton's dick

In GD he spouted on
now he lives in cyber Forest Lawn

[jus_the_facts]

40. ...and now he lay here....

....put to sleep...back to FReepland...no doubt he creeped....you're banned now...so go back to your home....for we don't need your kind here....back...go back to FReepland and roam! :D

[Hubert Flottz]

41. Her lies a Freeper you all know the type;

So iggy his ass he can't even wipe;
He came here to trump up the pResident dud;
But the Mod nipped his shit right away in the bud;
I was glad that she did I grew tired of his tripe!

[Padraig18]

42. *clears throat*

From his assault
he thought we'd squirm;
but now he's just
food for a worm.

:evilgrin:

[SOteric]

43. The term

The term "moran"
he said we over-use,
Now he's wearing
Concrete over-shoes.

[kmla]

44. A lil' rhyming story...

The haughty freeper registers.
"Those DU-types! I think they're all sheeple"
But he's been banned. He does a dance.
The icky dance of the little rice people.

(kmla puts his beret back on, and skulks away.)

[blondeatlast]

120. OHMIGOURD! Make it stop--my side, my SIDE!

[SOteric]

45. He mocked (works best with a Boston accent)

He mocked and he sneered,
He was such a scoffer.
Now he's a neighbour
Of Jimmy Hoffa.

[Kathy in Cambridge]

47. I'll translate

He mocked and he sneey-ed,
He was such a scoffaah.
Now he's a neighbaah
Of Jimmy Hoffaah.

[SOteric]

49. *LOL*

That's great!

I have a friend from Boston whose name is 'Bob' and his wife's is 'Barb.' I swear when he introduces them, I can hear any difference.

[blondeatlast]

51. Perhaps Will Pitt can recite this at his next signing!

[sangh0]

46. Your innocent question

you just had to ask it
So we fitted you for
your DU casket

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

48. Another

Your rightwing posts
set off our Freep ALARM
so we all pitched in
and bought you a farm

[BurtWorm]

50. Is there a freeper graveyard

where all the tombstones are lined up nice and purdy, and seldom is heard a disruptive word?

PS: That ain't a poem, that's a question.

[geniph]

52. What a great thread!

You tried to use logic,
but found it too hard.
If you're gonna be a turd,
Go lie in the yard.

Like his idol Ann Coulter
He said, "liberals are traitors!"
Have you cerebral connections,
Or just gaping craters?

Bill Bennett has slots,
Rushie has drugs.
You have illogic,
I use salt on slugs.

[blondeatlast]

121. "I use salt on slugs." They aren't worthy of beer!

[jus_the_facts]

53. So what happened to you....were ya on the hooch....

......doesn't matter now...'cuz ya screwed the pooch!! :D

[Kamika]

54. That picture is sexist

"HE" disrupted poorly

So why is it always a "he" ? Clear discrimination

[trotsky]

75. Admins have explained this in the past.

It's from the 3rd Indiana Jones movie. About the Holy Grail. The bad dude picks out what he thinks is the grail, drinks from it, and dies. The knight who had been guarding the cups turns to Indy and says, "He chose.... poorly."

Thus the He.

Plus I can't imagine more than about 0.0000001% of the freeper invaders are women.

[Kamika]

77. heh

I was just playin' :)

[blondeatlast]

55. You like guns, okay,

With that we can deal.
But your love for B-R-ush
Gave our yak a great meal!

[SOteric]

56. And further...

You came to launch
your puerile 'insurrection.'
Now you're gone, and our Yak
Farts in your general direction.

[blondeatlast]

57. Al-Qaeda, Iraq are not one and the same.

And sorry, my friend, Bill C ain’t to blame.
Now that you’ve been tombstoned,
Why not blame Bush’s BRAIN?

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

58. Another

Your brain is shit
so is your post
your account is yanked
YOU ARE NOW TOAST!

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

59. More

we do not buy
the shit you sell
enjoy your life
in cyber hell

Your party is racist
your ideas, they stink
indeed you ARE
THE WEAKEST LINK!!!

[blondeatlast]

60. Coldly, firmly, gently stated:

"Good-bye!"

[noiretextatique]

111. LMAO...nsma...you're killing me!!!!

:thumbsup: this one is a keeper...LMAO :7

[maxanne]

61. you battered us

with right wing invective
now you're part of
the banned collective.

[Ellen Forradalom]

62. A Freeper troll

lies 'neath the clover
Leaned so far right
He fell right over

[Zomby Woof]

63. Tombstone Popcorn #12 & 35

They'll stone you when you're a freeper troll
They'll stone you when you're talkin' out yer hole
Oh, they'll stone you when you're postin' fascist hate
And they'll stone you when it's early or it's late
But DU would not be my home
If the freepers didn't get tombstoned!!!!

[Ellen Forradalom]

66. Oh, I would not feel so all alone

Every Freeper gets tombstoned! All right!

[noiretextatique]

88. mmmmmmmmmmmmm.....popcorn

:hi:

[Zomby Woof]

92. *crunch crunch*

*Mmmthanksmmm* :hi:

[Ellen Forradalom]

64. Here lies another

flying monkey
whose brain belonged to
Rush the junkie

[geniph]

65. Ode to "stealth freepers"

In order to disrupt,
you post items cretinous
We are not deceived
by the crap that you're feedin' us

"We'll register at DU
Run our post counts up way high
Then out ourselves as Freepers!"
Great plan there, guys. Buh-bye.

"Pretend to be horny teenagers,
them thar liberals will never get it."
We knew you from post one, dumbshit
Watch yer ass so the door doesn't hit it.

[geniph]

67. another

"Baby-killers! Fags!" you incessantly yell.
When we tire of hearing you screech
then you're banned; then you squall
"hey, what about my right to free speech?"

:nopity:

[Zomby Woof]

68. you are on a roll!

That ZombyCaffeine must get you fired up. ;-)

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

71. ROFL...all of them were masterpieces, Geni!

:thumbsup:

[Ellen Forradalom]

69. This right-wing fool

was Rush's tool.
He came here acting loud and punky
so we spanked this dittomonkey!

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

100. ROFL!

The pic is just icing on the cake!

[leftofthedial]

70. good riddance

Freeper freeper rest in peace
A little mod elbow grease
Has made one more Lounge conversation piece
Of a lame-ass freeper, now deceased

[mac56]

72. His bile and insults

Ruined our chat
So now he wears
A granite hat.

[maxanne]

73. this freeper proved

a cowardly knave,
he's spewing bile now
from his grave.

[proud patriot]

74. I wrote a poem ...It's pretty dark

POETIC EXTINCTION

desperate grasping , barely holding

unexplained convulsions of logic

Lashing out fierce screams of blame

thinking of survival Wailing Flailing

lying dealing death to surrvive

Screams , Pain , hate, agony , fear oh yes FEAR

Eating one's own, you know that kind of Fear

The fear of nightmares

Camouflage it , hide behind it , metamorph it

puffing plumage raising hackles loudly barking
changing colors

altering strategies smokescreens of stench

hungry predators, following the trail , searching

weakened hiding running Scared

hoping hoping predators circling

focussed dedicated hungry

backed into a corner

Cowering Sniveling Crying

The extinction of the republican party

[noiretextatique]

89. dark?! it's like a breath of fresh air

:toast: to the extinction of the republican party :hi:

[proud patriot]

90. Thanks noiretblu

I posted it in it's own thread and it got one
reply "Yipes" so since that's all the feedback
I got I thought it must of been dark LOL, the
metaphores being pretty stong worded and all ..

Coming from you I really appreciate the compliment
cause your poetry Is Amazing and great .

:hi:

[noiretextatique]

91. sorry i missed your thread...didn't know you wrote too

i liked your poem. i have been working (finally!) so i'm not on much these days. perhaps you will post in my next slam thread? coming soon...i can feel it :7

[proud patriot]

99. Perhaps , I'm creative sporadically though

:shrug:

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

93. Wow...we can dream can't we?

:D

[mac56]

76. We welcomed him

But he said "f*ck it"
So now we've helped him
Kick the bucket.

[blondeatlast]

81. For those fallen on the left:

You are right--
Indeed you're left,
But your invective
Had too much heft.

See you soon!

[Rabrrrrrr]

82. Why not just a simple appropriately hate-filled one?

Here's lies a disrupter.
A cloying little maggot-toothed filth-fucker.
Conservative to the core,
so much he couldn't find a coherent lens through which to think
if his palsied first-cousin wife tossed it to him
attached to a can of Miller Lite.
Fuck him. He disrupted poorly,
and now he is rightfully gone,
for we in the DU do not tolerate
those who choose to outsource their thinking
to others.
A warning this is -
in days of old, pirates' heads were mounted on poles in the harbor.
Our tombstones are the same.
Freepers, you offend us.
Freepers, you sicken us.
Your offal destroys the country we love.
Today, you have found your opportunity to die.
It is time for you to be born again into the human race.
You will not, for you are shit.
But we hope it.




on edit: had one typo.

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

84. Damn Rabrrr...if this were therapy, THAT would be a breakthrough!

:D

[Rabrrrrrr]

87. Thank you!

It was an inspired moment.

[blondeatlast]

122. It IS therapy!

[maxanne]

83. we say goodbye

to another troll
who thought right wing commentary
very droll

now we stick him in a hole!!

[maxanne]

85. another freeper

laid to rest
to piss us off
he did his best

he spewed bile
and vented wrath
he goes now to
the remedial clath

[noiretextatique]

86. LMAO...maxanne! you're on quite a roll

your poetic insults, quite a sight to behold :hi:

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

101. Yes Maxanne, you really deserve a medal for your participation

on this thread...sorry, I am fresh out of medals :evilgrin:

:thumbsup:

[maxanne]

135. thanks you

noiretblu and nsma!! This has been very fun.

[geniph]

94. An ode to bulk-purchased books

"Scandal" and "Treason"
"Bias" and those lame screeds of Rush's;
Go spew your shit elsewhere
Our toilet still flushes.

[Cheswick2.0]

95. Yay.... now we know you're really back NSMA!

This is a great thread!

Here is mine:

We do not like you freeper troll
As you can see we're on a roll
So kiss my ass, cause you ain't droll
And climb into your tombstone hole

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

98. smooch

[salmonhorse]

96. There once was a young freeper from Exeter,

All the old neo-cons through their sex at her...or him.
Until it were learned via push-poll;
That his/her one & only "virtue" if indeed that were 'its' role: to wax virtuous,
Dangled flacid regardless within mere inches of his...or her asshole.

:cry:

[Cheswick2.0]

97. Freep comes creeping in the night

it's face is such a sickning sight
it's mind is rot
it's breath is rank
we burried it before it stank

[RetroLounge]

102. Okay, I'll try one.

The Freeper disrupts, we all hit alert
in accordance with moderator wishes.
Before he can post, he finds out that he's toast
now the freeper he swims with da fishes.

[mac56]

103. We treated him

So kind and nice
But he was rude -
Now he's on ice.

[ScreamingMeemie]

104. Hmmm.. a book of poetry in the works by all you talented DUers

:hi: Very funny.

[noiretextatique]

105. here lies a disruptor

ashes to ashes
dust to dust
a freeper is history
is there any mystery? :shrug:
you disrupted poorly
and uncloaked just enough
now go whine and cry:
hey...that's too fucking tough!
i read your hatemail...
it's always such a bore
but earlg's responses
just kill you once more
so goodbye all you freepers
you're not all slick
may i now quote roseanne,
as i say: "suck DU dick" :hi:

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

106. You da bomb!!!

:hi:

[noiretextatique]

110. glad you got some rest

:loveya: you deserved it. i see you are back...and in top form! this thread is GREAT! a good way to release, considering all that's happening.

[blondeatlast]

123. Applause, applause!

[ScreamingMeemie]

107. Okay then, here I go...

It makes a long day,
sending freepers away,
But I do get my kicks,
figuring out all their tricks.

To put together a puzzle,
and afix a mod muzzle,
and at last go to bed,
when all freepers are dead.

;)

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

108. Aw...that's almost like a poem that tucks me in and makes me feel

my DU is safe while I sleep

I'm feeling all warm and fuzzy inside :D

[proud patriot]

109. LOL Good one

:thumbsup:

[noiretextatique]

112. LMAO...another good one!!! this entire thread is therapy

and i must say: i feel better after reading it and LMAO throughout. thanks to everyone. and MrsGrumpy: glad you're on vigil :thumbsup:

[blondeatlast]

124. As we all rush the stage to embrace Mrs. Grumpy!

Brava!

:toast:

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

113. It just CAN'T be over yet!

[SOteric]

114. Oh alright, - but go read that article.

He's so sure he holds the floor,
While indeed he's waxing chipper;
He's got pictures of Al Gore
With a nymphomanic stripper;

His logic is a snore,
In 5 minutes its a circle;
His charisma it would soar,
If weren't just like Erkel;

His rhetoric is nutty
'Cause it comes from Jerry Falwell;
No he'll never be our buddy,
And we 'stoned him strait to hell.

[Cheswick2.0]

115. kick for the day crew

A freeper lies stupid
here under the ground
it thought it was brilliant
.....but we didn't so we canned it's butt

[Booberdawg]

116. Okay, here goes

There once was a freeper from Nantucket
That claimed, “Whatever Clinton touched, he fucked it!”


And the freeper whined, “That asshole tried to steal the election! That Gore!”
He insisted he could prove it. *yawn* He was such a bore.


They think themselves so clever, simply debating a different point of view
But our mods quickly pull the lever, upon alerts of their stench – *sniff* peee-yeeww!


So it is with great pleasure, to our invaders of no class
I kindly invite you, to kiss my bare ass!

[ScreamingMeemie]

125. Heeheehee, I love the emoticons.

Very excellent!!:)

[Booberdawg]

127. I need the visual aids to mask the lack of artistic talent

[Nihil]

117. A couple for the morning ...

An undercover freeper
Has now been laid to rest
Not the first, not the last
And certainly not the best

----

This freeper was discovered,
his time had come to pass.
The tombstone was thus added
to shove it up his ass.

----

This person once upset a thread
the DU folks held dear
He even pissed the admins off
and ended up right here.

----


Nihil

[blondeatlast]

126. Bushie has Rover,

Rush has a buzz.
This freeper troll is
Fodder for moldy fuzz!

Freeper creeps in
On horny kid feet.
Now he is here
For the worms to eat.

To the tune of "Taps"

Freeper is done, gone the one
Who preached hate, who preached race, who preached guns,
Hell ain't well,
Restlessly rest,
Hell is nigh.

Here lies a Freeper,
Gone out of sight,
He didn't know left
Is always Right!

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

128. What talent we all display for the subject at hand!

[geniph]

129. Limerick time

There once was a freep from Seattle
Like most, all hat and no cattle
Quoted Rushbo and Ari
Quite incendiary
Till we here at DU got our paddle!

[mac56]

130. A feisty young freeper named Dan

Got tombstoned each time he began.
When asked why it was so
He replied, "I dunno -
I guess that I'm just a moran."

[grannylib]

134. Here lies the corpse of a Dittohead

He won't be mourned
We're glad he's dead

[maxanne]

136. ya gotta sing this one

to the tune of "Strangers in the Night

Freepers in the night
in right wing trances
wondering in the night
what were the chances
they'd be getting banned
before the night was through....:+