I hate music

[TrogL]

My big concert was last night and I still don't know how it went.

The conductor forgot to write out the music so I had to hand transcribe it from the full score during the rehearsal. I could barely see the conductor through the mirror because people were in the way and he was so far away he looked like an ant.

In rehearsal, everything went well except for the last piece (we got out of sync). The two conductors yelled praise and applauded.

The first piece went fine although I was so tense I almost threw up.

The second piece went fine, but I think I played a wrong note but probably got away with it.

The trouble started in the third piece. I missed the first note (probably too panicked to come in, or I couldn't see the downbeat - I have no idea). I missed a piston change in the transition from the loud part to the soft part so the first two notes were loud. Rest of the piece was fine except for possibly a wrong note or two (mistranscription??). I won't know until I hear the tape.

The last piece was the big problem. I had never been through it as actually performed. I didn't come in at the beginning at all because I was panicked, couldn't see the downbeat and wasn't absolutely certain that I was on the right piece as we'd skipped this part during the tech rehearsal. I came in on the second repeat, which I probably got away with. We got to the end of the piece and I was near full organ. The conductor kept right on conducting so I had to assume a hidden repeat so I bit my tongue and came in anyway. Problem was, I didn't know where to repeat back to, so I did the second ending instead of the first ending (but switched after the first note because I could hear the clash). Then did the second ending correctly but we still kept going so I dropped waaaaay back to a quiet registration while I figured out where the hell we were, but that turned out to be the end of the piece, so I had to go back to full organ for the last two chords.

It sounded messy and unprofessional to me but the conductor smiled and gestured at me (but he probably would have done that anyway) and other people said it sounded fine (but I don't trust them) but I sulked and cried all the way home anyway.

Today a co-worker told me she was at the concert and it sounded great, except that the organ could barely be heard over the band - which is insane because at least twice I was at full organ with three 32's on the pedal. The ground was shaking so much it was rattling the mirror so badly I could barely see. If so, the audience couldn't have heard the note mistakes because they got drowned out.

So now I don't know what to think. My sense of professionalism crings at the wrong notes, the missed piston change and getting lost, but the overall effect apparently worked - I got away with it.

Maybe I'm just too hard on myself.

[GOPisEvil]

1. We're often hardest on ourselves.

Maybe you should address the conductor with your concerns over your performance. It would show him (her?) that you are interested in continuous inprovement. Maybe you'll find out that you really were good after all.

For me, there are certain times when good enough just isn't good enough, so I know how you feel. But, you have to leave the past in the past, learn from it and move on.

[TrogL]

10. I wasn't the only one screwing up

a couple of soloists flubbed notes.

It's an amateur group (but damn good - I'd put them up against most orchestras) but I consider myself a professional so it hurts when I'm less than perfect.

The conductor will probably be fine with it. He was quite apologetic over the lack of music and rehearsal time.

[stopbush]

2. What were you playing (composition-wise)

and why weren't these issues addressed in rehearsal?

[TrogL]

8. set list

It was actually a long concert of military music but I only played four pieces.

• Psalm 23 - tune Crimond
  
• God Save the Queen - one verse ending full organ segueing to....
  
• O Canada - one verse ending full organ
  
• March - composed by the conductor
  

Basically, there was no time in rehearsal because there were lots of other problems to be addressed that were show-stoppers; missed cues, lighting problems, soloists couldn't hear properly, flag-bearers whacking each other in the head, people wandering around lost...the list goes on.

As far as I knew, I was OK other than having problems seeing so I didn't raise it as an issue and the conductor was satisfied with what (presumably, in afterthought, almost nothing) he could hear.

[MuseRider]

3. You only had one rehearsal?

Is this typical? I know how you feel. If our concerts go well but I feel I did not play well then it is always a bad concert to me. We are all too hard on ourselves. I do know that the groups I play with that rehearse only once before we perform are more informal so it is not quite as bad. One rehearsal? I think I would wet my pants.

[TrogL]

5. The hall is expensive

There's no organ in the rehearsal hall and we only have limited time in the concert hall, mostly taken up with lighting and staging. With over a hundred people onstage plus people parading back and forth, there's no room for the portable console, so I had to use the "practice" console up in the rafters. It's the first time it's ever been attempted so I was breaking new ground.

There were last-minute changes to the program and I couldn't hear the PA to know which piece we were on.

I would have wet my pants, but it would have stained the bench.

[MuseRider]

12. Yeah, you wouldn't want to

do that to the bench. Had the orchestra rehearsed previously? Not exactly a fair way to treat a fellow musician! You had to watch the conductor in a mirror? Solution, don't watch the conductor! Just a bad orchestra joke, sorry. You probably did much better than you think you did. With all the stress of the moment you probably spaced out all the good stuff.

[TrogL]

13. Dissociation

I have to keep an eye on that. I think that's how I got through the first piece. I was sitting listening to the music and thinking "gee, that sounds great. I wonder who's playing the organ. OH, I am."

One time I walked in to play an organ exam and walked out afterwards. I have no idea what happened in between. I got a good mark so presumably I played well.

[MuseRider]

14. That has happened to me too!

Isn't that strange? Nerves in my case. Whenever we play something that I know I can do but have had a difficult time with it I often find myself realizing we already passed that part. Part of it is often the "flow" experience too. I love the times I get that flow experience but I find I react to it the same way I used to react being stoned. It makes me feel like I need to focus and that totally screws it up! Music performance, I don't know what I would rather do. It can be such a trial at times and such a pleasure.

[stopbush]

6. How about no rehearsal?

Back in my opera-singing days, I did plenty of "instant opera" performances in and around NYC. These were fully staged and costumed performances with orchestra - Carmen, La boheme, Butterfly, etc. Often, an entire chorus was hired simply because we knew the show and had worked with a particular director. We'd show up at the theatre, have a quick talk through with the stage director (maybe the conductor would speak with us if there were cuts to be made or opened), and waltz out to perform the show without having previously met the principal singers, the conductor or anybody else. The main direction was "do what you usually do...just stay upstage out of the way of the principals."

In the words of Jon Lovitz, "we were ACTING!"

I can't recall a single instance where a show came apart under these circumstances.

[MuseRider]

11. Did you get paid for this?

Was it a large group performance (well, I suppose it was if it was opera)? All I can say is I am a pro but in a small area. I could not compete with the true professionals, at least not now. Somehow I doubt I would have ever been comfortable doing that no matter how often I had played the show.

[stopbush]

15. Yeah...standard AGMA rate...

probably about $100 a show back then. I don't remember exactly. Since many of us had day jobs it was an easy after-hours bonus for not much work, especially if, as in my case, it meant leaving your job in mid-town around 5, getting to Central Park at 6, doing a show at 8 and getting back to your West Side apt by 11:30.

Naturally, we preferred the jobs that did involve rehearsals and possible radio/TV broadcast because we also received the standard hourly rehearsal rates etc. There was also travel $ involved and once in a while a per diem for meals. It might depend on how desperate the hiring company was! We did a Carmen once in Central Park in the middle of the summer. The head of the company threw us a couple of cases of beer - which we drank between acts. BION, it didn't effect our singing (or, maybe, it didn't effect our perception of our singing. At least WE thought we sounded great. Ha!).

As far as the size of the group, it could be as small as 8-16 singers hired as ringers to reinforce a semi-amateur chorus (of 24-80) to an all-union 24-32-voice chorus. You also tended to get hired more often if your voice was on the "loud" side...and if you were male (amateur choruses seem to have no problem finding females). Why hire 2 regular guys when you can hire one louder-type guy?

[TrogL]

16. How loud do you mean?

Part of my performance was also singing with the chorus. We did selections from South Pacific. I normally sing 2nd bass but they were short of tenors so I end up singing the high Ab at the end of "anything like a dame". To hit that note, I'm so loud that I drown out the rest of the chorus, including the soloists on microphones. The conductor doesn't mind because that note's supposed to be outrageously loud.

[stopbush]

17. If your voice on an A flat is

"so loud that I drown out the rest of the chorus, including the soloists on microphones," then you would have fit right in with us!

[roughsatori]

4. That was a fascinating post. Reading it made me feel

like I was almost in your head during the performance.

[jafap]

7. Easy answer - switch to rock and roll

On time in H.S. this really cute girl was doing a baton act during halftime. The band was going to play the Hawaii 5-0 theme. Which we played 100 times before. I was lead trumpet, and I was supposed to come in on the sixth beat. Only I never counted. The drums always played "da-da-da. Da-da-da. Da. Da-dada-da." and then I came in. Only this time they did something different, so I totally blew my entry, messed up the whole band, and that girl's routine. And everyone knew it. The lead saxaphone player started yelling at me when we finished playing. I still remember that - probably one of the top five worst moments of my life.

Which means I have had a pretty easy life. That baton twirler was my bridesmaid at my brother's wedding seven years later and I saw her when I went to my 20 year re-union. She did not seem to hold it against me, maybe does not even remember.

I play pianoforte too. I went to a concert once and later heard the player complaining about a part he trashed. As a fellow piano player, I did not notice anything.

[TrogL]

9. It's no better in rock and roll

One time in H.S.

One time....in band camp....

Oops, wrong story.

I was playing keyboards in a reggae band, the only white guy. Pretty much every piece would have an extensive percussion solo. I usually played congas. One time...in band camp...[stop that] I decided to have a Keith Emerson moment and launched into a big-ass 32-foot synthesizer solo that shook the building.

The leader of the band so was upset we had a screaming match in the middle of the dance floor.

[bbernardini]

18. I hate doing reggae solos...

My band (The New Kings of Rhythm, see other post for gig details) plays quite a bit of reggae. I manage to solo okay, but I always feel lost. (Did I mention I play keyboards as well?)

[GoddessOfGuinness]

19. Sounds like a nightmare!

I'll bet things were actually much better than you perceived. Did they record the performance? Was someone sitting in the audience for the rehearsal to check balance levels, etc?

As a freelancer, I've often been in hairy situations like this, where inadequate funding makes it necessary to skimp on rehearsals or hire too few string players, or even reorchestrate pieces to avoid hiring one more person.

Considering the lack of appropriate rehearsal time and last minute changes to the part that you mentioned, I'm sure you gave an outstanding performance. Have a beer and pat yourself on the back for getting through it in one piece! :beer:

[TrogL]

20. There was a sound check, of sorts

One of the conductors went out in the hall and said the levels were fine. Everybody's concern, however, was that the organ didn't blow everybody out of the building. After the sound check, he did pull me aside and said that one portion of it could be a "bit" louder.

The performance was recorded and video taped and there were mics up near the organ, but they were facing down to pick up the band. There were no separate mics for the organ.

My kids were at the performance. I'll get one of them to report. They're merciless.

[TrogL]

22. Kid report

Turns out my office buddy is deaf. She's an older lady so I'll bet she couldn't hear the organ because....she couldn't hear the organ anyway. I had the registrations set to be really high screamy stuff above 6000 hz. which probably rolled off her top end, and really low ground shaking stuff, which probably was below her bottom end.

One of the kids said the balance was fine, that I did shake the building where I wanted to, that she heard the missed piston change but didn't think much about it, and my problems at the end got drowned out by the band.

[dbt]

21. Grace Slick nailed it some years ago:

"Man, we'll come off the stage and think 'It just couldn't get ANY better,' and then all our friends will come up and tell us how bad we sucked."

"Other nights, we think we've done so badly that we'll never play again--and here's the friends telling us how GREAT we just were."

Good luck!

:bounce:
dbt

PS: It doesn't really matter what we think. If the audience is convinced that they had a good time, you will never talk them out of that notion.

[progressiverealist]

23. I HATE MUSIC! IT'S GOT TOO MANY NOTES!!!

Sorry but you have to scream when you quote the Replacements.

[oustemnow]

24. damn, beat me to it

Though I suspect his intent wasn't to quote the Replacements.

By the way, I just saw this Paul Westerberg DVD, Come Watch Me Tremble. It chronicles his recently revived solo career. Of course, the stuff's a long way off from Sorry Ma, but still an interesting watch.