Dr. Ruth Recommends: omigod (adult content)

[trof]

The Eroscillator is unique because it does not pound, like ordinary vibrators.
It Oscillates!

Providing orgasm to over 200,000 customers!
Always powered up! Just plug it in!
http://www.eroscillator.com/

oh my
<blush>

[JohnyCanuck]

1. Jeez lucky you told me what that was.

I might have used it to brush my teeth.

[trof]

2. There's probably a head for that too.

brusha brusha brusha

[SoCalDem]

3. Looks like a bronzed toothbrush to me

:shrug:

[JohnKleeb]

22. it does Socal it really does

[1monster]

50. Are you old enough for this thread? Let's see some I.D., please.

:P

[caledesi]

4. Hey, I am not "into" plastic. No thanks.

[MiltonLeBerle]

63. how about glass then?

http://www.gasmicglass.com/

[Devils Advocate NZ]

5. This is too funny...

This little doohickey:



is the "Ultra Soft Finger Tip TM" which the homepage tells us "Perfectly mimics a loving human finger". My question is, if you can use "The Eroscillator" you probably have at least one hand, which one assumes has at least one finger that "perfectly mimics a loving human finger" So why in hell's name would you want to spend over ONE HUNDRED AND THIRTY DOLLARS to "perfectly mimic" something you already have at least one of?

Are they afraid that women's finger don't love them or something? Or is it that they don't think women have human fingers?

I just don't get it :wtf:

[ForrestGump]

6. Good question? Maybe it's 'cos it has no fingernails.

And you can always use another finger.

[Devils Advocate NZ]

7. If that is the case...

then it DOESN'T "perfectly mimic a loving human finger" as "loving human fingers" usually have nails...

Still, I see your point. It just amazes me what lengths advertisers wil go to in order to get sales. "Perfectly mimics a loving human finger"? Bollocks. In fact that would be the whole point of it wouldn't it? Isn't the idea meant to be that it is BETTER than a human finger? If not, why bother buying it? Oh well..

[Interrobang]

23. Spoken like someone who's either anatomically challenged...

...or superhumanly flexible. Obviously, the primary (although not the exclusive) use for this thing is masturbation. I don't know about you folks, but I have internal places which might like masturbatory stimulation but which I can't reach. Hence the utility of vibrators, dildos, and artificial fingers. (If you can touch your own g-spot and cervix, I don't know whether to pity you or envy you. If you don't own either of those, I understand why you'd ask the question.)

[ForrestGump]

27. Man, I'd settle for just FINDING the G-spot

Though it's still fun to look for it......

[Skittles]

31. GIVE IT UP FORREST

we know there's a f***ing REASON you're called FORRESTGUMP.

[ForrestGump]

37. Can't find the G for the Forrest, right?

[geniph]

56. Skittles, I love you

I just had to tell you that. :D

[Skittles]

69. I'M PURTY FOND OF YOU TOO, GENIPH

:D

[FloridaJudy]

35. Road map to the G-Spot

1) From the front, stick your middle finger as deep as you can into the appropriate orifice (and if you don't know what that is, you need more help than I can offer).

2) Pull it toward yourself as if you were making a "come here!" gesture to someone across the room from you.

Now, that wasn't so difficult, was it?:think:

[ForrestGump]

39. You are a great woman

You may have made some number of women happy, at some future time. This is exactly what DU is about, at its best - helping others help others.

Thanks!

:D

Looking forward to the practice......

[Lady Freedom]

54. well...

If you are looking for a practice partner...:evilgrin:

[plcdude]

59. hey neighbor

welcome to DU often pass through Joplin on my way to the Lake of the Ozarks.

[Lady Freedom]

65. How do

like are little Rep. controled area?

[ForrestGump]

70. Yep, nothing like a little hands-on ('-in' in this case) practice

to make perfect. :o

Definitely a handy skill. I'd almost be afraid to apply it, though.....I mean, the power of it all, and we all know that with great power comes great responsibility. :-)

[plcdude]

57. we have to

get rid of that term "road map" but thanks for the information. In your estimation is the g spot for real?

[Lady Freedom]

66. I can answer that...

with a big "YYYYYEEEEEESSSSS, OH GOD YES!"

[ForrestGump]

71. I think she just found it

I guess the problem is that we men have such a hard time asking for directions......

[Skittles]

30. because yo' finger doesn't vibrate

a thousand times a second?

[Braden]

8. which is the french legionnaires Mustache Attachement?

Eroscillator ® - French Legionnaire's Moustache attachment - Seven Pearls of the Orient attachment - Cup & Ball attachment (2 heads) - Grapes & Cockscomb attachment (2 heads) - Booklet including a "Primer" © on self pleasuring by Dr Ruth - Step down converter for country of purchase

[BritishHuman]

21. My guesses...

Reading from right to left of the displayed attachments:

1. Seven Pearls of the Orient
2. Grapes and Cockscomb
3. French Legionnaire's Moustache
4. Cup and Ball.
5. Step down converter for country of purchase.

Speaking of 5 - a mains-powered vibrator?!? I'm just thinking of how inconveniently placed all my power points are, and picturing countless women across the country perched precariously on the dressing table.

[ForrestGump]

28. Try plugging a 110-V one into a 220-V outlet for a REAL buzz

At least 'til its motor fried, rather soon after

[BritishHuman]

29. A very different mental picture

Now I'm seeing them bouncing around the room on an out-of-control wossname.

[ForrestGump]

40. My women do that all the time

At least when I forget to close the air valve properly....

[1monster]

51. Does the iron maiden come with this set?

Those things look like instruments found in a torture chamber! :scared:

[ForrestGump]

72. Iron Maiden?! Excellent!!

[WoodrowFan]

9. WMD

GOOD GOD, does UN know about this? It looks like an Iraqi scud to me! What's the range on that thing???

[Lady Freedom]

10. Nothing beats a real man.

NOTHING!

[dawg]

11. collective sigh of relief ....

After all, no one wants to be replaced by a machine. I mean, if couples want to supplement with toys that's their business, but I want to be the main attraction (not just the opening act).

[Lady Freedom]

12. I can't understand how they could replace a man

The smell,feel,taste,and sound of a man can not be replace by a hand held device.

[dawg]

14. Not to mention our, er ... creativity.

The interaction of two people who are really into each other, in my opinion, is what makes sex so explosive.

[Lady Freedom]

16. right on!

[ForrestGump]

15. On the plus side, such devices probably rarely leave the toilet seat up

But reach for the wrong appliance in the morning and you may find yourself knocking all of your teeth out....

[Lady Freedom]

17. a small price too pay for heaven on earth.

[ForrestGump]

18. Yep, that's what she said when I told her my rates.....

[Lady Freedom]

19. hehe

and you were worth every bit of it!:spank:

[ForrestGump]

24. Well, she thought I was WELL worth the two bits she forked over....

Ooo..........now that you've spanked me.....hi, nice to meet you :-)

[dawg]

25. Oops, I forgot - Welcome to DU ...

I think you've raised the temperature here a few degrees.

[Lady Freedom]

43. Thank you for the welcome

this is nothing. You should see what I do to the Rep. Club. (I'm
the P.R. Officer for the College Democrats at MSSU.)

[Skittles]

32. DON'T BREATH TOO EASILY DAWG

she said A MAN, not ALL MEN. :evilgrin:

[Lady Freedom]

44. So let me correct it

A hand held device can not replace any/all men.

[ForrestGump]

45. Well, men come with their own hand-held devices

Hey. i think there's a double- or triple-entendre in there somewhere.

[dawg]

48. Nyah nyah nyah nyah nyah!

Lady Freedom has my back, Skittles. Besides, over 50% of American men support the Republicans so I know that, at the very least, I'm in the front half of the pack.

[ForrestGump]

13. Some real men LIKE to be beaten!

Not me, though - some of those other guys. :-)

[Lady Freedom]

46. Beat a man?

But there are so many other ways to make them scream that are alot more fun!:evilgrin:

[ForrestGump]

49. You mean, like taking all my money?

:-)

Oh, those other ways. Yep.

[Lady Freedom]

52. right with guess # 2

those other ways are sooooo much fun!

[ForrestGump]

73. Ah, ya wee vixen

May good vibrations always come your way.

[Lady Freedom]

77. same wish to you!

:*

[Kat45]

20. Quite true.

Unfortunately, sometimes there can be long dry spells with no man around.....that's when the toys come in handy. :-)

[ForrestGump]

26. There's just something fundamentally 'off' about that

The universe is just so darned out-of-order sometimes. I mean, here we are, the underutilized men of DU - all virile males with rippling abs, rock-hard glutes, and throbbing IQs - and yet there are liberal/progressive/Dem women forced to resort to small appliances as a substitute....

And, meanwhile, so many of the men of DU are just keeping up a maintenance regime of prostate exercise and trying not to think of the kittens.

It's just wrong - the demand and the supply are just in totally the wrong places.

[Kat45]

36. I totally agree.

Makes no sense at all. :shrug:

[buddhamama]

33. it's scary looking

[short bus president]

34. ALSO HIGHLY RECOMMENDED:

VIBRATING POCKET PUSSY!!!

[Ein]

38. EGAD!

If I ever even had a serious thought about purchasing one of those... I'd be at a 12 step program in no time.

[ForrestGump]

42. Does it take your blood pressure and pulse, too?

Looks like it could be kinda dangerous. hey, but so is a real woman....

Duh. There I go again.

[Lady Freedom]

53. My question is...

would a guy really want to use some like that?

[plcdude]

55. some

men do but I don't know of anyone personally you know who use that or you know whatever not me you know.

[Lady Freedom]

60. Well..

I would think that I would be alot more fun!

[plcdude]

67. well

I think so too mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

[Lady Freedom]

68. Thank you

that helps to boost a girls ego after seeing that replacement thing.

[ForrestGump]

74. Well, sure, but

it's not like you can be everywhere that you're needed - not unless you're like Supergirl or Wonder Woman, and






(sorry....kinda zoned out thinking about Lynda Carter as Wonder Woman)

[ForrestGump]

75. Oo - she's big

And the picture is, too......

[short bus president]

76. Absolutely not! When something better is available:

THE VIBRATING POCKET ASS/PUSSY, WITH REALISTIC HAIR!!!

[Lady Freedom]

78. Whats wrong with the real thing!!!!!

[ForrestGump]

80. Nothing, that I remember!

And, heck, those are just plain scary. I'd be afraid of not getting my parts back intact, unstretched, and unsquished - you know, maybe these mechanical ones really do have teeth!

I may need to purchase a pair for research purposes. Yeah, that's right...research. :-)

[Lady Freedom]

81. I'm being replaced!

:evilfrown:

[ForrestGump]

82. Okay. Okay. I cna't take that accusatory pout.

I'm not gonna order them.

On the other hand, they don't pout. :-)

Well, actually, they do.....sorta. :o

Hey, what're you worried about, anyway? I bet there's a lot more 'personal massagers' out there for you guys ('guys' in very loose definition, of course) than there are these animatronic wonders for us. We're the ones most in danger of replacement. :P

[Lady Freedom]

83. That will never happen

Not as long as men feel, taste, and smell the way they do.

[ForrestGump]

84. You mean, a man's small is actually GOOD?

Huh....and here I was buying into that whole deodorant thing, and even occasionally changing my clothes. I feel much better now! A boost to self-esteem!

I smell, taste, and feel like a new man!

Thanks!

EDIT: 'a man's small'? Of course I meant 'smell.' Jeez, talk about Freudian slits.

[Lady Freedom]

85. Just remember...

To bath every other day and don't use hevy smelling soap and the girls will be all over you!

[ForrestGump]

86. That could be kind of annoying when I'm carrying stuff

I mean, I'm mobbed by screaming hordes of lustful supermodels wherever I go, as it is.

(I don't believe we've been formally introduced....I'm Forrest Gump, and I've got a rich imagination and an insanely rich fantasy life :-) Nice to meat meet you)

[short bus president]

87. no teeth, according to the ad

but it does appear to be internally lined with something called "knobby ticklers." Make of that what you will.

[Lady Freedom]

90. I still say I'm alot more fun!

[short bus president]

91. I'll have to take your word for it

which I'm glad to do, as DU's resident cynical celibate.

[ForrestGump]

92. I thought I was that

So maybe I'm the runner-up resident cynical celibate, who'll step in to fulfill your duties (or non-duties) should you for whatever reason be unable to complete them.

[ForrestGump]

94. Well, if it's got knobby ticklers

who could possibly resist its allure.

You're kind of out of luck if kissing (the face!) and playing with other anatomical bits are a favored part of your experience, though. I think I might have to pass - one day, a woman with vibrating knobby ticklers is sure to come my way.

[short bus president]

96. just give evolution a chance, my friend n/t

[short bus president]

88. it's a supply/demand issue.

There's not nearly enough "free" in this particular market. ;-)

[dawg]

89. Damn, those things look freaky.

I'll take the real thing, thank you! And if I couldn't get a real woman, Miss Thumb and her four sisters look a helluva lot more inviting than those animatronic ..... monstrosities.

To me, its insulting - reducing a woman down to just a vagina, like that's all you really need. I need alot more from a woman than just that.

[Lady Freedom]

93. (Big smile!)

Thank you! it's nice to know that I'm still needed!

[dawg]

95. I bet you could make a man forget ...

there was any such thing as vibrating knobby ticklers!

[dawg]

97. I bet you could make a man forget ...

there was any such thing as vibrating knobby ticklers!

[ChemEng]

41. I SURRENDER!!!!!

Oh....never mind. Damn thing scared the bejesus out of me....

[ForrestGump]

79. My words exactly, but with regard to Mr Short Bus. Egad!

On the bright side, at least women could be assured that a man who already had these two hot mamas waiting for him at home wasn't interested in her just for her body. Well, as long as he had a pair of water balloons handy, too.

Humankind's ingenuity apparently knows no bounds. Must be some hard-up (no pun intended) engineers out there.

Jeez......I can't look. I'm too young.

[Bozola]

47. So that's what the Oscar trophy looks like!

I was wondering....

[geniph]

58. While men have their place,

let's not forget, so do sex toys. And the best use of sex toys is WITH partners!

[plcdude]

61. Amen

to that sister.

[Lady Freedom]

62. That is what I say!

Nothing beats a man! And let him go with a (sex) tool kit, Prrrrrrr.
That is if he has a good imagination!:evilgrin:

[MiltonLeBerle]

64. "...the best use of sex toys is WITH partners!"

that's how it works at my dad's law firm.