BREAKING NEWS - God Kicks Pat Robertson in the Balls

[The Donkey]

VIRGINIA BEACH, VA (TBR News) - God exacted his judgment on television evangelist Pat Robertson yesterday, when he made his first ever appearance on the 700 Club.

The Almighty was only in the studios for about 38 seconds, but his appearance sent shockwaves throughout the evangelical community. Clad only in a modest white robe and sandals, God stepped out onstage during Robertson’s most recent prayer, advocating for the death of yet another Supreme Court justice, since apparently the court is not yet conservative enough for the infamous man of the cloth.

God issued a single statement:

“I am the Lord God – otherwise known as Yahweh. For too long you and others like you have invoked my name to take from the needy only to further your own success. Additionally, you have requested that I bestow tragedy upon others, only for your own benefit. Let this serve as a warning to you and others like you the punishment that awaits those who blaspheme my message of true compassion to their advantage”.

With that, the Lord swung his leg back - then quickly forward - hitting Robertson square in his pruny old nut sack, and then disappeared into thin air.



“Frankly, I’m surprised”, said a high-pitched Robertson in a press release, who was recovering from Bethesda Hospital. “God usually speaks to me every morning in the shower. This guy didn’t sound anything like that.”

When asked what it was like to actually be touched by God himself, Robertson replied, “It’s no picnic, let me tell you. I’m pretty sure he blew out one of my testes. You can also clearly see the Birkenstock logo from his sandal imprinted on my, you know . . .”

Out of respect to Robertson’s plight, Jerry Falwell has cancelled all scheduled television appearances until further notice.

[Jamastiene]

1. Bwaaahahhahaaaa. Good one. I needed that. n/t

[Crazy Guggenheim]

2. J.C. is kewl! He kicked him in the nuts ......

:woohoo:

[The Donkey]

20. You'd think that at least

God would have offered him a Ro Sham Bo at first (is that how you spell it?).

He does indeed work in mysterious ways after all.

[blondeatlast]

3. Thanks, I needed that! A laugh is better than a drink...

(I'm hiding out from GD).

[KamaAina]

4. He must have aimed His kick with pinpoint accuracy

with the emphasis on "pinpoint". :-)

[chknltl]

5. Good, maybe Pat will be a little less....

..."ballsy" from now on.

[Initech]

6. Doesnt the Bible mention something about false prophets?

If so, then Robertson got what he deserved! :rofl: :rofl:

[ZombieNixon]

8. Deuteronomy 168:21

"And yea, for lo, they be false prophets, and with My mighty Birkenstock, verily shall I strike them with crushing force upon their pruny nut sac, for then they might be struck down and spread vile falsehood no more."

[chknltl]

10. Big guy works in strange and mysterious ways indeed!

;) ;) nudge nudge :)

[Initech]

11. Is that in the same version of the Bible as Ezekiel 25:17?

[ZombieNixon]

18. God gets violent in Ezekiel 25:17

"For a dearth of selfless humility shall I smite them upon the gonads with the Holy Steel-Toed Boot of Har Magedon."

It's gonna hurt, people.

[khashka]

14. ROFLMAO!

Khash.

[Left_Winger]

7. He deserved it

:kick:

[Akoto]

9. That picture reminds me of ...

Daily Show indicating that Pat Robertson is a "two-time champion squinter". LOL.

[GOPBasher]

12. Funny!

:rofl:

[The Donkey]

15. Thanks much-ly . . . .

I got a million of 'em . . . .

[Arkana]

13. Paging the Publisher Emeritus of the Onion...

[sakabatou]

16. Are you sure? I though Patty had no balls

[chknltl]

17. .....Patty had no balls....

....I vaguely remember....didn't Flat and Scruggs do that song? If not they should have!

[Prisoner_Number_Six]

19. It is good He refrained from bringing forth the Holy Hand Grenade

THAT coulda been NASTY.

:rofl:

http://www.clubi.ie/exalted/holyhand.htm

[libodem]

21. LOL n/t