Should I fire this physician? What would you do?

[bliss_eternal]

I'm still a bit emotionally raw from this. So I thought I would ask others that may be more objective than I for an opinion.

Saw allergist yesterday. Had left a voice mail message asking for a letter stating I'm in her care, and what she is treating. I also needed it to state what sort of conditions could exacerbate asthma and allergies. I informed her on the message that this was for my apt. mgmnt. team--so they know I have a legitimate health condition, and I'm not just creating one so they will act on an issue.

I expected this to be super easy. Have never had a problem with my allergist before. She's super efficient, very kind, concerned, etc.--until yesterday. Yesterday I met a different person that I didn't know or particularly like at all.

She was rather nasty and rude about it. She insisted I tell her 'what I was trying to do' with the letter--as opposed to what or who I needed the letter for. It was very strange. She kept saying over and over, "But what are you trying to accomplish with this? Are you trying to get out of a lease? Have someone evicted?" :wtf: Excuse me, but is that the kind of person I seem to be? Someone that wants a doctors note to get out of contracts that have nothing to do with my health?

I don't get what her deal was at all. I've never seen her like this. Dh thinks she was having a bad day. I'm apt to agree. But everyone has them. It's how you handle that that matters most. Am I going to be treated like shit every time I need something out of the ordinairy when she has a bad day? I'm still raw from this transaction and honestly have NO desire to even see this person again.

What difference does it make WHY I needed it? Is it so far out of line to ask for a letter of care from someone that is treating you? Would you fire this person, or give them another chance?

[henslee]

1. She should be kind enough to simply state the facts. Patients often

need such documentation. Though I see nothing wrong with dr. asking what letter is for. Don't fire her. Be persistent. Get what you need. Then decide if you want to see her again.

[bliss_eternal]

4. She said she would write it.

Once she understood that they merely weren't using their vents (another apt. tenant) and mgmnt. is working on getting them to understand their actions are affecting others.

I just didn't like the way she was asking--like she was assuming I was trying to do something malicious to another tenant. Or even somehow misuse her letter. That hurt my feelings to be honest.

[miss_kitty]

2. I would ask her back why she wants those questions of hers answered

Why is it her business? You aren't asking her to lie-I saw your thread about the non-venting chefs downstairs (a new PBS cooking show) and it's causing you health problems.

And ask her "Am I going to be treated like shit every time I need something out of the ordinary when you have a bad day?" Really. I have fired surgeons because I did not like their attitude. And I have challenged docs on some bullshit, which totally surprised them.

Don't be afraid to speak up. She is your healthcare provider, and it is her job to help you remain healthy ("First, do no harm..." part of the oath)

[bliss_eternal]

7. Good idea, miss_kitty.

I really don't think it was her business, either. Her questions felt intrusive. I felt like I was being interrogated, and if she didn't get what she thought was 'the right answer' she would have denied me the letter. I don't like feeling that way with anyone, much less someone that is supposed to be providing my care (as you said). I'm paying HER!

It was awful.

But you're right, I'm entitled to let her know that, and to find out if this is 'the norm' for her.

That's a cool name for a cooking show! LOL!

[serryjw]

3. If you want to save the relationship

you may want to give her the benefit.If I understood what you were saying; you don't know this doctor?? Maybe when she asked WHY you needed the letter she was trying to figure out how to word it??

[jobycom]

5. She's putting her name on a document, she wants to be sure what

it will be used for. If it could wind up as part of a legal case somewhere, such as a broken lease or even some form of lawsuit, she needs to know that, to decide how much to cover her bases and whether she even wants her name on such a document.

Without knowing her or you, I'd say it was probably a case of your reactions and hers feeding each other. She was using her authority to put some distance between you and her, to find out what you were asking for. That distance caused you to act more nervous, maybe a bit guilty (since most people react that way when being questioned), which brought out her suspicions more, and made her resort to hiding behind her authority more.

I wouldn't worry about it. Next time you'll be back to the old relationship, and she may not even remember this. You have one doctor, she has lots of patients, so the incident will stick with you a lot longer than with her. I doubt it was a reaction to you, it was more of a reaction to your request. Keep in mind how many times people ask doctors for letters to get out of something, or to get something. Leases, jobs, job requirements, job absences, lawsuits against someone or other... She was just trying to be sure, and she put on the authority act so you'd think of her as an authority and not a co-conspirator, as some people would ask her to be.

Just my guess. I'd give her another try. If the cold front continues, then seek another doctor.

[bliss_eternal]

9. I didn't think of it that way...

thank you for giving me a different perspective. It actually sounds like this was the situation IN ADDITION to the fact she was having a bad day. Seriously, she wasn't acting herself at all--wasn't talking to ANYONE. There was a total cold front on that office... :scared:

But what you said about what she was thinking makes a lot of sense.

It's hard to NOT be offended, as I would NEVER ask anyone to do something like what she was obviously thinking. But I know that you are right, in that she probably is asked that sort of thing a lot--from those that maybe aren't as ethical as I like to think that I am. LOL!

Thank you again--I really appreciate what you shared with me!! :hi:

[spacelady]

24. jobycom has a point, your doctor may have been burned before,

but she could have been more diplomatic about questioning your motives. Go back for your treatment & see if this attitude continues, everyone has bad days. Also, maybe try to clear the air by relaying how she made you feel without a confrontive air, just as if there may have been a misunderstanding.

[bliss_eternal]

28. As I was leaving...

I jokingly tried to clear the air, but she had her back to us and didn't respond. So I left feeling even more uncertain and upset by it all.

Dh offered that it seemed to him there was something else going on. He thought he sensed tension between the doc and her assistant--as she wasn't talking to her at all. We also noticed she wasn't as chatty as usual with other patients. So it probably was a bad day for her...

This thread has helped SO MUCH! I'm so grateful to you all!

I'll do that--allow for a bad day. We all have them. I expect better, but my good care up to this point, should outweigh this incident. At least that is what I would want someone to consider if it was me--all the times I was good, caring, compassionate. Not the one time I was an asshole. LOL!

[hickman1937]

6. She's afraid of being called to testify in a law suit.

Get your file from her office, and find another doctor.

On the other hand it might have been a bad day but I never trust anyone that uses me as a verbal punching bag just because their having a bad day.

[bliss_eternal]

11. Yeah--that's what seems to be the case....

thinking there would be some lawsuit or something. But I really disliked her presumption. Also disliked the WAY she went about it. It may have left a better taste in my mouth had she just said that, or aksed me in a less confrontational way.

Oh, and I'm right there with you. I don't like people that can't seperate their bad day from dealing with me professionally. No matter how shitty I feel, I go in and make an effort to be pleasant--it's my doctor's office, not my personal, negative emotional trash can. I expect the same courtesy...

Maybe that's asking too much...

[hickman1937]

15. Always be right up front with your doctors,

and demand professionalism. You are, one way or another, paying for their service. You are not their kid or their dog, or employee. The least they owe you is courtesy.

[bliss_eternal]

17. Thanks hickman--

You give great advice!

I bet if everyone demanded courtesy and professionalism from their doctors, the healthcare industry would be very different than it is today.

[hickman1937]

18. My son has been hospitalized 3 times in the last 2 years.

Maybe it's just the Detroit area but my son and I have been met with nothing but professionalism and compassion. Settle for nothing less. Sick and distressed is all you should have to deal with.

[bliss_eternal]

19. I'm sorry to hear about your son...

Is he ok, now? I hope so. The hospital is no fun, sick or well...

:hug:

[hickman1937]

20. Crohn's. No cure, just maintenance.

He's fine for now. I hope you find a doctor that treats you as well as my son's doctors have treated him. Your doctor needs to be on your side, and someone that you can trust to be good to and for you always.

[bliss_eternal]

27. Oh my...

I'm so sorry. I'm so glad that you have physician's that are easy and pleasant to deal with. I'm sure that makes a huge difference.

Allergies and shots are something you go in for weekly. Seeing this side of her, I'm not sure I would want to continue. This is strike one. I will check this one, and if I am denied respect or courtesy again--she won't be my doctor anymore.

I will stand up for myself.

[SeattleGirl]

8. Oy, bliss, you probably didn't need that on top of everything you

are dealing with healthwise, but like most who have already posted, I'd give her another chance. I'm not excusing her behavior -- it was inappropriate -- but if overall she gives you good care, I'd give her another chance.

She may indeed have been concerned about the purpose of the letter, as she probably would not want to get caught in a legal web. I doubt that would happen though, since there are obviously medical records to back up what the doctor can say in the letter.

I hope this gets straightened out soon for you. I was thinking about you the other day, wondering how you were doing.

Take care. :hug:

[bliss_eternal]

12. Hi Seattle Girl--

Healthwise, I'm doing ok (today) lol. Thank you for your thoughts and concerns. You are SUCH a sweetheart! :hug:

I'm feeling a bit better about getting these other opinions on the issue.

Having come from a very abusive background, it's important for me to sometimes get a objective check on things like this. When you've lived with dysfunction as normalcy, there's a tendency to sometimes take more inappropriate crap than one should. So, I really appreciate other's feedback on situations like this.

I'll more than likely give it another chance, as opposed to throwing the baby out with the bathwater. But if she's pissy with me again--she's history! LOL!

Thankfully, I have another doc I can talk with about a letter--so I'm not solely dependent on hers.

[SeattleGirl]

14. Glad you're doing okay.

I, too, came from a pretty negative background, and I know I still can be overly sensitive to things, but like you, I will talk to others about something to get their opinions. It is good to get other opinions sometimes.

[bliss_eternal]

16. I'm sorry to hear that...

I think that is the biggest tragedy of abuse--the long term stuff.

The wounds, bruises, etc. heal in time and even go away. But trust, knowing how to truly deal with people in appropriate ways and recognizing healthy vs. unhealthy situations and people is a life long challenge.

Sorry that you have that in your background. But glad it's in your past and not your present. :hug:

[mondo joe]

10. I don't think she's out of line for wanting to know what her name will be

used for - BUT, I also think you need to work with a physician you feel comfortable with, so you might look to another physician if you don't feel things improve.

[bliss_eternal]

13. You're right mondo joe.

She's totally within her rights to know how, where her name will be used. She just could have used a bit of a softer touch in ascertaining it--lol.

I felt like I was being grilled. LOL!

Thanks so much for your feedback--I really appreciate it!

[pitohui]

21. she doesn't want to get called in to testify

once you have to sue somebody, you will find out that 99 percent of the nice ppl you know are not so nice, that is just the way of the wicked world

it hurt me too

no doctor is going to give you such a letter w.out a lot of questions, they don't want to be spending time being subpoeaned to answer a bunch of questions for no pay, which could easily happen if you had to sue your landlord

sorry i wish the world was otherwise

you're prob. not going to get what you want from any allergist

[bliss_eternal]

26. I stated earlier in the thread, she agreed to write it.

So I will get it. But if I have to remind her, which she suggested I may need to--I won't. I didn't care for the way she behaved, and don't want a letter from her now.

[bliss_eternal]

33. Please, excuse my tone here...

if it seemed harsh--that was not my intent. Wasn't sure if you saw that I did share that she agreed to write a letter for me.

I just saw this and realized it may seem severe, and wanted to apologize as I didn't intend to. I was replying to a few different topics at once, rather distractedly. I should have taken more thought in replying.

:hug:

[LisaL]

22. I can't fire anyone. My health insurance doesn't allow me to

pick and choose the Dr. I want to see.

[friesianrider]

23. Honestly...

My first thought was "why would one need a letter for their apartment management?"

My next thought was that the physician probably thought the same thing, and I immediately believed that she wanted to know why you needed it so she knows what to say in the letter or whatever. You must understand (and I say this as the child of a doctor) that people treat doctors almost like they do their own personal servants, *especially* in terms of "excuses." My Mom has seen people come in for the most minor things and ask for notes to get them out of 6 months of work/school/gym class and all kinds of other stupid shit. Some doctors can be very wary of patients who come in asking for letters - particularly for letters for unconventional groups (like apartment management - my Mom says she's never had anyone request such a thing before). Not saying anything bad about you at all, but just that there was probably a breakdown in communication and she was more than likely just trying to pin down what exactly you needed her to say.

Since she's been good to you before, I wouldn't worry about it. She likely was just trying to find out what exactly you needed her to say (and, maybe she also did have a bad day, so sounded a little abrupt and/or rude). I'd just let it go.

Edit: Also, I know many doctors are almost afraid anymore of getting involved in things that look potentially messy (which sort of confirms what I originally thought that she wanted to know how to word it so nothing she says comes back to bite her in the ass).

[bliss_eternal]

25. You may have needed to have seen

my other thread on this to truly understand why. I know it does seem odd.

About as many people that go to their doctors for excuses--equally as many tell their apts. they need something "taken care of or expedited because of a health issue."

I merely didn't want my bldg. to think I was saying something that wasn't true. I wanted to substantiate the fact that I am under a doctor's care for allergies, asthma, etc. NOT to make false claims. NOT to sue anyone. NOT to litigate. Merely to provide proof. That's all.

I understand that the world we live in is sadly very litigious and people ask their doctors for many unnecessary things. I don't. I deserve to be treated individually, and not like I am asking for some potential lawsuit excuse.

Her suspicions and interrogation of me were unwarranted, inappropriate and frankly rude.

Stating in very simple terms her concerns, would have gone much farther with me than the way she treated me.

I shouldn't have to 'consider her side' or what her concerns were. If she had concerns, she should have stated them, and not treated me like some criminal. Coming at me from a perspective of my 'wanting to get something out of her note' was inappropriate. I shouldn't be lumped in with EVERY tom, dick or harry that has ever asked her for a note. Treat me as an individual.

If one is constantly seeing the world from suspicious eyes, one's view will be rewarded with what one expects.

[friesianrider]

29. I saw your other thread...

I'm just saying that this doctor didn't, so it isn;t far-fetched to think that she may have been like "for apartment management? What's going on here?" You even admitted it sounds strange so why is it out of line that she had a few questions about why you needed it?

And, what you say here:

"I merely didn't want my bldg. to think I was saying something that wasn't true. I wanted to substantiate the fact that I am under a doctor's care for allergies, asthma, etc. NOT to make false claims. NOT to sue anyone. NOT to litigate. Merely to provide proof. That's all."

If I were you, I would have just told her that when she asked :shrug: I mean, I think it was perfectly normal to ask you why you wanted it and for what reason...all you had to do is say what you just told me :)


"Her suspicions and interrogation of me were unwarranted, inappropriate and frankly rude."

Well, what exactly made you think it was an interrogation or it was rude? I reread your post and it sounds like she was trying to get an answer as to what exactly you needed it for so she knew what to say in the letter - perhaps you weren't very forthcoming with information and an explanation? I personally didn't see anything in your OP that sounded rude. She is likely a busy woman and just wanted to know in simple terms why you needed it and what for so she could do it for you.

And besides, she has every right to ask what you need it for. You're asking her to write a document with her signature and reputation on the line - if she handed them out to everyone just because they snapped their fingers, she could get in trouble.


"I shouldn't have to 'consider her side' or what her concerns were. If she had concerns, she should have stated them, and not treated me like some criminal."

Again, I disagree with you - she is a doctor, not a servant who should just sign a letter for patients because they snap their fingers. And why wouldn't you want to look at this from her side? In communication with others it is always good to at least try to look at things from the other person's side.

She is a doctor and can't just go signing documents left and right just because someone asks without at least asking a question or two - to me, I just don't see what the big deal is. :shrug: I mean, would you sign anything just because someone asks you? No, you want to fully understand what it is your putting your name to. She is under no obligation to write and sign any letter for any patient. Dually, it is that patient's right to leave but I digress. And again I didn't see anything in your OP that indicated she treated you "like a criminal." You asked her to sign a letter for you and she asked what it was for and for what reason you needed it - as I said she probably just wanted to know so she knew what you wanted and knew your intentions so she could give you what you wanted. I hope I don't sound rude, but I personally think you might be overreacting just a little bit. I don't hear anything out of the ordinary or rude - sounds to me like she just wanted to know what you wanted it for, which she has every right to ask you. She has every right to ask some questions before signing her good name to something.

JMHO, of course.

[Name removed]

30. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[friesianrider]

31. Okay...

I'm sorry if I offended you - it wasn't my intention. I DO see your point, but as I said I think you're being a bit too sensitive and maybe are reading too much into it. But, I'd like to kindly say that you DID come here and ask others' opinions on what you should do, and you asked what "I" would do if it were me. I told you and you're upset about it which (like the doctor) I think is you perhaps being a little overly sensitive. I truly,truly wasn't trying to put you down or anything like that.

I was just stating what I thought and asked you to see it from the doctor's perspective - which you stated you didn't think you should have to do. Not sure why, but anyway. Again, I'm sorry if I've offended you, it wasn't my intent, but I don't know why you asked what others thought since clearly your mind is made up and all you really wanted was people to validate what you already thought.

[friesianrider]

35. Okay...why did you edit that entirely AFTER I responded?

That's amazing...I responded and like 10 minutes later you deleted the entire thing and now have posted what is currently there. Interesting.

I think I'm just gonna quietly exit this thread now. I can now why you responded the way you did to that poor doctor...wow. Overly sensitive is apparently the understatement of the year, sheesh.

Have a great night, sorry this turned into what it did.

[Name removed]

36. Deleted message

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[Name removed]

38. Deleted message

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[Name removed]

40. Deleted message

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[friesianrider]

43. Thanks deebo.

Much appreciated.

[Name removed]

42. Deleted message

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[Name removed]

44. Deleted message

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[southlandshari]

45. Hey you guys!!! Look at me!!! Look at me!!!

I'm replying to Friesanrider's post, but I'm trying to get the attention of several of you in this thread - all of whom I know to be very cool DUers.

Stop. Slow down. Close this thread and go read something else for a few minutes. Please.

I don't know what is going on, I just logged back in after being away, but my inbox is full and I'm worried about the escalation here. I'm sure my fellow mods agree. Please let us sort this out and not take it any further, ok?

:grouphug:

[bliss_eternal]

32. Thanks to all that have offered

such helpful and constructive advice including:

miss_kitty, spacelady, jobycom, henslee, hickman1937, pitohui, lizzy, serryjw and SeattleGirl.

You guys really helped me to consider another perspective (which I needed), to gain perspective on the situation and to be mindful of taking care of myself in the doctor patient relationship.

Your advice and support has helped to give me some peace over a situtation I was really stressing over. Thank you ALL so much!

Enjoy the rest of your weekend--see you around the lounge!
bliss_e.

:hi:
edited to add smilie. lol.

[friesianrider]

34. Classy.

:eyes:

[deebo550]

37. I think you should obviously give them another chance.

You said you've received good care before this. It appears as if she just wished to know what she was putting her name to. If you've gotten good service before then I wouldnt worry much about it.

[bliss_eternal]

39. Edited and deleted by poster

because response on my part is beneath me. My mistake.

[deebo550]

41. You asked for them.