The only thing that matters is the joy I get from singing.

[Ladyhawk]

You know, I think I'm finally learning to find joy in the moment and not give in to perfectionism. I was nervous during my audition and recital last week, but I did okay. The joy was in the process of learning the music.

Unfortunately, I practiced too hard and sort of thrashed my voice. I didn't do so well on "O Thou That Tellest," though I handed in a pretty solid performance on "He Shall Feed His Flock." I told the adjudicator my voice was a little thrashed, but of course, it could be for the night of the concert, too, right?

I haven't heard a thing, which means I probably didn't get the part, but you know what? I really, honestly don't care. :) :) :) :) I learned a long time ago that sometimes the person with the best connections gets the part despite how well you do. Also, I can be honest and say that "O Thou That Tellest" wasn't as good as it usually is.

What's true is that I enjoyed the process of the music. It soothes my soul to sing and to play my keyboard.

I just started piano lessons and feel a real connection to my keyboard. I performed Mendolssohn's "Romanze" in class a week ago. My teacher said, "Wow! You don't feel hesitant about expressing yourself in the music at all, do you?" But you know, I don't need her approval either. My connection with the keyboard already gave me my approval. :)

The yoke of perfectionism is finally loosening. I don't care. I really don't care. It's the process. It's the process! I will never arrive and that's just fine because the journey is so beautiful. :D