"Ron White Long Lasting Air-Freshener"

[underpants]

I can't find an image of it but I saw one for sale at a gas station in Staunton Va. on Christmas Day...that made the whole weekend worthwhile to me.

Other than that....

First Christmas with the new baby and WE have to travel. Our lovely grandparents came to our house for Thanksgiving so we had to go to each of their houses this last weekend. My wife and I looked like astronauts crammed into her Acura with all the presents in the backseat and the small trunk. Baby, of course, was safe and sound in her car seat.

So we go to the in-laws. This is the condensed version. We got there on the 23rd and everything was going pretty well...then my brother-in-law's EX-wife comes over for dinner (they are all still very close) and my father-in-law calls her husband by HIS son's name until the husband calls him on it and they get into a shouting match.

Which was nice.

On Christmas the brother-in-law shows up with his girlfriend and her kids. LEt me take a minute to say how nice she is. She is from what anyone (even those who object to the phrase) would say is white trash. She really is trying to break the cycle. She is currently taking care of her brother's 18 month old girl so that she doesn't have to go to foster care. She is clearly visibly malformed from the mother's drug use, probably meth. Very sad but the girl just looks like she desperately wants to be loved.

Okay back to the bashing.

So they show up. I told my wife that this was going to be the show down of show downs. Him vs. the granddaughter (our Josie). I would have to say that it is still Him #1 Josie #2 seriously. On Christmas morning no breakfast no breakfast waiting waiting....I finally mentioned it to my wife and she pointed out that HE was not ready for breakfast so it had not been prepared yet....again-seriously.

The oldest daughter of the girlfriend is suddenly sick. GREAT! just what we need the baby getting sick-she didn't we did.

As I was creatively packing the car with all the new gifts IN THE RAIN a storm was brewing inside the house. I walk into my father-in-law chewing out my wife for god only knows what. Mother-in-law is coddling our baby and acting like she had nothing to do with it. Let me say this---these people are very good at the mind games. They do stuff that I am sitting in the room watching them do and I have no idea that they are either trying to push their own daughter's (my wife) buttons or they are trying to get me to do something simply so they can laugh to themselves about their plan working out. Truly petty and amazing. So the brother-in-law comes up behind me and asks for the FOURTH time if I need help and I had had it at that point.

"No"

"Are you sure?"

pause.....I turn around-"Did you hear the answer to the question you JUST ASKED?"

"Yea"
I cut him off"Then pay f**king attention to it and from now on before you speak take a second to consider shutting the f**k up"

I walked off and go downstairs to finish packing the car.

No one heard the F's but they all knew that I had dared speak to HIM in that tone. My father-in-law really let my wife have it at that point and my mother-in-law actually turned her back on her own daughter and wouldn't talk to her...while holding our baby mind you.

Okay so we leave. We get to my folk's place and have a relaxing very happy Christmas day. That night at approximately 2 am I was awoken by the sound of every bodily fluid that can leave a body suddenly doing so out my wife in the bathroom adjacent to the bedroom we were in. Nasty nasty stuff. She had caught the virus/whatever the oldest daughter showed up with on Christmas day at the in-laws. Turns out that my brother-in-law had to stop on the way back to Georgia and get an IV for this, after it was determined that he would have to stay overnight in the hospital he agreed to pay for his girlfriend (the one taking care of the meth baby) to have an IV too. Did I mention that she works for his company....he has been sleeping with employees for several years now...oh and she doesn't have health insurance. Nice.

The baby is all right-never had a temperature. I am back at work today-my wife is at home sick on her vacation. Baby is at daycare and I am beat from being on baby duty for the last two days straight (I don't have nipples with which to keep baby happy and quiet). I am probably too sick to be at work but I wanted my wife to have some time alone on her vacation. She said she is feeling better this morning and that her fever was gone I still told her it was too soon to be close to the baby. IF she is able to take care of Josie tonight (I know it is killing my wife to be apart from her and still be in the same house) I plan on having quite a few adult beverages this evening - Something I haven't done in at least 5 months.

[kick-ass-bob]

1. At least you didn't get into a fist fight with her brother.

I just about did once over charcoal and a remote control. :eyes:



At least you are alive.

:D

:hi:

[underpants]

4. The charcaol I could see, but the remote control?

:bounce:

THIS close to making the matcom news. THIS close.

[kick-ass-bob]

5. he couldn't work the damned thing.

I showed him how it worked and he got pissed, that I was smarter/better than him and showing off. :shrug:

Of course, that was after I was trying to fire up the grill (making a pyramid of briquettes) and he just dumped them in and threw in a match -- and added lighter fluid "as needed"

[matcom]

2. *sniff* yet another Rockwell Christmas

:D

oh man. that DOES suck! i used to LOVE dropping f-bombs on the relatives during the holidays! :D

maybe that's why the Mrs and I STAY HOME ALONE now! have for 2 years in a row and let me tell you, it is the BEST way to spend the day!

betcha can't WAIT till next Thanksgiving can you! :D

[underpants]

6. Funny -we talked about that

in our Rockwell painting WE the new parents would both have old dried up milk stains on our shirts from feeding the baby. :bounce:

We stopped each other several times over the weekend to "clean up" the other one. We usually don't notice it because it is just us and the baby.

It hit us on Thurday -WHY are WE going to see THEM???

I decided that next year we will tell them where we will be. THe brother-in-law will probably not make it to our house.

[kick-ass-bob]

7. That's exactly what we did.

We used to bounce around to 3-4 different places on Thanksgiving. Now we say "we will be 'here' on such and such day" be there, or not.

[underpants]

8. and bring some f**kin charcoal would ya?

f**kin ingrates :grr:

[kick-ass-bob]

9. "You might want to put the lighter fluid on BEFORE lighting it."

"Don't tell me how to run a f**kin grill!!"

[underpants]

10. And all these years we thought the pinnate's were just for the kids

When was the last time Mexico attacked anyone again? :think:

[Midlodemocrat]

11. I hear you. I can't tell you how many times we pounded up and

down the 95 corridor to see family. With three small kids. They, mind you, having none.

This Thanksgiving was the worst. We were in NYC, after pulling the kids out of school, including the high schooler. It was crowded, noisy, freezing. Never again.

[underpants]

12. Cheapskate

you are just afraid of paying the toll they want to put on 95 (Carolina border)


:bounce:

[Midlodemocrat]

13. yet another reason to stay out of North Carolina.

[kick-ass-bob]

14. don't make me come up there and kick you two's asses.

:grr:

[Midlodemocrat]

15. The only reason to go to NC would be to see you, KAB!!!

:hi:

Just kidding. about the only reason part. not about the seeing you part.

[underpants]

16. You forgot the "aRR-ah"

your not you

C
A
aRR-ah
O
L
I
N
A

[kick-ass-bob]

18. youse.

:mad:

[Shell Beau]

3. Damn! Sounds rough!

:(

You need a few drinks! I hope your wife starts to feel better!

[Patiod]

17. Did the Ron White air freshener smell like bourbon?

It would be appropriate...

Sounds like a nightmare holiday - there is nothing worse than a stomach/intestine flubug. Hope everyone is feeling better today.