Minnesota Gubernatorial Candidate Is A Self-Styled "Vampyre"

[matcom]

<snip>

Looking for something really, really different in a political candidate this year?
Take a gander at Jonathon (The Impaler) Sharkey, who will launch his gubernatorial campaign in Princeton, Minn., on Friday the 13th as a "satanic dark priest" and the leader of the "Vampyres, Witches and Pagans Party."

Since there's nothing but a $300 filing fee to stop anyone from running for statewide office, campaigns in Minnesota typically attract colorful and eccentric characters looking for attention. And of course, former Gov. Jesse Ventura broke the mold and got elected. But Minnesota may never have seen a more outside-the-box politician than the Impaler, also a former pro wrestler.

For starters, he describes himself as a "sanguinary vampyre ... just like you see in the movies and TV, I sink my fangs into the neck of my donor (at this time in my life, it is my wife, Julie), and drink their blood," he said in an e-mail.

The 13-point platform on his extensive website (www.jonathonforgovernor.us) offers a number of conventional policy initiatives, including emphasis on education, tax breaks for farmers and better benefits for veterans.

http://www.startribune.com/587/story/178289.html

[redqueen]

1. .

:rofl:

How wrong is it that I'd like to vote for this guy?
(Only if the Dem/liberal canddiate was a shoo-in, mind.)

[GOPisEvil]

2. Have you met our Governor, "The Impaler"?

:rofl:

[MsAnthropy]

3. He's better than Timmy the Tool

but, of course, just about anyone is

[Deja Q]

12. Timmy NoTool.

Yes-men have none. :)

[MsAnthropy]

15. LOL! Better yet!

[EstimatedProphet]

4. Nice. Instead of impeachment, you'd have to put a stake through his heart

[crispini]

14. BWAH!

:spray:

[ragin_acadian]

5. this is kinda funny:

"Any Terrorist who is caught in Minnesota while I am governor, will find
out what the true meaning of my nickname: “The Impaler!” I will impale
them right in front of our State Capital."

with what?


seriously though, is there any chance that he will take part in debates?

[no name no slogan]

7. That would totally kick ass

I work just down the hill from the capital and have a straight line of sight to it. Maybe the could do them over lunch hour, so the bureaucrats and business people from downtown St Paul can watch

[ragin_acadian]

11. from what i am reading, that stuff was pretty brutal:

"This was one of the most revolting punishments ever devised by the human imagination and even in those days was hardly ever used. The penal code of Charles V did not make provision for it. In the manual Punishments of Life and Limb..., we find the following: 'In barbaric regions, particularly in Algiers, Tunis, Tripoli, and Salee, where inveterate pirates dwell, if a man is thought guilty of treason, he is impaled. This is done by inserting a sharply pointed stake into his posterior, which then is forced through his body, emerging through the head, sometimes through the throat. This stake is then inverted and planted in the ground, so that the wretched victims, as we" http://www.shanmonster.com/witch/torture/impale.html

or: "One particularly gruesome form of impalement involved being forced to stand over a wide stake which was just tall enough that it penetrated the victim's rectum deeply. This left them unable to remove themselves, or to sit. As their legs tired, they would slowly sink onto the stake, which eventually would cause mortal damage, but only over the course of hours, or even days." http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Impalement

i dunno that i would wish that on anybody....well actually i might. maybe just a few people. not more than a dozen, though.

[kick-ass-bob]

6. Hey, they had a wrestler as governor. Who knows?

Jesse "the Mind"

:rofl:

:hide:

[no name no slogan]

9. "Jesse Ventura: a man in tights has nothing to hide"

[LeftyMom]

8. And all we ever get is pron stars and libertarian druids.

:rofl:

[flvegan]

10. He'll get the Freeper vote. From his website:

"Any Terrorist who is caught in Minnesota while I am governor, will find out what the true meaning of my nickname: “The Impaler!” I will impale them right in front of our State Capital. Then Fed’s can take the terrorist’s body from the impaling stake. If the US Department of
Justice (DOJ) wants to charge me with brutally murdering a terrorist,
they may do so. I do not see an American Jury convicting me."

[WeRQ4U]

13. Just a little snippit from his web site for your enjoyment........

"In August 1988, while visiting a relative, I met a girl who was totally
taken by me and who I was. She was hott and sexy, so I drove her
home that night on my bike, and slept with her. Though I do not regret
sleeping with her, in 1996 I found that she was my half-sister who I
hadn't seen since 1970. Talk about letting your ego get the best of you.

In an effort to gain strength and power, I started taking performance
enhancing pills.

In November 1988, besides starting my political career I fought in a
Boxer vs. Wrestler match against Pro-Wrestler "Diamond" Jim Brady.
This fight was declared a Draw, and changed my whole life.

As a result that fight, I decided to go into the world of Professional
Wrestling."

To each his own, I guess.

[B3Nut]

16. Nice cape,

but the punctuation and grammar on his site needs help. I'm not down with Lucifer either, far as that goes. That's his right, though...but Jon, you need an editor, buddy! :D

He looks scary in some of the pics on his site...creepy.

Todd in Beerbratistan