Gay DUers. What exactly is the "Homosexual Agenda"?

[maveric]

I heard that phrase again today by this RW/fundie woman who blames Hollywood for all the ills of our society.
Could someone give a definition of the "Agenda"?

[Deja Q]

1. To live without fear of being beaten up or killed because of

unfair and unjust stigmas attached to us. Such as we all molest kids, all have diseases, et cetera.

And people who aren't gay get beanten up too... it's the perception that people are gay that can put anyone at risk.

[Ohio Joe]

24. You got that right

When I was in high school, I got into several fights because I was believed to be gay. Something that has followed me ever since, fortunately though it has not turned to violence since high school.

[davsand]

2. The only real "homosexual agenda" I have ever seen in print:

6:00 am Gym
8:00 am Breakfast (oatmeal and egg whites)
9:00 am Hair appointment
10:00 am Shopping
12:00 PM Brunch

2:00 PM
1) Assume complete control of the U.S. Federal, State and Local Governments as well as all other national governments,
2) Recruit all straight youngsters to our debauched lifestyle,
3) Destroy all healthy heterosexual marriages,
4) Replace all school counselors in grades K-12 with agents of Colombian and Jamaican drug cartels,
5) Establish planetary chain of homo breeding gulags where over-medicated imprisoned straight women are turned into artificially impregnated baby factories to produce prepubescent love slaves for our devotedly pederastic gay leadership,
6) bulldoze all houses of worship, and
7) Secure total control of the INTERNET and all mass media for the exclusive use of child pornographers.

2:30 PM Get forty winks of beauty rest to prevent facial wrinkles from stress of world conquest
4:00 PM Cocktails
6:00 PM Light Dinner (soup, salad, with Chardonnay)
8:00 PM Theater
11:00 PM Bed (du jour)

---
I do hope it makes you at least smile. After being exposed to a fundy for any period of time the only hope of salvage for the day is a a stiff drink, a big laugh, and a good f**k.

Regards!


Laura

[AussieDave]

3. Between 2:00pm and 2:30pm could we also squeeze in

molest all children under the age of 8, since that's what gay people seem to do ??


Great post by the way - loved it !!! If only my mornings and evenings were like that......:D

[davsand]

4. We can pencil that in.

I think of it more as a suggestion rather than a "guideline," really.

I, personally, tend to begin the cocktail hour a bit earlier in the day, so I see no reason why we can't be flexible about your addendum as well.

Cheers!



Laura

[LostinVA]

10. That's the MALE homosexual agaenda

[RumpusCat]

12. Very true! Us dykes are up to all sorts of other wickedness

But fundies don't usually think about lesbians, I've noticed. They're afraid of gay men and feminists, and I think for them big ole dykes fit more under 'man-hating feminists' than 'homosexuals.'

What would the Lesbian Homosexual Agenda be then? Bra-burning? Encouraging little girls to forgo shaving their armpits? Becoming gym teachers to teach girls to take up undelicate sports like softball and field hockey? I'm a pretty crappy lesbian then, because I can't burn my bra (man--I'd give myself a black eye if I so much as walked quickly without one) and I'm terrible at sports. I've got hairy pits tho'. :evilgrin:

[davsand]

16. Oh hell, I'm a straight chick that hasn't shaved her legs in 25 years.

You CAN'T claim not shaving as a "lesbian thang!" It isn't fair, I tell you!

As for the field hockey and the softball thing, I'm coaching girls softball again this year (along with hubby) so even THAT is not exclusively lesbian turf.

I will also admit to needing my Maidenforms. The "girls" have headed south a lot in the last few years.

Does this make me "confused" if I'm doing all this stuff that is supposed to indicate I'm a lesbian? Am I really a lesbian and never realized it?

Wow. How eye opening! :)



Laura

[RumpusCat]

20. You must be ona them-thar FEMINISTS! :clutches pearls:

I'm just saying, what are things that fundies would consider lesbian turf? Anyway, this just adds to my argument that they put lesbians into the Feminist camp rather than the Gay (Male) camp. Maybe we should get together and call it the Uppity Woman Agenda? :D

And man, I wish I was better at sports! I've always been the booknerdboy type, tho'. :hi:

[LostinVA]

28. You REALLY are a lesbian! See what allowing gays to marry in MA

has done to you???

Next, you'll be wearing flannel shirts and playing rugby...

[davsand]

36. You got a PROBLEM with flannel?

How was that? Was I mean enough there to qualify as a rampaging lesbian? Am I now militant?

Do I need to fire up my chainsaw and my Harley and go to MA? :)

I'm kinda getting into this new identity of mine that we discovered here at DU! I had no idea it could be so "liberating!" I'm thinking I might get some kind of buzz cut for my hair before long. However, before I do that, I need advice from my trusted advisers here at DU. Would a "high and tight" be acceptable or do I need to go down to stubble?

I never have been good at this hair and makeup thing...


Laura

[LostinVA]

37. OOOH... that's very good... and, it's all according what kind of lesbian

A more "rednecky" one? A mullet, for sure... a granola one? Very short hair the same all over... NO m military cuts!!! (of course, mine is quite a bit longer than that, but I', undercover so I can recruit people....)

[TallahasseeGrannie]

17. A co-worker just today at lunch

told me it is a known fact that lesbians are mean.

So add that to the agenda.

[RumpusCat]

22. Mean Ole Lesbians

I've heard that as well--I wonder why that's a stereotype? I think it must have something to do with the bulldagger/butch/man-hating continum, which is to say that if a woman's not looking for a man to fawn over then she must be mean (not to mention ugly and frigid).

For the record, I am mean, but that's more my Napolean complex than the lesbianism talking. :evilgrin: I've got a big butch girlfriend who is just sweet as pie, tho'--I don't think the girl has a mean bone in her body!

[TallahasseeGrannie]

23. I never heard it before

and I was kind of surprised. I don't think I know any mean lesbians! Now I know a lot of assertive lesbians, and maybe women aren't supposed to be so assertive?

[LostinVA]

29. Ooooh! Really?

I must try being mean to people, so I can be a better lesbian.

How's this:

"Shut up, Grannie, you crazy old Christian lady!" Okay, that wasn't very good. I need to practice some, I guess...

[TallahasseeGrannie]

31. No, you can do better than that.

It must be a learned skill. Practice sneering and looking menacing in the mirror.

[LostinVA]

33. Okay, I just tried it... I looked constipated...

[TallahasseeGrannie]

34. Hopeless

You'll never be a mean lesbian.

[LostinVA]

35. *sigh* Maybe I'm not even a real elsbian... maybe I'm actually bisexual

[TallahasseeGrannie]

38. Well that would explain it

if you are only bi, then you didn't a copy of the agenda. And you can't be mean enough.

[LostinVA]

39. That sucks... I've been living a lie for YEARS

The shame of it... oh, I hope it isn't true! My parents will be so ashamed of me!!!

[Skittles]

43. a lesbian at work twisted my ear once

but that was because I had played a hilarious practical joke on her :D

[LostinVA]

27. Learning to use a chainsaw...

[Jamison]

5. I think I know.

I hear they want to recruit all of us heteros.:rofl:

[6000eliot]

6. We won't stop until everyone's gay

And Satan is the master of all!

[Benfea]

7. [CONSERVATIVE] I know what the Gay Conspiracy is! [/CONSERVATIVE]

(Note: I'm not gay, so technically I shouldn't respond, but I couldn't resist making fun of conservatives/Christians.)

Of course we all know that the Homosexual Conspiracy Agenda is to shoot Gay Laserbeams out of the televisions of America, thus turning everyone gay and causing humanity to cease to exist as fewer and fewer babies are born every year. They must be stopped! You don't want the human race to be wiped out, do you? You think I'm joking? They're already doing it with that "Spongebob Squarepants" show!

[Wetzelbill]

8. To make everyone laugh uncontrollably!

You mean "Gay" as in happy and carefree right? Because in that case, I am the gayest of the gay!!!!

Wait.. you mean... oh....

I can't help you on that one.. :)

[donheld]

9. All I know is I'm totally pissed.

I'm totally gay out and proud, and nobody sent me a copy of the "Homosexual Agenda." Now how the hell am I suppose to know what to do. And another thing, how do I know if I'm "Militant" or not?

[northzax]

13. well, if you didn't get a copy of the Agenda

then you obviously aren't militant. Duh.

[xchrom]

11. TO GET YOU HETEROS TO DRESS BETTER!

there are sub areas of interest held with in
that general area.

for example -- if we can get a straight male to dress better -- can we get him to shake his booty on the dance floor better?

can we get straight females to understand there is a before 5:00pm ''look'' and an after 5:00pm look -- make-up, heels and skirt lengths should reflect such.

if we can get the fashion thing down -- can we move on and get you to part with your way, way, way out of date levelors?

that's the general idea -- the more you fall in line with that -- the more toasters there are for you to collect.

we are soon coming out with increased options for available colours in our toasters -- reflecting changing tastes in decor.

[dr.strangelove]

14. The same thing we do every night Pinky ... Try to Take Over the World!

Their Pinky and the Brain ...

[slide to the left]

18. On the Pinky and the Brain issue

Don't you think they sorta resemble Bush and Shooter. Bushinky being a big dufus and Brainey trying to take over he world?

[dr.strangelove]

19. Totally

One of my friends did a cartoon based on that back in 2002 after the midterm election.

[begin_within]

15. A quick drink, then bed. Sometimes skip the drink.

[ncrainbowgrrl]

21. The "REAL" Gay Agenda:

[NMMNG]

25. To live a normal life, with the same rights as heterosexuals

Creepy, isn't it?

[Skittles]

26. when you pin those asshat conservatives down

they always come up with the "recruitment" thing :puke:

[LostinVA]

30. The only people I want to recruit are Kate Winslet and Ashley Judd

And maybe Rachael Weisz and Terry Farrell for backup...

[Skittles]

42. lol.....LostinVA

now you quit it! :D

[long_green]

44. you can't be a lesbian with a list like that...

you're actually a straight guy. Wanna beer? How 'bout those Steelers?

[terrya]

32. Having the same rights as heterosexuals.

The right to hold a job without fear of being fired because you're gay or lesbian.

The right to get housing regardless of your sexual orientation.

The right to serve for your country if you wish, openly as gay and lesbian, in the military.

The right to be able to adopt, regardless of sexual orientation.

The right to be able to legally marry, to enjoy the same benefits as heterosexual married couples.

These rights are also known as first class citizenship.

That's the "homosexual agenda". Terrifying, isn't it?

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

40. Well, this is my lesbian agenda for today...

9:00am--Alarm goes off.
9:36am--Get tangled in my sleeping bag and trip off futon. (Cat crapped on comforter last week)
9:38am--Get in shower...exfoliate, shave, wash, shampoo, condition
10:10am--Get out of shower...lotion, brush teeth, get dressed, play with hair.
10:30am--Run around frantically for car keys
10:50am--Go to Starbucks. Get triple grande organic cappucino.
11:00am--Buy a container of tofu scampi for lunch at the natural food store deli.
11:30am--Arrive at work late. Boss is away, so I'm watching her 5 dogs. The dogs don't mind.
11:40am--Let dogs out. Watch end of ER while talking to boss on phone.
12:00pm--Get off phone. Let dogs in. Biscuits for everyone! Watch Will & Grace.
1:00pm--Eat tofu scampi. The dogs like it, too, so we share. Order The L Word off Showtime on Demand.
2:00pm--The L Word ends. I cry. Dogs cry. Let dogs out.
2:05pm--Log into DU. Make a buisiness call while posting.
2:20pm--Get taken off hold only to find out that they fucked up so we missed the deadline and now we must deal with the customer directly (which we already did).
2:28pm--Continue posting homosexual agenda on DU.
4:00pm--Dogs will go out again.
4:30pm--Dogs let in and get fed.
6:00pm--Leave work & go to the bar. Meet heterosexual friends.
7:59pm--Heterosexuals converted to homosexuals. My day is done.
8:30pm--Watch tv and play pool in my basement.

[leftofthedial]

41. same as everyone else's

10:00 Introductions
10:15 Old Business
10:25 New Business
10:45 Adjourn