Ponderisms....

[YellowRubberDuckie]

* PONDERISMS*

· I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I
learned that most people
die of natural causes.

· Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to
make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull
on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.

· The easiest way to find something lost around
the house is to buy a replacement.

· Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out
alive anyway.

· There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick
and the dead.

· Life is sexually transmitted.

· Health is merely the slowest possible rate at
which one can die.

· The only difference between a rut and a grave
is the depth.

· Some people are like Slinkies. Not really good
for anything, but you
still can't help but smile when you see one tumble
down the stairs.

· Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday,
lying in hospitals dying
of nothing.

· Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder
these days no one talks
about seeing UFOs like they used to?

· Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

· All of us could take a lesson from the weather.
It pays no attention to
criticism.

· In the 60's, people took acid to make the world
weird. Now the world is
weird and people take Prozac t o make it normal.

· How is it one careless match can start a forest
fire, but it takes a
whole box to start a campfire?

· Who was the first person to look at a cow and
say, "I think I'll
squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever
comes out?"

· Who was the first person to say, "See that
chicken there? I'm gonna eat
the next thing that comes outta its butt."

· Why is there a light in the fridge and not in
the freezer?

· If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

· Do illiterate people get the full effect of
Alphabet Soup?

· Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the
bottle?