Does real love ever die?

[rubadubman]

Isn't it governed by a different set of rules then all other human interactions? Doesn't it come bumping in unannounced when you don't expect it, then sticks around dominating your lives, dispite all the twists and turns two lives can make, and is there in the end, when circumstance permit? I think that's what happens. It never dies.
Just stays burning slowly in your heart as an ember waiting to be fanned back to full glory.

[bicentennial_baby]

1. Depends

I mean for me, I truly love my most recent ex...He was the first love of my life...But, it wasn't meant to be. So, I still love him even though I can't be with him. My other ex, on the other hand, I loved...but now, I hate with all the passion I can muster.

:shrug:

[rubadubman]

35. Whew!

so it seems we could say Real Love doesn't actually die of it's own accord, but it can be transformed into hatred through force of will or actions of the beloved.

[texasleo]

2. there's no such thing

[bigwillq]

3. Hello!

Welcome to DU! :hi:

[Guava Jelly]

4. Yes ..I think real love die's ..or at least changes into something else

guess i am a bit jaded :)

[CaliforniaPeggy]

5. My dear rubadubman......

I can tell you unequivocally that real love never dies.......

That is its hallmark.....being real! Infatuations can come and go, and they do......

But real love? You always have it...always, beyond death...

If you lose contact with the beloved person, the love will fade......

I know.......I have felt it.....I have been there.........


:hug:

[rubadubman]

19. I agree with you California Peggy

Once stricken, you are never the same. You can force it out of your mind and learn to carry on without your loved one, you can replace the expression of it with hatred, you can maybe even learn to love another, but the spark that past love remains. I think people have room for more then one spark, but learning to live through the transition from one to another must be the clever bit in that.

[skygazer]

6. I'm 45 years old

I've had a number of relationships but only a couple that I would actually label "love." And yes, love can die. There's not necessarily some purity in love - people grow and change and eventually you find that what once bound you together no longer does. Does that mean the love that was there wasn't "real?" I don't think so. I think love is only as real as you believe it is. But I don't really believe that it's some all-powerful force that trancends all - except in the case of one's children. That's a whole different can of peas.

[never cry wolf]

7. I am 51 years old

and I tend to agree more with Peggy. 35 years ago this summer I started dating the girl that I thought was the real love of my life, at that time I was convinced. We saw each other off and on for 8 years but she had been abused as a child by her alcoholic dad and was attracted to a darker element. We both married others and lost touch for 22 years, but she was never far out of my mind.

4 1/2 years ago I found her on classmates.com, sent an email, and it was like we were never apart. Still crack each other up, finish each other's sentences, etc. We both feel that we have known each other on some other plane or life and that we were meant to know each other now and in future existences....

I don't know if circumstances will work out so that we can be together in this lifetime (we're both still married with kids) but I hope so. It never died, at least in my heart, and never will. Maybe it is my torment, my pennance...

edited to add: The ember was almost doused. She had married the first time when I was studying for a year overseas. He was a druggie and physical abuser. The summer I got back I got invited to a volleyball party at her place. Well, she had these most nights and her hubby worked night shift. After one was breaking up she asked me to stay to show me something. Whoa, did she ever... It went on for a month and I was this || close to asking her to leave the wife beater and marry me when one of her female friends mentioned she had a boyfriend at work and couldn't see me anymore. I was crushed, needless to say, and vowed to put her out of my mind forever, that was the start of the 22 years with no contact. I tried, I really, really did but she kept popping into my mind. Turns out she divorced the druggie wife beater and married the boyfriend from work, who is an alcoholic mental abuser....

Anyway, long boring tale for others reading but I tend to get carried away. Infatuation? Maybe, but for 35 years??? The embers never died and have been relit brighter than ever.

[newcriminal]

13. I don't mean to be a noisy body, but what about your wife?

[never cry wolf]

20. I knew it was wrong after a year

but by then she was pregnant. I have stuck in it and tried to make it work for over 2 decades for the kids... I guess I loved her, or thought I did...

Who knows, if my 1st love and I had gotten together and married lo those many years ago we may have been at each others throats. I don't think so and wish we would have had that chance but ya never know. I DO know that currently I am quite unhappy except for the kids, who have made it all worth while.

[TK421]

8. If it doesn't seem to die, then I will be here to kill it n/t

[ContraBass Black]

9. Yes.

I had it. It's gone.

And good riddance.

[bluethruandthru]

10. I believe the only love that never dies....

or fades...or is diminished by time or distance...is the love a parent has for a child. All other loves are temporary.

Welcome to DU! :hi:

[Guava Jelly]

12. I agree fully

When my mother passed away and My lady had the hots for another man.
I was at a place where i truly believed that no one living truly loved me..
Talk about a sad dark place..I don't wanna go back there!!

[bluethruandthru]

18. Your mother's love for you is eternal!

It will always be with you! Remember that!

:hug:

[Skittles]

26. but that love is not a given

for many, many people

[Iniquitous Bunny]

11. Yes.

If not nurtured by both parties, it will die. Love is not merely a "feeling". Love is an action that one does each day.

[caty]

14. There are many different kinds of love.

Love can endure through many hardships. Or, it can die at the first thing that happens that causes one to loose faith in it. It can be destroyed by the one you give it to. It can be given to someone who does not even realize you feel that way toward them. If you want love to die, it will. If you want it to continue on unconditionally, it will. What we have to be careful of is not giving love to someone who would welcome it, because we are too blinded by the love for someone who doesn't really want or value it.:loveya:

[never cry wolf]

21. I am a lil confused

By your last sentence:

What we have to be careful of is not giving love to someone who would welcome it, because we are too blinded by the love for someone who doesn't really want or value it.

Did you mean?

What we have to be careful of is giving love to someone who would not welcome it, because we are too blinded by the love for someone who doesn't really want or value it.

that makes more sense to me, as well as describe my situation somewhat.

Upon rereading, I thing I get your meaning and both interpretations make sense.

[caty]

24. I meant that sometimes

we are so intent on loving someone who doesn't want, need, or appreciate our love for them. While there may be someone we know who would treasure our love, but we don't realize that. I stand by the wording of my sentence. In any case, I believe that love is a positive emotion and we always get some benefit to some degree by loving.

[wildhorses]

15. for me....no...I just find a place in my heart and tuck it away...

sometimes I pull it out, in quiet moments and dream of the "what could of been"...

[bridgit]

16. nope, there is no shelf life to real love...

[Jara sang]

17. Love is a dung heap.

And I am but a mere cock that climbs upon it to crow.

[Jamastiene]

22. No, it never dies.

Our experiences become part of us for the rest of our lives. The immediate need for that other person to always be with you may go away, but underneath it all the love has absorbed into you and become part of you. I still love a girl I'll cal "Wanda Jean." She'll never want to be with me, but that doesn't take my love for her away. It'll always be in the back of my mind and in the deepest part of my heart.

[idgiehkt]

23. I felt this today

and it totally sucks. It's been six years since we broke up, and she called today and we talked for 2 hours. She's having trouble with the girlfriend...it never fails that whenever she's having trouble with a girlfriend I get a call from her.

And all day long I've been hearing stuff in my head like, 'well, I only had to call the cops on her once, so maybe...'

[reyd reid reed]

25. Yes.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

28. ......

:hug:

[Shine]

27. Is real love ever "born"? Maybe LOVE just IS and it simply changes form.

on the other hand, what the hell do I know? :D

"Love has its reasons that Reason does not know." ~Pascal.

Welcome to DU, friend! Nice to see another philosopher in the lounge...:toast: :hi:

[reyd reid reed]

29. Love isn't 'born'...and it's not something that just 'is', either.

It evolves and it grows and it sneaks up on you and it takes work to maintain...and it can wither and die, too.

[Shine]

32. I was talking about Love more in the abstract sense of the word.

and not so much in the specific relationship sense.

I believe in the absolute nature of Love and so, in that sense, to me anyway, it simply IS....but it changes form.

I'm probably not explaining myself well. Sorry, it's late. I'm tired. :eyes:

[pitohui]

30. sure it dies

everything dies, and if the love is real, as in based on passion instead of duty or status or being good buddies who are in good position to share financial status, then it is sometimes going to die sooner than love that isn't "real" in a lot of cases -- the flame that burns the hottest burns out the fastest

the flower the blooms and dies the next morning is not any less real than the flower that blooms for a month

your view is v. romantic but please, rubadubman, if your love is a lady, take her at her word when she says it's over, nothing is worse than the man who can't catch a clue that it's over, sometimes there's a thin line between a romantic and a stalker from the female point of view

[siouxsiecreamcheese]

31. i don't think it does

after just ending an 8 year relationship, I still wake up wanting that person to be there. we still are best friends, & we still also have that kind of special love between us. I don't think I'll ever stop loving him or him loving me.

[leftofthedial]

33. the question should be, does it really exist in the first place

of course it dies.

sorry to piss on your ember.

[JackDragna]

34. Trick question!

There is no "real love," only that which we confuse with love/a need for someone to bail us out of debt. :)