The MIL explained gay marriage to a 87-year-old bigot with dementia

[LostinVA]

On Friday, in preparation for the wedding shower, the MIL decided that she would explain that Haruka and I were getting married, despite protests from Haruka's sister. So, en route to the mall, after many glances at Lisa in the rear-view mirror, who desperately shook her head "no," in warning, she explained it.

MIL: You know Haruka's friend, LostinVA?
Granny: No.
MIL: You know her. She's here all the time.
Granny: I don't know her.
MIL: Well, you know how most girls like to kiss boys? Well, Haruka likes to kiss girls.
Granny: Does that mean she likes kissing you?
SIL: Ewww...no! That's like me liking to kiss my stepdad.
Granny: I don't know. They didn't have people like that back in my day.
SIL: Yes, they did. It's just that no one talked about it.
Granny: Well, I don't know anyone like that.
SIL: I know lots of gay people.
Granny: I don't.
MIL: Yes, you do. Father ----- is that way.
Granny: Father -----, too?!?! What did his parents say?
MIL: He's a priest! It doesn't matter. Well, anyway, Haruka is going to be having a domestic partnership with LostinVA. (She thought it was best not to mention the "m" word) They're very happy.
Granny: I don't know. I'm worried about this. I don't like it. I should be dead.
MIL: Would you rather she marry an abusive man?
Granny: Maybe.
MIL: But she's happy.

This conversation apparently repeated several times over, as they had to stop at four stores, and Granny wanted the whole thing explained again between every store. Haruka and I almost had a heart attack when the MIL called us (we were already in the driveway) to "give us a warning."

"Scenes" from the shower should be posted in the next day or two, as soon as the SIL emails the photos to me.

[Starbucks Anarchist]

1. Good luck.

[LostinVA]

2. She's not allowed to come to the wedding, only the reception

I'm putting my foot down about that.

[Midlodemocrat]

3. Bullshit. I'm picking her up and plying her with Appletinis

prior to the wedding.

:rofl:

[LostinVA]

4. Good God, and you're a mental health professional!!!

:cry:

[Midlodemocrat]

6. Wheeeeee!!!!!

I'm not licensed in VA, so I have nothing to lose.

[LostinVA]

16. Damn!!!

[cboy4]

61. .......

:spray:

Oh my sides

[LynneSin]

10. Let me know if I should bring anything Middlo

:D

[LeftyMom]

8. Have you got somebody to handle her there?

Sounds like she might still make a scene.

[Midlodemocrat]

11. I nominate flvegan to be Granny's handler.

That alone would probably make me pee myself.

[LeftyMom]

13. You need somebody with a tranquilizer gun. nt

[Midlodemocrat]

14. What if I brought my pepper spray?

:bounce:

[LeftyMom]

15. In a crowd? Better go with the taser.

Or Haruka could shoot her.

[LostinVA]

57. Tasers are illegal in NJ

Haruka laments this fact regularly, especially now that there's a pink taser on the market.

[LostinVA]

17. That's half of Haruka's family

[LeftyMom]

18. :starts wondering what I'm getting into going to this thing:

[LostinVA]

20. There's alcohol, a good DJ, and vegan food

[Midlodemocrat]

21. VEGAN FOOD?

:cry:

[LeftyMom]

23. oh noes!

[LostinVA]

24. NOT FOR YOU!!!!

There'll be a chicken dish, a seafood dish, and pasta with two sauces -- one vegan. And, the salad and sides are vegan, too. Most of the h'or oeuvres are Pesky and Carni.

The cake is totally not vegan.

Where's the RSVP???

[Midlodemocrat]

31. The invite is in TM's car. Which should be back

from the Toyota dealer today.

And, which, when picked up, will make me $1200 poorer.

:cry:

I hate kids.

[LostinVA]

32. OMG -- did she hit Underpants or something???

[Midlodemocrat]

33. No. Unfortunately, it wasn't anything she did.

The 'check engine' light was on and it needed a major repair. And, the 100,000 mile check up and a new series of belts.

Series. I hate kids.

[LostinVA]

34. Jeebus

Good thing Barefoot is always on sale.

[flvegan]

26. How much will THAT piss off granny?

[LostinVA]

27. That IS kinda commie and gay

[cboy4]

63. This is the funniest movie I've ever watched!!

OMFG...it's real!! :rofl:

[LostinVA]

64. We always have exciting times at her mom's house, that's for sure

[cboy4]

62. HAHAHAHA.....you're suggesting the need for security

:rofl:

This thread is too damn much!!!

[Starbucks Anarchist]

12. Well, that's good.

[LostinVA]

58. Yeah -- it will be much less noticeable, if she freaks amidst drunken relatives & friends

[flvegan]

5. I can't wait for the shower scene pics!!!!!!

On a serious note, I'm happy that so much of your respective families are behind you in support, and happy for you. It seems like there's always going to be a couple of naysayers, though.

[LostinVA]

19. We are, too

We were talking about that yesterday -- how all of these (mainly) Irish and Italian American Catholics friends, aunts, cousins are totally fine with this - it means so much to us. Plus, we get even more presents.

And, there is an especially embarrassing photo of Haruka that will be posted her as soon as I get it.

hehehehehhehehhe

[flvegan]

28. See deary, you and I seem to think differently about "shower scenes"

My definition involves a woman (or women, if it's a prison movie) nekkid and actually in the shower or bath. So, when you said that there were scenes from the shower, well, naturally...

[LostinVA]

30. I knew what you meant, pev

I don't share those photos.

[cobalt1999]

48. That got my hopes up too.

Lesbians in the shower pictures was the first image in my brain. :evilgrin:

[LostinVA]

49. God, I so should have figured -- PEVS

[Fran Kubelik]

7. "I should be dead."

Holy cow. That is a very interesting comment. She feels like the world has moved on to a place she can't understand. It's kind of sad....but also brilliantly funny.
Thanks for sharing this! Good luck. :hug:

[LostinVA]

29. She says that all the time

She also says that there were no disabled people when she was a kid -- probably because they were all locked away in hellholes.

[NewJeffCT]

9. pretty cool mother-in-law

I'm trying to think of pre-1950s actors & actresses - and other high profile types - that were gay to use as examples next time for Granny - Rock Hudson? J Edgar Hoover?

[LostinVA]

22. The MIL is kinda nuts but she's been great about the whole thing

Except for the first day or two when she kinda freaked out about "what will the family think"? The only thing they thought was when was the wedding and where. She has a huge girl crush on me which she probably finds confusing. I'm joking.

[seemunkee]

46. I remember that attitude from when I got married

First non-Jew marrying into the family. I think my in-laws were surprised at how much the family didn't care.
Sounds like your getting a lot of support and the whole affair should be a great time.

[LostinVA]

50. Yeah, Haruka's family doesn't care, either

Even the elder step-grandfather who's head of his local Knights of Columbus.

[IndianaJones]

25. ahh...if only they were all that age. nt.

[LostinVA]

38. Why?

[IndianaJones]

40. All the bigots would be gone none too soon. nt.

[LostinVA]

51. Ah! Understood!

[IndianaJones]

53. Sadly this is not the case...but congrats to you...

and hopefully the day will come in our lifetime where you can enjoy full civil rights.

[bleedingheart]

35. My neighbor just went to her sister's gay marriage ceremony

about two weeks ago.

She of course is perfectly fine with this...however she told me that her husband was close to having a stroke over it.

She told me that her sister came out to her and her husband before telling anyone else...and the her husband was perfectly fine with it....however she said the marriage ceremony just "tripped him up" a bit and she was kind of shocked that he was so out of it...

She said her husband is still having to shake off old stereotypes about gay folks...

[LostinVA]

36. What exactly -- the sight of seeing two women instead of a man and a woman?

I have a friend (straight), who is perfectly fine with gay women and gay men... if the latter aren't "effeminate." He's extremely liberal, he and his wife are coming to the wedding, he has plenty of gay friends, etc. But... this weirds him out.

[bleedingheart]

37. don't know

he is an older dude...absolutely loves his sister-in-law...was completely supportive of her (according to his wife)...and this woman has been "out" for well over 20 years...

all is okay...and supposedly the wedding and reception were awesome..but he had a hard time with it for some reason...I didn't press it because I don't want to pry too much...

[TheFriendlyAnarchist]

70. I love effeminate gay men.

Its just an entirely different experience. The ones I've talked to (That just sounds wrong. . .) are really so much more fun to talk to then straight guys.

[hedgehog]

39. I owe both LostinVA and Haruka a very big thanks for all their stories.

My daughter came out a few years ago and I hope there's someone in her future. We're having a wedding for one of her siusters this week-end. When her time comes, I want to make sure we do it up right. Celebrating a wedding between two women (or two men) is still something new, so it's very helpful to me to see how to go about it. Can you print the vows at some point?

[LostinVA]

42. You're quite welcome

We're basically going about it like anyone would, with a few things different.

The vows we;re using are traditional Brehon/Irish/Celtic vows, but I'll PM them to you if you want.

And, for the record, having family support is priceless -- I can't tell you how much it means to us, to be treated the same as our sisters. Your daughter will also appreciate it, I promise.

[hedgehog]

47. She doesn't have a girl friend yet, which is par for the family so far.

Both her brothers are looking for girl friends, too! Her other two sisters are too young yet for serious relationships. I have to laugh at myself. When she did mention someone, I was wondering if the other girl was Catholic. Mixed marriages can be so hard!

[LostinVA]

52. We were both raised Catholic

And, would even have an RC wedding if the Church allowed it!

[hedgehog]

56. If we mothers were permitted to be priests, believe me, you'd

have a Church wedding with bells and whistles! We know what's important. I was reading about the recent proposed new translations of the Mass and associated prayers. One of the arguments was over how to express proper awe for the fact that the Virgin's hymen was supposedly intact after the birth of Jesus. I about fell off my chair when I read that. First of all, only a group of the most clueless males ever gathered would believe that Mary's virginity had anything to do with the state of her hymen! Then there is the entire question of why these guys are even worried about whether her hymen was intact! And this is the group that claims to be able to give the rest of us guidance on sexual morals?!?!?!?!

It's not just in sexual matters that this bunch is on the wrong track. A family here actually moved their father's grave out of the Catholic cemetery when the vicar told them they'd have to get a new headstone. the problem? The headstone the family placed featured an engraving of their father doing what he liked best; sitting in his boat fishing. According to the vicar, the image was inappropriate as not being religious enough! Apparently he never read John 21.

BTW - I submit to you that technically, if two Christians witness your wedding, you've got a sacramental marriage! Having a priest as a witness is a nicety for record keeping, not a requirement.

[LostinVA]

59. Well, the ceremony will be done by clergy -- DU's own Pacifist Patriot.

And we may have a couple priests at the reception. If they come, they'll say a prayer during the toasts.

[XemaSab]

41. Shower scenes?!?!?!?

How are you going to avoid getting locked on that one? :shrug:

[LostinVA]

43. Taterguy gave me some tips

[idgiehkt]

44. great story

you did a good job in the telling of it. What did she mean by "I should be dead?"...well, maybe that is just the dementia. That is very touching and sweet though.

Can't wait to see the photos

[LostinVA]

45. She says that about anything she doesn't like/understand

[LynneSin]

54. My mother was a hoot when I told her I was going to a same sex wedding

First thing she assumed was I was a lesbian (I'm not). Then she asked "Why are you going to the wedding - won't it be all Lesbians there".

She's not homophobic as your grandmother, in fact I think my mother has gotten better over the years - but she was just shocked that straight people would be invited to a same sex wedding. But she did finish the conversation with "Well I hope they have a happy life together - I wish them the best"

[LostinVA]

55. We're having the straightest gay wedding ever

Except for us, there's only one lesbian invited, and she may have to be in Chicago on business that week. Well, and you, of course -- hehehehehhehehehe.

[cboy4]

66. "Why are you going to the wedding - won't it be all Lesbians there".

:rofl: :spray:

[RetroLounge]

69. "Why are you going to the wedding - won't it be all Lesbians there".

OMFG! I just laughed out loud in the cubicle farm. Really loudly...

:rofl:

Can't think of a better reason to go to a wedding... :D

:hi:

RL

[LostinVA]

71. I knew you'd like that!

[cboy4]

60. I just told Haruka it's fortunate that I peed BEFORE I read this

account, because I am on the floor laughing at everything!!!!!!

[LostinVA]

65. I wish you could have heard her sister tell the story

[cboy4]

67. Don't you worry that this marriage could cost us the '06 and '08

elections? :shrug:

[LostinVA]

68. That is my evil lesbian plan