I just noticed yesterday that my ass has grown a little large.

[Writer]

I haven't been exercising, I've been stressed, and I've been hitting the leftover Halloween candy = LARGE ASS.

Well, I may be exaggerating a bit, but I do feel that there's a little extra badonka donk there.

But it's hard to tell. I still fit into my jeans, although they're just a bit tighter. Nothing's sagging - it just feels a bit more rotund. I stared at it for a while yesterday, and I still can't figure out just how large it is.

Does anyone have any good ass measurement tools?


~Writer the Lard Ass~



PS: I have engaged in appropriate ass reduction methods, namely biking. Hopefully that will help deflate my rather large ass.

[RetroLounge]

1. This thread is useless without...

Well, you know...

:hi:

RL

[Writer]

5. We'd need a wide-angle lens for that one, my friend. n/t

[RetroLounge]

8. Well, I have a sure-fire measurement tool...

:9

RL

[Writer]

16. Yeah you and your lickey face...

always cruisin' for a little DU booty... ;)

[RetroLounge]

18. See? You said "little DU booty"

So which is it?

:shrug:

RL

[Writer]

20. I don't know! I'm so confused.

GoPsUx is going to feel it for me through the computer screen. I'll let you know the results.

[Faygo Kid]

12. An ass picture? Hell, here's two for the price of one!

[liberaltrucker]

2. And the problem is.....?

:shrug:

[Writer]

7. I'd prefer not to drag that much around?

I feel like f'ing Jennifer Lopez... and I HATE Jennifer Lopez!

[liberaltrucker]

21. Point is, you're the only one worried about it

Only the shallow would comment. The vast majority of
us accept you as you are. Quite frankly, some of us
kinda like an ample, er, rear view.

:evilgrin:

[Writer]

23. Well I wish my fat ass would stop following me around.

It's bothering me, man.

[Guava Jelly]

3. I like a little Junk in the trunk.

I second retros opinion.
You are fine my friend..
Smart and very sexy...You got the best of both worlds

[Writer]

9. Well if I could simply find a way to measure it...

I'd be able to put this matter to rest.

Mr. Writer hasn't told me NADA. He's MUM on the issue. "Yellow card!" he said. "Evil chick question!"

[Guava Jelly]

15. Mr Writer is a smart man.

Did you know that I can guess the size of almost any round object with my hands alone.
Bra size included..I'm good i tell ya

[Writer]

17. here - I'm pressing my ass against the computer screen...

can you feel it for me and tell me how large it is?

[Guava Jelly]

22. I'd say it was just right..

And quite nice :evilgrin:

[jberryhill]

4. a "little large"

Isn't that an oxymoron?

[Writer]

10. Well... it's in the range of largeness...

by a bit... I think... if only I could find a way to measure it. :P

[jberryhill]

52. If you can't find a way to measure it

Then you cannot meaningfully say it is large.

"In physical science the first essential step in the direction of learning any subject is to find principles of numerical reckoning and practicable methods for measuring some quality connected with it. I often say that when you can measure what you are speaking about, and express it in numbers, you know something about it; but when you cannot measure it, when you cannot express it in numbers, your knowledge is of a meagre and unsatisfactory kind; it may be the beginning of knowledge, but you have scarcely in your thoughts advanced to the state of Science, whatever the matter may be." Lord Kelvin,

[redqueen]

6. My ass has gotten larger and I couldn't fucking care less.

[Mojorabbit]

11. Same here

The older I get the more I am ok with myself.

[Writer]

14. It makes transportation just a bit tougher.

It's like dragging around an extra sack of potatoes.

[trof]

13. I think it's just those pants.

It's the plaid.
They make your ass look big.
;-)

[Writer]

19. Fat asses do like plaid.

http://a2.vox.com/6a00b8ea06ece0dece00c2251c31a2549d-500pi

[YDogg]

24. i like big butts

and i cannot lie

[Writer]

25. No other brother can deny

[Ellen Forradalom]

68. When a girl walks in with an itty-bitty waist

And a round thing in your face
I get SPRUNG!

Attuned minds think alike...

[Deja Q]

26. My hands. Each one has an 8.1" span and I'm very accurate in measuring.

:D


* Span = tip of the thumb to the tip of the index finger, stretched farthest out in the opposite directions

[Writer]

27. Sounds like a good measuring stick.

So... when are you heading to Colorado? ;)

[Cabcere]

28. The bigger the cushion, the sweeter the pushin'

:P (Ha! Beat you to it, temeah!) ;) :hi:

[quip]

30. Good one, Cab!

You rawk.... quickly! :hi:

[Oeditpus Rex]

31. ...

:loveya:

[Writer]

32. I can't believe no one beat you to this...

;)

[Cabcere]

35. Me neither!

:hug: :hi:

[Dr. Strange]

51. I am not familiar with this reference...

is it some sort of gansta rap term?
Or raga maybe?

[Cabcere]

56. "Big Bottom" by Spinal Tap

Here's the music video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YMZilI_ct1A

;) Enjoy!

[Dr. Strange]

57. Who is this Spinal Tap?

Are they a musical group?
What day did God create them on?

[Cabcere]

61. ...and couldn't he have rested on that day, too?

:P :hi:

[quip]

63. "The musical growth rate of this band cannot even be charted.

They are treading water in a sea of retarded sexuality and bad poetry."

One of my absolute favs! :hi:

[Cabcere]

64. Well, that's just nit-picking, isn't it?

:P :rofl: :hi: Great scene.

[quip]

62. Barbershop raga. A new hybrid.

:hi:

[JVS]

29. Can you set a can of beer on it without worrying about spillage?

[Writer]

33. Ummm... well...

I think it would make a better muff than a beer can holder.

[GOPisEvil]

34. Your ass and my gut!

At least that's how I see it...

I started exercising again. Now if I could quit eating like a hawg...

[Writer]

36. My veggie diet has kept it all steady...

but I ENDEAVOR to shrink my ass. ASS SHRINKAGE NOW!1!!!!1!!1!!

[GOPisEvil]

38. Set your mind to it. Don't beat yourself up if you cheat every now and then.

You can do it. :toast: To a smaller ass!

[Writer]

40. Three cheers for smaller asses!

:bounce::bounce:

[hisownpetard]

49. Pretty picture. Thanks.

[Prisoner_Number_Six]

37. You make the rockin' world go 'round!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-D99n9f3vU4

[Writer]

39. That's a great song...

:thumbsup:

[TommyO]

41. My best ass measurement tool is a pair of jeans

If they're too tight, my ass is too big.

[Writer]

45. The problem here is that Levi's now sells "stretch" jeans...

so who knows what size I actually wear...

[TommyO]

58. I avoid the stretchies

I can delude myself without assistance, thank you Levi Strauss!

[Starbucks Anarchist]

42. I'd hit it.

Crap, did I type that? :blush: :hide:

[Writer]

46. Yes, you did!

:yoiks:

[BarenakedLady]

43. Sing it sister!

My ass is spreading...and not in a good way.

[Writer]

47. And when Mother Nature pays her visits, forget it!

I think I add another 2-3 inches onto my waist.

I'm singing LOUD

[TommyO]

44. Self delete - duplicate

Got a cookie error and though my original post didn't go through.

[hisownpetard]

48. What I hate is when I stop running but my butt keeps going.

[DarkTirade]

50. Yeah, I need to find some kind of exercise.

I just quit my very physical job to move up here and I don't want to lose what little shape I have. :P

[Shine]

53. join the club

I'm a cyclist too, which helps. I went out on a solo 3 hr ride today and logged in about 43 miles. :thumbsup:

It doesn't help that I LOOVVVE to eat, though :D

:hi:

[Inchworm]

54. My brother's ass is growing

and I'm getting new clothes! woohoo!

:P

[Perry Logan]

55. Free your mind and your ass will follow.

[Tyler Durden]

59. "You have a woman's bottom, my Lady!"

"I'll wager that sweet round pair of peaches has never been forced 'twixt two splintered planks, to plug a leak and save a ship!"

[Gen. Jack D. Ripper]

60. There is no such thing as too much ass

When I see a large ass, I get down on my knees and give thanks to the lord of gigantic asses for the glorious bounty he hath bestowed.



...I'm a butt guy.

[HughBeaumont]

65. I'm . . . . failing to see the problem here . . .

:evilgrin:

[Javaman]

66. What's a little large? nt

[Ellen Forradalom]

67. Call 1-900-MIX-A-LOT

I LIKE BIG BUTTS AND I CANNOT LIE
Those other brothers can't deny
When a girl walks in with an itty-bitty waist and a round thing in your face
I get SPRUNG!