My Mother isn't getting a card this year.

[LeftyMom]

I looked all over, and I couldn't find one that didn't mention how glad I was to be raised by her (we didn't even know where she was for most of my childhood,) how inspirational she is (uhm no, Mom's like my goofy younger friend, except that she's 50,) some icky religious sentiment or some other jarringly wrong thing. Likewise, I couldn't find a grandmother card for LeftyKid to give her that didn't involve baking cookies, rocking chairs or some other "grandmotherly" kind of thing. Dude, my Mom's got more than a dozen tattoos and she drives a Camaro. She's not really the cookie baking sort. :rofl:

So yeah, Mom's not getting a card for Mothers' Day.

[flvegan]

1. Wait...

:popcorn:

Okay, cue the "you're a shitbrick for not appreciating your mum properly" folks.

C'mon, I know firsthand you're around.

[Droopy]

2. She will probably feel better about that

than she would receiving some mushy card that would totally belie your true feelings.

Did you at least get her some fuzzy dice for her camero? :)

[Oeditpus Rex]

3. In such cases

I'd be likely to make one. Maybe something along the lines of...



Happy Mothers Day

to my

Unconventional Mom




Let's Get Baked and go Hit On Hot Guys!



:hippie:

[ThomCat]

4. That's why I keep stationary and really nice blank cards handy

I can write a personalized notes when I can't find an appropriate card (or can't go out shopping to buy one) and it goes over well.

Leftykid might be a bit young for the personalized note. But something from both of you would certainly work. :shrug:

[Rhythm]

5. Mine didn't get one for a wholly different reason...

I'm tired of the only times i hear from the folks down south being when my mom decides to stick me on her "forward list", then sends me stupid, far-far-far right wing political sh*t or racist jokes.

I'm glad that her friends at church find her forwards witty... but it's crap like that which makes me glad that i live 500 miles away.

[Rabrrrrrr]

6. That's where nice, blank, beautiful stationery comes in handy

Such as Fabriano's line of cards and envelopes.

http://www.dickblick.com/zz100/32/

[eyesroll]

7. I actually found a decent one for my mom...BUT

finding one for my grandmother was near impossible. It seems that Hallmark, et. al., believe the only people who have grandmothers are children or very Christian. (We're Jewish, and I'm 32.) I ended up getting a blank card and writing a message.

[Deep13]

8. I can never find a good one either.

There always have sentimental remarks that are just plain inaccurate. Can't seem to find any that say glad I escaped and the therapy seems to be helping. :-(

[YellowRubberDuckie]

9. Wouldn't this be a good time for Lefty Kid to get out his Crayolas...

...and some construction paper and make a card? I mean, what grandmother wouldn't love that? And if she wouldn't, there's always the computer. Maybe invest in the 20 dollar Hallmark card maker for the computer for unconventional people like your mother?
Duckie

[LeftyMom]

11. That's exactly what he did.

:thumbsup:

[AlCzervik]

10. i have the same problem on Father's day with my Dad.

i haven't be able to find a card that says "Hey you've been emotionally unavailable and generally a dick to me during my life, thanks for giving me an example of how not to parent" Hallmark should really think about cards for people like them.

[Emilywho]

12. Ain't That the Truth!

Hallmark should come out with cards for dysfunctional families. Sentiments like, "Dad - Oh well, you tried" for father's day or "I guess you did the best you could", or "Stop trying to contact me! I have a restraining order, you creep!" I'm glad I live 1500 miles away.

[KitchenWitch]

13. Welcome to DU - LOL

I have often thought that I would like to start a "Dysfunctional Greetings" card company.

[Zuiderelle]

14. You couldn't just get a blank card and say whatever you want?

[Hekate]

15. Been sitting here weeping -- thanks you guys for making me laugh through the tears

My younger sister recently wrote to me that she occasionally has nightmares about our mother and wishes she could yell, "You're DEAD. You can't hurt anyone any more!" I wrote back that that would be an entirely appropriate thing to say to a ghost. I never dream about our mother -- well, I have maybe three times in my adult life, and they were all terrifying. I just try to keep her from haunting my days.

Yeah, therapy helps.

After I finished my PhD in 2002 at the age of 54, she accused me of calling her a criminal. When people would ask how my Mom liked reading my dissertation I tried to make a joke out of it by saying that in her eyes I had never done anything right and now I didn't do that right either.

She really was a good mother to us when we were small. She gave us a lot of love and hugs and warmth and a good grounding in ethical behavior and a love of education. As the oldest, that carried me through all the rest, which was that I could never measure up. And the older I got, the less I could measure up in her eyes. And still I loved her more than anything.

The therapist said, "Would your relationship have turned out any differently if you had never written about your family in your dissertation?" No. Our relationship was effectively wrecked the moment she caught my dad with his hand in my toddler's pants and chose not to tell me. Later I asked her what she did do, and she said, "I gave him such a look and got her out of there." She -- she -- "gave him such a look"?!

And still I loved her more than anything. Which at that point it was pretty stupid, since I had children of my own.

I kept trying to be her daughter, even as she started returning every gift, but at the memorial service I discovered that she had found other daughters -- women my age who loved her deeply and who never unconsciously held up a mirror to her showing her what she could not face in herself. Their testamonials were very touching. I found myself wishing with all my heart that I had known the woman they knew.

She died in October 2006. When I think of her, I pray for her soul to be free, and mine too. I can't keep carrying this woman.

Thanks.

Hekate

[I Have A Dream]

18. I'm so sorry, Hekate.

:cry:

:hug:

[Hekate]

19. Her life was in many ways hard, but her choices made it much harder -- on all of us

As I began to write my way through my daughter's tumultuous adolescence I identified the two of us as Demeter and Persephone, which was only natural. Then when I began to study Mythology in graduate school I realized that I was always, still, Persephone to my own mother's overwhelming Demeter -- only without the flowers and sweets.

By the time I came here to DU it was not only my age and anger at Bush that made me choose Hekate as my screen name -- it was that Hekate is the Underworld aspect of the Demetrian Triad. It's a way of choosing hope for myself, because Hekate is the only one of the immortals who can travel in all three realms, and is a key spiritual part of Persephone's Underworld experience.

Negative fathers and mothers -- they are a life's work. I very seldom let it get to tears, but some other issues came up this week, including an exhausting day with my husband's family and his 95 year old mother, who may be in her dotage but still has extraordinary powers of making those around her crazy. Now that I can laugh at. Sort of. :-)

Thank you. :hug:

Hekate

[I Have A Dream]

21. I truly do understand what you're saying.

Synchronistically, someone mentioned Hekate to me yesterday, and I had never heard of this goddess before. (I think that I need to spend some time filling in this hole in my knowledge.)

I hope that you find the strength to continue to heal to the point where it no longer hurts. I've finally gotten to that point with my father, but it took a really long time.

I hope that things are better this upcoming week, Hekate. :hug:

[Hekate]

24. The coming week will be better than today, without a doubt. I have a good hubby, good kids,& and one

....wonderful three and a half year old grandson. I like to count those blessings.

Enjoy your explorations in Myth. The gods and goddesses provide us with amazing cosmological psycho-dramas, and if you ever want the names of some good authors who work with this material, feel free to PM me any time.

:hi:

Hekate

[I Have A Dream]

27. Thank you for your kind offer, Hekate.

:)

[PeaceNikki]

16. You reminded me of a great website

http://www.someecards.com/upload/mother_s_day/index.html?filter=date&itemsperpage=100

A few samples (not in any way saying these are or are not appropriate for your specific situation)

[SOteric]

17. Dear Mom,

Thanks for the potty training. It's really been quite useful over the years.

Cordially,

Lefty

[Fran Kubelik]

20. You're a shitbrick for not appreciating your mum properly.

I don't think I have ever used the word "shitbrick" before. :rofl:

Joking. I have a hard time finding a decent mother's day card too, and my mom DID teach me how to bake cookies and shit. So I totally hear where you are coming from.

[flvegan]

23. Yes!

:rofl:

[hippywife]

22. You could have given her

one of the most gushy ones along those lines and shared a gut-busting, tear-filled laugh riot with her.
:rofl:

[Hekate]

25. Mother's Day is over for another year, folks! Thanks for both the hugs and the laughs in this thread

Cheers.
:pals:

Hekate

[Jamastiene]

26. My mother's card says, "Hop In, Mom. I'll drive you crazy...

then when you open it, it says, "My usual route."

She knows it's true too. I ALWAYS go for humor with my mother, because the cookie baking bit wouldn't be anywhere near the truth in her case either. :P

[ScreamingMeemie]

28. The one that WannaB gave me wasn't a Mothers Day card...

It was more of a "Hey, thinking of you..." one. Besides I'm doing a sucky job at this Mom thing anymore anyway.