When someone dies, should we only remember and talk about the good?

[NJmaverick]

With the deaths of Michael Jackson and Steve McNair it really puts this question on the front burner. So when someone passes do you discuss only the good, do you mention the bad do you talk balance. what is the best approach?

[Orrex]

1. Death shouldn't be a catalyst to "talk about the bad"

But if you've talked about the bad while the person was alive, I don't see a problem with being consistent.

However, if you're speaking of someone with who was formerly in a position to respond to your "bad talk," such as a coworker or neighbor, then you'll seem petty if you're still speaking ill of them now that they can't give a response.

But if it's a deceased public figure to whom you basically didn't even exist in the first place, then there's no real difference between speaking badly of them or speaking favorably.


Regardless, you're apt to be considered rude by at least a certain fraction of people who hear you speak badly of the deceased.

[Kali]

16. I would add:

especially with public figures, that not only may (should?) the bad things be aired, but it can be done in a way that is consistent with not directly offending listeners. Facts are facts. Calling a dead guy a MFer is maybe over the top.

[Beer Snob-50]

2. i tend to balance my talk

since michael jacksons death, i think i have only remembered him in a musical sense and steve mcnair in a football way. everything else in conjecture (sp).

[AwakeAtLast]

3. I think there is a period of time for reverence

After my great-grandfather died all I heard at the time was what a great farmer and businessman he was. It was about a year later that the family started talking about how mean and nasty he was.

I think there was a time when societal rules were more strict concerning mourning periods.

[NJmaverick]

6. I like this answer, it seems to do a good job of balancing things out

[HopeHoops]

4. You mean like that Reagan asshole?

Sure, we can talk nicely about the dickhead.

[Tommy_Carcetti]

5. If its someone I don't like, I usually refrain from all comments for about a month

I do believe when Jerry Falwell died, when everyone else was gravedancing, my only comment was something to the effect of, "My hope is that in his dying moment he experienced the forgiveness of those he hurt with his words and actions, and died a better man because of it."

[NJmaverick]

7. Someone else suggested a period of morning

and I like that idea, it seems to balance respect for the dead with truth.

[Arkansas Granny]

12. I think that policy has as much to do with respect for the living who cared about the dead.

[MissMillie]

8. I think it's important to reflect on all of it, but I also think

it's classy to refrain from publicly trash-talking the dead.

When it comes to celebrities and public figures, chances are very good that the stuff we're likely to trash is half-truths and speculation.

I know I'm not perfect, so I'm not about to sit in judgment of others--especially when it involves stuff where I don't (and can't possibly) know the whole story.

[NJmaverick]

9. Someone brought up Reagan or Falwell

what about rotters like these?

[MissMillie]

11. It's not that I don't have an opinion

it's that I don't voice it.

On Edit: I absolutely trash Reagan's policies. But I really don't know anything about him as a man. Falwell spent so much time judging everyone, I'll leave the judgment of his life to someone else.

[JVS]

10. FUCK ROBERT MCNAMARA, AND RONALD REAGAN TOO!

[Kerrytravelers]

13. If we can only say good things when members of the Bush Cabal dies, it's gonna be a short funeral.

[MissMillie]

14. I'd be okay w/ a short service for any of them

:shrug:

[ZombieHorde]

15. Hitler. Jeffrey Dahlmer. Ted Bundy. nt

[SidneyCarton]

20. There are exceptions to every rule.

There is a great political comic about the death of Pol Pot in which his mourners are depicted, it's a blank panel. Surely there are souls so depraved that few if any mourn their passing, for these there is nothing good to say, in a perfect world we would drop their carcass in a burlap sack into a pit full of lye, cover them over, and pray that we never again see their like. As it is an imperfect world, they should be condemed, before and after death as the monsters they truly were. But to do this for every RW tool who croaks, diminishes the monstrosity of the very men you list in your post.

[abq e streeter]

17. When William Rehnquist died ,Alan Dershowitz ( I know, very unpopular among some here)

wrote an article about how his mother had told him not to speak ill of the dead, and that in cases like this, his mother was wrong. He then proceeded to detail what a basically neo-nazi racist Rehnquist had been virtually his whole life, and that it would be absolutely wrong not to tell the truth about him, just because of his recent passing.

[bigwillq]

18. No

but we shouldn't go out of our way to be snarky or disrespectful, especially since no matter what we say when someone passes, it won't change the past.

[SidneyCarton]

19. I think that there is a certain period of mourning that should be allowed for the family

At least the interval between death and the time that the deceased is interred, cremated, etc. After this, one can say whatever one wants to say about the deceased, but the family members ought to be given a few moments of peace. I say this because of Fred Phelps and his psycho church's tendency to picket funerals to spread their message of hatred and death. I accept that even fools and assholes have the right to free speech, but there is something so violating about doing that at a funeral, it cheapens the very real grief of surviving kin and stains their final memory of their fallen aquaintance with infamy.

Once the deceased is in the ground however, all bets are off, a respectable interval for mourning has been given, to extend it any further would be to silence freedom of speech. The will of the family has been respected as far as can be dared, if the departed was a jerk, a monster or a tyrant, this should be said. Respect at the time of death is for the family, not for the dead, they are beyond caring.

[alarimer]

21. Absolutely not. We should not whitewash the truth.

Even if it upsets people.