I love the smell of Cat Ass in the morning --

[Hell Hath No Fury]

For some freakish reason, two of my cats have discovered the Power of the Ass Plant to rouse me from sleep.

My cat Junior had perfected his morning wake me up routine -- his escalation level was impeccable (always start with the stand-on-her-chest-and-yell, never perform the threaten-to-pee-on-the-wall before knock-the-shit-of-the table but only after the stand-in-the-corner-behind-the-door-and-caterwaul) and had always ended with the bite-her-exposed-elbows and bite-her-nostril-pierce-her-nose combo.

Until lately.

After the bite-her-exposed-elbows and bite-her-nostril-pierce-her-nose a month or so ago, I thought it was over and I has survived another morning assault and settled in for a late morning nay. But it was very quiet suddenly. Too quiet.

I peeked open an eye just in time to see a poo-encrusted butthole being planted squarely on my right cheek.

I am not sure what flew across the room further right after that, my covers or Junior.

Low and behold, yesterday morning I was dawdling in bed and another of my cats, Mac and Cheese, just walks right up to me head, turns around, plants a leg on either side of my neck and squats right on my chin!

What the heck is up with that shit?!?!?!?

I have seven cats -- I am terrified they will all learn this new "trick". :scared:

Anyone else suffer this indignity from their cats???

[dugaresa]

1. ROFLMAO!

[Hell Hath No Fury]

4. Sure it's funny --

until it happens to you!




:D

[Love Bug]

2. Bwahahahahahhaaaaa..... *wipes tears from eyes*

I'm sorry..... but you've just given me the best laugh of my day.....

I currently have one cat and have owned others, but that's a new one! Gross...

:rofl:

[Hell Hath No Fury]

5. I have had 46 years --

of "owning" cats, and I have to say this is a first. :freak: They are both older cats who have been with me forever, so this new turn is as startling as it is gross. :puke:

Alway happy to induce laughter! :hi:

[Ikonoklast]

3. They are just saying, "Good Morning!".

And, yes, I get the buttplant right on top of the head if all of the previous tactics fail.

Usually, just having Mu climb on my hip and plant himself there is enough to rise me from my slumber.

After ten minutes, he feels just like a sack of cement got planted on me.

[Hell Hath No Fury]

7. I have much experience with The Cat Turban --

my old 18 year old kitty with kidney failure loved to sleep on my pillow, curled around the top of my head like a furry hat. But this buttplant his has really shaken me up. :D I swear, when I opened my eye my entire field of vision was filled with the Pink Pucker. I shudder just remembering it.

Mu goes easy on you! :D

[TZ]

6. OMG....

no thank god...My two are inventive but they've never gone there. I'm sorry but...BWAHAHAHAHA!

[Hell Hath No Fury]

8. The only thing that would have made it worse --

Worms. :scared: :puke:

[Arugula Latte]

9. Teabagging kitties!

(Well, I know one is female and I'm not sure about Mac and Cheese, and maybe if he's male he's neutered, but, still, they're kinda teabagging ya. Or there's probably some other gross term that I don't want to know about like Dirty Sanchez.) :rofl:

[Hell Hath No Fury]

10. I can't believe you went there!

Oh byuk! :puke: Actually they both are male but their sacks have been relieved of their contents. Still, the whole idea -- I had never thought of it that way before. :D

We are religious watchers of Keith and Rachel -- perhaps I need to limit the kittehs TV choices!

[Arugula Latte]

11. I know! I gross myself out!

Believe it or not, I didn't even know what teabagging was until these rightwing Glenn Beck freaks started waving their misspelled signs around and I had to google it. They corrupted my innocence and purity!

:rofl:

[Demoiselle]

12. I have only a few life rules:

One of them is, Never Feed Your Cats in the Morning,They Will Come to Expect It. And you will be at an extreme disadvantage, lying there undefended in your bed.
My cats get fed in the early evening. If it becomes later in the evening, they can complain, but they don't get to sit on my head.
(I have 6 indoor cats, by the way.)

[Odin2005]

13. HAHAHAHA!!!

:rofl:

[sarge43]

14. Just their way of saying, "I loves u, Mommy."

That or they're pevs.

[nytemare]

15. They are trying to steal your breath.

Be afraid. Be very afraid.

[proud patriot]

17. that was a great movie stephen king's "Cat's Eye"

[proud patriot]

16. LOL

sorry :rofl:

[Ineeda]

18. OMG this post must be kept from my two boys.

One is a very sweet gentleman, but the other gets me up by racing around at the speed of light, ricocheting off and on the bed, missing me by centimeters, while barking like a dog. (really) I prefer that behavior to what you've been experiencing, so I'll count my blessings. Thanks for the belly laugh.

[barb162]

19. Hey, take it like a man!

:) :) :)
They're trying to show how much they love you, cat style.

And yes, they have done it to me. Kitty love.... :eyes:

[latebloomer]

20. My kitten has not yet tried that exact maneuver

But she has gotten her not-well-cleaned butthole all too close to my face as she cuddled up to me in the bed. Needless to say, she soon found herself on the floor.

[emilyg]

21. LOL

I can relate.

[Brigid]

23. Gee, I guess I'm missing out . . .

All my two "princesses" do is poke me in the face with their little paws when they want me to get up.

[Kat45]

22. I have tears rolling down my cheeks right now

Haven't laughed this hard in a while. :rofl:

[carlyhippy]

24. OMG LOLOL keep your cats away from mine, I surely do not want them to learn from example

Thankfully all mine does is slobber on fingers/paw at face/knock stuff off of dresser with scratching the doorframes as an ending :)

[peekaloo]

25. LOL...the dreaded Morning Cyclops.

[Arugula Latte]

30. "Morning Cyclops" !!!

Bwaaaaaaa ha ha ha ha ha ha!

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[WillParkinson]

26. I can tell you what that means...

They're telling you the day is starting out to be pretty shitty, but they hope it gets better soon.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

27. thanks for the laugh

:rofl:

[Orsino]

28. Do you feed them in the morning?

Or do they just want you to get up and play?

[LibertyLover]

29. I don't have cats, but I have a whippet who loves to sleep with

his rear end firmly planted against my neck and his head under my husband's pillow or vice versa, depending on his mood. It's lots of fun in the morning to turn over and attempt to kiss your SO and find yourself about to kiss a dog's butt or, if you are lucky, his head.