Lesbians and gay men: what do you call your "significant other?"

[David__77]

I'm really curious what you call your significant other--particularly in the case of long-term commitment.

Partner?
Spouse?
Boy/girlfriend?
Wife/husband?
Lover?

"Partner" seems very business-like, as in "We're partners down at the law firm."

"Spouse" has an unpleasant ring to it.

For my case, "boyfriend" sounds a bit frivolous and unserious.

I don't identify with "husband," because of its definitional root of "manager" or head of household--it seems reactionary.

"Lover" is too sexual seeming and seems outdated...

What to do? I honestly don't know what to say sometimes. I've been with the man for four years and we've made a life commitment, are legal domestic partners, but I don't know what to refer to him as.

I guess this is one of the issues of being gay for some people.

All I know is that it offended me when his sister's husband introduced us as "this is my brother-in-law and his friend." We're definitely NOT friends!

"Friends" are who I hang out with, especially when I've had enough of him! (pretty much just kidding!)

[La Lioness Priyanka]

1. i call her wife or girlfriend depending on the day

[ronnykmarshall]

2. Partner or the old ball and chain.

[Laughing Mirror]

3. I call him my husband

I used to use this word jokingly when I was a kid, referring to boyfriends, but now I use the word seriously. I know that partner is the accepted term but it sounds like a business deal to me, and I am not in business with my husband.

on edit: I should clarify that my husband calls me his husband too. We both say husband, so this removes the head-of-household domineering stigma attached to the word.

[Not Me]

4. My S.O often will introduce me as

"My other half" or "the husband"
it flows easily for him, but I tend to use 'partner' but always with a modifying adjective like "my wonderful partner", or "my beautiful partner". That removes the business-like connotation.

[truthspeaker]

5. I suggest "main squeeze"

(I'm straight)

[David__77]

12. Perhaps you're on to something!

It does somehow sum things up.

[terrya]

6. We call each other "boyfriend"

Works for us!

:-)

Terry

[Padraig18]

7. I call him what he is--- my mate.

He is, in every sense of the word, my mate for life. :)

[La Lioness Priyanka]

8. you twoare adorable!

[Misinformed01]

10. Oh, I like that one!

Usually, when I am referring to a couple that is not hetero, I follow their lead and introduce them as such.

I think it is just freaking ridiculous that "non-traditional" (and I despise calling ANY couple that) cannot be married and just say, "my wife," or "my husband."

What the hell is wrong with this country???? (rhetorical question, don't bother to answer, I already know.)

[Ediacara]

14. how cute

You boys are just made of sugar! :-)

[Terran]

19. That's good!

I have used that too on occasion, but I should get in the habit. I like the sound of it a lot--jaunty yet serious, loving but not slutty (like "lover", ikh!).

Dirk

[Snow]

9. Friend & colleague in the office next to mine refer to her SO

as "my wife". I think she's engaging in a bit of dry humor, but she's serious about it as well. But that does beg the question a bit, of what her wife calls her...I'm getting a bit tangled in pronouns.

This is a problem for me to a degree because my wife's Korean & we hang out with koreans regularly. So what do I call her? I have a choice of "cheep saram" which means "house person"; "ah-nay", a more literate version of the same thing; "chuh", which is somewhat less offensive but literate to the point that some would find it snooty; and "agee oh-maw", "the kids' mother". And she can refer to me as "nahm-pyun", the "outside person"; "choo-een yang-bahn", the "lord and owner"; the ever-favorite "agee ah-pah", "the kids' father"; or sometimes just "koo saram", meaning "that person". Maybe the problem is that the root meaning of words is clearer in Korean than in English, or we'd be equally offended by the English terms.

[Ediacara]

11. Husband or Boyfriend

partner sounds too businessy, and lover sounds too slutty.

[Rowdyboy]

13. Partner

We're both comfortable with it.

[Bertha Venation]

15. beloved or mate or partner

If it's re: business, it's "partner" or "domestic partner."

If it's re: casual conversation w/ someone I don't know, it's "partner."

In writing, it's usually "beloved." If I'm writing someone who thinks she's my roommate, I usually alternate between "beloved" and "mate" or "life mate."

[Snow]

23. Yeah, 'partner' works with us straights, if simple communication

is what we're after. We were driving around house-hunting with our realtor when we first moved here, and he's a real restaraunt freak - seems to have tried out every eatery in Pasadena & have an opinion on them - so I asked about a Chinese place we were passing, and he says, "oh, that place is pretty good, I like it - but my partner doesn't; he thinks it's not authentic."

And I didn't sit there wondering if it was his law partner; I figured he was just doing his 'by the way, I'm gay' thing, and that's nice 'cuz he figured I wasn't going to freak over it.

[skypilot]

16. missing in action

:-(

[pagerbear]

17. My teddy bear

Literally

[Snow]

24. "literally"????

Ummmm, you don't mean that literally, do you? I'm hoping you mean that's what call him, literally, not what he is....

[pagerbear]

29. Meaning there is no human being in that role at the moment.

[Snow]

31. Ahhhhhh, light dawns.....

you had me stretching my mind around all kinds of possibilities. Well, teddy bears are comforting.

[Terran]

18. depends on the situation

"Partner" to acquaintances;
"Husband" to close friends; and
the occasional "Husbear" to my Bear posse!

[terrya]

21. dirk, out of curiosity...

Do you moderate a Yahoo bear group about politics?

If you do, I just joined.

:-)

Terry

[Terran]

25. Hi Terry

Yes, I do! How cool that you found it--thanks for joining. I created it about a week ago after the Bear group I have called home for over two years recently banned political discussion. If anyone is interested (preferably gay men, no offense to anyone), the link is:

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/bearswhohatebush/

It's an adult group, btw, technically. One sees occasional male nudity, so don't be shocked.

Dirk

[terrya]

26. Hi, Dirk. I'll plug the link also.

A great group.

And this one won't be shocked at male bear nudity. This one enjoys it from time to time.

:-)

Terry

[Terran]

28. Thanks Terry! n/t

[geniph]

34. I should tell my husband about that group

he's a big beautiful bisexual bear who hates Bu$h!

[David__77]

22. Husbear! That's one I have not heard.

It wouldn't apply to him, but it's got pizzazz!

[Terran]

27. "Husbear" is actually a bit on the cute side for me

I don't use it often (and he HATES it!). =]

Dirk

[Raster]

20. i call my significant other a penis...

[Deja Q]

30. Non-existent

? :-) :-( ?

[tedoll78]

32. Usually..

I drift among "other half" (informal/suburbian-sounding), "spouse" (legal-sounding), and "partner."

Otherwise, he's just "My Greg."

[TrogL]

33. Shithead

[Duncan Grant]

35. We both use husband.

After all, we are married. :evilgrin: