Is the "Gay Agenda" a conspiracy to turn me into a lesbian??

[Booberdawg]

Read this first!
http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=105&topic_id=93719&mesg_id=93758&page=

I just knew it! It's a conspiracy by "you people"!

I should have known this afternoon when I ran in to an old female aquaintance - we touched each other and before I knew what was happening we shared a hug! Next thing you know it will be a peck on the cheek! :scared:

Come to think of it ... (gasp) OH MY GOD! When I got home I exchanged emails with ..... a lesbian! :wow::wow:

Save yourselves people! Don't stare into the colored flag!

Linda

[Dob Bole]

1. Oooooohhhhhhh.....

The colored fag, uh, flag is pretty....

[Dob Bole]

3. On second thought...

that post doesn't look quite right. Please don't hurt me.

[ronnykmarshall]

55. No, no, no! You like the pretty flag!

Look at the pretty picture and think about how much you like the pretty flag!

Look closer! CLOSER! CLOSER!!!!!!

[ForrestGump]

56. "Somewheeeeeeeeerrrrrrre....over the rainbooooooooowwwwwww...

No! Make me stop! make me stop!

[ronnykmarshall]

59. More! More! More!

Keep singing!! Now take off your shirt and dance on that go-go stage! "You maaaake me feel.... mi-ighty real"

[ForrestGump]

60. "Macho macho man...I've got to be a macho man!"

Body....c'mon and feel my body....


:o I mean, I had no idea!

[ronnykmarshall]

61. Oh damn!

Must have backfired, you've reverted back into a hetero.


No respecting gay man sings THAT song.

[ForrestGump]

68. Ha ha ha ha ha!

Foiled again, RonnyKMan!

You'll never succeed with your fiendish plot to convert HeteroMan!!






Could these be famous last words? Could HeteroMan's bluster foreshadow a rainbowed conclusion? Find out in the next exciting installment - same HeteroChannel, same HeteroTime....

[ronnykmarshall]

72. Oh yeah?

Tell that to the people with out power in the Northeast!! Buuuuwwwwwuuuuuuuuhahahahhahahaaaaaaaaa!

[ForrestGump]

74. Zounds!!

Is there no limit to your power? (or the lack thereof)

Is this some kind of footnote to the Agenda?

Ha! HeteroMan has a prodigious supply of batteries!

(not that this means anything....)

[FireHeart]

2. The Horror...

The Horror...

:scared:

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

4. No the gay agenda is to get you to turn others into a lesbian

we already have you in our clutches...you are powerless against our raw sexuality and our dreamy bedroom eyes...but we are like the plants in "little shop of horrors" and have an insatiable appetite for women who would never "oh my" dream of tha-at...FEED ME LEROY...FE-E-E-E-D ME!!!! :evilgrin:

[ForrestGump]

9. See, NSMA is EXACTLY the

reason why I want to be a lesbian.

But I'm discriminated against at every turn because I'm male. It's just so unfair....

[Booberdawg]

12. Since I'm already in your clutches

do I get the free toaster? Or is that not until after I sleep with you?

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

27. nobody sleeps on the hood of my car

...until I bore the shit out of them.

Actually one of my ex's is a doctor and one is a lawyer....you can get your homework done....on the hood of my car :shrug:

[Booberdawg]

32. But I want the free toaster!

What's with the homework - I want the free prize for converting! x(

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

33. Well it's a perfect opportunity what with you having time on your hands

I've already got a doctor and a lawyer under my belt (yep I meant that )You have free time and you're smart...how'd you like to be president? :evilgrin:

[Booberdawg]

35. LOL! Now I get it!

Sorry - this convert is a little slow on the uptake. (*blush*)

Yes, I sure have the time - so you can teach me all that .... homework? :P

[Booberdawg]

36. Sure you know what your getting in to? ;)

With all this unrequited sexual tension built up I might ignite into uncontrollable passion. Are you sure you can handle me? :evilgrin:

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

37. anything is possible

on the hood of my car :D

[Booberdawg]

41. Aaaaaaaaaaagh!

:nuke::nuke::nuke::nuke::nuke:

[ForrestGump]

57. *sigh*

Another mind blown.

But what a way to go.

Now I think I'm beginning to understand the symbolism behind that recurring dream I have that features a tub of Slime (no, not a Republican - that slimy green kids' stuff from the '70s) and the hood of a car....

[Booberdawg]

64. Indeed

But I STILL want the toaster!x(

Think of it like a bipartisan compromise. :D

[noiretextatique]

5. the gay agenda: EXPOSED!!!!!

LMAO...does it get any better than this? :D

"i have nothing against gay people, but..."

:boring: i much prefer the recruitment division :hi:

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

8. Wait you're the one who gets her panties all ablaze thinking about

Babs....I am really opposed to letting you be the one to define the gay agenda. :evilgrin:

[noiretextatique]

22. slander!

i believe you meant condilezzie :evilgrin:

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

24. I find her attractive and a great dresser...I was kinda hoping she'd

switch parties so I don't have to feel...well...dirty fantasizing about a member of the Bush administration :D

[noiretextatique]

26. either you are extremely kind, or you have a bad memory

or i should watch my ass...i opt for the latter :hi:

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

30. Want me to watch your ass?

Isn't that what friends are for? :shrug:

[noiretextatique]

34. if i keep LMAO...there won't be anything left to watch

:evilgrin: no chance of that happening soon :D until then, as an official "gay agenda" recruiter...you can watch my ass all you want :hi:

[binaryline]

6. "don't stare into the colored flag"

i like to think of it as more of a hypno-ray ;-). we're always out to lure more unsuspecting straight folks into "the lifestyle". be on your guard!

[Misinformed01]

7. Firmly heterosexual here...until....right up until...

NSMA posts about the Gay Agenda Toaster Deal...you know...you get a toaster if you sleep with someone of the same sex.

But! I love my husband....

4 slices at once???

NO!

I won't be tempted!

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

10. hehe

sourdough!

[Misinformed01]

11. Stop! Stop, damnit!

Michael: "Stephie..you have some SPLAININ to do!"

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

16. english muffin

you want it BAD BABY don't you?

[liberalpress]

62. If you're not gonna swithch...

...can I have your toaster?

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

13. Actually anyone who wants the REAL gay agenda can PM me

and send a dollar to my PO Box in Battlecreek, Michigan and I will send you the "Complete Unabridged Gay Agenda" which includes instuctions on staging a commitment ceremony to get revenge on all your hetero friends who forced you to buy them wedding gifts. It includes instructions such as registering as MS/MS Clambiter at Nieman's and Tiffany's and includes pics on which one of you has the right body habitus to wear the tux.

There is also a special sex toys for nubians section with instructions and an additional bonus section on how to change your oil, shop for plaid shirts and cut your hair in the most andrgynous new styles.

It also has answers to the most frequently asked questions such as "mommy what's a lesbian?" Answer " I don't know, ask your father when SHE gets home."

....sorry...we are all out of harmonicorns but save your box tops and we will issue a raincheck.

[FireHeart]

14. ROFL

Now *that* is funny :)

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

15. and a little sick

:D

[FireHeart]

17. Well, heck...

Sometimes being a wee bit sick in a humorous way can give you a better perspective of what is true--and what is not.

What do I know? Being a heterosexual male (with strong lesbian leanings) I may know nothing. :hi:

Hehehe

Just having some fun. There's been so little to be had lately...

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

18. ain't that the truth

lesbian males are fine with me...as long as they don't pretend to knw more about my car than I do...you gotta know your place and all that. ;-)

[binaryline]

19. i hear you have a lovely car, nsma...

now... what was that about the hood? ;-)

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

31. The hood as you well know by now

is a sacred place. Jiacinto's "religious Car" got nothing on it.;-)

[FireHeart]

21. My spouse

Knows more about cars than I do. Not to mention electronics and toilet repair. But...to reclaim my honor--I'm a much better cook and I can fix a dishwasher or refrigerator without a lot of effort. But my daughter is the weapons expert in our household.

Viva la difference!

*snicker*


Ohhh...this is fun :)

[ForrestGump]

58. THAT is hilarious

:D


I've got a credit card around here somewhere......

[Booberdawg]

20. It must not be "taking" yet

because I don't know what nubian sex toys are .... Do I want to know?

:o

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

23. Ya mean ya don't google nasty shit late at night???

Lordy girl! Have you even lived??? :D

[Booberdawg]

28. "Have you even lived???"

Apparently not! LOL!

For sure, lesbians are getting more that I do!!!

:)

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

29. Tragic

simply tragic.

[GOPisEvil]

38. Look at the avatar...

...Iowa...and you ask if she's lived...

;-)

[Booberdawg]

39. Hey! Us Iowegians are pretty worldly and sophisticated ya know!

You can learn a LOT at the county fair! :D

[GOPisEvil]

40. Oh my!!!

The places my mind is going with THAT phrase! :o :spank:

[Booberdawg]

80. Oh No! Nubian Queen just joined DU!

Check out our newest member "nubian_queen37"

Must be here to purchase your "Complete Unabridged Gay Agenda"

:hi:

[LincolnMcGrath]

25. Go to your happy spot, here is mine.

[ForrestGump]

70. Now I'VE got a happy spot, too

And I swear I can see hers....

[catpower2000]

42. I think they get a toaster or something...nt

[GOPisEvil]

43. Dammit. They only offered me an iron.

But, it had no steam setting, so I had to decline and stay straight. :shrug:

spelling boo-boo

[buddhamama]

45. no no, 'they' get the toaster

you get the love :-)

[catpower2000]

46. Exactly!

Thank goodness YOU knew what I meant, buddhamama. :)

Cat :hi:

[GOPisEvil]

47. See Post #7

I must still be asleep or something...can I go back to bed?

[buddhamama]

48. well dammit now i'm in a mood

i was under the impression the recruiters received the toasters.

i am confused :+

[GOPisEvil]

49. Maybe the recruiters get green stamps that they can redeem.

:shrug:

Recruit 5 new members and get a DVD player. :-)

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

50. We get the toasters but those of us who are any good at it can

only eat so much toast...as a result we give em away....call us altruistic (for many reasons of course...after all I often regard it as charity ):D

[GOPisEvil]

51. Well, thanks for clearing that up.

I think I'll stick to being straight though, if only for the fun of cruising for women with you someday! :D

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

53. No problem...

Hope you like toast tho..

[GOPisEvil]

54. I just know there's a butter and jam joke in there somewhere...

:freak:

[buddhamama]

87. whew.

not quite so redfaced now. :-)

[liberalpress]

63. And that, Ladies and Gentleman (and in this case Vice-versa)..

...is the new recruitng slogan of the Gay Agenda. "They get the toaster... you get the love!"

[buddhamama]

44. if i wasn't already in a committed relationship

with a man
i'd most likely be with a woman.

guess 'those people' have gotten to me.

please don't try and save me.

[ronnykmarshall]

52. Look at the pretty picture ........

Look closer, closer, CLOSER!!!!!!

MEN: See the sexy man in the flag! You want to join him!! JOIN HIM!!! He's wants you too!! LOOK AT HIM!!! LOOK! LOOK!

WOMEN: See the Home Depot sign ...... go there! NOW! NOW!!

[Feanorcurufinwe]

65. Why is it

Why is it that so many men get turned on by two women going at it, but I've never heard women say that about two men going at it?

[bicentennial_baby]

66. Depending on the men involved

I think two men getting it on can be pretty hot, but then again, I'm not a normal girl :P

[ronnykmarshall]

73. Let's hear it for not normal!

Here's a twist. One summer a bunch of friends came up for gay pride in SF (lesbians). My best friend and roomate said they wanted to borrow my porn tapes.

They LOVED it. It was so funny. They all said they HATE lesbian porn and that guy on guy porn was hot. :shrug: I can understand that! :evilgrin:

[ForrestGump]

77. You mean,

while men are watching woman-on-woman films, women are watching man-on-man films?

Doesn't anyone watch man-woman stuff any more? :o

I concede - the Gay Agenda has obviously prevailed. All that remains is the mopping-up operation.



"My name is Forrest Gump, and I am a lesbian trapped in a man's body....."

[ronnykmarshall]

78. VICTORY!!

On your knees, boy!

[ForrestGump]

81. Hey!

I said I was lesbian, and ain't nobody pushes a 6'5" gay woman around!

:P

[ronnykmarshall]

82. OK

Then get your ass to Home Depot and redo my kitchen.

[ForrestGump]

83. I'm just not that kinda girl

:-)

You'll just have to do it yourself. I might break a nail.



Oh, this is great, being a lesbian trapped inside a man.

Time to look up NSMA..... :D

[ronnykmarshall]

84. Oh so your a "lipstick" lesbian?

How fun! Let's go shopping!

[ForrestGump]

86. That's me - male lipstick lesbian....best of both worlds

Let's go!

Hey, do you know the words to "Valley Girl"? Fer shur?

[liberalpress]

69. By the way Fean...

... That's how you keasure how honest a guy is. Take the guy who says he doesn't like to watch two women getting it on. If he'll lie about that, he'll lie about anything!

[Feanorcurufinwe]

88. He must be a Republican

[ForrestGump]

71. I've known two women (so far) whose

motors run quite lustily at the thought of two men going for it.

As for the vice-versa, I can assume a simple arithmetic logic (hey, twice as much of all the good bits) but there's probably something deeper - recognition of some aspects of traits usually regarded as feminine. I don't know.

[ronnykmarshall]

76. Interesting study.

There was this study done on a bunch of "straight" guys that were sworn homophobes. When shown straight man/woman porn they got mildly turned on (I guess they strapped something to their weiners), woman/woman porn ... nada. When they were shown man/man porn?? BOOM! Look out, we've got wood!

[ForrestGump]

79. Um.....I can explain!

I....uh....yes, that's it....I had to go to the bathroom!

*blush*



Well, tie me to the hood of NSMA's car and call me hornswoggled - who'd have guessed?

[geniph]

75. Maybe you haven't asked the right women

Most of the women I know find watching guys get it on extremely hot. It's my particular favorite kink.

[TEXASYANKEE]

67. I have some lesbian repellant you can borrow.

Seriously, for 15 years I played competitive softball with a large group of wonderful gals (um, that would be "lesbian" for those of you not in the know). They were and still are some of my best friends. I played ball with them several times a week, I partied with them, they took me to gay bars, I was privy to all the issues of their relationships. And not once, in all of those years, did one of them ever hit on me.

I figure my sunscreen and perfume must've had lesbian repellant in it?

[Iris]

85. well, it is not uncommon for women to be turned on by other women because

our culture is saturated with the human form.

So, perhaps we could blame it on corporate America? capitalism? the media? old, fat white guys in suits?