I need someone to tell me that I'm right.

[KCDem]

I have a friend whose daughter turned 4 2 weeks ago. Well, this person is sending her child to kindergarten already... when she misses her state cut-off as well, meaning that she will be 2 full years younger than some of the kids in her class.

This girl cannot tie her shoes, she cannot read, she cannot color within the lines. I can't see why a parent would ever do that to their child, unless they wanted to ensure that said kid would never have any sort of a social life? Am I the only one who thinks this is irresponsible beyond belief? And the thing is, if I asked my friend why she were doing it, she'll just get all huffy (that's the way she is) and act all offended. I'm sure it's not the daughter who is saying "I really want to graduate high school when I'm 16". At the age of 4, 5, and 6, so much maturing is done each and every year. I just really think this is a bad idea.

[THUNDER HANDS]

1. I was 5 when I started pre-K

Yes, 4 is very young.

And BTW, tell the kid to get some velcro sneakers.

:)

[JVS]

31. Velcro sneakers

made it possible for me to not know how to tie my shoes until well into 1st grade. I thought that velcro was the wave of the future and was here to stay, the cub scouts finally forced me to learn how to tie the shoes.

[DagmarK]

2. You are absolutely right!

And I am not just saying that.

Poor kid...will get tagged as "dummy" right out of the gate. I guess this mom didn't notice that the kid who got picked on in high school got branded wayyyyyyy back when.

I can't imagine this kid not feeling inferior and behind and the other kids validating that......

I have heard about parents who want superkids. EGAD.....I guess it's true.

[TXlib]

9. I know who KCDem is talking about...

I guess this mom didn't notice that the kid who got picked on in high school got branded wayyyyyyy back when.

Yes, she did notice. She got picked on in HS, as did her husband. She knows exactly what her daughter will go through. I also get the feeling they will actively discourage their daughter from attempting to fit in or be popular at all.

She'd rather deal with an unpopular daughter who's a geek, rather than a popular daughter who's the homecoming queen, because that's what she knows, and that's what she'd comfortable with.

[DagmarK]

23. OMG.........UGH.........that makes this all the more unconscionable!

SICK!!!

It's almost like it's really that the parents don't want their kid to show them up and be better and have better than they did......

wooooooo........weird!

[davidinalameda]

3. I could read at age 4 but I couldn't do the other things until I was older

I still can't color within the lines

My mother will tell you that I still can't tie my shoes. I couldn't tie my shoes until I was like 8

I do agree that the girl seems a bit young to be going but maybe there are other circumstances involved

[ronnykmarshall]

4. I agree with you.

I started in Kindergarten in 1965 and I was 4yr 8mo old. That's about the right age.

One thing that helped me was the previous year is that my mom sent me to nursey school for a year. It was great. I loved it and I didn't have any trouble adjusting to school the next year.

[KCDem]

in some states,

like Cali, 4 years 8 months is acceptable. But in the state where this girl lives, the cutoff is July 31st, and her daughter's bday is early August. Meaning, according to the state, her daughter will need to be 6 before she starts kindergarten. Now, I think THAT is wrong, but to go to the opposite extreme and send her kid 2 years earlier than the state thinks the kid should go? Egads.

We just recently moved from a state where our older daughter missed the cutoff by a month to a state where her bday IS the cutoff. She will be the youngest "legal" kid in her class... which bothers me. If school seems too much for her, I'll have no problem holding her back.

So, the grand lesson in all of this, is PEOPLE, DON'T PROCREATE IN NOVEMBER/DECEMBER!!! Having kids born in Aug/Sept really sucks, because either they're the youngest or the oldest in their classes.

[DagmarK]

25. My brother just made the "cut off"........

and he ended up having to repeat the 2nd grade.

And really.....all through elementary school through high school, he was absolutely appropriate for the lower grade than the one he would have been in had they kept him on track.

My mom, OTH, was reading books by the time she was 4....... and the system should have advanced her.

[kmla]

5. Sounds like she is trying to make sure everyone knows

that her daughter is "ahead of the curve". Sounds like that the little girl will be the instrument through which Mommy illustrates how good of a Mom she actually is. ("See? My little girl is so smart, she started school early! Aren't I a good mother?!?!?!).

I kinda feel bad for the little girl if that actually is the case.
Sounds like a few years of therapy in the making.

[LeftPeopleFinishFirst]

6. I started at 5, I think

She should know how to read some before she goes. As for tying her shoes, they taught us to do that in kindergarten, I remember it well! Look, this lady might have her reasons but I think 4 is young. I think most people start kids the school year they are going to turn 6. :)

[booksenkatz]

7. My son will be 4 on Aug 29

and even if I wanted to put him into real kindergarten for this year, they wouldn't allow him to enroll. He'll be in a private preschool starting next month, but they don't allow any children into real kindergarten (here where I live) until they have turned five. How can your friend get away with this? I can't believe the people in charge are letting her. Are there no rules about this where y'all live? And of course you are right, it does the child no favor to immerse her in a situation for which she is not ready either socially or otherwise.

Sad.

[KCDem]

17. she found a private school that'll take her.

Hm, sounds like this school really wants that tuition money!

My daughter turns 4 Sept. 1st, and, like you, no way would I push her at this point.

[booksenkatz]

38. Tuition money!

Ding ding ding, we have a winnah! I think you hit the nail on the head. Some private schools will accept zygotes in kindergarten just to boost their bottom line.

I loved your line about not procreating in Nov/Dec, LMAO!! We actually conceived our son on my dh's birthday Dec. 6th... having a baby in the late summer, early fall is not fun when school decisions have to be made. My son will be the youngest in his class, but at least it will be reasonable. Your friend, on the other hand, that is just too far out there.

[jmm]

8. Sounds like she isn't ready but

I do think some kids can be ready at that age.

[Sushi_lover]

10. You're right

But it is every parent's responsibility to do things to screw their kids up. Kids need an excuse during their teens and 20's, so let it be the parents. :)

[KCDem]

18. good point!

And thanks for putting a smile on my face.

Hm, wonder what I'm actively doing to make my kids need therapy? I hope I'm doing my job! :evilgrin:

[FlaGranny]

11. Did she ever tell you why?

I didn't know that kids were "allowed" to go to school before they were 5. In Florida, the child has to be 5 before a certain date. I've forgotten which date.

My own grandson was sent to pre-kindergarten at 3-1/2 because of language problems. Here, pre-kindergarten is just for "special needs" kids. He went a couple of hours a day and it was great for him. He loved it. He's now a good student and is up to par with other kids his age.

[ScreamingMeemie]

12. You are absolutely right. My son turned 5 last week (oops, did I already

mention that here several times?) and my husband and I had a huge debate (knock down fight) over whether to send him as a young 5 to kindergarten this year. He cannot tie his shoes, is iffy on the ABC's and has trouble identifying shapes and numbers. He can color in the lines. We are going to give it a shot, but I am all for holding him back this year instead of having him held back 3 or 4 years from now.

[DarbyUSMC]

13. I went to kindergarten when I was still four years old

because the cut off was Dec. 15th for anyone turning five. But - - here is the thing. It used to be that kindergarten is where you learned all of those things you mentioned. There was no pre K then or little nursery schools. I learned to tie my shoes and color and sing with others. I learned nursery rhymes, my ABC's and how to paste things together and play in a group. What do they learn in kindergarten now? My three children knew how to tie their shoes when they went and maybe knew how to count to 20 and their ABC's but I don't recall what they learned in kindergarten.

Also some four year olds are more than ready for school. I was seventeen when I graduated but turned eighteen that December. It was no big deal.

[KCDem]

21. 4 1/2 is a lot older than 4 years 2 weeks.

States are all over the calendar in terms of when the cutoff date is. CA and a few other states are Dec., some states are January, but most are Sept or October, and a few are as early as June/July.

[radwriter0555]

14. I think it's ok to expect a lot from a kid. And if the kid doesn't keep up

then she gets held back a year, and makes MORE new friends.

This isn't serious. It'll all work out just fine. Your opinion is correct, but it's not worth getting worried over. It'll all work out fine.

[DagmarK]

27. getting held back will BRAND her for the rest of her life.........

Kids are terrorists!!!! (they are!)

[ronnykmarshall]

37. Happend to my brother

My mom held him back in the 3rd grade against the wishes of the teacher. He wasted another in year in the 3rd grade with an complete idiot for a teacher the second time.

[madrchsod]

15. my son went to school

when he was 4..jr. college day care/ teacher credit program.so he ended up going to kindergarten when he was 6. he was way ahead of the curve.in fact he recieved lower grades thru most of his schooling because he was bored..he ended up fine once he got to college.
your friend will find out very fast when her child gets to school,just wait till all the tales about how bad the school is...good luck trying to tell her anything...

[Boudicea]

16. I didn't regret it until college

My daughter (starting soph year at Clark) was to turn 5 years old 10 days after the cutoff. She started reading at 3 and was desperate to learn everything! I pushed the system and after she tested gifted they took her in K. There were no problems with this for her, so far as I can tell. But for me, sending my baby (not yet 18) 1200 miles away to college was traumatic!

[Sal316]

19. As a kid who went through that exact same thing... you're right.

I started K at 4 and then went straight from 2nd to 4th grade, so I was 16 when I graduated and went to college (the first time).

I can honestly say it screwed me up socially. Intellectually I had few equals (honesty here!) but socially I was a tree stump. Almost regarded as kind of a freak.

My folks, a few years ago, actually apologized to me for allowing it.

Since I've lived this exact experience I vehemently oppose it happening to anyone else.

If you have any questions, feel free to ask away.

Sal.

[GOPFighter]

20. I agree with you

My wife, who is a teacher, held both of our kids back a year so they would be among the oldest in the class. She saw too many instances where the youngest kids in the class often lacked confidence because they were always among the slowest to catch on.

I feel for your friend's daughter. She might be alright, but what if she's slower than the other kids because she's too young? What then, hold her back a year in school? Boy, won't that crush what little confidence she might still have?! Kids can be cruel and they'll make fun of her. Could affect her for life....

But, hey, if mommy wants her little genius in school early so she can brag to her friends, regardless of the consequences, who are we to object????

[SoCalDem]

22. My son had a GREAT kindergarten teacher and she hated it

when her "kids" were "pre-school or youngish" kindergartners..

She maintained that they NEEDED that extra time, just being a kid..We did not do preschool at our house (too cheap and with three of them within 5 years, they ALWAYS had somebody to play with)..

The teacher also said that the ones who were daycare/preschool kids were not "eager and excited" about kindergarten..

Here , you have to be 5 by Dec 1, and both of my younger ones missed the cut-off (Dec5 & Dec 15).. At the timie, they were upset that their friends got in and they did not, but in the long run it's better..


16 yr olds do not belong at college...even 18 yr olds are sometimes "not ready"..

[GoddessOfGuinness]

24. It's too bad there isn't a Pre-K program nearby...

My 5 year old is entering Kindergarten in a couple of weeks; and I'm convinced that his pre-K has made him ready for the experience. He reads on a solid 1st grade level, and seems to be inclined to advance very rapidly in that area. His interest in math is less pronounced, so kindergarten's the right place for him.

My 16 year old was not ready when he entered K at age 5. At that time, the only pre-K programs were far too expensive for our budget. I didn't want him to attend, but the law said he had to.

Timmy's pre-K was less structured than Kindergarten, but each child had a little time to work one-on-one with the teachers, and offered experience with group activities and story time 2 to 5 days a week for 3 or 4 hours, depending on the parents' budget and best judgement.

[QuietStorm]

26. LOL you can ask that around here?

I would agree with you, but I really have no knowledge of children. I can not say whether it is a bad idea or not.

[KCDem]

28. you can ask ANYTHING around here!

This is the Lounge, man! :hi:

[cally]

29. I think it's way too early

While many kids are intellectually ready, few are socially ready. I noticed that the most popular kids in elementary school were the ones who were older than their peers. The older ones were better able to make friends, not have tantrums, and treat others with respect. Starting school young will also mean that you will hit puberty later than your classmates. Middle school is hard enough but throw on that all your female classmates are young women and you are still just a girl. A couple of pre-school teachers thought I should start my youngest in school early. She has an older sister and acted very mature for her age. I am so happy I ignored the advice. She is very small for her age and it would have been a disaster for her if she had been with even larger kids her entire life.

[buddhamama]

30. mho, it is a bad idea

without the benefit of of certain skills, there is potential that this child will be picked on. and rushed through the learning process to achieve/live up to the standards of the older kids.

why isn't nursery school or pre-school an option for your friend?
that is where this four yr old belongs, again in mho.

[Demobrat]

32. I started school at 4.

I loved to read so I was always considered one the smart kids, but it was hard socially, especially in the later grades. I was on the small side too, so I basically got ignored a lot. I think I would have been a lot happier throughout school if I could have started a year later. But then it wasn't really about my happiness, it was about getting the oldest of three kids out of the house ASAP. I wonder what it's about for your friend.

[JCMach1]

33. 4 is too young for most kids, especially with the way

they push kids in Kindergarten today.

[tuck]

34. i started K at 4....

and i loved it. i turned out okay. (well, i guess some would argue:freak:)

but seeriously, it all depends on the kid. and the parents are prolly in a better position than you (or I) to make that decision...

i'm not saying they're right. i'm just sayin'....

[On the Road]

35. She Should Investigate a Montessori School

They are perfect for pre-K children. The kids learn according to the way their brains work at that time. They are not pressured or regimented. They do not get bored. They learn to work with adults and children of other ages, and come to love going to school and learning. Here's something on the philosophy.

There should be lots of schools around, including different neighborhoods of KC (if that's where your friend is):

[bicentennial_baby]

36. I went to a school like that

We were grouped by our developmental age, instead of our chronological age. Excellent school.

[KCDem]

42. Montessori schools are sadly lacking in the KC area

I wanted to get my daughter in one while we lived there, but the closest one was 25 minutes away. My niece did her preschool in one and I'm impressed with their philosophy of teaching.

[leftofthedial]

39. you're right

:-|

[elcondor]

40. Well, I STILL color outside the lines

;-) but you are right--four is too young. I started kindergarten two months before my sixth birthday, for what it's worth. What will be even worse is when she's in college at sixteen!

[salin]

41. A different concern

if the child is behind developmentallly, and the parent willfully sent the child to school a full year early, what happens when the teacher is tired and frustrated when she has to take extra time for this one particular child who she knows doesn't "need" to be there? Most professionals do not act out on their resentments, but a few do - in subtle ways.

[geniph]

43. I was 4 when I started kindergarten

but I was reading and definitely ready...the only problem was that I was small to begin with, and being much younger than my classmates meant I was always the smallest. Always at the head of the line for teachers to pester!