Would you help a teen get birth control if her guardians opposed it?

[Xithras]

Serious question here. Some of you may remember from a discussion a few months back that I have a 14 year old foster daughter. She's the daughter of a (now former) friend, and I gained guardianship of her after her home became unliveable and CPS stepped in (neglectful alcoholic dad, abusive stepmom, completely absent meth-addict bio-mom). The girl has been doing great since coming into my home, but a question came up yesterday that I'm having trouble with.

My foster daughter has a 16 year old older sister who has been bounced between relatives and foster care since CPS pulled them from their home in July. The girl, admittedly, is a handful, which is somewhat expected given the way she was raised (one of 8 kids, with no rules and neglectful parenting). About 3 weeks ago she was finally placed (permanently) in the home of one of her relatives, who are apparently a couple of fundies. Since then, she's spent a bit of time at my house hanging out with her sister.

The girl has been sexually active for a couple of years, and has been on the pill just as long. When she was in state care, the foster system apparently allowed her to continue receiving the pill, so she's been on it until very recently. When her new fundie guardians found out about that, they absolutely freaked, "forbade" her from having sex, and began lecturing her on the importance of abstinence. She is reacting like you'd expect any 16 year old to react in that situation...by ignoring them.

Yesterday afternoon she was in my home, and she asked my wife to take her to PP so she could pick some pills up anyway. She made it clear that she has no intention of stopping sex with her boyfriend, but she doesn't want to get pregnant either. My wife refused to take her, because she's worried that her guardians will find out, and they'll sever the relationship between the girls. I wanted to take her, because I think it's stupid position for them to take (the girl is sexually active whether they like it or not, and it's a GOOD THING that she's at least trying to be responsible about it). My wife then came back with an objection about us "going behind the back" of the people charged with raising her, we had a (friendly) argument over whether that was a proper thing to even consider.

As of now, I still want to help her, and my wife still says no. What the consensus at DU?

[Inchworm]

1. Have you tried to drive logic into her guardians?

I'd try that first. Chances are they will still be irrational but it may be worth a try?

Good luck! Thanks for giving a crap about the kid.

:hug:

[Xithras]

7. Nah, they're fundie teabagger types.

I've only met them a few times, but the discussions I've had with them fit pretty well with the story she's given me. He's active in the Mormon church with some title, and she's a stay-at-homer who practically hissed at my wife when she told her that she was employed. We also had a "colorful" discussion about the "Stop Prop H8" and the "Yes on 19" stickers that adorn my car at the moment. The discussions have been friendly enough, but it's clear that we'll never be "friends". We're just smiling and being friendly because our charges are sisters, and we DO agree that it's important to maintain the relationship between the girls.

They apparently told the girl that sex outside of marriage is sinful, and that they "won't allow her to be sinful in their home". Their position is simply that she's not allowed to have sex, and if she's not having sex, she doesn't need the pills.

I don't see much point in arguing with them about it, because the odds are somewhere around ZERO that I'd be able to change their minds.

[Inchworm]

13. Yea, that talk wouldn't work probably

I guess the Navy beat "chain of command" into me. If she has a counselor regarding her foster care, would that be the next step?

I'm just curious because I unofficially took over the care of a young girl long ago. Things like this came up often. One of her parents was a crackhead (MIA) and the other a slacker. I went rounds and rounds with CPS over my ability to decide what was best for her.

:hi:

[uncommon]

2. I would take her, because she is 16 years old and at least trying to be responsible. If

they have a moral opposition to it, that is their issue, but it's more important to look out for her well-being and becoming pregnant is not going to be good for her.

[lunatica]

3. I would absolutely help her get birth control

At 16 she's old enough to make those choices. She will not do what the Fundies tell her to do any more than most kids would.

Just ask her to keep it secret so she can continue to be friends with your daughter. And tell her they will go through all her private stuff when she's not there so they can see how they can 'save' her.

Don't let idiots make these choices for her.

[Green_Lantern]

40. I don't think it's that idiotic to tell a 16 year old to not have sex...

It is a normal reaction parents have. But I don't think it's anyone else's business how they choose to raise her unless it violates rules of foster care.

[lunatica]

44. Any parent who thinks telling a 16 year old boy or girl to not have sex

is a guarentee that they won't have sex is an idiot. And I'm saying that as a parent who also raised a niece and nephew. Reality is the best way to deal with today's diseases and dangers.

[Green_Lantern]

45. I don't think telling kids to not have sex will stop them from

Having sex. But I think parents who think "well she's going to have sex anyway so I might as well get her on birth control" can be just as bad.

If their daughter or son is sleeping around for instance they need to be a little concerned.

[Kali]

48. no, but it's pretty idiotic to think it would have any effect

[mike_c]

4. take her....

I'm with you on this one, although the more responsible thing to do would be to ride the bus or whatever so that she could buy her BC without involving anyone else. But IF she is sexually active and has no intention of being abstinent, AND she wants to be in charge of her own body, I'm certainly not going to suggest that some christian extremist whose sanity I strongly contest has a better idea.

[Green_Lantern]

41. 16 year old girls aren't legally in charge of their own bodies...

If they are then that means their parents would have to let them do anything adults can do.

[mike_c]

46. in California they can legally make independent medical and reproductive decisions....

http://www.prochoicecalifornia.org/instate/laws.shtml#minors

Minors in California have the right to obtain information about contraception options (condoms, birth control pills, diaphragms, etc.). Teenagers also have the right to obtain contraception without an adult’s permission or knowledge. In fact, clinics and health care providers may not give parents any information about their children’s medical treatment, questions or prescriptions of contraception without the child’s consent.

California provides state funding for teenagers to obtain contraception and family planning services, including testing for sexually transmitted infections like HIV/AIDS.
You can go to clinics like Planned Parenthood and obtain contraception without giving them identification and without any parent or adult accompanying you. If you tell clinic providers that you are unable to pay, they will help you obtain free services paid for by the state of California through a program called Family PACT (California's Family Planning, Access, Care, and Treatment program). You do not need to give your real name to obtain this funding.

Minors in California have the right to leave school to obtain medical treatment and/or consultation without their parents consent. This provision allows minors to make decisions about their health while maintaining their privacy.

Minors in California have the right to obtain an abortion without notifying their parents or any other adult. Again, California provides funding through the Family PACT program so if you or a friend needs an abortion, you can get funding for medical treatment without involving a parent or guardian. Though we encourage all young women to talk about their choices with a trusted adult, we know that many teenagers who experience violence at home cannot safely talk to their parents or obtain their help with difficult decisions about pregnancy.

[Green_Lantern]

64. yeah but that's in a clinic or medical setting and they strongly..

Encourage the involvement of a parent or guardian.

[tigereye]

60. actually, often they are...

[proteus_lives]

5. I'd do it but worry about blowback.

Could the other guardians report you for something to the foster stystem?

Because if she gets caught, she'll do the teenage thing and blame you.

[Xithras]

They can't really report me.

We're sort of in different situations. I have the one daughter because the father voluntarily surrendered custody (under some threat, but it was still legally voluntary). I don't have to report to anyone on it, and nobody checks out my home. "Foster daughter" may not be the right word for it, but I haven't yet figured out the correct term for "kid who's loser parent voluntarily signed over custody".

The older sister, on the other hand, was actually taken by CPS and went into the foster system, and is still legally a ward of the state, but was placed with relatives.

Which brings up an interesting question of its own. I wonder if CPS or the foster system can be used to override the guardians on this issue. I'll have to look into that...

[Green_Lantern]

42. that's the best idea...see what the foster system says is the

best way to proceed.

[GreenPartyVoter]

6. What about she and her bf picking up condoms and spermicidal creams? That way it's not your

issue and she's still taking responsibility.

[Fleshdancer]

8. yes

She's sexually active and wants to be responsible about it. If I were in your shoes, I would drive her and not think twice about it. The fundie guardians may provide a roof over her head, but they don't own her womb.

[Green_Lantern]

43. parents have every right to not buy their kids birth control...

Why would they not?

[Shell Beau]

9. I can see how this could be a sticky situation. I am sure

the parents would freak if they found out someone was doing this for her. I would have a sit down with them, if that is a possibility. It is the first step I'd take.

[rug]

10. Looks like all she needs is a ride.

Minors in California have the right to obtain information about contraception options (condoms, birth control pills, diaphragms, etc.). Teenagers also have the right to obtain contraception without an adult’s permission or knowledge. In fact, clinics and health care providers may not give parents any information about their children’s medical treatment, questions or prescriptions of contraception without the child’s consent.

California provides state funding for teenagers to obtain contraception and family planning services, including testing for sexually transmitted infections like HIV/AIDS.
You can go to clinics like Planned Parenthood and obtain contraception without giving them identification and without any parent or adult accompanying you. If you tell clinic providers that you are unable to pay, they will help you obtain free services paid for by the state of California through a program called Family PACT (California's Family Planning, Access, Care, and Treatment program). You do not need to give your real name to obtain this funding.

Minors in California have the right to leave school to obtain medical treatment and/or consultation without their parents consent. This provision allows minors to make decisions about their health while maintaining their privacy.

http://www.prochoicecalifornia.org/instate/laws.shtml#minors

[Xithras]

14. Wow, thanks!

I was assuming that an adult would need to go in with her or something, and had no idea that it was so simple (being a guy, it's not something that comes up very often in my life ;)). I don't think she's aware of that either, because she was talking about having saved the money for pills so it wouldn't cost me anything.

I'm thinking that maybe I'll just do what mzteris suggested, and go shopping "nearby" in the next day or two. I'll take the girls with me, and if they want to walk over together, it won't be "my decision".

[mzteris]

11. what's the nearest "shop"

near PP? Mall, dress, coffee, music . . . you could drive her "there" and come back to pick her up in an hour or two... nothing wrong with that.

[noamnety]

15. That's a great solution.

My other thought would have been she's old enough to take a cab.

I would make sure she's aware of the resources she needs to handle it herself - neither obstruct nor put yourself in a situation where it can directly come back to you.

[Duer 157099]

12. Does PP need an adult's consent?

or is the issue merely about physically transporting her to the location? If the latter, sure, take her or give her bus fare or whatever.

[Kali]

16. you already got a good suggestion - giving a ride (or cab fare or whatever) is hardly acquiring BC

but in answer to your question, yes I would help if it wasn't already perfectly legal for her to get it on her own.

[Iggo]

17. Yep. No question.

[jobycom]

18. No.

Too much at risk. You could wind up a sex felon, for instance, in a worst case, for helping a minor do something her legal guardians had forbidden. A lesser charge would be contributing to the delinquency of a minor, if you're lucky without the sex-related charge affixed to you the rest of your life. Think along those lines, then think of all the possible consequences to you, your foster daughter, your natural daughter, etc. At the very least you could wind up undoing what you've done for her sister, or have her sister taken out of your home.

Also think, what would I do if I caught someone else giving my daughter or foster daughter something I had expressly forbidden. You may not agree with her guardians, but they are her guardians, and for another year and a half they have to be the ones to make those decisions. If they don't have that right, then you don't have that right. I'd go ballistic if someone were giving my kids something I'd forbidden them from having.

You have to leave that between her guardians and her. You could talk to them about it, or you could call the foster system and see if there is anything that can be done, but you can't take it into your own hands.

I'm assuming when you say "take her to PP" that you also mean sign as her guardian or in some other way present yourself that way. If you are just talking about literally giving her a ride, that's a different case, but I don't see why she couldn't get a ride from a friend if that were the case.

[Shell Beau]

19. Why not talk to the parents first as well? I mean, he's taking a 16

year old's word for it without even talking to her parents. Maybe he has more info on these parents than we know, but my first inclination would never be to run out there and buy this child anything. I'd for sure have a conversation with her parents first. Before I even thought of what step 2 should be.

[Withywindle]

52. I think that would be betraying a confidence.

These aren't her parents. These are distant relatives who took the kid in as a foster 3 weeks ago even though she's been alone and in trouble for a long time. She was a ward of the state, which means her birth parents were long ago proven unfit.

To me, from the OP's post, it sounds like her lack of desire to trust them is pretty justified. If the OP goes to them and spills her secrets, she won't trust him either--which will narrow down her already-slim chances of getting any worthwhile adult help. And make her feel even further betrayed--which, well, a 16-year-old in foster care? Has already had enough of that to last a lifetime.

Is that really worth maintaining a polite fiction of childhood that already has less than 2 years to go anyway?

[Shell Beau]

65. Well, my point was more that she is 16 and could have

exaggerated a bit. I know I probably did when I was 16. And whether or not they are her "parents", they have taken her on as their child. I think it is fair to hear from them. For all we know, she may be embarrassed to discuss this with them. And not having their side of the story, we really don't know.

I, as a parent, would be appalled if an adult went against my wishes. Especially without even consulting me about it first. Now, if she can get the pills legally on her own, then she doesn't really need this man to help her out. But if that isn't the case, not only would he be crossing the line with her parents, but likely the law as well.


I am all for teens being responsible. I am also for talking it out with the parents before any decision is made.

[Withywindle]

67. She might have exaggerated, but there are plenty of cases where

telling the parents, or the guardians, does a lot more harm than good. That's why the law allows minors to get BC without parental consent.

Teens who have good relationships with their parents will likely discuss it with them. Teens who don't...can't.

[Shell Beau]

69. Well that is more reason for this man not to get involved IMO.

If she can get them legally on her own, then she should. Now, he can and should let her open up to him. For guidance, advice, etc. But taking it any further may do more harm than good. I just have a problem sneaking behind the parents' backs. Not the 16 year old. They do that all of the time. But an adult. It just seems wrong to me.

[tigereye]

61. I think you are legally off base here...

above folks noted girl is over 16 and has the right to BC in California and likely other states.


I really don't think he's at risk of being a sex felon in this instance... :shrug:

[Lyric]

20. Tell her to fake the worst menstrual cramps of her life.

Stay home from school, use a heating pad, moan loudly in pain, etc. They'll take her to the gyno, where she can (privately) explain her situation and hopefully the doc will hook her up with the pills for a "legitimate" reason that the fundies can't argue about--menstrual cramps and bleeding.

:hi:

[Chan790]

21. Would? Have.

I was the "cool" RA in college senior year. I used to help residents acquire condoms and wouldn't confiscate them on room-checks. It was a Catholic college and part of the housing compact as well as honor code. No birth control...penalty of expulsion.

I was also the social-libertarian pothead frat-boy who worked as a bouncer at the punk-music club/venue...you'd never have known I was a seminary student or former campus chair of Students for Life and a College Republican. :D

[Shell Beau]

22. Yeah, but condoms are available for anyone to purchase.

Pills aren't. Maybe that was different then, I am not sure. But today, I can see someone buying medicine, strictly forbidden from the parents, for an underage person, not looking good for the person who bought it. Whether it is the right thing or not, this can get this person in trouble. And I still haven't seen where he says that they've brought this up with this child's parents.

[tigereye]

62. Chan you are amazingly complex - what haven't you been or done?

:thumbsup:

[Tuesday Afternoon]

23. Yes. nt

[Lil Missy]

24. Yes. n/t

[Orrex]

25. Only if she asked me to buy beer and cigarettes for her, too

[krispos42]

26. Yeah. Her welfare is at stake.

If she had a medical condition where taking The Pill would endanger here (some kind of reaction, say) then no I wouldn't. Absent that, I think I would.

In this case, you aren't buying them for her or giving her your wife's prescription (which is probably some kind of felony); you're merely providing transportation and keeping your mouth shut.

[Dr Morbius]

27. Vive la french purse!

I'd buy her condoms on the down-low. Wouldn't even discuss it much; tell her where you'll keep 'em, check it regular, when they're gone buy more. You could be held liable for the girl's "emotional scarring" in the eyes of the guardians' lawyer, so I wouldn't openly defy the will of the legal parental figure here. But I would quietly help the girl to observe safety; to have sex responsibly.

Enter ye merry widow, and make yon maiden merry!

[Heddi]

28. I don't know what state you're in, but I"m an RN, and she doesn't need an adult to get BC

Any female of any age can go into planned parenthood and get a variety of birth control for little or no cost.

You don't need to be involved.

You can give her cab fare, you can drive her there, but as far as 'helping' her get it...i.e. being in the office or whatever--she doesn't need your consent, or her foster parent's consent to get Birth Control.

They will do a PAP on her, so she needs to be prepared for that exam if she's never had one. Perhaps your wife could talk with her and walk her through it.

They will do STD and preg tests on her as well.

They will give her, at first, a month or 2 supply of the pill. Then she'll come back for a follow up visit, then they'll give her like a year's supply.

She won't have to go to a pharmacy to get it filled. They dispense them there in the office.

She will also get a brown lunch bag full of condoms and lube and spermicide.

This will most likely be no cost to her because of her age. If there is a cost, it should be minimal...like in the $15 to $25 range.

There is no reason for you to be involved at all aside from getting her there and back.

hope this helps!

[Heddi]

30. Also, I don't know what state you're in, but I don't really see much legal trouble you could get in

You're not fucking her, her boyfriend is.

You're not transporting her across state lines.

You're not pretending to be a parent

You're not facilitating an abortion.

Chances are, she is at or near the age of sexual consent, so really legally there isn't anything that they could charge you with---I saw someone caution that you may get on a sex offender registry---not possible unless you're sleeping with her or engaging in any other sexual contact.

Legally I think your risk of having anything happen to you is nil.

EMotionally, I'm sure they could prevent your family and the girl from seeing each other or whatever---but she's 16....she has already shown that she will do what she wants to do, so if she wants to see you or your adopted daughter, she will.

There would be no basis for a restraining order or anything because there wasn't violence involved.

As I suggested above, help her get to planned parenthood and let her handle it from there. HOnestly, I'm of the mindset that if you're old enough to play grown up (having unprotected sex at a young age), then you need to handle the responsibility like a grown up. That means getting a PAP and taking pills and using rubbers and doing it by yourself like grown-up's do. Or better yet--have the boyfriend go and then they can both get STD testing and some good knowledge about sexual health.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

31. I applaud your very good advice.

As a now retired RN, I think you are making excellent points.

[tigereye]

63. great sensible and knowledgeable advice!

:yourock:

[LiberalAndProud]

29. I vote for help her.

The young woman should be allowed to make this decision for herself. The alternative is not attractive. A 16-year-old is rarely emotionally, financially or intellectually prepared to be a parent. I'm dismayed that your wife thinks this is preferable to "severed relationships" (Not very likely. Guardians may forbid, but enforcement is another thing altogether, as already demonstrated.)

[struggle4progress]

32. Personally, I'd ask to a lawyer about state law, using hypothetical questions

I'm not a lawyer and don't know, but the actual situation might depend on the state: in some states this might be completely up to the 16 year old, but I'd make sure I wasn't leaving myself open to charges like "contributing to the delinquency of a minor"

You'll have to make up your own mind what to do, but I don't think I would casually get in the habit of helping kids sneak around rules set by their guardians, especially in a case as you describe where part of the original problem may have been "no rules"

[Deep13]

33. Yes. nt

[seabeyond]

34. yes. without guilt. there is no if and or buts to her having sex. pill and box of condoms. nt

[sinkingfeeling]

35. I would have taken her if she has been sexually active with the same guy for the last 2 years.

[cbdo2007]

36. No. I'd stay out of it. There are other solutions here.

First, she's 16 and I assume her bf is 16 as well or she has 16 year old friends. Have them take her, that way you're off the hook and she can still be responsible. Does her bf drive? This would give him an excellent opportunity to be responsible as well.

Also, she should be on condoms as well because a kid that young and her bf are going to be having multiple partners in the near-term lives, so rather than just get her back on the pill, maybe this would be a good time to tell her you won't take her but that she should just go to PP or go to walgreens and get a bunch of condoms.

[LaurenG]

37. Take her to PP and ask her to ask them about alternative methods of BC

They might be able get her a longer lasting form such as an IUD that is very long lasting or start her on Depo Provera which is good for 3 months at a time.

The other option is to call CPS and tell them what the girl needs and they can take her.

[supernova]

38. This is a good option

The guardians really can't argue with CPS if she's in need. And they really can't blame the "aunt" either.

And IUDs are now eons from where they were in the 70s and 80s. I was considering the non hormone one before I met my fiancee who is conveniently fixed.

[Green_Lantern]

39. Hell no...especially since you're a guy and the teen is a girl..

How bad would it look if an adult man was caught getting birth control for a teen girl? Especially a girl as vulnerable as a girl moved around so much in the foster system.

If you really feel the need to do this you need to ask a lawyer about the best way to proceed.

I am not a parent so I can't look down on those people taking the "don't have sex" approach.

I can't say I wouldn't say the same thing...not out of judgment but fear.

[Throd]

54. Agree, this could really spin out of control for you.

Despite your best intentions, I'm sure you can think of a few ways this could go south for you real quick.

[Zavulon]

47. I'd want to, but wouldn't.

In today's lawsuit-happy culture, I can't afford an attorney should I get sued.

[surrealAmerican]

49. You would do her the most good ...

... by making sure she knows how to get herself there. If, by some chance, you take her this time, and her guardians find out, you won't be given a chance to take her next time. If there is a bus route, tell her about it; make sure she knows the schedule. If it's within a few miles of her home or school, she needs directions on how to walk there.

[iris27]

50. Absolutely. n/t

[Withywindle]

51. Yes, in your case, I would.

If she was on the pill while in state care, then obviously your state laws don't require parental consent for minors. (Most states don't, for BC. Abortion, the logical result of not having BC, is another story.)

I think she is reaching out to an adult that she THINKS she can trust, because she knows her fundie fosters ain't it. Don't betray her confidence. That could set her back years. (Though, really, teaching her that she should trust adults is already a long-lost cause. They certainly haven't done her many favors so far, so this is not irrational.)

The consequences of sex without BC are far worse than the consequences with. With BC, she might have a chance of scraping out an independent existence, going to college, finding a career that will help her get financial independence, etc. (Very difficult in this current economy, true, but still possible if she's both driven and lucky) Without it....um, biologically speaking, 16-year-olds are very fertile. How would you feel about being asked to help her get an abortion in a few months?

It is absolutely NOT illegal for minors to get birth control on their own. I really think a good approach is to give her and a friend or sister a ride to a shopping center with Planned Parenthood nearby, if there is such a thing, and give them space to have "girl talk" for a few hours, and let them do what they'll do.

(Respecting her privacy is good too. You're an older male. If she's coming to you for help, she's already desperate and embarrassed. Don't press her for details. If she goes to PP, they'll also school her pretty well on the advantages of condoms to prevent STI's --hope she takes it to heart, but it's not your place to force it.)

Birth control IS health care for young sexually-active women. I personally feel that her fundie fosters (NOT her "real" parents) denying it to her is not much different from the kinds of fundies who deny their sick/injured children blood transfusions or chemotherapy or vaccinations because of their cult (whichever cult that may be).

In helping this girl get her pills (however discreetly) yeah, you may well alienate her "family" (distant relatives, yes? Who only took her in 3 weeks ago? Why should she trust them or obey them? Would you?). But you are breaking no laws, and certainly committing no moral wrong.

Also, as a side issue -- there are several reasons a woman might be on the Pill other than sexual activity. It really does help with endometriosis, for example, which is why I stayed on it for more years into my 30s than the pamphlet advises.

[unpossibles]

53. I would take her.

edit for clarification:
I would take her to get birth control at PP. That originally sounded horrible.

[Lindsey]

55. Firstly, find out if you live in a state where a 16 y.o. can go to PP

and get them for herself without parental/guardian consent. Since she only asked your wife for a ride, I'm assuming that she can get them on her own. I have to say that it's very responsible of her to take precautions regarding pregnancy. I got pregnant at 17 and it took an extremely heavy toll on all concerned. Having said that, I think she needs to find a friend or the boyfriend to take her. That way you are out of it. I don't think taking her and her sister close to the place while you hang out somewhere is a good idea. You would be involved and it really could have negative consequences. There's got to be some way she can get herself to PP on her own.

[HEyHEY]

56. Yup.

No questions asked. As soon as a woman is old enough to HAVE kids, what she does with her reproductive organs are not under the jurisdiction of her parents.

[Dappleganger]

57. Based on the fact that she was taking the pill before

and that she legally can get her own pills from PP due to her age, I don't think there's anything wrong with you taking her and dropping her off to get what she needs. Obviously she's not allergic to it and is used to the routine and whatever possible side effects there are. Can you imagine her bringing a child into this chaotic world she's in today? That would be my bottom line, fuck the fundies, so to speak.

BTW we have a nearly 19 yr. old daughter who's been on the pill since she was 15 due to health reasons, and a 14 who's not on it but I wouldn't hesitate to put her on if needed. It's just a little pill and even that doesn't give them carte blanche to do whatever, they still need other protection but just in case.

Can this girl also go to the school nurse and not have to tell the relatives? That's another thought.

[JVS]

58. I think your wife has a good point about potential negative consequences of your decision.

I cannot imagine myself helping someone to get birth control because the only children who know me at this point are the children of relatives or friends, in which case assisting them against the wishes of their parents would create conflicts that I am not willing to get involved in (especially in the case of relatives). Are you willing to risk your daughter not seeing her sister over this? The other possibility would be if some teen-aged stranger were to ask me for assistance, in which case I would refuse to offer assistance because a single man in his thirties helping a minor get birth control is likely to find himself suspected of some serious improprieties. I'd tell her to find a friend to help her. If the help needed is merely a ride instead of making an appointment with a physician, I'd tell her that one must learn to ask for help without giving the intent of the mission. For example saying "I'd like a ride to XYZ office building" is better than saying "I need a ride to get A"
Also: check the law to be sure you're in the clear.

[tigereye]

59. yeah, I probably would - she's over 14, she's willing to be responsible -

I guess I don't see why not? :shrug:


On edit, kids in foster care often have legal/foster care/ medical guardians - that might be the way to go. Also the folks upthread gave great advice about the legal rights of minors to get their own BC, etc after a certain age.

[PeaceNikki]

66. In. A. Heartbeat.

Take her and don't EVER regret the decision.

[applegrove]

68. I would contact child services and ask them what to do. I'm sure they've come across this problem

many times before.