Am I being prickly?

[Pacifist Patriot]

I am extremely up front about not performing marriage and commitment ceremonies where "obey" is part of the vows. It's even stated plainly on my website. I warned the bride last week when she brought it up again. Wedding is this weekend, groom is having a hissy fit and putting his foot down that he wants her to pledge her obedience because "I'm the boss." I told them they needed to find another officiant and walked out. I feel dreadful leaving them in the lurch, but it didn't exactly come without a warning. What would you do?

[cyberswede]

1. I would talk to them together...

and tell them they can either have you perform the ceremony without the "obey" part, or they can find another officiant. Then they have a choice to find someone else, if including "obey" is non-negotiable to the (creepy) groom. (I'd actually prefer to tell the bride to run far away from this guy!)

And no, you're not being prickly. :)

[Pacifist Patriot]

2. Did that, then let them have some time alone to discuss it.

When I came back he had his arms crossed tight across his chest. I asked if I could speak to him alone and he responded, "No point, not a thing you could say to me to change my mind." Oh, and did I mention he offered to set my husband straight? Creepy is right. Unfortunately, I was booked for this through a wedding planner. It's a destination wedding so I didn't get the opportunity to even meet with them face to face until today. Sure wish I could tell the bride to sprint.

[some guy]

3. No.

You're doing what you think is right (and I agree with you.)

Poor you, having to throw a wrench into their wedding plans.

Poor bride, (apparently) getting into that marriage.

Yu might want to have a talk with the wedding planner people who involved you. They need to be more attentive to detail.

:hug:

[Pacifist Patriot]

4. Can't really fault the wedding planner. No way she could have seen this coming.

I actually feel sorry for her. She was there this afternoon and is up to speed on things. She got the creeps from the groom too. He noticed she was engaged and said something about telling her fiance how things are. WTF?

[tigereye]

21. you aren't "prickly" - but he sounds like a prick!

:rofl:

[MorningGlow]

5. You're fine--you issued enough warnings

starting with your web site. Definitely don't do something that would compromise your morals.

[Kali]

6. ewww

I've heard of "bridzillas" but that guy sounds pretty scary - she is getting her chance before he ruins her life.

pardon my language, but what an asshole

[kentauros]

7. Why is the mental image of this guy looking like Beck in my mind?

:eyes:

Yeah, as everyone else has said, you did the right thing. It's his problem, not yours. And apparently, the bride's problem to come...

[Angry Dragon]

8. I don't see much love coming from that guy if he thinks

he has to won her.

I would tell her to run, run as far away as she can.
It would not surprise me if he has the stalker personality

[Mimosa]

9. Sounds like a good beginning for a Lifetime Network Movie

What's the name of that early Julia Roberts movie where she has to go into hiding from an abusive husband?

[Common Sense Party]

22. Sleeping With the Enemy n/t

[nolabear]

10. I think you did just fine. I'm a bit concerned about her, though.

But there's nothing you can do about that except stick to your convictions and hope it sets an example.

[ceile]

11. You did the right thing.

Poor bride...

[Inchworm]

12. Your first sentence says it all

"I am extremely up front about not performing marriage and commitment ceremonies where "obey" is part of the vows."

They should have picked another officiant in the first place.

I got into it with my daughter's preacher at rehersal. I forgot the words/terms and wasn't so worried about what they were so long as it made sense to daughter and hubby. My daughter asked me to chill and stated she was cool with it, so I let it go. If she calls I'll ask her what they were and post hehe.

:hi:

[Ptah]

13. No, not prickly. Here, she's prickly:

[La Lioness Priyanka]

14. you were more than clear in your communication, they should have found another officiant

there is no reason to let guilt override your beliefs.

[madinmaryland]

15. You are perfect correct in walking out. You made yourself perfectly clear. The guy

is the one being pricky.

[rug]

16. Do you mean they refused to obey your warning?

[Pacifist Patriot]

18. LOL! Yeah, something like that. Or it could be rephrased...

They didn't trust or respect me.

[pokerfan]

17. I'm the boss! You're nothing!

From The Honeymooners:
Ralph: "I'm the boss and you're nothing."
Alice: "Big deal. You're the boss over nothing."

The bridegroom demanding the obedience oath seems like a giant red flag to me.

[yankeepants]

19. Train Wreck coming!

You did the right thing.

[tigereye]

20. you were right- why does anyone need the word "obey" in there in the first

place? From what I have seen in your posts, PP, I'm surprised these folks didn't "get it." Good for you for standing up for your principles.