To my mother on Mother's Day.

[darkstar3]

I sent you flowers for Mother's Day. I send you flowers for Mother's Day every year. Did you ever wonder why I always send them to your office? You probably think it's because the florist won't deliver them to your house in the sticks.

It's not.

It's because I know it will put a feather in your cap. You can show everyone at work how much your son loves you.

That's also the reason I always give you two presents on Christmas, one for Christmas, and one for your unfortunately timed birthday. One of them is always jewelry. I'll bet you think I give you jewelry because I know you like to collect it. After all, you do have a whole dresser hutch full of gold and silver.

But it's not.

It's because I know it will put a feather in your cap. You can show everyone at church how much your son loves you.

You see, I finally figured it out.

When you ask when I'll have those grandchildren you're looking for, it's because you want someone in your family to brag about.

When you ask how much I make at my new job, even though "we never talk about money, it's rude," it's because you want to tell others how successful your son is.

When you ask if I'll go with you to church, it's because you feel guilty that other mothers in the church have their children there with them.

When you criticize every decision I tell you about, it's because you don't see how those decisions will reflect kindly on you from the POV of those in your social circle.

The opinions of everyone else in town matter to you a great deal. You put more stock in those opinions than you do anything else I've ever known you to care about, which is, quite frankly, a short list.

And so I send you flowers at work, and buy you expensive jewelry to wear in front of your friends.

Because I'll never be a feather in your cap.

And maybe one day, you'll accept that...

[Suich]

1. darkstar3,

:hug:

[backwoodsbob]

2. know it and feel it

I hear you and know the feeling

:hug:

[iris27]

3. I don't think it's guilt she's feeling, so much as discomfort at being "shown up" by those whose

kids are there. It will never stop angering me that the perceived judgement of acquaintances is more important to her than creating real, meaningful relationships with her children and grandchild.

(Disclaimer: I know his mom IRL.)

[Heidi]

4. darkstar,

:hug:

:pals:

[Duppers]

5. Brother?

Seriously, you're talking about my mother too. Her self-esteem depends on what her First baptist churchies think. Not only blind to her own narcissism, she was a major control freak until, with the help of a therapist, I established some boundaries with her. And I don't have to tell you how she votes.:(

Mother's Day is difficult of folks like us.

:hug:





edited to add 'some' as an adjective to boundaries, since the relationship is always a work in progress.

[darkstar3]

6. I thankfully avoided therapy,

but it took moving far enough away to make visiting logistically difficult.

[Duppers]

8. I moved too

The 450 miles help solve a lot of problems. :evilgrin:

The whole damn family is fucked-up in so many ways, imo, but hubby's is worse than mine... we haven't even spoken to any of his family in ~12 yrs. Lost $300K of inheritance in the process too, but keeping our sanity was well-worth it!

[darkstar3]

9. I know that feeling.

I'm out of the will, too.

[darkstar3]

7. Thanks for the vibes everybody.

:hi: