Hey, Conservative Underground!!!

[SmileyBoy]

YOU GUYS SUCK!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Now let's see if you mention me on your pathetic forum!!!

Signed,
A proud American liberal.

[EstimatedProphet]

1. They won't mention you

They're cowards.
Little people that want attention, that's all.

[SmileyBoy]

2. It's not that I want them to mention me...

...it's that I'm pissed off that they like to single out individual DUers and brand them with insulting titles. I mean, we usually don't do that with individual Freepers (besides RimJob). And we DEFINITELY don't have an entire forum dedicated to bashing individuals on a rival messgae board.

[arcane1]

3. that's because we have lives

and we aren't in danger of losing face for supporting the moronic imbecile in the White House

[EstimatedProphet]

4. That's also because the men on this board can get erections

and the women can achieve orgasm. Regardless of preference.

[arcane1]

9. and not only that

here they can give them to each other successfully :evilgrin:

[Qanisqineq]

5. I want to be on their top 10 idiot list

http://www.conservativeunderground.com//forum/phpBB2//viewtopic.php?t=3385

But probably won't be for the following reasons:

I am heterosexual (I've noticed they like to point out people who are or may be gay).

I never argue about religion so they can't accuse me of being against Christians or Jews or any other faith.

I never talk about unemployment because I luckily have never experienced it, therefore they can't call me "lazy".

I am not into conspiracy theories, but love to read them!

(and this is nothing against those that discuss these topics, these subjects are just not my cup of tea or I don't know enough about them to discuss them)

[SmileyBoy]

6. I usually don't talk politics on DU.

I spend most of my time in the Lounge. I've spent more time in GD lately though.

[Van Helsing]

7. I wanna be mentioned over there...

wait, give me time. I'll be proudly on their idiots list in no time. :)

[citizen snips]

8. They are more obsessed with us then Freak Republic.

[Reverend_Smitty]

10. Thats the cheapest rip-off site I've ever seen

I didn't even know it existed until I saw this thread

[DS1]

11. and for the record

I fist myself nightly with a plaster replica of Saddam's hand, while listening to audio tapes of the Koran with my headphones, as I eat bites of my customized Carvel Cookie Puss ice cream cake that's really Mohammed Atta.

[Reverend_Smitty]

12. Hell, I got terrorists living in my basement

:evilgrin:

[DS1]

13. Hell, I got terrorists training in ~my~ basement!

[Reverend_Smitty]

15. We should keep this on the down-low

or we'll get our asses thrown into git-mo! lol

[matcom]

16. HEY ASSHOLE!!

my FIST is dirty!!!

*peasants*

[DS1]

17. Try talking into the mic!

It's on the other side! :evilgrin:

[matcom]

18. i reserve that only for Osama

you infadel

[GOPisEvil]

19. Osama says hi...he'd come to the keyboard himself, but he's

on the throne. :P

[DS1]

21. he already came on mine

wooaaaahhh!!

:bounce:

[DS1]

20. I just went downstairs and asked, and he said that

if you love socialism and think Saddam was a good guy, you should do what I say.

Here, I have your flag diaper, why don't you go ahead and slip into something more comfortable, I also got the new Flight Simulator 2004 so we can re-enact that glorious of glorious days!

[matcom]

22. fuck the flight simulator!

i'm sharpening my boxcutter

[DS1]

23. amateur, mine's the Ginsu variety

I could hang out on the wing and cut my way through the fuselage and ~then~ slice up a tomato cleanly.

[matcom]

25. FUCK YOU

i just made $9,743,685,973,663 on AMTRAK PUT OPTIONS!!

you poor bastard. see you in hell

[DS1]

32. wait, 9 trillion dollars? I'll bet we can hire underpants and Skittles

to carry out this mission, I mean you'd share right? Pal?

[matcom]

35. depends. you willing to be a martyr for MATCOM?

for it is I who is the Messiah for you shall have 10 million sets of bi-sexual twins who are in their early 20's and all of them shall own liquor stores for that is my wish and my gift to you should you be willing to sacrifice for the God that is Allah

[DS1]

38. I am ready to sacrifice to my new Savior and Lord matcom

provider of Amstel Lights, the master of the barroom frisking, preacher of the word of Pitt, for HE is the one true master, and it is for HE whom I shall obliterate my earthly body for millions of nubile bi-sexual twins in their early 20's (no fake tits please, or piercings below the neck). I shall swing my Ginsu Boxcutter true, slicing through the unsaved, piloting my missile of martyrdom to rapid flatness. Praise be!

[matcom]

43. Praise be INDEED!

for it is YOU who shall overcome flatulence and limpness whilst pursuing the Matcom doctrine of ridding the world of Robertson-infidels. It is YOU dear brother who, by exploding thy body into a thousand tiny bits, will prove once an for all that witches float, much like ducks (and little tiny rocks), and that The Passion of the Christ is really a soap opera that MUST be squashed by Ashcroft and the FCC for the vile, pornographic display of William Hung that it is. YOU sir, will go down in history as the ONE who let MATCOM 'go down' on the vestle virgins who so deserve such an honor.

[DS1]

49. Oh Master of the spread virginal clam chowder

I am ready to carry out your wishes, and recruit someone else to carry out your bidding, for I fear that your millions of bi-sexual twins might fear a lonely chunk of quivering tongue upon its arrival in Your Kingdom.

[matcom]

52. alas, it is THEIR tongue who shall arrive in 'my kingdom'

for Allah said unto the bi-sexual liquor store virgins that thou musted swallow thy responsabilities of store ownership and orally state thy intentions regarding thy twin, thereby swallowing all responsibility with regards to thy anal beliefs

[DS1]

53. Oh precious, deviant, seductive matcom, with the

butt kissing followed by "Your Government Failed You.... - Richard Clarke", thou hath shown me the ways of the verbal contract leading to the anal violations, alas with no mention of light bulbs, how am I to be sure that it would not be your bung I'd be poking amongst this glorius sea of bi-sexual liquor store owning twins?

[matcom]

55. Allah will select your bung as well as your 'verbal contract'

rest assured young soldier. your 'verbal contract' will 'go through me' as your earthly savior and spiritual leader

don't worry

[DS1]

62. Do they have Glenfiddich?

I need to know these kinds of things before becoming one with the atmosphere, and GOPIsEvil would like to not if the carpet matches the curtains, or if the floor is tiled, if you catch my drift. Also, these aren't conjoined twins are they? I got a really bum deal in college once, and when I say I got a bum deal I got 4 ass cheeks and nowhere to errm, uhh, seat myself.

[matcom]

64. i offer you a 'carpet of gold' or a 'carpet of bombs'

or a 'carpet of virgin bi-sexual 20-somtehings' who may or may not own havens of spirits.

WORSHIP ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[DS1]

67. What about scratch off tickets?

OH MASTER I'M WORSHIPPING I'M WORSHIPPING!!!! THE HEATHENS AROUND ME ARE FLAILING THEMSELVES TO RID THEIR EARS OF MY PRAYER!

I just gotta know if they have scratch off tickets, or maybe Keno, yeah Keno is always fun, I like how you have a nice 5 minute break between rounds to catch your breath and sip some drinks.

[GOPisEvil]

26. Hey, your explosive tennis shoes will help you stand on that wing.

[matcom]

28. you forgot your BIC lighter loser

i TOLD you! i was NOT talking about shaving your beard!! x(

[GOPisEvil]

29. Bics are for sissies! Use a ZIPPO!! Windproof!

And, if it gets damaged in the resulting carnage, ZIPPO will fix it, free!!!

[matcom]

31. Zippo spelled backwards is Oppiz

OBVIOUSLY an Isralie front orgnaization.

[GOPisEvil]

33. FUCK YOU for even SAYING that word!

I spit on Is-...ahhh...that place!

[DS1]

36. OPPIZ IS NOT SPIT-PROOF!!

Ashid Al-Rahtmahata learned that when he tried to feed the Polar Bears in the Bronx Zoo high explosives and set them off underwater.

Have you not read your manuals? Do you even have your manuals?

[GOPisEvil]

37. Ashid was always one falafel short of a combination plate anyway!

I suspect he was really a SUNNI, and not Shi'ite!

[DS1]

39. Ashid never learned the ways of the early-bird special

nor did he ever pick up the old-tyme shuffle that got us TRUE BELIEVERS the SENIOR DISCOUNT OF CONTRITION!

[GOPisEvil]

42. Ashid also never learned the ways of the white patent belt and

matching shoes. He was worthless and weak.

[DS1]

45. MUSLIM TERRORIST CARBOMB THROUGH ASHID'S FRONT DOOR!!

/going back old-school

Ashid, ahh, the runt brother of Ravi, instigator of school children, curdler of orphans' milk, the man who took the everlast out of the gobstopper, a hero among heroes.

[GOPisEvil]

48. Who could live up to Ravi's example?

Better to just do your best than to try.

[DS1]

57. There once was a man from Nantucket

wait, wrong thread.

Aseel, our martyr amoung martyrs, eclipsed the previous record of consecutive mid-afteroon LumberJack-Slams much like Jenna Bush eclipses consecutive tequila shot records, and then had the audacity, no courage to leave a 10% tip!

We should pray now.

[GOPisEvil]

58. Let me get my prayer mat.

Which direction is Mecca? It can be west, but also east...

[DS1]

60. can it not be North? Or South?

I suggest you find the nearest Kids 'R' Us and procure yourself a Sit and Spin immediately.

[GOPisEvil]

63. Those are decadent tools of capitalism!!

Oh wait, we're terrorists, not communists. Sorry about that.

[GOPisEvil]

14. An army of one? Pshaw!!! I'm a sleeper cell of one!

Now can someone teach me how to fly a plane? Just fly, not take off or land. Thanks.

[DS1]

24. You sleep without yourself? You are unclean my brother

You cannot possibly carry out our plans.

Please continue to spread the good word! Allah be with you

[GOPisEvil]

27. I wish to be a martyr for Allah!!

My reward of 72 virgins is secondary...I want future terrorists named after me!

[DS1]

30. then be sure to strap your gymsock around your dynamite belt

and spread your DNA as far as possible

[GOPisEvil]

34. I shall be the cause of future virgin births!

My children will be PROPHETS AND MESSIAHS!!!!

[shugah]

40. you guys are sick and twisted

and highly fucking funny!

[DS1]

41. High speed immaculate conception, I like this idea.

Maybe you should walk around with your sack outside your pants zipper to make sure to get a good clean blast radius - before detonation.

[GOPisEvil]

44. But that would be so unclean!

Would Allah approve of such a display?

[DS1]

46. You do shave your bits don't you?

I hear Allah was quite the pocketball champion, if you catch my drift ;-)

[matcom]

47. judge for yourself brother

[DS1]

51. If that isn't a true 'Murkan just wanting to cross the border for

no particular reason at all, I don't know what is!

Long live Brother Blueballs, may they dangle softly in the breeze, and impregnate hundreds when you click your heels together thrice!

[GOPisEvil]

50. Manscaping only...

...my devotion to Allah goes only so far.

[DS1]

54. Dude, you are ~so~ out of the club

:nuke:

[GOPisEvil]

56. My hands...they are not as steady as they once were...

One slip...and...:scared:

[DS1]

59. Ahh brother, I forgot that I only left you with a bandsaw

Come, we go to CVS and pick you out a nice batch of razor blades and gel.

[GOPisEvil]

61. None of those 4 blade razors!

St. William of Pitt has declared them tools of Satan.

[DS1]

65. No, the real tools of Satan are made just south of I93 in Boston

by Gillette, you must familiarize yourself with the Mach 3 Turbo by entrusting yourself to shaving your nether regions, otherwise when your true test comes, it's possible you may falter in the face of Wal*Mart aisle 8 - gift wrappings and shitty BMX bikes for the poor kids.

[GOPisEvil]

66. But which Mach 3? There are so many choices!

Mach 3 Turbo! Mach 3 Extreme! Mach 3 Classic!

And don't get me started on gels. Vitamin E! Aloe! Both! Neither!

[DS1]

68. You must be proficient in all three BROTHER!!

WHO KNOWS WHAT ADVERSITY you will FACE when your time has come!!

ALLAH commands you to have shorn testicles by 4 AM!! And no landing strips either! He HATES landing strips, they clash with his soul patch! This is not to imply that Allah sucks balls, because ALLAH is GREAT and Allah is GOOD and nutlicking is just the next step beyond cheek kissing, which is quite common as you move East!

Now get on your Sit and Spin, lather up them danglies, give yourself a whirl and see where the chips fall! Have faith BROTHER!!

[GOPisEvil]

69. But, but, but...I must shave the entire area?

Or just the naughty bits?

I am so confused...

[DS1]

70. You shave what the Sit n Spin dicktates!

DAMMIT!!

:nuke: :nuke: :nuke:

[GOPisEvil]

71. Ahhhh...the HOLY Sit and Spin!

I shall go to Uncle Ahmed's Toy emporium and mosque and get one post haste.

[LTR]

72. "Wannabe Underground"

I lurked around this site when I discovered it a few months ago. It was boring, to say the least. Now, a few months later, it seems they feel the only way to gain users is to imitate and directly attack DU. Hell, they even have an entire forum devoted to talking about DU! :WTF:

Here's an idea: How about working on content and original ideas? DU is phenomenal because it has great content, and I've found out more things in the past year since I discovered this place than I've discovered anywhere else. Before DU, I knew nothing about BBV, and very little about PNAC, among other things. DU made me feel like I took the red pill and discovered the truth. I challenge anyone to name any site that opened their eyes like DU has.

Does Wannabe Underground educate? Hell no. All they do is bitch about how DU is 'anti-American' and calls us 'traitors', and how we don't let conservatives post. Perhaps it's because, as evident on CU, conservatives really have nothing enlightening to say.

CU is a joke of a message board, devoid of any substance. You will learn nothing there, you will gain no substance, and you will not be entertained. But you will find a healthy, drug-free substitute for tranquilizers.

[hyphenate]

73. Well, you know what they say

Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. They might be mini-freeps, but they are in love with the idea of DU. It's obvious when they've read the site enough to try to be a derivative of it, but are just moranic enough not to be as militant as freep is.

Someone over there said that some people will mature into becoming like them. I'm sorry, but in all my years of living, if I ever, just once, even, thought like a conservative, I would sincerely and completely hope someone would shoot me dead before I did any damage. It's that mindset that makes them inferior--they don't know what the truth is, what compassion means, what selflessness is, and they certainly don't see much of the world with their narrow vision while their heads are sticking up their own asses.

[LTR]

74. 'Mature'? Yeah, right!

Wannabe Underground (aka CU) is nothing but an adolescent monkey shit-flinging piss fest, with no originality, no intellegence, and no real content. CU is Coors Light to our Sam Adams. Their Boone's Farm to our Cristal. It's a weak imitation of a phenomenal web site (DU, that is). It makes the posters on Free Rethuglic look like Greg Palast. It's just a bunch of whiny wannabes who can't be with us, so they bitch about us.

Wannabe Underground is ten pounds of shit in a five pound bag.

[DS1]

75. They have no imagination

Conversations above for example, you'll never see anything like that on CU, even if you reverse the content and gist.

They copy and point fingers, but that's all they can do, they are a pathetic bunch. If I ever find myself in a crowd full of people like that, I hope I get shot or stabbed in a random drive-by.