My "Depression" About America... Just Passing This Along Because It

[ChiciB1]

caught me by surprise. A very BIG surprise!

I have been trying NOT to watch ANY type of political programs, even Washington Journal & Democracy Now that I've faithfully watched for a very long time. I know that I've become very cynical, angry and upset, but didn't really know how much until last night. And it just hit me like a rock! It may not be any of the above, it may just be that I feel deeply hurt.

I've stopped participating in local politics and volunteering because my heart just wasn't in it. But LAST NIGHT, right after watching a movie on TV (I have DISH) and can't even remember the name of the movie, my eyes starting watering with tears. The movie was about the lives of a group of guys who grew up together, and their families and how they interacted together from a very young age. The setting looked like it was somewhere in OH or PA, but a town that had seen better days. The ending of the movie wasn't sad or anything, but I just started crying!

Couldn't really figure it out, but then it hit me! I miss AMERICA or at least an America I once knew and I just couldn't stop crying. I kept thinking about so many things and how this country used to make me feel proud, and I cried even more. Just could NOT stop crying! I kept thinking about how I put my heart and soul into doing what I thought was good for our country and NOTHING has helped!

Thankfully my husband is out of town and I was by myself, he would have thought I was completely losing it! My dog starting barking and trying to comfort me because she knew "something" wasn't right. Anyway, I just cried so hard for about an hour! Then on and off most of the night until I was really worn out. I took some Excedrin PM and finally went to sleep. Today I didn't want to get out of bed, but I did and really feel like crap today! I haven't cried like that in many many years. It reminded me of one of those cries you might have had when you were young and your boyfriend broke up with you and you just thought you would die! And I'm A Boomer so that was a long time ago!

I just wanted to share this with others who just might feel the same way, some who just don't know what to do anymore and feel kind of lost. I'm sure this will pass, but it sure caught me by surprise and I AM glad I wasn't out somewhere so others would be staring at me like I was some idiot or something. An no, I'm not crazy and I will be able to go on, but I do think I'll have to tune out MSM for a while!

There's so much stupidity and nonsense going on in our country these days and the things that REALLY matter are being overlooked, and IT IS SAD!

I've always been a fighter and in time the wound will have scars, but a reminder nonetheless. Okay, I'm done... just had to write it down and share these thoughts!

[99th_Monkey]

1. There's a time to fight and there's a time for tears

and maybe sometimes it's both. Thanks for your tears, for your heart-felt post and for your love for our once great nation.

Neither the fight nor the tears are in vein. I sense that you already know we're all in this together, whether we're fighting
or crying or just numbed out by this seemingly unstoppable trainwreck of neocon horrors.

[ChiciB1]

5. Thanks & Welcome To DU... I Do Understand What Happened...

and "the why" but it sure took me by surprise. Just didn't know how deep it cut!

[T Wolf]

2. ChiciB1, there are many days I feel the same. Anyone with half a brain cannot

help but feel a loss after what has been done to this country over the past seven years.

I do question whether we really ever had the kind of country we thought we did. In my youth (60's), we thought that we were the ones who would save the world. Things seemed to be progressing (in the true sense of that word) in so many areas - race relations, women's rights, environmental protection, foreign relations, etc.

But then, the real world rose up and crushed so much. Jack, Bobby and Martin were killed. The ERA was defeated, for Christ's sake! Raygun came in and helped murder nuns in Central America. So much of what we fought for was turned on its head. The rape continues to this day, the only difference being that the enemy is even more powerful, controlling the media much more than was the case back then.

So, here we are, seven (or eight) years into the "new" millenium and women still have to fight to control their own bodies, minority voters are still brutalized and prevented from exercising their franchise, some people are prevented from marrying because of who they love.

The only question is what that emotion drives you to do. We all must do whatever we can, and that varies from person to person. For some, it is sadness and depression and inaction because we can take only so much. For others, it is hiding out and avoiding seeing the world for what it has turned in to, because it hurts too much. And for others, the result will be rage that may push some people to actions that they really do not want to take.

Take care of yourself. And your family. If you have any energy left over, do a little something to help. And know that you are not alone.

[ChiciB1]

6. Yeah, I Remember The ERA Well... And We Can't Go Back Either!

I've never had much money, but there was happiness and we always got by and paid the bills. Now it worries me that I'm one of the fortunate ones! So many others just live day to day!

I have been thinking that I "need" to volunteer to help the others. Then I remember what it did to Abbe Hoffman, or so they said. It's a real "downer" when you expose yourself to their pain when they have so very little. I know I can't give money, but I DO have some time, even though my mother-in-law who has severe Alzheimer's lives with us. She's been in Rehab for about 2 months and will be back here on the 12th. She needs 24 hour care, but I can still get away now and again because my husband retired early so we could help her.

We've just lost our way and MUST find it again!

[Arugula Latte]

20. I remember being a kid in the 70s, having such hope.

I remember thinking: Cool! They're gonna pass the ERA. Women are gonna be equal. People will catch on that we have to protect nature. Things will get better.

Then, the ERA was defeated and that fucknut Reagan was elected and I was shocked at how many people I knew thought that was just peachy. I realized I didn't fit in with the (then) conservative suburb I lived in (I think it has since become more Democratic).

In the early 90s I went to visit my cousins. I recall one talking about her "Family Group." I thought, hmm, well, how bad could that be? Later, I find out she was really into Focus on the Family and those types of groups. The power that those people grabbed was way out of proportion to their numbers. Their undo influence over public policy fills me with fury. I hope to work against them in my own way for the rest of my life.

[ChiciB1]

24. Funny... I Was Talking About The Era & The ERA. The Era Happened

first, and then ERA was such a high... and then!

I have always called Ronnie Baby... Ronnie RayGuns! I NEVER have understood his appeal, and I'm still living in one of those very conservative places.

But, I don't know if you live in Oregon... I will have to say IF I ever get to travel, that's the first state I want to see! It's beautiful and I have all kinds of information stacked up for "the day!"

Thanks for sharing too!

[Arugula Latte]

27. I do live in Oregon ... in Portland

Come see us (even though we're about as far as you can get from Florida within the continental 48) ...

We like living here a lot. We've got kids, and the parents at the school they go to are about 90 percent liberals. We've made some good friends here. Plus, it's beautiful.

:hi:

[ChiciB1]

28. Yeah, I KNOW About The Liberals Too! Not Many HERE!!

It's VERY frustrating! And yes, IT IS beautiful, we barely have hills here!
:toast: :bounce:

[adadem]

3. I feel the same

I no longer have pride in being American. The bushies have brought shame upon our land.
I worry about the future that my teenagers will live in. I cry, too...you are not alone.

At my daughters graduation I could not stand for the national anthem...I just could not stand for what the bushies have destroyed.

[ChiciB1]

11. That Is A Feeling That You Don't Want To Have... But That's Has

been something I've been feeling. WE shouldn't have to feel this way, but so MUCH has been destroyed and the younger generations don't really understand it. I'm reminded of the movie... Back To The Future, except this is REAL! What will their memories be like??

[polichick]

4. It really is a heartbreaking time for many of us, so you have plenty of company...

Almost every thinking, feeling person I know is struggling to keep it together these days ~ hopefully it's the darkness before the dawn.

[ChiciB1]

7. I DO Know The Reality... And Perhaps We'll Wake From The Slumber

and say ENOUGH!! In some ways it was a revelation because I was so busy being upset and angry that I really DIDN'T feel any patriotism anymore! And all those flags and everything that goes with it just turned me off because it's just a lie! I refused to participate in that fake charade!

But in the end, I was born here and this is OUR COUNTRY... just want it back and didn't know how very much!

[applegrove]

8. Hugs.

:hug:

[ginchinchili]

9. You're not alone. I feel the same way.

I'll try to find your thread and post more later because I'm at work now. But I assure you, you're not alone. It makes me crazy and it's all happened so relatively fast, and it seems like nothing is being done to fix things. I feel like our country is carrying some pretty heavy negative karma and those kinds of debts must always be paid. Hang in there and cling to the things that are good and make you happy, like your family...and of course, your dog.

[ChiciB1]

10. Thanks For The Replies... I KNOW Many Feel As I Do... I Just Felt

A need to share. You know, misery loves company or something like that! Actually though, we ALL could do WITHOUT the misery!

My dog, what a sweetheart she is... big Chocolate Lab who will lick you to death! That IS one big PLUS in my life!

[blm]

12. Hurts - doesn't it?

That's how I know I'm fighting justly.

[mrigirl]

13. ChiciB1- I also feel the same way, so badly in fact that I don't want to have any kids

until something gives in this country and we turn this boat around. I'm 33 soon to be 34 and my clock is ticking. My husband and I are ready and have been ready now for a couple years to have children and yet I hesitate. And I know why. I don't want to bring up a child in this disgusting country at the moment. My American pride is all but gone. I'm extremely negative lately w/ how the middle class is being squashed from every angle. I can't take it much longer.
then I watch the National Geographic channel and see how us humans are ravaging the earth and I think to myself- If I have a child now, in the year 2045 when they predict that all of the ice will be gone and the temp on earth will steadily rise and the earth will regress into another ice age possibly- how old will my kid be? Shockingly only in their thirties. Do I want to bring a child into this world knowing full well that the earth is in a downward spiral and the United States of America- our great country- the leader of the world- has done ABSOLUTELY NOTHING in the last 8 yrs to help rectify it? We are an emabarrassment to the rest of the world. I pray that the right person is elected President and things start to change for the better. So don't feel bad about how you feel because most of us all feel the same way. At least the ones who have a care. Things will get better- that's what I tell myself.

[ChiciB1]

15. You're Not The Only Person Who Is Fearful About Having Children...

My son is also one of them. I had two children, a daughter and a son and I had them at a very young age. I got married as soon as I turned 18 to keep my husband from being drafted into the Viet Nam War. I had just graduated from high school about a year earlier and was planning to go to college. But there was that DAMN War and it loomed over my generation like a very dark cloud. I already knew people who had gotten killed in Viet Nam. Some of the "kids" who graduated before me, we heard their names from time to time. I was an Army brat living in a military town. My husband was one too, and we met in school even though he's 4 years older than me. I started school early at 5 yrs. old and he started late at 7 yrs. old. By the time I was 20 I had my first child. Back then it seemed the "natural" thing to do, but we still fought AGAINST the war and believed we could make a difference. I didn't plan on getting married, but I hated THAT WAR!

Those times were filled with turmoil, and there was a lot of violence too, but WE DID make a difference... we WERE THE PEOPLE! We scared Nixon and he left, and I NEVER believed him when he told the nation he had plan to END THE WAR! He NEVER did and he lied, but he DID get Impeached! We rose up and said NO MORE and in time the whole thing stopped! I was so young, but have ALWAYS been an activist, and taught my children to stand up for "their rights" and now they look at me and say "I wish I lived back then" because it made a difference! For a long time I thought we did what we did because we were young and reckless and we shocked our parents who felt uncomfortable. And some of it was reckless, but we did make a difference. We WERE lied to and that motivated us.

Today, with lie after lie after lie, NOTHING changes. At least none that I'm comfortable with. And for the most part, the youth of today don't seem all that interested. Some say Boomers sold out, well I didn't and I still tell my kids to stand up, but they look around and see too much apathy! I've watched as we've become a "throw away nation" and only now is anyone thinking about the EARTH again!

My biggest fear now is that there will be another DEPRESSION! I now have a grandson and we were talking about 2 months ago and I asked him if he felt that HIS generation could handle anything like that, and he answered with "there's NO WAY!" That scares me too. Many more families are having to cut back and do with less and I wonder when it's going to hit the fan! Unfortunately today, I HAVE NO ANSWERS and I don't see the light to lead me forward. My husband's mother has lived with us for almost 9 years now and she doesn't even know who we are, and that worries me too. Will be be able to keep caring for her?

So my son who ALWAYS wanted kids, and he's about your age has decided to wait, but for how long?? I DO understand though and it's a shame to not have kids because you worry about how bad it can get.

[mrigirl]

21. ChiciB1- My Vietnam story is a little different....

I won't go too far into it cuz it's a long story but my husband's father was killed in action in a dogfight over Cambodia in 1971, long after we already knew the war was lost. He was a helicopter pilot and was only 22 yrs old. My husband was not even born yet. His mom was 3-4 mos pregnant at the time. My husband's mother was Vietnamese and they were married off the base and he was in the process of getting the marriage recognized by the military so he could taker her home to his family. He had only 2 mos left of his tour when he died.
Only recently when I did a little research did I understand Nixon's involvement in sending our troops over to Cambodia. And now I hate him even more for it. My husband's father would have been alive today if it wasn't for that. He had been in Vietnam for over a year doing his runs and was fine until he got transferred. He lasted a week.
My husband's mom was alone in Saigon w/ an AmeriAsian baby w/ blond hair and blue eyes and had to hide him. She and my husband were rescued a year and a half later by another American soldier who being so complelled by her story- married her and became my husband's stepfather.
My husband came to America at 2 yrs old. His mom was a mess from the war and she coudn't handle it so he went to live w/ his paternal grandparents who raised him. My hubby grew up w/ neither a mother or a father figure because of Vietnam. He was very alone growing up and has had his share of demons to fight. My anger towards what he went through as a child is now vented towards this ridiculous war w/ Iraq and I can't help but think of all the children out there right now who have lost a parent in this war. I have seen the pain firsthand. It sickens me.
We will have a child together and probably soon. I do have a 15 yr old stepson that I've known since he was 4 yrs old. My husband has taken his tragic childhood and has become one of the most amazing parents I've ever seen. I'm not hestiant about that I just fear for our country and our well-being.
Thank you for sharing your story! It makes me feel better knowing there are other people out there my age that are having hard decisions to make about starting a family. I though I was being selfish but I know that that's not it. I'm just scared. Scared to what's going to be left behind for our children.

[ChiciB1]

22. I Know All About The Amerasian Situation & It IS Heart-Breaking!

And there are many still over there! There is a Vietnamese family who have a nail shop that I go to and I hear first hand some of the horrors to this day! Tam, one of the ladies says where she lived they had Agent Orange dropped near her town, and even today the ground is still ORANGE! She's 2nd generation and they talk Vietnamese all the time, but she tells me things I NEVER knew.

Back then we swore this would never happen again.... BUT!! It is the SHAME of America and I fear we will have to pay someday.

Thanks for sharing... and my heart goes out to you and your husband. I knew many who came back and told me horrible things. Since we were of the same generation they did talk about it. Not a pretty picture, and it's also one of the reasons I'm so angered and upset with Colin Powell.... he knew then about many things, and he KNOWS now! He isn't what he presents himself to be!!

[mrigirl]

26. I think I'm also disgusted w/ Powell as much as you are-

To me what Powell did lying to the UN about WMD was more upsetting to me then Bush and Co. making up crap to go to war. I TRUSTED Powell as much as every other American citizen did and I believed him just like everyone else did. I thought Powell would have been man enough to quit if he was put between a rock and a hard place by the Bush admin. My husband has ideas that he was perhaps threatened and forced to lie. I don't know. I will never trust a word Powell says ever again and that's too bad because Powell was a great man and leader. He ruined his career for Bush and Cheney. I wonder how he feels now knowing he betrayed his own country. It's very sad. What a waste of a great man.

[ChiciB1]

29. Well, I Knew About The "old" Powell of Viet Nam... Get A Chance

check out the My Lai massacre. I think about 3,000 men, women and children were killed, and Wm. Calley took the fall. My memory is vague about stats, but Powell was involved with it.

Maybe "I" should revisit it myself!

[CrispyQ]

14. Oh!

:hug:

I went into such a funk after the '04 (s)election my husband banned me from DU & other political sites. :blush: It is not my nature to be a down-header but I could not overcome it. It took several weeks to beat the funk. To this day I sometimes have to take extended breaks from DU & other political sites to maintain my sanity. Some days I wish I could be blissfully ignorant, but that is also not my nature.

My husband & I frequently comment that we have lived our lives during the best time of America. I feel so badly for the younger generations who may never know what was so special about our country.

I've found that walking outside is a great mood enhancer. If I miss my morning walk for more than a few days, I can see it in my attitude.

Take care of yourself, take breaks & remember, sometimes the best action you can take is to take care of your own little corner of the world.

[ChiciB1]

16. I Think I Just Posted Something About Living Life In A Different America...

And I do get out and try to forget. In fact... I'm headed out to take my dog "Shawnee" for a jog. She's sitting here making noises because it's later than usual. So I will check out my little corner of the world, but I can't seem to find the "turn-off" button on my body, must be hiding somewhere.

But what hit me last night just happened, and when I realized WHY, it took me down! And I'm one who realizes I have it better than many. Where I live it NEVER snows!! Ha! Ha! Just an afterthought!

[Ninga]

17. I feel your pain and share it. Try to accept encouragement from others who have

walked in your shoes....only at a different time than you are now.

I expect you to be one of the biggest fighters for your candidate in the next round of battles.

Bless you.

:grouphug:

[ChiciB1]

18. I Do Plan To FIGHT For My Choice... And I'm Still Talking About My

choice to everyone I meet. But it is frustrating and I am going to stay away from this endless up and down cycle EVERY SINGLE day! I check in to see the threads and it really amazes me how completely vicious this place has gotten. It seems that every single word or sentence is dissected and parsed ENDLESSLY!!

I also see a Democratic Party that wants to be rid of the more Liberal side of the Party. At this point in time, I'm seeing a LOT of DLC influence and that makes me very very uncomfortable! Even calling Boomers out as some weird bunch of whack jobs!!!

So, I'll stay out of the fights and see what shakes out!

You DO know how I feel!!!

[Ninga]

23. Yes, you and I are on the same wavelength. I work very hard not to get sucked into the negative

threads....and I totally agree with your analysis that the Party would like to jettison the Liberal wing (us) and become more DLC like.

So we have 2 fights going on........one within our very own party! And of course, the fight for the WH.

I am staying out of the inter party fight for sure.


Take care.


:yourock:

[Armstead]

19. Totally understandable -- We fiddle while Rome burns

[Mike03]

25. What a beautiful post

Thank you.

You have expressed what I have been feeling, off and on, since Bush was re-elected. Simply a battle involving rational mind, depression, intertia, optimism, pessimism, hope and defeat, trying to find some sense of balance, then losing that balance. Over and over again, day after day. Insomnia, anxiety, anger, capitulation. Recession, collapsing dollar, deflation, poverty. Never ending cycles of increasing catastrophizing.

[ChiciB1]

30. All In A Nut Shell! And So Very Discouraging! n/t