Did the Republicans seem bloodthirsty or what?

[dreadneck]

Rabid Republicans Dismember, Devour Hippie Heckler
09/03/04 NEW YORK, New York

Tragedy struck the Republican National Convention at Madison Square Garden last evening when a mob of delegates, whipped into a frenzy by War President Bush, savagely attacked, dismembered and devoured a protester.

The bloody melee began when Rainbow B. Skyewalker of Madison, Wisconsin, began heckling the president as he trumpeted the so-called Bush Doctrine, which establishes America's right to attack other nations preemptively.

"The Bush Doctrine replaces Theodore Roosevelt's Walk softly and carry a big stick with Bush's Stomp loudly and sucker punch 'em," a livid Ms. Skyewalker told our RealStupid political reporter just moments before she stood on her chair and began a shrill harangue against the president.

But the conventioneers were in no mood to listen to her. One by one they began grabbing Skyewalker and pulling her violently in various directions. Before long, her limbs had literally been ripped from her body.

When the Republican faithful smelled blood, they reverted to a primal state and engaged in a feeding frenzy, devouring the protester like so many partisan piranha.

"I thought she was too tough," a delegate from Virginia complained. "And she didn't shave her armpits."

"Believe it or not," added another delegate, "she tasted like chicken."

"She was a bit tart for my taste," opined a third. "And the patchouli oil didn't help."

Ms. Skyewalker's body will now be slowly deposited into the New York City sewer system, where it will make its way to a rather undignified burial at sea.

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