The "100 Suggestions for McCain's October Surprise" thread

[Bucky]

We know he's got something up his awkwardly positioned sleeve for the last weekend before the election... but what could it be? Why else would I be constantly plagued with this forboding sense of being right where he wants me?!

Or maybe not. Given his level of preparation for the election, I'm inclined to think McCain has no October surprise planned at all. It's our patriotic duty to help him. Help me come up with...
100 Suggested October Surprises for John McCain

#1. New rumor: Barack Obama is a woman and is running to legalize his marriage to Michelle.

#2. The "Boxer Rebellion" strategy: McCain goes pants-free for the final 72 hours before election day

#3. Use his position as a senior US senator to admit Switzerland, Venezuela, and several distinct caves along the Afghan-Pakistan border as new states until they total up enough electoral college votes to tip the balance. Call this the "116-star flag" strategy.

#4. New rumor: Barack Obama is the 4th Pip.

#5. The "Boomerang" strategy: Bribe Andrew Dice Clay to come out of hiding and endorse Obama. Whooaooh!

#6. Dump Cindy, fly to London, marry Queen Elizabeth and/or that Harry Potter lady, fly back the richest man in the world, and use his newly acquired mega jillion dollar fortune to launch a $3 trillion dollar ad blitz all day long for Sunday and Monday, then slap forehead after realizing for that kinda bread he could've just bribed everyone.

#7. New rumor: Barack Obama is Webster on growth hormones. Lots and lots of growth hormones.

#8. Pass a new law allowing cartoon characters to vote, then call in on all his favors to ACORN.

who's got next?

[Ian David]

1. #9 McCain dumps Sarah Palin and picks Chuck Norris as his running-mate

[Bucky]

2. Oops, sorry about the size. I've fixed it now

[MajPayne2]

3. #10. New Rumor: Obama gave Hillary a "Dirty Sanchez"

[Lubernaut]

4. Reveals he now can send and receive messages on "the email".

[Bucky]

5. That would flip my vote. Well, that, or I would send him an email of me flipping him off.

[votetastic]

6. He will tell Obama that they should "suspend" the election to deal with the economic crisis

[Bucky]

7. #12: Palin goes hunting this weekend & personally kills Osama bin Laden. But there's a catch...

Unfortunately, in the process of field dressing bin Laden like she would a moose, Palin will have inadvertantly cut off his face, head, fingerprints, and all other identifying features. In an unrelated news story, comedian Michael Richards has disappeared from his home and is never seen again.

[zbdent]

8. #42 fake stroke for sympathy vote ...

#43 real stroke, for f*cking with karma ...