GASOLINE WANTED

[chiburb]

From Eric Zorn's weblog at the Chicago Tribune:

Snip:

I worry about Alan Keyes.

Today we learn:

"that he
told the state's top GOP donors at a recent closed-door meeting that he plans to make "inflammatory" comments "every day, every week" until the election (because) lighting the "match" of controversy (is) needed to ignite grass-roots voters."

There are 48 days until the election.

That means Keyes is going to need four dozen more inflammatory comments; four dozen more riffs or extrapolations on his basic philosophy that will offend his foes and excite comment in the media.

As a gesture of Illinois hospitality to our temporary visitor from Maryland, I hereby propose that we put our heads together and help him out.

Using his speeches, columns and other remarks as a rough guide, can we generate some truly provocative one-liners to help him through the inevitable dry spells and dreary weekends?
End snip.

So, DUers? Can we come up with some one-liners to help Mr. Keyes further push voters to Obama?

(For examples of Keye's previous rants and delusions, click thru to Zorn's Triblog. There are hyperlinks that didn't copy over to here.)

http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/columnists/ericzorn/chi-zornlog.story

[tomfodw]

1. How 'bout these?

"Women should subordinate themselves to men, just as the voters of Illinois should subordinate themselves to me"

"Slavery was not really that bad, as it meant that millions of black Africans got a chance to live in this country instead of being infected by monkey-borne viruses back in Africa"

"Public education should be abolished. Make all children go to Christian-run schools."

"States that vote against Bush should lose all federal funding"

"Jesus is coming back on Nov. 3, and anyone who does not vote for me will be condemned to everlasting torment in Hell"



I think that's a good start. Your turn.

[chiburb]

2. That's an EXCELLENT start! Here's mine:

"If the citizenry were allowed to carry automatic weapons, then municipalities would not have to spend so much money on riot police every time there was an anti-war protest".

[tomfodw]

3. That's too easy

"The citizenry should be required to carry automatic weapons. Terrorists will fear us"

[chiburb]

4. Ok, try this one: "Obama SHOULD have been aborted"!!! n/t

[tomfodw]

5. How about...

"We need to annex Canada and Mexico so terrorists cannot use those countries to enter America."

[LTR]

6. The Virgin Mary was a whore

She bore a child out of wedlock.

[chiburb]

7. I like that. "She yielded to Heavenly Hedonism". n/t

[tomfodw]

8. "The people who died in the WTC on 9-11...

...were all evil New Yorkers and Wall Street bloodsuckers who deserved to die. But their sacrifice alerted God-fearing Middle Americans to the dangers of Muslim Terrorism, so their deserved deaths at least served to save good, decent Christians."