Transcript of Jon Stewart on O'Reilly Factor

[Killarney]

And you don't even have to click on a Faux link. :)
http://www.wonkette.com/archives/the-ostewart-factor-021688.php

O'Reilly is the biggest asshole on the planet.

[Roland99]

1. LOL!!

Stewart was ripping into him and he didn't even know it!!

[ronnykmarshall]

2. Is that real?

[Killarney]

4. Yeah, that's the real transcript.

[skip fox]

26. yep

I saw it last wekk. A gas!

[Kierkegaard]

3. NEWS FLASH!

O'Reilly is the biggest asshole on the planet!

C'mon Killarney, you knew this one already.

That transcript is really heinous, by the way. I would have told him to fuck himself if I were Stewart. Or I would have made up some equally egregious number about O'Lielly's show: "Did you know that 93% of your viewers are actually practicing S&M queens when they aren't stabbing children? It's true, I have it right here..."

[Killarney]

6. Hey, it's always worth repeating.

;) :toast:

Yeah, I don't know how Stewart kept himself in check after the 10,000th time O'Reilly said only stoned slackers watched his show. After O'Reilly kept pounding away at Kerry for coming on the show to be hip and asking "why did he come on your show", I WISH Stewart had said, "Well, Bill, YOU came on my show. Why did you do it? To appear hip?"

[DrFunkenstein]

5. Asking Bill About His Je Ne Sai Qua Was Fantastic!

Jon Stewart is one of those guys you almost are ready to go "I'm not, you know, gay or anything, but I'd do him."

That's even before we get to Stephen Colbert...

[MsTryska]

7. I now understand why Fox hates the French....

STEWART: No, I wouldn't have put it that way. I think it would have been, why do you have such je ne sai qua?



they obviously failed it in high school.


it's je ne sais quoi, assfaces.

[DrFunkenstein]

13. Hey, I've Been Called Assface Before...

But not for my bad French! That's the last time I cheat off of a Wonkette transcript!

...Ok, I admit it! I don't really know the words to Lady Marmalade, but I sing it anyway!

Voulez Vous sumpthin sumpthin sumpthin...

Mocha-chocolata-ya-ya...

[JLucas4092]

21. I think

MsTryska was calling the people at Fox assfaces, a very legit comment.

[MsTryska]

25. but have you ever been called an assface by me?

seriously i'm asking - i've called a lot of people assfaces on the web over the years. ;)

i'm kidding...as JLucas4092 said...i was calling the fox people assfaces. i don't expect all random individuals to know french, but when you're the press isn't that sort of important? damn didn't there used to be standards?


in any case...it's "voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir?"

but do ya know what it means?

[markbark]

56. I'm embarassed to admit this, but....

The song lyric in question is:
"voulez vous couchez avec moi ce soir?"

The translation is: "Would you like to sleep with me tonight?"
....although a more accurate translation would be more
along the lines of "wanna f*ck?"


--MAB

[George W. Dunce]

8. Yea and I hope he knows

I have been stoned and watched his show many times.

[fudge stripe cookays]

9. He ranks himself right up there, doesn't he?

"the three most important people next to Bush?"

Jesus, someone punch this putrid sack of shit, please.
FSC

[Kilroy003]

12. I'm assuming he was trying to be funny.

I also assume he 'plays' with little boys on weekends.

[Scairp]

62. You're more right than you know

I haven't heard him say this in the last year or so, not that I watch that shite very much, but he has said in the past that he is a scout master. Scary thought, huh?

[gatorboy]

10. Heh!!

EOM

[crispini]

11. omg, I'm laughing my ass off over here.

STEWART: By the way, I couldn't agree with you more about the French thing. They are such an important country, and I think really deserve a boycott.

O'REILLY: Yeah, they do.

STEWART: Because of the influence they wield in the world.

(CROSSTALK)

O'REILLY: Well, you know, I know you don't agree with...

STEWART: They have a variety of cheeses, and...

O'REILLY: I was just going to say, you have to have your brie before you go on.

[MallRat]

14. Hilarious. I wish I'd seen it on TV.

Stoned slackers, UNTIE!!!!
:-)

-MR

[Jane Austin]

64. I wonder what Stewart's demographics

really are?

Most of my friends watch it, and our household is 57 and 59.

(Creak)

Likewise, my son watches it, and he's 36.

[discopants]

15. and Jon has two shiny new Emmy trophies...

that Mr O'Reilly can sit on :)

[redsoxliberal]

20. Didn't O'reilly win a Peabody?

oh... no... A Polk... a year after he left the show.

[BootinUp]

16. Is that real?

If it is, I would have to say O'Reilly is drinking on the job.

[johnnyrocket]

17. 'O'REILLY: You actually have an influence on this presidential election...

'O'REILLY: You actually have an influence on this presidential election. That is scary.'

WTF is wrong with this retard!??! Bill O is the biggest blowhard moron on the planet.

[LuminousX]

52. Lielly is upset because he doesn't have influence

[Nightjock]

18. It's hard to tell by reading..

...was O'Reilly REALLY serious when he claimed 70% of the Daily Show audience are "stoned slackers"?!

I was furious reading that transcript! I love Jon Stewart and I think the Daily Show is the closest thing we have to a program that actually tells the news it like it is.

If O'Rielly was serious Jon should have dropped the comedy shtick and stuck up for his audience!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am VERY dissapointed in Mr Stewart (if that was the case).
I'm going to fire off an email to him right now.

Thank you very much for your post.

[Scairp]

63. I happen to see this one

And he appeared to be only half joking when he said this. It seemed like he was trying to get a rise out of Stewart because he kept saying it, but to Jon's credit he didn't bite.

[cheshire]

19. Everyone should treat O'Really as a joke that goes on his show.

[CatWoman]

22. has this been aired already?

[chookie]

23. New Daily show today

Will Jon Stewart skewer O'reilly tonight?

could be good....

[rocktivity]

24. On the outside, Jon's the picture of humility when it comes to his awards

O'REILLY: You actually have an influence on this presidential election. That is scary...(because) you've got stoned slackers watching your dopey show every night, OK, and they can vote...
STEWART: If that were so, that would be quite frightening.
...but on the inside, he's a gleeful little boy bouncing off the walls with joy that he's sticking it to the news establishment!

STEWART: What am I, a Cheech and Chong movie? Stoned slackers?
O'REILLY:...Eighty-seven percent are intoxicated when they watch it...
Where did you get those stats, Bill--the Paris Business Review?

O'REILLY: I've been on the show a couple of times...you obviously make fun of everybody...you asked me why I was such a bad person, didn't you, or something like that? Wasn't that a serious question?
STEWART: Did I ask you why you were a bad person?...No, I wouldn't have done that.
O'REILLY: ... "scum of the earth, O'Reilly," I think that's the way you put it.
STEWART: No, I wouldn't have put it that way. I think it would have been, why do you have such je ne sais quoi?
O'REILLY: Yeah, some French. We're boycotting France, so I couldn't answer...
The words were French, so he couldn't answer??? Quelle moran!
:headbang:
rocknation

[delete_bush]

27. Note how O'Really's massive ego can't take it that Kerry

appeared on Jon's show but not his....he keeps bringing this up...

O'REILLY: OK, when you get a guy like Kerry on...

STEWART: Yes.

O'REILLY: ... and again, he bypassed me, so I took it personally, he went over to talk to you...
----------------
O'REILLY: That's true. But what do you want the audience to get out of your discussion with Kerry? Just yucks, or anything else?
----------------
O'REILLY: Do you think that Kerry does himself any good talking to you? Because I think most of your audience is going to vote for him anyway, aren't they?

STEWART: If I thought...

O'REILLY: The stoned slackers.
-----------------
O'REILLY: ... John Kerry bypassed me and went right over to you. You're only four blocks away. He said, "O'Reilly, I don't think so. Stewart, I'm going to go talk to you."

O'REILLY: What do you think Kerry wants to get out of coming on your show?

This guy is out to lunch.

[Bandit]

30. Maybe it is because Jon has three times the audience.

The Daily Show ratings are almost three times more than O'Reily has. He just can't stand that fact.

[Anaxamander]

28. Can someone please compare the ratings for TDS and the O'Lielly Factor?

I just KNOW there's a reason this asshole is calling TDS a "dopey show."

[progressivebydesign]

29. I'm neither stoned, nor slacking..

But I LOVE Jon Stewart! Ice cream or pretzels? I love Stewarts comic agility.. and the hair... yeah, the hair.

Freaky to think that Bill actually ranked himself up in the top 3 most powerful men in the Country. I just fear that he was serious, he has the narcissistic thing going on.

[Renew Deal]

31. I have not watched that show drunk

and I don't do drugs. Oh well. :beer:

[underpants]

32. I detected a bit of a "Stoned Slacker" theme from O'Reilly

Anyone else.

:eyes:

The three most powerful GEESH!

[spooky3]

38. Stewart is a genius. This transcript is amazing. He's so fast on his

feet (or sitting down). Never let O'R get the better of him, yet somehow managed to keep O'R from throwing his usual temper tantrum.

[dmr]

57. Yea, his way of dissing it's popularity

and effectiveness - in what he thinks is a polite sort of way.

I know I've heard it before that The Daily Show is for the younger generation, but I've never once looked at it that way, at all. So, who'da thunk it? To find me, an old lady, a stoned slacker! roflmao

[RapidCreek]

59. Yea my 76 year old mom is right there with you!

She thinks John is very handsome and quite funny....that said I never knew it was because she was stoned....I wonder where her stash is...

RC

[dmr]

60. They'll stone ya when you're watching The Daily Show ...

Bob Dylan is in my brain now ...

They'll stone ya when you're watching The Daily Show ...
Well, they'll stone ya when you're trying to be so good,
They'll stone ya just a-like they said they would.
They'll stone ya when you're tryin' to go home.
Then they'll stone ya when you're there all alone.
But I would not feel so all alone,
Everybody must get stoned.

Well, they'll stone ya when you're walkin' 'long the street.
They'll stone ya when you're tryin' to keep your seat.
They'll stone ya when you're walkin' on the floor.
They'll stone ya when you're walkin' to the door.
But I would not feel so all alone,
Everybody must get stoned.

They'll stone ya when you're at the breakfast table.
They'll stone ya when you are young and able.
They'll stone ya when you're tryin' to make a buck.
They'll stone ya and then they'll say, "good luck."


Tell ya what, I would not feel so all alone,
Everybody must get stoned.

Well, they'll stone you and say that it's the end.
Then they'll stone you and then they'll come back again.
They'll stone you when you're riding in your car.
They'll stone you when you're playing your guitar.
Yes, but I would not feel so all alone,
Everybody must get stoned.

Well, they'll stone you when you walk all alone.
They'll stone you when you are walking home.
They'll stone you and then say you are brave.
They'll stone you when you are set down in your grave.
But I would not feel so all alone,
Everybody must get stoned.

[Jane Austin]

65. Yeah, me , too!

Our only trouble is we're usually pretty tired by the time we get to bed to watch it.

But not stoned. :)

[tech3149]

33. My response to Oliely

Hey Bill,

I just read a transcript of your show with John Stewart. In years past,
I'd have probably watched the show because I was such a TV junkie. Today I
rarely turn on the TV, it's just so much BS, distraction and disinformation
that I won't support. One of the things I miss is being able to see shows
like The Daily Show. Since I was born in 1953, I'm not in the demographic
that is the audience that everyone loves to target. I like The Daily Show
because it pokes fun at not only those in power, but at the mainstream
media. The "media" and "journalist's" that can't ask the tough questions
and distract attention by reporting sensational stories of no particular
importance are harming the health and well-being of the country. John
Stewart and The Daily Show appeal to those that have recognized that
failing. We are not just "stoned slackers", but people who don't want to
be played by the system anymore. We are the people that want to see honest
and intelligent discussion about what our country stands for and how to
intend to get there.


Best Wishes,

"hope I did good"

[spooky3]

39. great letter

[ArtVandaley]

51. Very good letter

O'Reilly really is clueless. He can't understand why people prefer Stewart's brand of news, so, like a 10 year old spoiled brat bully, just throws blind insults at the viewers. He's such a waste of space.

[marlakay]

34. Whats with the stoned stuff?

All of my friends watch and we are in our 40's, my kids and their friends watch in their 20's, and none of us are stoners nor do we need a drink to watch. We watch to finally laugh at the stupid shit Bush does day after day.

Mike moore said on his site yesterday that Jon Stewart was one of only two shows we should watch so we don't stress out during this political shit storm we are get gets to us.

[Autumn]

35. I'm a stoner??

I am a 53 year old grandmother, haven't gotten stoned in 23 years and i never miss Jon Stewart,I even bought the movie Half Baked just because he was in it.

[oldtime dfl_er]

40. My mom is 77

and loves Jon Stewart!!!

[Beaverhausen]

49. I'm mid 40's and only sometimes stoned

I think its so weird when they say only young kids watch that show. I watch it every night it's on.

[AlabamaYankee]

36. I haven't been a stoned slacker for 35 years

At least I haven't been stoned; the slacker part I'm not sure about.

[atommom]

37. I'm so stoned I didn't even realize I was stoned! (But I'm still voting.)

I love Jon Stewart!

[kimchi]

41. Jon was going easy on the sleaze...

..at first glance. Without seeing it, I can see several times where he allowed OReilly to hang himself by letting him blather on about his insecurities. And calling THD's demographic "stoners" wasn't really countered, either. Because the repetition shows OReilly's idiocy.

Wish I had seen it! Love JS!

edit: spelling

[phish420]

42. Im a stoner slacker that votes in Florida!

[kimchi]

And I can see you'll soon be hitting 420.

Congrats and enjoy.:smoke:

[blondeatlast]

43. I'm a stoned slacker--ME.

I've worked for almost 30 years, never been chemically enhanced (had lots of opportunity), and am now a somewhat punky soccer mom.

Latent (wanna be?) stoned slackers, UNITE!

[spooky3]

44. O'Reilly would swear I'm a Repug. soccer mom if he saw my picture.

We "stoned slackers" must have morphing powers.

[Bimini_Twisted]

48. Have you read the transcript on WEEEED?

[wicket]

45. Wow, what a prick!

I seriously want to know how he came up with that stoner "statistic".

[blueblitzkrieg]

46. I can't believe that interview!

O'Reilly insults Jon, his show, and his show's audience. WHAT A SHITHEAD!!! Suck it Bill

[Richardo]

47. Best line - had me spit up....

O'REILLY: What do you think Kerry wanted to get out of it (appearing on TDS)?

STEWART: No, it's access to this market that may be untapped, an untapped potential, a reserve, an ANWAR, if you will.

God that guy's funny. Went right over O'Reilly's head. :D

[Beaverhausen]

50. O"Reilly thinks he is as powerful as McCain and Kerry?

STEWART: George Bush?

O'REILLY: Yeah.

STEWART: I don't recall the president stopping by the program.

O'REILLY: But McCain's been on.

STEWART: Yes.

O'REILLY: OK. Kerry's been on, as we mentioned.

STEWART: Yes.

O'REILLY: I've been on. So you've had the three most powerful people beside him on.

STEWART: That's probably right.


Good god! what an ass!

[SemiCharmedQuark]

53. "we have the numbers right here"

Yes...can I see that Bill?

[iwillalwayswonderwhy]

54. I just called my 71-year-old Mom

to let her know she is a "stoned slacker". She laughed and said, "the only dope I can see is in the White House".

[Digit]

61. Love your mom!

What a hoot she is!
Good for her!

[nini]

55. stoned slackers? My 80 year old mom never misses Jon..

and she hardly fits that category.

[Arkana]

58. He really threw O'Reilly for a loop

Made him look like a blustering, bloviating idiot--in short, made him reveal his true self.

[kokomo]

66. I am 65 and rarely miss Jon's show....

as I find his "fake" news to be the most authentic coming out of the tube. He deserves his Emmy's. I don't drink, smoke, drug, or chew gum!

I may have to don a blue vest and get a job at WalMart as I lost 4/5 of my stock portfolio (6 figures) SINCE G.W.Bush took over which he blames on Clinton and 9/11. The feds cut my social security from $700 to $400 because they found I had worked for the state for a few years and was getting $900 a month from another pension, therefore I was making TOO MUCH money, like $1100 a month now allows me to do all that world traveling I used to dream about when I retired. My $125 prescription drug bill per month (after insurance copays) means I live on a lot of tuna fish and SPAM (I load up when Walgreen's has a sale) which is good for the hypertension and cholesterol I take drugs for. Thanks GWB for my "golden years" but since I am living now on pennies a day, maybe they should be called the "copper years!".