MEET YOUR FRIENDLY NEIGHBORHOOD SPERM BANK

[Ian David]

--------- by Steve Nadis
Several years ago, a video store called Videosmith--which was located between Harvard and Central squares, right near where I live--closed up shop. The store had a devoted following, mainly because the people who worked there were extremely knowledgeable and extremely nice. The sign was taken down and a new business moved in. But this business kept a low profile to say the least. It had no sign whatsoever and gave no indication, from the outside at least, as to the nature of its business.

The establishment is, in fact, called "California Cryobank," with other branches in Palo Alto and Los Angeles. They are very selective in their donors. It's even harder to get into than Harvard Law School, according to Harvard professor Michael Sandel. You need to be 5'9" or taller, 19 to 38 years old, in good health, and attending an elite college or university or possessing an undergraduate or graduate degree from said institution. The ideal donor is six-feet tall, with brown eyes, blond hair, and dimples. Donors receive $75 a pop and up to $900 a month plus some perks like movie passes. Sandel, for one, is wary of operations like this which he says smacks of "eugenics because they make children the product of deliberate design." I have some moral qualms about it myself but wouldn't get through the doors in any case. I'm not sure my college would qualify as "elite." I have no dimples. And the age limit would also pose a problem, despite the fact that I--like everybody else--look younger than my years. So no free movie passes for this guy.

Looking at it from a neighborhood perspective, we traded in a friendly neighborhood video store for a friendly neighborhood sperm bank. A sign of the times, perhaps. But I can't see how we came out ahead on that deal.

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