So this Yank strolls into the UK Forum.

[dbt]

After a few moments at the bar, he looks around and says:

"Damn, y'all sure do talk funny! What language IS that you're a-speakin' anyways--and how come this beer ain't cold?"

What happens to him then? Do you throw his dumb ass out, or keep him around for amusement purposes?

:hi:
Greetings From Lower Arkansas,
dbt

[muriel_volestrangler]

1. We taunt you with correct pronunciations from the OED

and teach you to love beer at cellar temperature. Like red wine, if it's too cold, you can't taste it properly.

:hi:

[dbt]

4. How very gracious!

The Yank freely admits that he knew NOTHING of beer until a proper pint was served to him in St. Ives. He has been delightedly Budweiser-free since then! He does hold with Mark Twain, however, in the theory that we are separated by a common language.

Ta!
:beer:

[non sociopath skin]

7. If said Yank has a picture of the late, great Mr. Cash on his t-shirt ...

... then I will be happy to stand him a tepid pint of Workie Ticket.

The Skin

[dbt]

11. I have two, actually.

One of the shirts is suitable for most every occasion, the other contains that middle-finger image of John; that's the shirt I've had to replace a few times now! All Arkies are required by an ancient and unwritten code to know--and be able to sing on request--at least three Cash songs.

:smoke:

[enlightenment]

18. Twain? Hurumph.

George Bernard Shaw, dbt!

[dbt]

19. Oops!

Been in the South a bit too long. Right you are! (And to think I used to be infallible...)

[Captain Hilts]

20. Then where to you get "sec-ra-TREE" instead of 'sec-ra-tear-ee'?

WHAT do you guys have against the penultimate syllable?????

Mili-tree instead of mili-tary.

[WritersBlock]

2. Talk funny? Hah. One word: Milngavie.

Welcome to the forum from another Yank, who is jealous of anyone currently in Lower Arkansas when thoughts turn to biscuits & gravy. :)

[dbt]

5. Now there's one I've not heard of!

Do I dare ask what it means? And how long did it take you to quit asking about biscuits and gravy over there?

:hi:

[moggie]

3. Do you have a light?

I've got this flag, see...

[dbt]

6. If it's the flag I'm thinking of,

bu$h has already damaged it far beyond the power of any lighters I could carry. Perhaps you could steer me toward the best UK beer that we've never even heard of in the US?

Cheers,
dbt

[KatyMan]

8. Spitfire

Harvey's Sussex Bitter, Shepherd's Neame Master Brew to name a few

[Mr Creosote]

9. WHICH St Ives?

and I'd recommend Copper Dragon from Skipton

[dbt]

13. The one down in Cornwall

where I got my first glimpse of a beverage called Cripple Cock Scrumpy. The name and the picture on the label were enough to convince me to stay away from it...

:-)

[Mr Creosote]

16. Cripple Cock Scrumpy

Unfortunately not strong enough to cripple your cock, and really not nice either. You did well to avoid. I imagine it's the sort of piss that's popular with our future Lords and Masters as they gamble and frolic at Polzeath.

[non sociopath skin]

10. The aforementioned Workie Ticket, brewed by Mordues of North Tyneside

The Skin

[T_i_B]

14. I second Workie Ticket!

I also recommend Hop Back Entire Stout and anything brewed by Acorn Brewery (Barnsley IPA is superb!)

Crouch Vale Brewer's Gold and Fat Cat Honey Ale are also great.

[moggie]

15. Timothy Taylor Landlord

As long as it's on draught, not bottled.

[dbt]

12. Such exotic beer names over here!

Not a one have I ever heard about in the States. Of course in Arkansas, Michelob is about as daring as anyone gets. I think it would be just wondrous to take an afternoon (and as much of the evening as necessary) and try as many UK beers as possible.

[Mr Creosote]

17. I don't suppose they ship overseas

but look at this lot:

http://www.beersofeurope.co.uk/acatalog/Beers_of_Europe__British_Beer___Ale_7.html

[BooScout]

21. I haven't had a warm beer over here since the 70's...

Obviously you missed the part where the UK discovered that refrigeration of beer is a good thing......now if I could just get some ice for my drink.:P